Somebody to Love
by emmalec
Summary: Magnus loves Alec. Alec loves Magnus. And everyone knows it but Magnus and Alec. (Or, I got inspired from the prompt, "Magnus drunkenly admits his feelings for Alec" and made a story out of it :)) (AU, ofc) (Sry this is the worst summery ever lol) (But I promise it'll be good)
1. What is Love, Anyway?

**A/N: HEYYYYYYYYYY. Guess who's back after one million years of procrastinating! *Runs and hides in closet* *Lol literally tho* *Ok i just hinted something I'm leaving now* iM sO sOrRy i haven't posted in sosoosos long literally what is wrong with me i went on like vacation so I don't rlly blame myself there i mean ya girl deserves a break cmon but i should've done it sooner iM sOrRY aH if you're new here you probably have no idea what i'm talking ab so WELCOME but if not then um y'all know I'm a whore for reviews and proud of it but do i even deserve them? *sobs* but if you must know i was actually making an outline for this story so it comes out pErfEcTlY ok but if you're new I'm a fucking whore for reviews so plz come at me :) Ok this AN literally makes no sense bc I'm a bipolar psychopath so HAPPY READING INSTEAD on with the story :).**

 **Disclaimer: Welcome back old bitch ass friend**

* * *

 _Buzz buzz buzz._

Alec stirred, shifting in bed and rubbing his eyes unconsciously.

 _BUZZ._

He jolted awake suddenly, jerking at the loud, uncomfortable sound of the strong doorbell to his apartment buzzing. Pressing his fist firmly into his eyes, Alec swung his feet out of bed, with much effort, to rise on his cold bedroom floor and face whoever was out there at this hour. What was the hour, anyway?

 _3:01._

Fuck. Small fear knotted it's way into his chest, even though he knew no one could get in unless he buzzed them in. But still, why would anyone even have the need—

 _BUZZ. Buzz buzz buzz buzz bu—_

"Coming!" Alec bellowed, voice slightly hoarse from sleep as he palmed his way through the darkness to the living room. After tumbling over his coach and knocking over a lamp, he finally managed to find the light switch and hurriedly make it to his door. Outside was pouring heavy rain, pattering against the windows and trying to come inside like the person at his door. Forceful wind shook his tiny flat, shuddering across the sky, groaning and shaking trees. Alec shivered, missing the warm comfort of his covers, and pressed the small red button.

"Hello?" He scolded the small anxiety that leaked into his voice. He cleared his throat. "Who is it?"

He heard the rain get louder through the poor mechanics, almost staticy as it slammed against the machine on the other side. He could've sworn he heard a sniffle, maybe a trembling whimper, before a small voice whispered, "Magnus,"

Alec's heart leaped and swooped at the same time. "Oh." He couldn't help but say. Was Magnus hurt? Why was he outside all alone? And why so late at night? " _Oh,_ oh, um, sorry, here—come on up."

He buzzed him up, brushing out his hair with his fingers and trying to shake the last bit of sleep out of him to show himself somewhat approachable for Magnus.

Just as he finished that thought, his poor, weak wooden door burst open to reveal a small, sad, pathetic looking Magnus. Alec couldn't help but study him strangely; he had never seen him like this.

He was slouched over, shoulders down in a way that looked like it was difficult to stand in the first place. He was wearing what Alec assumed was his nightly wear—long, blue silk pants with a white tank top. It was oddly simple for Magnus, even if it was just for wearing to sleep. Something wasn't right. His hair looked like a beehive, makeup smeared viciously across his face as if someone had taken a large paintbrush and smeared it down his cheeks on purpose. His hands were clenching and unclenching by his sides, fingers shaking ever so slightly. He was only wearing old, black flip flops. Yes, _black_. And of course, he was completely, head to toe, _drenched_ , in rainwater. His shirt clung to his chest like a vice, water dripping down his neck and arms, squelching awkwardly in his pants every time he moved and making him shiver uncontrollably.

And his _eyes_. Alec felt a hard, cold fist close around his heart just at the sight of something so sad. They looked sadder then if he had seen a puppy die in front of him. No, not only that, his very _own_ puppy. Alec knew would never forget the look on his face.

"Alex _ander_ ," Magnus choked, breathing harshly as though trying to hold back tears. He probably was.

It took a few seconds before Alec could regain his voice and control of his muscles. "Oh my _god_ , Magnus you—what—how did this—" Alec screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head at being such an idiot. He immediately pulled Magnus into a crushing hug, breathing gratingly into his neck as he threw his arms around his neck. He tried to also ignore the surely smell of whiskey as he inhaled his scent. Magnus was too young to drink, but Alec sometimes knew that Magnus drank to chase away his problems. Alec tried to comfort him as best he could, but _damn_ that man was tall. He felt like a child standing up next to him.

Magnus just breathed out a sob, shaky arms slowly reaching up to embrace his back. "I'm—sorry," Magnus croaked.

"Wha—" Alec breathed, pulling away and staring as his jaw dropped dramatically. "How could you literally be sor—oh, you idiot—let's just—let's just get you into some dry clothes, now, oh god—"

Quickly, Alec towed Magnus by his hand through his dim, depressing living room to his own bedroom, which he illuminated in light as soon as they stepped inside. Magnus blinked a few times, adjusting to the new light while pouting a little bit and Alec cursed how his heart fluttered at how endearing the small gesture was.

"Here, just sit—sit on the bed for a second and I'm gonna—I'll try to find you something—" Alec wanted to slap himself and how much he was stammering; he still couldn't quite wrap his head around the whole situation.

Mainly what the _hell_ was happening.

Magnus wasn't like this. Never. He was a grown, mature man, he _never_ came crying to people's apartments like he was in some sort of danger. And he couldn't possibly be in any, or else he would've said it already. However, Alec was too scared to ask any questions now, afraid it was going to set off something in Magnus and he would start crying again. For now, he would just act as a good distraction. Alec lamely sorted through his small variety of black shirts, turtlenecks, tank tops, you name it. He eventually settled on a dark green shirt tucked in the back of his closet that Izzy had given him for his birthday, (and he had, without admitting, never worn) and some grey sweatpants just for Magnus. He turned back to the bed, stopping in his tracks.

Magnus had peeled off his shirt, and just like every time Alec had had the torture of seeing Magnus shirtless, he couldn't quite seem to ever find his voice. The perfect golden skin, sparkling from the clear, treacherous, rainwater in half the moonlight half the lightbulb hanging in his room. All Alec wanted to do was throw him down on the bed and have his way with him, all night long.

He salvitated at the thought.

But, quickly shaking his head and looking away, that wasn't exactly an option, so he just thrust the clothes out in front of him without looking and mumbled something about using the bathroom. He shuffled to his tiny restroom, closing and locking the door behind him before leaning up against it with a sigh.

It was not fair that Magnus affected him this much.

* * *

Alec thrust his boring clothes in Magnus's hands, quickly turning away and running off. Magnus sighed, shucking off his dripping pants as well as he wrestled on some dry clothes.

It had all happened so fast, he thought.

He had been working late at the mall, simply locking up the store as Catrina went out to a date. He had in fact _just_ been locking the door when he arrived. James.

Magnus remembered how happy he had been to see him. A surprise visit from your boyfriend after a long day at work. And he remembered the way Jem shook it off, ignoring him mostly and saying they needed to talk when they got back to Magnus's apartment. Magnus had thought it was nothing. After all, they were in a serious relationship—the longest one Magnus had ever been it, proudly—and he hadn't gotten any signs from Jem that it was going downhill, so he assumed it was some joke about his cat or something.

Chairman Meow never liked Jem. Jem never liked Chairman Meow, and he never missed an opportunity to say it. But Magnus had just thought that was cute.

 _Never date someone your cat doesn't like._ He knew those words from his mother would come back and haunt him.

It had started to rain on the walk back from H&M. Jem refused to meet his eye, wasn't holding his hand. Before they had the chance to even make it into the apartment, he turned around, a dreadful look in his eyes, and said the words.

It only did take five words didn't it?

" _I'm breaking up with you,"_

A sharp sting behind his eyes was the next thing Magnus felt, much like he had felt many, many other times that very night. He straightened himself out in Alec's sweats, sniffing and wiping his eyes. No, he wouldn't cry anymore. Enough.

"You ready?" Alec's voice called out from inside the bathroom. Magnus barked a small laugh.

"Since when have you ever left a room when I've had to change?"

Alec's messy black curls popped into view, a shy smile bloomed on his face. "Sorry." He still didn't answer the question. "I got you some wipes. For—for your face." He indicated to his own face and handed him the wipes, which Magnus took and studied.

"Hmm, I'm not sure these are for your face," He pursed his lips. "But thanks for the gesture." Alec smiled softly, taking them back. He looked down at the wet, off-brand wipes, fiddling them between his fingers again and again.

"So," he started with a deep breath. "Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?" Alec threw the wipes on the bed, looking back up at Magnus.

Magnus sighed, running his fingers through his sloppy, wet hair while walking over to the bed. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror next to Alec's closet, and tried not to think about how he looked, in front of Alec. He sat with a deep slouch, a crippling sadness which made Alec want to run over to him and give him a big hug.

"It's…About James. He—He decided he wanted to, out of the blue, end things with us. Tonight," Magnus hung his head like a guilty dog. Alec stared at him like a deer caught in headlights. It took him a few seconds to find his voice again.

"Magnus, I—I'm so, _so_ sorry," Alec sat down next to him, wrapping his arms snuggly around his shoulders. "I—If there is anything I can do, _god_ , I feel _terrible_ —"

"Why?" Magnus scoffed quietly. "You didn't do anything wrong. Just that bastard."

Alec swallowed, nodding a little too fast. "Right, right of course, um, what a bastard," Magnus smiled fondly at him, trying to play along, but Alec decided to actually try and do something, to _help_.

His eyebrows furrowed, as if he was concentrating. "No," Alec said slowly. "What a bastard." He looked up at Magnus again. "Magnus, you shouldn't let him get to you like this. Which—uh—sorry, it—it isn't an insult, but what I'm trying to say is that you deserve someone _so_ much better than that son of a bitch. Someone who, who appreciates you and wakes up everyday, thanking the universe that their with you in the first place. You work so hard, and you're so kind, and generous, and smart. You deserve to come home to a nice bottle of champagne with a special someone waiting for you in bed," Alec's cheeks grew redder as Magnus's heart swelled. "Someone who makes you happier then you've ever been, and someone who shows it. Jem didn't fucking show it. He was a human-sized asshole. You deserve better the best. Someone who treats you right." Magnus gasps a little, shaking his head as tears well up in his eyes again. Alec reads it wrong, of course.

"S—sorry for sappy hour, I—I didn't mean to soun—"

"No. No Alec that was…You're the sweetest. C'mere," Magnus's face twisted into something of sadness again just as he pulled Alec into a crushing hug.

 _Someone like me._

Alec couldn't stop a few of his own tears from falling out. For a totally different reason.

* * *

Sunlight peeked from behind thin curtains, finally hitting Magnus in the eye. He sighed, rolling over while rubbing at his crusty eyes. He felt oddly relaxed, for a moment.

Until all the events of last night came crashing back like a tidal wave.

He suddenly felt the need to vomit.

" _I know you're in love with Alec. Admit it, Magnus."_

Magnus squeezed his eyes tightly, as if that would erase what James had said. He dropped his arms beside him, feeling around blindly before realizing he was in an empty bed. That was definitely not his own.

Finally, he blinked a few times, adjusting to the light of the room. Sitting up, the smell of waffles started drifting from beyond the half open bedroom door. He leaned back against the pillows again, just relieved he wasn't left alone. He wasn't sure if he would be able to handle it.

Suddenly, there was a loud _bang_ followed by a string of _shit fuck fuck shit_ 's. Magnus stifled a laugh, covering his mouth with his hand. Slowly, he pushed himself up and swung his legs onto the cold, hardwood floor, checking the time on his phone. _7:05_.

 _Fuck._

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, shitty cunt, _fuck_ —" Magnus scrambled out of bed, throwing off the covers running into the kitchen. He quickly realized his was only wearing one of Alec's old t-shirts, which, because of how much…Bulkier Alec was than him was big enough that it covered all the parts that needed to be covered.

He wondered for a small second how the hell he had gotten into _that._

He didn't have the time, however, for wondering now.

"Alec," He gasped, nearly crashing into him. "Alec I'm going to be late for work, I'm gonna get _fired_! Fuck, Alec—" Alec was in the middle of pouring waffle batter onto his old waffle maker, trying to focus on both the waffle and Magnus.

"Magnus, Magnus it's okay. Go get dressed and I'll finish making breakfast."

"Ok," He said in a breath, rushing back to the bedroom before turning around and storming back into the kitchen. "Um, Alec? Tiny problem. Very tiny. _I don't have anything to wear_." Alec looked over his shoulder worriedly.

"Just—look through my closet and find something," Magnus snorted, crossing his arms.

"Over my dead body," He replied hotly.

Alec glared at him. "Do you wanna get fired?"

Magnus chewed his lip. "Good point. I hate it when you're right." And he ran back into the bedroom.

Finding something that fit him was hard enough but something that he liked? Something that wasn't as black as Alec's soul? Impossible. The shirt he was wearing last night was the only spot of color in Alec's closet and it was already wet and dirty from the other night. By the time Alec was calling Magnus in for breakfast, Magnus had to make a split decision on the grayest sweater he could find—the most colored shirt he could find in his closet—and some black jeans, which were slightly large on him and ripped. God, could Alec get anymore emo?

Magnus moved over slightly to get in the frame of the mirror and see if he could pull it off.

Nope.

He still looked abismal.

"Coming!" He forced out, slightly frustrated as he tried to shove his face through the arm hole of the sweater while stuffing his legs into the jeans backward. He stumbled, then tripped on what felt like something slippery—he later realized it was the wipes from the other night—and thankfully fell onto the bed.

"Magnus?" Alec called out, then sighed. He knew Magnus wouldn't like anything enough to wear in his closet. "Magnus, I know it's difficult, but you can choose something, you really shouldn't get fired." What sounded like a muffled shout was his reply.

Curious, Alec got up and dared a peek into his bedroom. When all he could see was a corner of his bed, he shuffled closer slowly, dreading walking in on Magnus undressed.

"Magnus?"

Another muffled reply.

Alec pushed the door open all the way, and covered his laughter quickly by biting his worn out sleeve. However, he still emitted a tiny noise, which stopped Magnus's movements and made him turn towards the door.

"Awec?" The source of his muffledness. "What awe you dowing? Come awnd hewp me!" His mouth seems to have very little room to talk in the tiny confined space of the arm sleeve of his favorite grey sweater.

"Okay, okay," said Alec, his voice strained from keeping inside all his giggles. He knew Magnus would kill him if he saw what he was trying to conceal. Alec walked up to him, pulling at the arm sleeve sticking up from his hair like an overly long turtleneck. Magnus flinched as it went over his hair.

"Okay, got that," Alec muttered to himself, shoving Magnus's face through the actual head hole. Magnus sucked in a deep breath of clean air, getting up so he could figure out what was going on with his jeans. They turned out to be inside out _and_ backwards. Alec had laughed so hard when he saw Magnus like that Magnus had to slap him on the shoulder to stop.

"Okay. Why don't you fix…That, and I'll pack you breakfast to go?" Alec pointed his thumb back to the kitchen, an expression of cute confusion on his face. Magnus wished he could remember to focus on what he was going to do, but Alec suddenly became just too distracting. The crooked, sweet smile, gentle, ocean eyes. _God_ , it was actually like he was sent from heaven. Alec never stopped amazing him with just his looks. Magnus was pretty sure there was no one else in the world who looked as good as Alec, not even European supermodels. The fact that this boy was insecure actually made Magnus more frustrated than his Calculus homework. Trying to get Alec to think well about himself without exposing Magnus's secret love for him was a hard egg to crack.

Suddenly, his beautiful face turned to concern. "Magnus?" He waved his hand in front of Magnus's face.

Magnus blinked.

"Oh! Oh, um, right, wh—what was that again?"

"Do you want your breakfast to go?" Alec said sarcastically slow. Magnus deadpanned.

"Yes, that'll be great," He replied in the same tone, his next objective already forming in his mind; hair and makeup. How he was going to pull it off in time, however, was still a mystery.

"Okay, I need to do my hair and, somehow get _this_ more looking like Kylie Jenner and less looking like Shrek." Magnus gestured to his face, hurrying off to the bathroom. Alec opened his mouth to say that Magnus didn't look like Shrek, but, somehow psychic, Magnus held up his pointer finger behind him as he went to the bathroom. "And don't say I don't look like Shrek!" He slammed the door behind him dramatically. Alec chuckled to himself, going to wrap up his waffles in a paper towel. What wouldn't he honestly do for this man?

* * *

"Izzy!"

Magnus had just left for work, leaving Alec alone in his PJ sweats right after calling in sick for work. He was laying straight out on his bed, holding his phone closely to his ear after calling his sister until she picked up.

"Alec? Seriously? You know I'm at work!" Izzy gritted. Alec had a dopey smile on his face, unable to help it.

"Izzy, Magnus and Jem broke up!"

There was silence on the other end for a second. Then some muffled talking and a slamming of what sounded close to a stall door.  
Izzy sighed. "Is this the part where you tell me you're happy now? Even though you're never going to do anything about it? And then Magnus is going to find someone new and we'll be having this exact same conversation in the stall bathroom of CVS?"

Alec's smile wiped off his face as he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, at least I have the opportunity now. I least I have a chan—"

"Okay, Alec, I'm gonna be frank with you since I only got like five minutes." Alec snorted. Izzy ignored this, and continued. "You say this _every single time_. Magnus gets his heartbroken, you frantically call me at my morning shift and say that now you have a chance. But you don't Alec." She said as gently as possible. "I know you, and you just feel better now that they're broken up, because you're thinking now you can somehow win Magnus over and make him like you, or make _him_ ask _you_ out. But news flash, kid."

"I'm literally older—"

"It's not going to happen if you don't do anything. I've been telling you this for years, and I'll tell it to you again. Magnus is just as in love with you, and just as shy to tell you. He's scared of telling you because he thinks you don't like him, either. Except he actually dates people to try and get over it, unlike you, a socially awkward peasant. You just feel safer and better now that Magnus isn't kissing, and touching, and _fuckin_ —"

Alec cleared his throat loudly. "Um, I think I get it,"

"—Somebody else. _Make a move, brother._ Tell him, for gods sake, it's been _years_. Take my advice, and I _swear_ , you won't regret it."  
Alec blew out an exhale, deflated. "But—"

"Alec, have I ever lied to you?" Izzy cut him off matter of factly.

Alec raked his brain. "Well, no—"

"Then stop making excuses and _do_ it. You guys have been friends _forever_ , and even if he doesn't share your feelings, this doesn't mean your friendship will be ruined. Trust me, I've been with tons of guys that were totally bonkers for me—and told me about it—but we're still friends to this day."

"Really? Who?" Alec asked, losing his train of thought for a second.

"Oh, dear sweet brother, I could give you such a list right now, but we don't have time for that."

Alec groaned, running a hand through his hair nervously. "But what about the fact that he just broke up with Jem? Won't that be kind of rude?"

"Alec, that's perfect. Give it like a month, prepare what you're going to say, how you're going to say it, where, when. And then, _just do it_. Now, my boss is about to come in and scream at me. So do we have a deal" Alec chewed his lip. This could end so badly.

"Or, you could get everything you've ever wanted since you were fifteen." Izzy said lightly, reading his mind.

"I—you—" Alec cut himself off with a deep breath. He shut his eyes tight. "Fine."

"Yay. Ok. Bye." The line cuts off abruptly, and Alec is drowned in deafening silence and his own suffocating thoughts.

Fuck.

 _What have I done?_

* * *

 **A/N: So. *Giggles* WHat dO yOu thiNk? Ew I'm literally so cringey. But plz drop a review? JUst one? Please? ANytHing? :). What I was trying to say before in my bipolar A/N was that this took so long bc I took so long perfecting it. I swear I only procrastinated it like a few days. This story's already kinda going off track tho, so don't be surprised if the next chap takes longer than a week (ik that's not my thing, and iM sOrRy, I promise I'll get my shit together.) But it'll definitely be before two weeks. :). Anyway, I literally live for you guys sm, I LOVE YOU. M W A H.**

 **Hope you enjoyed. ;). Leave a review. If you didn't enjoy, leave a review.**

 **-Emma, who thinks you should leave a review.**


	2. Sober Isn't Fun

**A/N: FUUUUCK.**

 **I think I'm sick. And I'm not happy about it.**

 **sO. I don't reallyy have anything else to say. Ok. Um. I wanna die.**

 **HapPy rEaaDInG. This fanfic fucking sucks. But plz review ! Oh who am I kidding no one's literally gonna review bc this sucks ass.**

 **Disclaimer: PLZ imagine if I owned something. God I'm sassy today.**

* * *

"Hi, this is H&M, how can I help you today?"

"Magnus Bane, H&M, speaking."

"Would you like to become a member?"

It was the same thing, the same lines, the same customers.

Every single day.

At this point, Magnus was pretty sure Cat was the only reason he still worked at this dead end job. That and the fact he would be homeless if he didn't have it.

"Hi, how can I help you today," he deadpanned, not even looking up at the next customer. He was pretty interested in this article he was reading on his phone, how cat fur might be another cause of cance—

"A _hem_."

Magnus blinked, slowly lifting his eyes from the screen with a disgusted expression on his face. He was slouching over the counter, a hand holding up his chin. If his boss was here, he would probably be fired on the spot, but he didn't really care. He had been at this job for years, _years_ , and he knew his way around.

Magnus closely studied the woman in front of him. She was fairly pretty, a baby face with long, fake straight ice blond hair. A tight red dress hugged her middle, leaving her shoulders and too much of her legs showing. Geez, it was October. Her hip was cocked at one side, a body language of clear annoyance, while she eyed him like he was some roadkill she had caught on her designer shoe while walking to Starbucks. Heavy makeup, a tiny, but rare, pink Louis Vuitton handbag. Long, claw nails on her thin, pale hands, matching the color of her awfully snobbish apparel. One claw on her implanted, almost fat hips.

"Excuse me?" She hissed, glancing away from him for a split second to carefully inspect her acrylic nail.

Fuck.

She was one of _these_.

A spoiled, rich, conceited bitch. The ones that could probably end his job—thus his career, with a phone call. These were the hardest to manage. God, he wished Catrina hadn't taken a bathroom break. She usually always helped him with these.

Magnus quickly straightened up, plastering on a wide, forged smile and slamming his phone face down on the marble. He could do this. He'd done it before.

"Sorry, yes, um, can I help you with anything? M—Ma'am?" His voice was shaking, slightly.

She still eyed him as if he was a child that had been caught staying up past his bedtime. Without saying anything, she lifted her other claw— _hand_ up from behind the counter and dumped a large shopping bag overflowing with clothes and jewelry and whatnot. Magnus exercised epic self control, kept on his smile and took the bag.

"Ok—"

"Please be quiet quick. I have a busy schedule today," interrupted the lady, rudely. "In fact, I'd actually appreciate some help choosing out what dress I want to wear tonight. I have a date." She said it in a way that spoke directly to him, " _I have a boyfriend, and a life. You don't."_

 _You don't know anything about me, princess._

"Of course," Magnus said quietly, breaking eye contact to start sorting through ridiculously slutty garments. "You can go pick out your options while I check out all this, if you'd like," He didn't look at her, but felt her cold glare on him like a laser beam. Damn.

"Fine." She barked, and stomped off, probably causing dents in the stone floor with her nine inch heels. Magnus couldn't help a sigh of relief. He glanced back at the clock, almost groaning out loud when he saw it.

 _1:25?!_

Nearly six hours before his shift ended, and Cat was clearly taking her 'glow up' restroom break. All he wanted to do was go home and write, write the short story that was due this Friday for class, write his own short story, _something_. This stupid job was holding him back on everything. Getting home late meant doing his homework late, which meant going to sleep late and still having to get up at the same time every morning.

As he finally scanned the last sequined dress, Catrina came from the bathroom, walking behind the counter and back into his day like an angel saving him from hell.

"Oh, Cat, thank _god_ , this customer, this—this women _,_ she—"

"Now, don't forget Magnus," said Cat sarcastically, fluffing up her green hair. "The customer is always right." Magnus blew out a laugh, almost in relief.

Catarina was an interesting person. She lived the way she wanted to, listened to no one's rules or laws, or, the best part, opinions; this mostly being why she was the best at handling people like Claw-Bitch. She had her own sense of peculiar style, from red hair, to blue, purple, pink, and now it was green. Magnus had actually met her at a hairdresser—her blue hair phase. They had so much in common they could've been soulmates. Working at H&M together, a perk. Being her friend, well that was just an honor.

Today, she had a plunging, grey blouse, silky smooth and tucked into slightly ripped, blue skinny jeans. High, autumn brown boots covered half her legs. Light green eyeshadow, always matching her hair, and soul black, matte lipstick. If Magnus wasn't fabulous himself, he would've envied her.

"So," said Cat, leaning down onto the counter. "What's she like?" and grinned.

Magnus returned a small smile. He glanced back around the store and his eyes widened, smile wiping off his face.

"Oh god, here she comes," he whispered. Cat looked up, and soon her eyes were just as wide, except more in surprise than fear.

"Ok," Claw-bitch said. "Here are a few options for tonight." She dumped three wickedly revealing dresses onto the table, once again, all in red. Magnus smiled weakly.

"Ok—"

"Maybe you should try a different color," offered Cat, albeit sarcastically. Magnus sent her a small glare; he knew she was just sticking up for him, but that didn't mean she had to get them both fired.

Claw-bitch turned to Cat with a vile expression. She eyed Cat carefully. Her blue contacts dragged up her body, taking in her confident outfit, extensive makeup, and finally, startling hair. And then, she did something neither of them expected. She burst out in weird, fake laughter.

"That's funny," she wheezed, pointing at Cat. "You're so—you're funny." The finalizing tone in her voice scared Magnus a little, like that was something she would say before she killed someone. It did not sound like she thought it was funny. She turned back to Magnus, all giggles out of her face and now set in concentration. Magnus gulped.

"What do _you_ think?"

Magnus took the three dresses, holding them up in front of him and pretending to examine them. Really he was hiding his face so he could mouth something to Catrina.

 _Which one?_

Cat shrugged. He rolled his eyes, lowering the dresses so he could say something, but got interrupted, again.

Cat pointed to the sparkly red one. "That one."

Magnus sighed.

"Ooh, yay! I'll go check in with James, see if he likes it," Magnus felt a small tug in his heart at the mention of his name, watching her run through the store with the sparkly dress clenched in a fist carelessly. Forgetting James was one of his top priorities, and he had been doing a pretty damn good job before Claw-bitch had ruined it. He knew it couldn't be the same James, but he couldn't help his heart clench painfully at the small hope that it could be. The hope was extremely silly; even if it was the same James, Magnus _definitely_ wouldn't like it if he were here, especially as Claw-bitch's date. Unless it was true. What if James was here, what if he really had gotten over Magnus that quickly, and never really car—

 _Stop._

He needed to stop thinking before his emotions took over.

Magnus had learned that moping over lovers was pointless. Life wasn't a film. Everything _didn't_ work out in the end, none of the right people got what they deserved, and no superheros ended up living happily ever after. In fact, hell got worse.

Magnus felt like crying.

He was so fucked up, wasn't he?

Cat put a hand on his back sympathetically, reading his mind, as always. Magnus smiled, waving it off, but it didn't reach his eyes. She knew what had happened; she was the first person Magnus had called last night. On his way to Alec's, of course.

As always.

"Are you alright?" She whispered. Magnus had closed his eyes, without realizing.

"Oh, um," he sniffed a little, standing up straighter. "I'm—I'm fine." She opened her mouth to say something, probably deny what he had said, but then it just stayed open, wide in surprise as she looked at something in the store.

Magnus bit his lip, turning to see what she was looking at, and nearly had a stroke.

"Jem?!"

Jem looked up from where he was playing with Claw-bitch's hair, the smirk on his face disappearing.

"Oh. Magnus. I forgot you worked here," he said a little quietly, mostly to himself.

 _You literally came here for me at this place_ last night _._

"What?" Magnus replied, his voice sounding like a little girl's about to cry. He hated it. Meanwhile, Cat was shifting uncomfortably, probably wanting to leave, and Claw-bitch was eyeing between the two of them with confusion written on her dumb face.

"Uhh, do you two know each other or something?" she asked. Jem sighed, and leaned over to whisper something in her ear. Magnus wanted to cry again; he felt like reality was gone, time had stopped. The feeling was stronger now, starting to take over his mind. Nowhere in his brain could he actually have room to believe what was in front of him. Cat was saying something next to him, but he couldn't hear her. He couldn't hear anything.

"Oh," Claw-bitch's face warped into something near smugness. " _This_ is him?" She did not say that as if it was a good thing.

Jem nodded slowly, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Ok, um, Camille, I'll—I'll wait for you in the car,"

 _Camille._

What an ugly name, Magnus thought.

"Ok, babe," she said, purposefully loudly enough for Magnus to hear, then grabbed the front of his shirt while he was trying to pull away and _kissed him on the cheek_. Cat was speaking again, wordless noise to Magnus.

Suddenly, his vision was compromised with tears, and he felt himself be pulled somewhere. He thought he had been falling, at first, and kind of hoped he would hit his head on the counter and spend some good time sleeping in the hospital for a week. However, it seemed his current situation was the employee's bathroom, it looked like. The door shut in front of him before he knew what was going on, and he immediately slid to the floor, crying for the fifth time in the last _two days_.

"Fuck," He scolded himself for being so foolish. He shouldn't be acting like this, even if it was his ex. He wasn't 13. He could control his emotions.

But Jem was here?! With a girlfriend? _He broke up with Magnus last fucking night!_ Not even 24 hours later! Magnus knew this was going to happen. His worst nightmares were true.

" _Fuck!"_

Jem _had_ to have knew he worked here. They had been going out for a fucking year, how had he not known? Did he really not care that much? Was Magnus actually that bad? He wondered if Jem had been a complete waste of time. He wondered if he had been cheating with stupid _Camille_ since the start. He wanted to smack himself in the face for being so stupid. Of course he would fall for Jem's stupid, charming tricks. Magnus tried not to let those thoughts seep into his mind, but he couldn't help it.

Jem was such an ass.

Suddenly, Alec's words from last night popped back into his head.

 _Someone who makes you happier then you've ever been, and someone who shows it. Jem didn't fucking show it. He was a human-sized asshole._

Magnus was weeping into his knees now, probably loud enough that nearby customers would be concerned. Alec was right, of course he was, and Magnus was just a coward. A coward against his feelings, his emotions. What Jem had made him feel. And what Alec did, how that had been the reason of their split. Or, at least, that's what Magnus thought. God, Jem probably broke up with him so he could go fully back to Camille. What if they were going to get married? And have children? And Magnus was just never going to find love because the only person he was ever going to truly love was Alec, and he couldn't have that.

Magnus wished Alec were here to comfort him, to hold him, like last night.

The bathroom door burst open, revealing Catrina, standing in the fluorescent lights like an angel.

"Magnus!" Magnus hated being caught crying, in any circumstance. That's why he never cried, he _always_ bottled everything he felt in a tight, tight bottle in his chest. Sometimes, however, it cracked slightly, just a little bit of water coming through.

When he was young, and would scrap his knee or burn himself, he never let himself cry, he would just put on a brave face for his friends until he could be alone. Because being caught crying was being caught at your most vulnerable point, and nobody liked that. His father used to beat him for crying. He would say it wasn't how a man was truly meant to act.

Magnus wiped away his tears, quickly, while Cat pulled him off the ground. She wrapped him up in her arms before he could even think about moving, and squeezed him tightly while whispering in his ear.

"Magnus, I'm so sorry." If Magnus wasn't out of it, he would've laughed.

"Sorry? What are you sorry about?" He sniffed. "It's not your fault."

She pulls away, for a second, looking him in the eye. "Are you okay? If you want, I can take over your shift?"  
Magnus wipes away the last tear, gratefully taking the tissue Cat pulled out of nowhere. "Yeah. I'll, um, I'll be fine,"

"Okay," she replied quietly, patting him on his shoulder softly. She pulled him into a hug one more time before backing up. "I need to go out, check on the customers. You're can stay in here longer if you want?" she offered.

"No, no it's fine," said Magnus. "You go, I'll be there in a second." Cat nodded, turning around and disappearing.

Magnus ran his hands through his hair, trying to be careful not to mess it up but not knowing how to do it in frustration _without_ messing it up. He rested his head against the wall, sniffing hard and wiping his nose on his sleeve; tissue spent. His head pulsed. His ears were ringing. He felt like he was hungover.

A reminder of alcohol, Magnus suddenly dug into the pocket of his shirt and pulled out a small flask, filled with Ragnor's 'special drink'. Ragnor had tucked it in there before he had taken his lunch break. Cat had warned him not to drink it, that the only time she had taken it she had missed two days of her life passed out, but Magnus was desperate.

 _It wouldn't hurt to try._

Magnus unscrewed the cap hesitantly, and took a swing of the flask, head spinning. He nearly spit it out a second later, coughing a little. _Damn_ , that was strong. He knew he wasn't supposed to drink on the job, but a minute later he was trying it again.

 _Oh no._

* * *

Alec didn't hear the buzzing from his doorbell until after three times. The first, through his earbuds, he thought it was a bug. He shook the thought out of his head, putting down his paintbrush and ripping out his earbuds. He was terrified of bugs.

The buzzer ringed one more time. Alec jogged to the door, almost dropping his phone as he tried to tuck it along with his earbuds into his pocket, and pressed the usual, large red button.

"Hello?"

At first, there was no reply.

Alec noticed a strange blue dot on the button, and pulled back his hand to realize that he had paint on it. He had been finishing up his painting for portrait class, making a picture of his cat, Church. They had never said he couldn't paint animals. He wiped it across his sweater, ignoring the fact that it was acrylic, and buzzed again.

"Um, hello—"

"Ohhhh! Alec!" A woozy voice suddenly interrupted. There was a small hiccup, then cough through the speaker.

"M—Magnus? Is that you?"

"Yay, you got it—" Hiccup. "—right."

"Are you drunk?"

"No!" said Magnus, in a hushed voice that made it seem like he was very offended. Alec scratched his eyebrow in confusion.

"Um, do you wanna come up?" Alec offered weakly. He wasn't exactly sure what Magnus was doing at his house.

There was no reply to that either, just another hiccup, so Alec just buzzed him up. After about 5 minutes though, he went down to check on Magnus himself. It didn't take five minutes to go up stairs. He shimmied his way down his dark, rickety stairs, but when he made to open the door, he almost couldn't because someone was in front of it.

"Magnus?"

The door suddenly swung open, pulling Alec forward with a small yelp.

"Aiy, you got the door open!" Magnus was on the floor, smiling giddily up at Alec while shaking his legs in the air. Alec crossed his arms across his chest.

"Yeah, sure you're not drunk. C'mon," said Alec as he took Magnus's arms and heaved him up. He slowly brought Magnus to the stairs, nose wrinkling a little at the strong smell of liquor oozing from him. "Magnus, why aren't you at work?"

"Well," Hiccup. "Cat wanted to send me home because you can't be 'drunk' on the job," He held up air quotes at the word drunk, as if he wasn't totally wasted and made a silly face.

"Okay, buddy," Alec chuckled; drunk Magnus was cute Magnus. "What exactly did you have?"

"O—" Hiccup. "—Oh. It was Ragnors special drink," he slurred, then hiccuped. Again. "Yennow, I think I have the—" Hiccup. "—Hiccups. Alec I think you need to scare me and get em out."

Alec laughed, tipping his head back. He loved how easy it was to talk and be around Magnus; it was one of his favorite things about their friendship.

"Magnus, Cat's warned you like a _hundred_ times not to touch that. Ragnor probably makes it out of the worst vodka's imaginable from like, the Netherlands or something."

Magnus grinned wide. "I love vodka,"

Once they reached the his flat, Alec quickly moved Magnus to the couch and hurried to the kitchen to get some advils and water. He needed to sober him up, and it wasn't his first time. Magnus was squirming and rolling on the couch, still hiccuping.

"Alec why aren't _you_ at _your_ job?" Magnus said quickly, moaning a little after as he still wiggled around like a little child in pain.

Alec's face went a little red. "Uh, because my shift ended early," Alec lied. "Ok, here we go," He changed the subject, moving back into the living room holding a few pills and a tall glass of water. Magnus eyed them carefully, before getting distracted by one of Alec's fluffy throw pillows.

Alec sighed, setting the pills and water on the coffee table. "Magnus," said Alec in his best serious voice.

Magnus whipped around, clutching the pillow like a child holding a stuffed animal.

"Magnus, you're not even 21. You shouldn't be drinking this much. And especially not at work. You'll get fired." Alec said quietly.

Magnus furrowed his brows together closely, dropping the pillow and his head. "I saw Jem," he pouted.

Alec's heart physically pained for him, so he reached out to wrap his arms around Magnus. "Oh, Magnus. I'm so sorry," Magnus sniffled a little.

"He…He has a girlfriend now." Alec's eyes widened.

"Really?" He couldn't stop himself. Magnus nodded, and Alec squeezed him tighter. "God, what a total jerk. Honestly, I'm a little glad your relationship with him is over. I mean, you're such a great person, like, you would never do that to someone. And…And him, just having the nerve to show up at the place you worked with a new girlfriend the _day_ after he broke up with you? You deserve so much better." Magnus sniffed again, this time lifting up his arms to hug him back.

"Ok. Thank you."

Alec closed his eyes.

"Okay, now what do you say we get you some nutrients into you and get you home safely?" Magnus pulled back and nodded, still hanging his head like a guilty puppy. Alec put a finger under his chin, lifting his face up.

"And stop looking so guilty. You did nothing wrong. You're so brave, and I'm so proud of you for walking away from him. Well, even though he kinda walked away from you, but you're taking it very well. Well, it could be worse." Magnus laughed, his face lighting up. "Basically, you can get over this. You're Magnus freaking Bane. Put your chin up."

"You're so sweet," said Magnus, slightly slurred, lifting a shaky hand to his face to press it against his cheek affectionately. Alec's face burned. He carefully handed him the glass, then the pills, murmuring that it was time to get sober. He got up to go call a cab while letting Magnus roll around on the couch a little bit more.

While dialing the an uber, Alec wondered when it would be the right time to tell someone you've been in love with them for 3 years after them getting out of a serious relationship. And the person was your best friend.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Alec called out from his bedroom, walking back into the living room. "Just, make sure you get home safely and stuff." Magnus seemed deep in thought, and didn't answer at first, just sulking at the wall in front of him. Guess the sobering was working. Alec wondered what he was thinking about.

"Magnus?" Alec asked again, coming closer. He jolted back into reality, looking up at Alec with doe eyes. Alec swooned a little.

"Yeah sure," he said smoothly, as if he wasn't just stupid drunk a few seconds ago.

"Ok? I've got a cab coming soon, so." Alec motioned with his thumb to the door while offering a hand to help Magnus get up. He led him through the flat, down the stairs, and back into the crisp, October air.

"Thanks for doing all this for me," Magnus murmured. Alec faced him and smiled, ignoring the hard, sharp wind blowing at his face. "You're like, the bestest friend in the whole wide world," Alec chuckled.

"Anytime."

Friend.

Friendship. Magnus put that word to good hatred in Alec's mind. As he brought him outside, Alec started to feel a little sick thinking about it. Why couldn't things just work out? Like they did in the movies?

 _Because you're such a coward._

But why? What was Alec so damn scared of?

 _Losing Magnus._

Though it pained him to even think about it, Alec knew it was one of the possibilities. One of his greatest fears. After bugs, of course.

He was at risk to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him if he tried to get what he wanted, and if he didn't, he didn't get what he wanted. Add a dash of fear of humiliation, you'll get what Alec's been dealing with for the past few years.

The cab arrived, and they scurried inside, grateful for the shield from the dreadful wind.

He sneaked a glance at the love of his life. Magnus was starting to drift off, trying to keep his head up, though they both knew there was no need. Eventually, when some much needed and much awaited sleep hit, Magnus's head fell onto Alec's shoulder.

This little act had happened many times before, in public, too, which always made Alec feel special; people would walk by and see them and think they were a couple or something, and smile. He knew it was selfish, but he couldn't help it. Alec thought of things like that. He even had a small portion in his mind hoping that the cab driver would look back and see, maybe even mistake them in a relationship, too. Alec looked down at Magnus.

 _We would make a good couple._

After passing a familiar street sign, Alec started to shake Magnus awake. Damn, it hadn't even been that long and Magnus had just been knocked right out.

"Magnus," said Alec. "Magnus wake up. We're close,"

Magnus mumbled incoherently, blinking a few times before looking up at Alec slowly with wide eyes. Alec bit his lip.

"Magnus…"

Suddenly, again, and maybe only for a second, Alec saw Magnus's eyes twitch then move to his lips. Alec's heart lurched stupidly, and he desperately tried to calm it down and tell himself it didn't mean anything. Magnus was drunk. He did stupid things.

But then his eyes moved down to Alec's lips again, and this time they stayed there, and Alec couldn't help but hope.

Hope was a silly thing, Alec had learned as he grew. It was something stupid and pointless, something he definitely shouldn't be feeling in the back of a small car in front of Magnus's house. It had led him in the wrong directions so many times, and this time wasn't any different, Alec told himself.

His heart rate was beyond control, and no longer in his reach of trying to get it back down.

 _Just_ as Alec could've _sworn_ Magnus was gonna lean in and all his dreams would come true, the stupid driver interrupted them.

"Ok boys, we're here," then cleared his throat loudly. Magnus took one last, longing look and then leaned away, unbuckling his seat belt and stepping out of the car quickly. Alec threw a fistful of cash in the guy's face, not even looking in his vague direction as he watched Magnus rush towards his flat.

"Magnus, wait!"

Magnus paused, for a second, then turned around and went back to Alec's side in a blink.

"I'll see you lat—"

And then, before Alec could have a mere second to take in what was happening, Magnus had grabbed the front lapels of his shirt and his lips covered his own.

* * *

 **A/N: FuCK. What is this?^^^^ What in the actual farquaad is this shit chapter? I'll tell ya, being sick and having writers block is just so not what I need rn. ***** _ **SIDE NOTE PLZ READ IMMEDIATELY***:**_ **I am NOT making Jem like the bad guy in this. Well I kinda am, but this is a COMPLETE AU and i'm not like offending the Jem in the real books or anything. I'm literally just using his name. BuT hello zero ppl who are reading this plz leave all ur zero reviews ! But hEY, at least I got this done in less then 2 weeks. I'm #proud. That's an accomplishment. Even tho it sucks.**

 **Another side note, sooner review, sooner smut. ;) just sayin.**

 **I'm too tired to write anything else.**

 **Au revoir**

 **-Emma**


	3. The Aftermath

**A/N: uM hi. I'm literally dying.**

 **FiRsT oF aLl.**

 **I just looked back on fanfic after like a whole day and there's like the sWeEtEst reviews EVERRRR ily guys sMMMMMMMMMm i literally teared up reading ur review 'choice29' and 'trainwrecker' ur so sweet too I literally squeal like a two year old reading ur reviews sO thANK u sO mUch u totally make my day and I'm so awk writing this but I rlly appriciate y'all for your reviews *insert crying face emoji*.**

 **Ok that was so dramatic but I just needed to do that.**

 **ANNNNYYYYWAAAY, im not sure what else to say bUt review :) what's new. Hey that rhymes. I'm pretty sure I've already said that in my last story or something. Ok back to my story HAPPY READING :)**

 **Disclaimer: HEEEEEEYYYY unless ur here to review leAVE.** **(Jk don't arrest me.)**

* * *

Tim had been a cab driver for 5 years now. He liked his job.

It wasn't exactly what he had been planning to do with his life, but it was steady money for his cozy, small apartment, and he always liked to tell himself that if he didn't do it, who would? Cab driving was easy, and meeting new people every day was fun. Tim was a positive person, and he planned on keeping it that way.

He'd gotten a few of the same people before, though they were always too consumed by their phones or company to notice him again. It sort of made him feel very small, but Tim had never really liked that much attention on himself anyway.

His favorite part about the job was listening in on people's conversations. The gossip.

Like, one his favorite rides, a women who was blabbing about how she had slept with Alec Baldwin, who then never called her back. Tim had made sure to tell that story to everyone he knew. Being an uber driver was fun.

But his very favorite "customer" was Magnus Bane.

Magnus used to have college parties every single weekend, and it was just like fate when Tim was the one who got stuck driving him home from a bar at 3 a.m. Tim was one of the only uber drivers in Magnus's area who worked 24 hours. Magnus would talk to him sometimes—only when he was drunk. But it was only about the same person. Some Alec? Or, as Magnus had told Tim he'd liked calling him, _Alexander_.

Now, it was obvious Magnus was gay. Or at _least_ bi.

He dressed fancier than a drag queen, even if he was just going to a party. So Tim wondered if this Alec person was someone he was interested in. It certainly seemed like it, but Tim wasn't going to make any assumptions.

Magnus would talk about how much fun Alec was, how cute Alec was, Alec this, Alec that. Tim would ask questions about him sometimes, but Magnus was a very secretive person, even when drunk. Tim was good at reading people, and he knew that was a sure sign that he had been hurt before. Mentally.

He wondered if it had been Alec.

A lot of unanswered questions could've been part of Tim's job description, but he was used to it, and he knew it was rude to pry. But he did it sometimes anyway.

A fine example of one of these times was an early, October morning when Tim was called to pick Magnus up again. Well, he wasn't sure it was Magnus, but he was sent to an address he'd definitely picked Magnus up from before. Magnus had come stumbling out of the apartment, a little hungover, it seemed, as he wore half a face of makeup and his hair astray like a wild birds nest on his head. What struck him as odd was that Magnus was usually an upbeat, chirpy, positive person, like Tim, even when hungover. In fact, he would usually come into the cab with a tipsy smile on his face, not caring who'd see how glazed he'd gotten the night before. But this time, he came wearing dark clothes, a _sweater_. He'd come looking like all he wanted to do was beg Tim to turn around and drive away so he could go back to sleep. He looked uncharacteristically…Upset. Tim could tell all of this, even through just a glance in the rear view mirror.

 _Maybe I should say something._

Tim grunted, getting Magnus's attention. "So, how's Alec?" He wanted to laugh.

"Wh—Ale—How—"

Tim sighed. "You've told me about him before, you know. And I can see something's bothering you." Magnus narrowed his eyes, before a couple different emotions of confusion and concentration passed by his face. Finally, he just exhaled deeply, giving up and meeting Tim's eye with a troubled look in the mirror at a red light.

"He's…Good."

Tim nodded, opening his mouth to say something before getting abruptly cut off.

"How—did I—did I tell you about him or something? Do—do I know you? What do you know about Alec? What did I tell you?" Magnus was freaking out a little.

"Look man," Tim chuckled. "Just relax. Uh, I've driven you around a couple times when you've been drunk and you just…Tell me stories about him. It's cute," said Tim in his best manly voice.

Magnus frowned. "Huh."

"Is he the reason why you're upset right now?"

Magnus looked taken aback.

"What?" was all he could squeak.

"Did he do something, I dunno, sleep with someone else to make you all sad and mopey?" Tim knew it was probably rude to be asking so many personal questions, but he'd known and seen Magnus for awhile now, and he felt like it was more appropriate. Even though Magnus didn't know who he was.

 _Whatever._

Magnus looked like he'd gotten it all wrong again. "I—no—me and Alec, we're—we're not—"

"Oh, I see. Stuck in the friend zone? Trying to wiggle out but it's just too hard? Is Alec giving you a challenge?"

Magnus stuttered, breathing getting a little fast. Tim was a little pleased to see him even blush a little.

"I—no!" He sounded outraged, but Tim could hear the fear behind his voice. Alec made him nervous. He felt a little selfish, trying to set them up, but he was quite frankly bored. And Magnus had been talking about Alec since as long as he could remember. "I…Am I really being that…Obvious?"

He pulled up in front of H&M, putting his elbow on the compartment between the seats to get a good look at Magnus. Magnus frowned at him.

"Uh dude. Yeah. I know it, and I'm just a cabdriver." He sounded childish. "I think you should go for it. You're going to get what you want. I promise. I'm good at predicting these sort of things."

Magnus's frown deepened. "Well that's the problem. I probably _won't_ get what I want. Things like that don't happen to me. _And_ , for your information, Alec _isn't_ the reason why I'm sad right now. My boyfriend just broke up with me. Which, I don't even know why I'm telling you, a complete stranger. Who may as well be my stalker, no offense. Look, I'm already late for work, and I don't have the time or the brain cells to continue this conversation, so if you would ple—"

"Now, why did that other boyfriend dump you, exactly?" Tim questioned, albeit sarcastically; he knew the answer.

Magnus's face turned red again, his lips turning in an angry pout.

Without saying anything more, Magnus just handed him a handful of cash, climbing out of the car like it did something bad to him.

"Have a nice day, Magnus!" Tim called out.

Magnus stormed into the store without looking back.

Later that day, he found himself driving to the same apartment again, picking up Magnus this time with a special friend. If Magnus hadn't passed out in the car, Tim definitely would've asked him a whole trivia of questions about the person he was laying on. But, instead, he just snuck secret glances back at the way the man heart-eyed at Magnus, a longing look in his gaze.

Yep, Tim was almost 100 percent sure that this was Alec. And he was almost 100 percent sure that Alec was just as infatuated with Magnus as vise versa.

Tim watched them closely with interest after he parked the car. Alec ran after Magnus to his apartment, saying something inaudible. Then, with a hint of weakness in his eyes, Magnus turned back and lunged at Alec, grabbing his shirt and pulling their lips together as passionately as the Notebook kiss. Tim was almost a little jealous of their love. Like 50 percent jealous, 50 percent giddy, as if his favorite couple had finally gotten together. Also because this was the most drama that had occurred in his life in the past few years. He was a cab driver. This was as exciting as it got.

Yet strangely, as he drove away, he felt himself glad that Magnus had gotten what he wanted.

* * *

Standing there, in the doorway of Magnus's apartment complex, Alec felt that maybe then, he understood Titanic a little better. The crazy, almost forbidden love. The passion of two strangers, how drawn they are to each other. Even though he and Magnus weren't strangers, it felt as if there was always this _energy_ between them.

Except, he couldn't think about it too much, because his brain was shutting down.

Alec had imagined their first kiss in countless dreams.

Sometimes after a perfectly romantic first date, sometimes after Alec admitted his feelings for Magnus and it had all worked out, just like a movie. This was all a fantasy, of course. Alec could've warped it into the most spectacular thing in the world, but absolutely _none_ of them compared to the real thing.

And the funny thing is, in none of the scenarios did their first kiss end up being some weird, drunken, unexpected one.

Magnus was addicting. His smell immediately overwhelmed Alec, like a flood of sandalwood was dumped all over his head, his body. He could feel the warmth seeping through their layers of shirts and coats. He could feel Magnus's nose gently pressing up against his cheek, in such an intimate way. His eyelashes fluttering against Alec's own skin. His hair nuzzling his forehead. His breath tickling his face.

Alec could feel _everything_.

More than he had ever felt before.

And— _oh god_ —the best part. The sweet, _sweet_ press of Magnus's chaste lips against his own, like a whisper of something more to come. Alec had daydreamed about Magnus's perfect lips at least once a day. And now to be pressed up against him, _so close_ , to feel those lips covering his own…It did things to him it shouldn't've.

Alec could feel his resolve actually crumbling in his mind as Magnus's hands moved up to frame his neck. He leaned a little closer, hands sliding down from where they were clutching Magnus's wrists and moving to his bent elbows, then his shoulders. He slid his hands down his back, trying to get closer and stumbling a little.

Was this real life?

No, Alec must've been dreaming.

 _But it feels so real._

Alec wished it didn't.

He didn't need this right now. He had had everything nearly planned out—how he was going to tell Magnus, how he was going to react exactly when he got shot down. This wasn't very good for his health. Nothing about Magnus Bane was.

And then, quickly as it started, it ended, like all good things had to in life. Alec kept his eyes closed for a few more seconds, trying to pretend that Magnus's lips were still there. He knew he could kiss Magnus forever. He blushed, absurdly, trying to open his eyes.

When he came back down to Earth, the sounds of New York traffic and the smell of numerous coffee shops around them replacing the smell of delicious sandalwood, Alec realized the reality of what had just happened.

Magnus…Had kissed _him_.

Alec had so many questions, but he was pretty sure he couldn't get out a sentence, for god's sake a _word_ if he tried.

He _had_ to say something, had to escape Magnus's big, sleepy eyes staring down at him, half crescents with his mouth slack. Oh dear _god_ , his lips. Alec's hand unconsciously lifted to his own lips, skimming his fingers were Magnus's _mouth_ had just been. They were a little wet, and Alec felt himself savoring the feeling like ice cream.

 _His freaking mouth_.

Before his brain could work up something to even say, Magnus started speaking.

"Good-bye, Alexander," said Magnus in his silkiest ever voice, a grin planting on his face as he abruptly turned around and walked away.

"B—bu—" Alec's voice cracked, and he closed it quickly, a hot flush crawling up his chest that he was pretty sure it was never going to go away after that. The ugly brown door shut in front of him, and Alec found himself standing alone on the sidewalk, with no ride home.

When he got feeling in his legs again, he started to walk. Maybe in the direction of his apartment, maybe not. All he knew was he wouldn't take a cab. Dealing with other humans instead of thinking about their kiss wasn't something he was capable of doing yet.

* * *

The minute Alec got home, he was on the phone with Izzy.

"What's up?" said Izzy.

"Izzy, _Izzy_ oh my god," Alec breathed in a voice of awe. He squealed like a little girl, grinning hugely and leaping onto his bed.

"Alec? What's wrong? What happened?"

Alec scooped up his cat, Church, into his arms and starting petting him in such excitement it was almost aggressive. The grey cat purred and squirmed a little in his arms.

"Ok, oh god, um, what are you doing right now? Cause I got…I've—I need to tell you something," Alec stammered.

"Okay? I was just trying to cook some dinner, but I haven't really started yet so…Shoot."

"It's about Magnus." There was silence on the other end for a while, before Izzy gasped loudly.

"OH my god, oh my god, okay hang on…Hang on hang on hang on, let me get comfortable," There was some muffled sounds, a small crash and then some muffled swearing. Alec shifted from where he was sitting on his bed, trying to get comfortable himself. He kept chewing on the drawstrings of his sweater, without even realizing, and trying to not freak out completely. His blood was rushing through his ears, as if he'd ran back home. And he didn't. His felt as though he could feel his heartbeat in every part of his body, thumping loudly and vibrating his entire posture.

"Ok. Now, is this good news or do I need to bring out the tissues?" Izzy questioned, something near hysteria creeping into her voice. Izzy was such a fangirl.

"Umm," Alec's voice shook. "I don't—I'm not sure. M—maybe you should come over?"

Alec could hear her eyebrows raising. "Do I need to come over?"

"Well, um, this—I—it—"

"Alec just spit it out."

"Magnus kissed me," he blurted, before he lost his nerve. There was more silence. Alec chewed harder on the string.

"Yep. I'm coming over. And I'm bringing Chinese." And the line went flat.

* * *

The more time it took for Izzy to come over, the more time it gave Alec to think. Which, in these situations, should be illegal. Alec sort of…Tended to extremely overthink things. It was one of his major flaws, though he never liked to admit it.

In fifth grade, Alec had had a _major_ crush on this boy, Jack. He wasn't out of the closet yet, to _anyone_ , so this was close to one of the most stressful experiences of his life. Which was ironic, because back then, they were teaching ways to cope with stress and bullshit. It just made Alec more stressed. School already gave him enough reasons to be stressed.

Including the fact that Jack was straight. And totally in love with another girl, Julie. Everyone in the class just _knew_ they were made for each other, always teasing the two of them about their relationship. It made Alec's insides roll, even thinking about it in the present.

Alec was dumb. Really, really stupid. One day, in their weird little 5th grade group chat on their small, used phones, the three popular kids started tormenting poor Alec about Jack, saying his feelings were obvious and that he should just admit it, blah blah blah. He'd been hurt, obviously, but not knowing how to deal with the likes of such jackass behavior as he could now, he fell right into their stupid little trap. They had been willing to trade. Alec needed to tell them (basically the whole class) who _he_ had liked and in exchange, they would tell him who _they_ had liked. Long story short, Alec had missed three days of school in humiliation and came back to more bullying (and life lessons) then anyone needed in a lifetime.

Alec had known Magnus then, but he hadn't had a clue about what emotions were. Better yet feelings.

It wasn't like he knew anything more now, he thought as he paced his living room floor, waiting for Izzy. This whole situation reminded him of 5th grade a lot. Because what if Magnus was just being an asshole? Like _so_ , so many of the others? Alec tried not to think about that, but his brain was going into overdrive and he was pretty sure he was like that clock dude in Infinity War that had dreamed up all future situations that could possibly happen in their battle. Except now this was his battle. He and Magnus.

By the time Izzy arrived, Alec was nearly jumping up and down with the mere possibilities.

"Alec!" She dropped the Chinese on the table and threw her long, pale arms around his neck. God, why did he have to be taller than everyone else he knew?

Well, except Magnus.

She pulled away, unzipping her coat and throwing it on his coffee table while kicking off her shoes. It was such a familiar and unconscious effort Izzy did every time she visited that that actually melted some of his stress.

"So," she grabbed a carton of noodles. "Are you gonna just stand there all day?"

Alec shook his head, quickly picking up a carton for himself before sitting down next to Izzy. He didn't eat or even look in the contents of it the whole time.

Izzy sat poised towards him like a predator staring down its prey. Alec gulped.

"Ok, well it all started when Magnus came over, drunk as a door nail, in the middle of the day,"

"So he wasn't at work?" Izzy looked like she was right about to whip out a notepad and go full reporter mode.

"No," he replied shortly. "So anyway, he said he had saw James at work, _with a new girlfriend_ ,"

Izzy gasped dramatically. " _No!_ "

Alec pursed his lips. "Yeah,"

"And then?"

"Well. Then he drank Ragnor's 'special drink'." Izzy made a disgusted face. Everyone knew about that drink. "Yeah. That was his first mistake."

"What was his second?" Izzy chewed thoughtfully.

"Well, he got really drunk, kicked out of work—"

"Like _fired_?" Alec wanted to punch her.

"No, like Cat sent him home before he puked on all the customers. Can I please speak now?" Izzy nodded quickly. "Good. So then I sobered him up, or at least the best I could do, and came with him on the drive back to his apartment. And…Well when…When we were in the car, he fell asleep on my shoulder, and when he woke up we kinda shared like…A moment? I don't know, I don't know. I—" Alec cut himself off with a big sigh, looking away from Izzy. Who looked like she really wanted to say something.

"So long story short, he ran out of the cab without saying goodbye, I ran after him, and then he…" He laughed without humor. "He kissed me."

Izzy's eyes lit up, and she grinned.

"Well I'm so _happy_ for you, bro!" She punched him lightly in the shoulder, accidentally spilling a couple noodles.

Alec frowned. "Well don't be." He picked up the noodles. Izzy gave him a scolding look for being such a neat freak, but he ignored it. "I have no idea what to do now! He just…Went back in his apartment after and that was it! I mean, how am I—what are we—are we—" Alec sighed deeply again. "He's probably not going to remember any of this in the morning so that just makes it worse." He hung his head like a guilty dog.

Izzy made a small sound of agreement, before scoffing a little. "You're kidding, right? Wait, are you—you better be actually shitting me right now,"

She put down the noodles, firmly. Alec looked back up at her again, eyebrows dipped in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Izzy turned to face him completely, wrapping her legs in a pretzel and leaning back against the arm of the coach, glaring at him. She was wearing Harvard sweatpants that were too small on her, crawling up her tall legs as she bent them even more, which bothered Alec more then it should've. And a loose tee with the words "SHHH. I'm still asleep." plaited on in glittery colors.

" _Are you seriously still telling yourself that Magnus_ doesn't _like you?_ "

Alec blanched a little. He hadn't thought of that. He hadn't thought of that at all, not in a single situation he had made up in his head. Because Magnus couldn't like Alec. He just couldn't.

He said nothing, just stared back at her a little guiltily.

"That's what I thought," she muttered. "Right. Hand me the pillow."

Alec did, warily.

She grabbed the fur in her angry nails and whacked him in the head with it.

"I probably deserve that but—"

"Well _yeah_ , for being such an _idiot_! God, Alec, have you listened to _anything_ I've been telling you in the past few years? Do you need me to go up to Magnus and ask him myself if he likes you? Because I will, and I know what the answer's going to be."

Alec narrowed his eyes. They had had this argument about a hundred times; he couldn't believe she was trying to bring it up again. "Ok, hand _me_ the pillow now,"

She rolled her eyes, whipping it across the room instead. "Stop being ridiculous. I _know_ —"

"Do you? _Do you_? Because as I recall, you've never actually asked him before, so you really don't know—"

"Uh, yeah, because you won't let me!" she yelled accusingly.

Alec groaned and grabbed his hair. He forgot how exhausting talking to his sister was. Taking a deep breath, he began once again. "You know I have a valid reason for not letting you ask him that Izzy."

"Because you're such a—"

" _It's because_ , neither of us can read people's minds. Okay? And until either me or you has mastered that skill, there's no way I'm letting you risk Magnus and I's friendship,"

"Alec, do you want something to happen between the two of you at _all_? Maybe you're just denying it. Maybe you really don't want anything to actually happen."

"Oh _yeah_ , sure—"

She gasped, eyes widening while jumping in her seat to point a finger in Alec's shocked face. "Yes, that's it! You're scared." She sat back, arms crossed at her chest and face set in satisfaction.

Alec deadpanned her.

"Okay, look. I don't have the energy to finish this dumb argument with you, so let's just go back to what we were talking about."

Izzy looked confused. "Isn't Magnus… _all_ we've been talking about? Since the beginning of time?"

Alec reached and grabbed the pillow off the floor, whacking her with it but grinning nonetheless.

* * *

By the end of Alec's clumsy pep talk from Izzy, he was feeling a lot better. He had ultimately decided the best thing to do was just talk to Magnus about it.

So the next morning, Alec listened to Izzy's advice, and forced all thoughts of Magnus out his mind as he got ready for work. He'd definitely back out of it if he started thinking too much. Which he had a tendency of doing.

Alec worked by plans and routines. And the plan was that he was just going to go to Magnus's before he hit work, talk to him about…It (he had planned out what he was going to say), and then leave with everything being fixed between them. Would Alec's heart be shattered broken? Yes. Would he cry about it? No. Maybe.

 _Stop it._

Alec shook his head feverishly as he got dressed. Today was nothing new; dark khakis with a grey t-shirt. The only reason he wasn't wearing sweats was because work had a dress code.

He grabbed his keys, wallet and phone, setting out into the cloudy day with his chin as high as he could make it. It was warmer out, which Alec hated, he thought as he crossed the intersections on the route to Magnus'. Warmer meant more bugs, more sweating, and, strangely, it also meant that his apartment hallway had a weird smell. Kind of like expired dog food.

Alec hated it.

Winter was his favorite season, which was usually a surprise to hear from most, especially Magnus. He remembered how shocked Magnus had been the day—

No.

No thinking about Magnus.

Alec actually almost bumped into a few people, distracted. That happened too often.

He bit his lip hard, keeping his mouth from hanging open like an idiot, and checked the time instead. 7:15. He closed his eyes for a second and tried to dissipate the fact that his boss was probably going to slit his throat about being late.

He remembered this time a few days ago when Magnus—

 _No!_

"Oh fuck," he muttered aloud, quietly. Not thinking about Magnus was harder than he thought it was going to be. He got a few judgmental looks as he muttered to himself and he felt even more nervous, starting to sweat. He itched at the scars on his wrists, itching and itching until they started to burn, turn and angry red then—

He dropped his hands by his sides.

Damn, Magnus was fucking him up.

Alec wished for a moment that there was some magic potion one could drink to immediately get over someone. That would be nice.

 _You two-year old._

Izzy would say something like that to him, he thought.

Suddenly, Izzy struck an idea in his mind. Which was calling her.

"Alec? _You know I'm at work!_ " said Izzy when she picked up in her biggest angry voice. It was so loud, Alec narrowly dodged a car as he crossed the street. On the red hand. Whoops.

Alec bared his teeth guiltily, even though she couldn't see him. "Oops. Isn't it early though?"

He could hear her shrug. "Yeah, never mind we can talk,"

Alec laughed. His sister could be so bipolar.

That was one of his favorite qualities about her.

"Um, anyway, so I'm going to Magnus' now. You know, to talk to him about, um, it—what happened."

"Right, right. Do you know what you're going to say?"

Alec nodded firmly, forgetting _again_ that Izzy could not see him. "Yeah,"

"Ok. Good. Then why are you calling me?" Izzy was an abnormally fast speaker. Sometimes when they spoke, Alec couldn't tell whether she was being rude or in a rush.

"Well, I mean. I'm nervous. As hell,"

"Of what?"

"Of him not remembering. Of him remembering but not telling me he remembered even though we both know I can tell. Of him denying it. Of him trying to do it again. Of him saying he only did it because he was drunk. Of—"

Izzy cut him off. "Stop. Look, this guessing game could go on for hours. And what did I tell you?"

"To…Not think about him or it until I get there. Which, I'm almost there by the way."

"Ok. So just, do that."

" _Oh!_ Do that! Gosh, I _forgot it was so damn easy_ , you're _totally_ right!" he hissed.

Izzy groaned. "Stop being a drama queen. Is that why you called? You can't get your mind off him?"

Alec cleared his throat, loud enough to actually startle a few pedestrians. "Maybe,"

"Fine. Then I'll distract you until you reach Magnus', and maybe try to calm you down so you stop tempting people around you to call a mental hospital. Yeah, I can _hear_ everyone judging you,"

Alec fake pouted. "You're mean,"

"I'm real," she replied casually, changing the subject after. "How close are you?"

"Umm," Alec looked around. He recognized a couple street signs, even saw one of Magnus' neighbors biking by. "I'm pretty close,"

"Nice, nice," Izzy said encouragingly. If that was even possible.

There was silence through the phone for the next few minutes, and Alec's mind wandered back to Magnus.

"Hey—Izzy!" There was some shuffling. "You're supposed to be distracting me!"

"Oh, stop being such a pussy and just distract yourself. Look, um, I gotta go," The call ended abruptly, just as Alec walked up in front of Magnus's apartment. He decided not to question Izzy's ways, trying instead to focus on the large, menacing building in front of him now.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to buzz the doorbell. He'd walked all the way over, there was no point in backing out. Plus, he was already late for work, (one of his biggest pet peeves) so he was probably going to call in sick.

"Magnus, it's me, let me up."

There was a loud click and Alec pushed the door open, stepping into the warm hallway. He went over what he was going to say, one last time, nerves bubbling in his stomach like boiling water. Desperately hoping Magnus wasn't drunk again, he knocked lightly on the door.

"Come in!" yelled a voice from inside. Alec did, stepping in hesitantly. Their friendship had changed so much in just the past few _days_. Alec usually stepped in like it was his own house. "Since when do you knock?" asked Magnus, emerging from the bathroom with a towel around his head and voicing Alec's exact thoughts. A pink bathrobe hung loosely on his slightly damp body, shining in the fluorescent lights.

"Sorry, I just—well I thought—I—I don't know," Alec felt like he was confessing. Magnus just shrugged, seemingly brushing it off as nothing. Alec saw the change in his posture though, the way he didn't meet Alec in the eye. Their silence now was almost awkward. They never had awkward moments. "Look, I just wanted to come here to talk to you about something—"

"Why did you come all the way over then?"

"I—um, why not?" Alec's voice was nervous to his own ears. He hated how pathetic he sounded. In his defense, there wasn't supposed to be any interruptions in the speech he had created in his head.

Magnus shrugged again. Alec continued.

"Anyway, um, the other day when I was taking you home—"

"I don't really remember anything from that day, to be honest. It's all kind of just a blur, you know. Was I drunk?"

Alec scoffed. "You put the word drunk to shame."

"Oh god," Magnus put his face in his hands, plopping on the leather sofa. "Well thank god I didn't do anything stupid." His robe folded slightly as his body bended, and Alec tried to look anywhere else then his bare chest.

He cringed at what was coming. "Well…" He slowly sat on the edge of the couch, farthest from Magnus. "That's not…Entirely true."

Magnus jolted like he had been electrocuted, and looked at Alec with wide eyes. "What? What happ—what did I do?" he stammered quickly.

Alec laughed a little, though it was nervous. "Don't look so worried. It's not that bad. Well maybe it is. That's—I'm getting off topic—" The plan had backfired.

"Oh god, I didn't get fired, did I?" Magnus was taut, eyes wide.

"No—well I—I don't think so—"

"Thank god. What'd I do?"

Alec paused and stared at him, almost sadly. "You really don't know, do you?"

"No, I really don't. Alec just spit it out, you're scaring me." Magnus was trying to avoid his eye, in such a pained way that it made Alec's heart hurt stupidly. He ignored all emotions and tried to remember what he was going to say.

"Well—I mean you—sort of—"

"Alec you sound like a broken record—"

"You kissed me." he finally blurted.

Magnus stared blankly in silence for a few seconds, mouth parted in shock. Alec was wringing his hands in his lap nervously and avoiding his eye, trying not to focus too much about _anything_ that was going on.

 _Don't overthink it._

Suddenly, Magnus was standing in front of him, pacing before Alec could blink.

"I didn't!" he said in disbelief, what more sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Alec grimaced.

"You kinda did."

And then, silence.

"You really don't remember?"

"Fuck," Magnus whispered, both his hands over his mouth in shock. The pacing had stopped, and he was now staring at the ground as if it had opened up a black hole. "I—I do now…I—"

If Alec had thought their friendship was ruined before, it was nothing compared to now. They were screwed, weren't they?

Magnus began pacing again, starting to go faster while still staring at the ground, this time looking like he wanted to solve a tricky math problem.

"Alec…Alec—Alec I didn't mean—I mean I would never— _never_ do that, I'm—I mean I was stupid drunk, you understand, right? I was just, I wasn't thinking straight, I wasn't—I wouldn't—"

"Magnus." Alec interrupted. "Stop. I understand. I just thought…Well, that doesn't matter anyway. I just wanted to make sure that our friendship wasn't like, totally fucked up. Well, _more_ fucked up." he muttered the last part mostly to himself. He felt a strong pang of disappointment, one he knew he shouldn't be feeling. He had no right to.

Magnus stared at him, almost in horror. " _I'm so sorry_ ,"

Alec got up and put a hand on his shoulder, then awkwardly removed it. "Don't be. I—thanks for not being a dick,"

Magnus laughs, a little, lightening the mood by a fraction.

"I was just having a really bad day—it—it was probably just because I saw my ex and thought I wanted—I don't even know what I wanted—look, you know I would never soberly hurt you, right?"

Alec felt as though someone had taken out his small intestine, pulled it out of his body through his throat, fried it then forced him to eat it. In other words, now he was more than disappointed. Alec knew Magnus meant what he said, but he had, on countless occasions, broken his heart anyway. It wasn't a drunk act, it was just done without knowing, which was basically worse.

"I know," Alec said quietly, staring at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Everything felt blurred, and he soon realized that was because of the tears pooling in his eyes.

"I hope—I hope we can still be friends? I hope this'll still work out…?" Magnus's small, weak voice was what pushed Alec to do what he did next. He walked up to him, stopping the pacing by putting an arm on his shoulder, and pulled him into a hug.

"Of _course_ we can," he whispered, so his voice wouldn't crack.

Because behind the facade, tears were threatening to spill.

There was no chance of him telling Magnus about his feelings now.

* * *

 **A/N: OK I'M SO SORRY THERE'S SO MUCH ANGST AND I PROMISE YOU IF YOU KEEP READING ON IT WILL GET SOOOO GOOD. I'm talking real good ;). Ew I'm never saying that again. SO. HOW WAS IT. oH rigHt you can't tell me soooooo the solution to that is leaving a review ;). Ik, ik, I'm a genius. But actually tell me tho, bc I need this shit.**

 **OK IMPORTANT NOTE COMING UP: SO sry this is out so late, I'm just** _ **drowning**_ **in tissues, (aka I'm sick),** _ **drowning**_ **in stupid middle school, and** _ **drooling**_ **in the thought of actually getting more than 6 hours of sleep a night. So there are my pathetic, insensitive excuses. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.**

 **You know, I always think of so many things to write in my A/N every time I'm the farthest away from my laptop, and then when I'm actually writing it it all just disappears. Whatever.**

 **ANOTHER NOTE OF IMPORTANCE:: Next chap MIIIIIGht take even longer to come out (no longer than three weeks) (I hope) (don't worry) (cuz ik you all are) bC i wanna finish the outline for the story. You know, only the best for my readers ;). AKa no one.**

 _ ******* EXTREMELy IMPORTANT NOTE*****::::**_ **I stg to you readers, I edit my chaps S O thoroughly that it makes me actually get sick of reading it. But do you know what I do then? I KEEP EDITING. HOWEVER, no matter how much I edit, no matter how much I do** _ **anything**_ **, FANFICTION WILL BULLY ME. I swear to you, cross my fucking heart, when I convert my stupid doc to fanfic, it ALWAYS, always always always messes something up. Even when I rerererereead it. And then reread the reread. I stfg.**

 **Ok that's it. Nope it's not. Jk.**

 **REVVVVVVIEEWWWW ORRR DIIIEEEEE** **(jk don't kill meeee)**

 **-Emma, who needs reviews to freaking make it through the day. Badly. :)**


	4. It Was All a Blur

**A/N: HEllLllLLo.**

 **Can someone please explain to me how to be a more positive person. Bc it's rlly hard lmao.**

 **ReViEW fOr mY LoWeRinG sElf eStEEm pLz. Or don't whatever.**

 **oH um the british boy who left a review on my fanfic lol there's three levels of 'middle skl' 6th 7th & 8th and I'm in 8th (Ik i'm a fetus I didn't choose this) AND THX FOR UR REVIEW UR SO SWEET UWU.**

 **And also everyone whos like begging for malec, I promise you it'll come soon, and when it comes, it'll be real good. Well as good as my writing can be bc i freaking suck ok i'm sry. Like i'll make up for all this angst.**

 **Anyway moving on bc no one cares-ummm review and HAPPY READING.**

 **OH and I almost forgot, (no, I'm not gonna say review, shut up) mature content might follow ;). I should also warn u it's gonna suck so hard all of u will be turned off. :).**

 **Disclaimer: Ugggggh i don't own anything. I fuckin wish I did.**

* * *

It had been approximately 14 days since Alec had seen Magnus.

The month was now November, and Alec was working a double shift at the bakery because he found out he was a little short on rent. Which was just great. All the pieces in his life were finally falling into place.

"Hey dude." Jace came in from the kitchen, late of course, balancing a plate of freshly baked scones on his arm while his other wielded his phone. The scones wobbled a bit and Alec jerked and grabbed the plate just before it slipped and shattered on the ground.

"Jace!"

Jace shrugged, still not looking up from his phone. His moppy, dirty blonde hair was covering his eyes and he shrugged further down towards his phone, like it was going to suck him into it. Alec sighed and snatched it out of his hand, a disapproving look on his face.

"Uh, hey!" Jace groped back for it angrily, but Alec had already his hand high enough that it was out of his reach. He scanned through the texts on the screen. "What the hell, man?"

"Oooh, who's Clary?" Alec said petulantly.

Jace frowned, jumping for the phone again and missing. Again.

"A girl I met last night. Why do you care?" said Jace in a defensive tone.

"Did you hook up?" Alec asked, a cocky smile sprouting on his lips. He ignored his earlier question. Jace frowned and glared at him, refusing to say anything. Jace was stubborn like that.

Alec handed him back the phone, firmly placing it in his palm screen down so he wouldn't look at it. "Because you're supposed to be working right now. Come on, you don't even have your apron on." Alec unhooked the small green apron with Jace's nametag on it and tossed it on him. Jace spluttered, taking it off his face to whip Alec with it. Alec was grateful there was no customers, silently thanking God but grinning nonetheless.

Jace was horrible at his job. The only reason he hadn't been fired yet was because Alec knew how much he needed the job, and did everything he could to convince his boss that Jace was a good person and a good worker. It wasn't easy, though.

"When was the last time you were in a real relationship?" Jace pondered as he slipped on his apron reluctantly, delicately pushing it over his carefully gelled hair. Alec rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, purposely messing it up. Jace punched him in the shoulder, growling when Alec laughed.

"I don't know. And I don't really care," said Alec.

"Oh _really_?" Jace's face pinched into one of dramatic fake disbelief. "So then why are you making fun of me for having someone?"  
Alec rolled his eyes again.

 _I'm not—_

"I wasn't—"

The bell above the bakery door rung, indicating someone was coming in. A gust of wind sneaked in through the ajar door, the cold floating through the room and biting at Alec's face, making him flinch. It was a women, packed up tightly in a number of colorful scarves, gloves, hats, whatnot. It was obviously excessive, but she didn't seem to notice. Or care. She was wearing pitch black sunglasses, yet it was cloudy. Her wild, ginger curls were poking out from under a yellow beanie, and she was dumping at least 4 different purses onto a table.

Jace and Alec exchanged a look, eyebrows high.

"Hi, how can I help you?" Jace rose his voice slightly so he was audible to her. She glanced up, took one look at Jace and her mouth fell open in shock. Alec wasn't acknowledged at all once their eyes met. Jace looked like he was trying to remember something. Alec stared in confusion.

She didn't say anything still, and now Jace looked like he was beyond trying to help her, but more recognize her.

Suddenly, before Alec could maybe say something to break the awkward staring contest, the girl ripped off all her shawls and hats, revealing her face. Jace gasped, a hand flying to his open mouth.

Alec was insanely confused, but the moment felt too intense to say anything, like they were two long lost siblings who had been parted for years and now were together again. For all Alec knew, they could've been.

Though, if that was true, it was sort of weird when the girl ran up to him, threw her arms around him desperately and took his lips passionately. Alec groaned. Of course.

"Uh guys—" he tried saying something, but was cut off by the women's _moan_. He was disgusted to see her lift her leg onto his hip as they both stumbled back and hit the wall. He shielded his eyes, making a nauseated noise. "Get a room!"

And they broke apart as quickly as it started, panting a little. The girl's face was red, and Jace was smirking. Alec carefully lifted his hand away from his face, checking to see if the coast was clear.

Jace grinned evilly. "Alec, this is Clary. The girl from last night." Alec frowned.

"Oh. So…If you saw each other last night, then why did you just act as if you were old college roommates?"

Clary giggled sheepishly. Jace wrapped a protective arm around her waist. She was plenty shorter than him, the top of her head resting on his chest. Her face was pretty, soft and petite, very feminine. She had a wide smile, perfect, sparkling white teeth and pale skin, a startling contrast to her fiery red hair. Cheeks littered with freckles. Her outfit was slightly bizarre, if one added all the scarves she'd been wearing; grey sweatpants with black boots and a pink fuzzy sweater which read 'I Heart Drawing'.

"Well, she's the best sex I've ever had," Jace whispered, a hand beside his mouth as if Clary wasn't standing right beside him. She giggled harder.

Alec threw his hands in the air, exasperated. "I'm leaving." He still heard their echoing cackles as he retreated to the kitchen.

* * *

"Whatchya doing?" A curious voice appeared behind Alec suddenly, making him jerk. He glanced behind him with narrowed crescents at Jace's face close to his and looking down at his phone. Alec rolled his eyes, resting his head on his chin again as he mindlessly scrolled through Facebook. "My god, you have Facebook? What are you, a fifty year old man?"

Alec tried to laugh, but it came out more as a breathy scoff. He jerked his elbow back to hit him in the stomach. Jace groaned, backing up into the coffee machine counter behind him.

"What? You don't have Facebook?"

"Oh I do. I just never use it. And I know you don't either." Jace's voice sounded softer, less tease in it. Alec rose an eyebrow, turning around to look at him.  
The sun was setting beyond the large windows of the bakery, painting the sky a pretty purple behind the large glass buildings of New York. The light reflected through their empty store, casting shadows across the large room like elegant drawings. Their shift ended in fifteen minutes, and Alec had never been more excited to go home. It had been a long day. One of those days where he just felt numb all day, not happy not sad but just…Tired. Of everything.

And he hated it. He hated thinking stuff like that, because then it made him feel sorry for himself, and that was selfish. Alec was _never_ selfish.

He was leaning his hip against the register counter, staring at his half brother and colleague, Jace.

"So," Jace pursed his lips. "Heard what happened between you and Magnus."

Alec groaned. "Izzy?"

"Izzy," Jace confirmed, smirking. Then he sighed through his nose, looking down as his smirk disappeared. "Dude, I'm sorry."

Alec looked away, squirming uncomfortably. "Well, what can you do. That's life. Ts' fucked up." Jace put a hand on his shoulder affectionately. This was a common gesture between the two of them, ever since they were little, in tough situations. It felt like an anchor. Alec found himself doing this to other people, like Izzy, and eventually Magnus. Now, with Magnus, he felt like he didn't have that privilege anymore.

Life sucked.

"Come on, man. You need to loosen up. Go out, have some fun. Go to a bar—Come on, I didn't give you that fake ID for nothing?" Alec sighed loudly, leaning his head back until he was staring at the ceiling in exhaustion. Not…Only physical but…Mental. Mostly mental.

Alec flinched, pushing those thoughts away again. He snapped his head back up, eyeing Jace firmly.

"Jace, I'm not gonna—"

"But of _course_ you are. Because I'm making you. Now come on."

"Jace, our shift isn't even over yet, we haven't cleaned up—"

"Nope. None of that matters. Come on. We're going to go out, and _you_ are going to have _fun_."

Alec strained a laugh. "That sounds more like a command."

* * *

The bar was quiet and simple—the kind Alec preferred. Loud, flashy, hot clubs were too overwhelming. It was small and neat, kitchen bar stools around a marble counter top that surrounded an open cabinet with a variety of liquors. There was a sort of fifties, Texas theme, which Alec really dug, and everything was sorted in a dark, wooden aesthetic. A row of light bulbs hung by a string over Alec's head and above the counter, dimly lighting the place but vaguely matching it's theme. It smelled of flowers and bourbon, and a pinch of some sort of cologne. It was oddly addicting.

Alec was sitting alone on a tiny stool, surrounded only by shot glasses and feeling...Fuzzy. He assumed it was the alcohol. Jace had gone off with Clary, though it took a lot of convincing from Alec that it was okay for him to go off and that Alec wouldn't get offended. It was dark outside now, and the city sparkled, literally sparkled through the dusty window panes.

And Alec could tell where the cologne smell was coming from.

The bartender was cute, a middle-aged man with a thin goatee and stunning jawline, bright blue eyes and burgundy brown hair. Cute enough to ogle like the moron he was. However, someone Alec was having a hard time being attracted to, to his dismal, because of stupid cat-like eyes blocking his vision and overpowering his mind and will.

It there was a metaphor of some sort for it, it would be like Alec was trapped, in prison, a miserable one, and those amber-green eyes were the only key to get out, but were just out of his reach.

And it—

Alec sighed.

It was _truly_ woeful.

He wanted to bang his head against the counter. He was so fucking fucked. Why couldn't he have been attracted to women or something? He'd tried to, so many times, after admitting his feelings about Magnus to himself. Even before then. Because being gay wasn't exactly easy, and _not_ being gay would have been so much…Well easier. He wasn't friends with any women, so even if he was straight, there wouldn't have been any gut wrenching pain of being in love with your best friend. He wished he was straight, because that pain sucked.

But life was never that easy.

Alec downed another shot the cute bartender had brought him, eyeing the guy up and down again. It was useless. He couldn't get himself to be attracted to other men, let alone women. It was like he had an entirely new sexuality, dedicated completely to someone he couldn't have. He wondered if there was a name for that. And what it would be called. Mag-sexual.

This caused a little snort out of him.

The bartender took notice in him now, scrubbing a cup with an old dish rag as he smirked at Alec. Alec stared back.

"Is there something on my face?" he asked, slurring only a little. Some deep part inside him burned with embarrassment, but that part kindly stayed quiet because of the alcohol.

The guy startled. "Oh, no, sorry I just…Can't help but notice that you're alone? Relationship trouble? Sorry, I know it's none of my business, I just…"

Alec swallowed hard, shaking his head and trying to clear it. "No, no it's…It's okay. I guess I'm just going through some tough times right now. It's—" Alec breathed a laugh, humorlessly. "Nothing new. God, look at me. Spewing out my life story to a stranger. Good job Alec."

The bartender smiled. "Alec. That's a pretty name."

Alec bit his lip, looking worriedly at the attractive man through crescents. He didn't say anything. He didn't even know _what_ to say. Men openly flirting with him—now _that_ was new.

"And I'm Weston. There. Now I'm not a stranger. But, I have been known to be a good listener," he said. Weston.

Alec giggled, the first true smile that had graced his face in what felt like days.

 _He's so charming._

Alec frowned.

 _And I'm not even a little bit attracted to him. Fuck._

Alec scoffed. "You don't want to hear me complain about my boring problems. It'll take all night."

Weston raised an eyebrow, putting away the last clean cup and going to stand in front of Alec, awfully close. "Well, lucky for you, I'm on my night shift." Alec laughed again, hiccuping a little in the middle.

Alec sighed, throwing his head back and slurping up probably the last shot left in the bar, then leaned forward on the counter, body slouched and lazy. "Well, there's this guy—"

"Ah." The bartender interrupted, leaning away from Alec again and looking away. He almost looked offended, definitely disappointed. "Sorry, um, go on?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes I just…Wish I'd known you had a boyfriend before—"

"Boyfriend?" Alec shook his head quickly, closing his eyes as his hair swished around his head like a mop. "No. You don't even know the story, now listen," he commanded, face set in determination on making it through the story without vomiting.

Weston shrugged, smiling a little and putting his chin in his hand, leaning back on the shiny counter top. The bar had emptied by now, and Weston and Alec were the only ones left.

And so Alec talked. How he'd met Magnus, the develop of feelings that he couldn't control, insane childhood stories, all leading up to the present, where Magnus had come drunk to his apartment and then changed their friendship…Hopefully not forever, though Alec couldn't help but feel as if it was.

Alec didn't know why, but he felt as though he could open up to Weston. There was strange connection he felt, like Weston would understand. It was silly, but maybe Alec just needed one of these nights, a spontaneous moment between strangers. Weston was the kind of stranger Alec felt he _could_ share these things with.

 _But of course, not someone who you can like. Because life is just that mean._

"Wow." Weston looked dazed, like he just woke from a dream. "So he just…Left? Without saying anything? After doing something like _that_?"

Alec had a strange but strong instinct to defend Magnus, though he didn't even know his reasoning. "Well, he was wasted, and he had just recently gotten out of a big relationship, which really ruined him."

Weston nodded, looking deep in thought.

Alec cringed. "Was that too much?"

"I—No, no. It wasn't." Alec nodded, the two of them exchanging a small smile. It was around ten now, and they were both tired, eyes visibly drooping.

Alec laughed a little. "God, I'm exhausted. All that whining, really took it out of me."

Weston returned the laugh. His features looked similar to Magnus, Alec thought, when he laughed.

"I feel bad for you. I mean, this shift is pretty late. It's already like ten," said Alec.

Weston shrugged, but his eyes looked sad, glancing away for a second. "Yeah. Need the money, though."

Alec could sympathize. "How old are you?"

"24."

"Oh. What's your major?"

"Well, biology, but I'm still not really sure what I want to be yet. There's so many options, you know," said Weston, a distracted look taking his eyes then. Alec studied him, trying to decide something in his head. He pulled out his phone from his back pocket, decision made.

"Here." He put the device into Weston's hand, pushing it forward. "Put your number in," Alec said after a few seconds of Weston's confusion.

"Oh, thanks." He laughed a little nervously. God, he hoped Weston didn't mistake this for anything more than friendship. And he genuinely hoped that he didn't, because Weston seemed like he would be a good friend.

Just as he was thinking about heading home, the bell above the glass door was hit, ringing throughout the bar. Weston returned Alec's phone and lifted and turned his head, immediately straightening when he saw it was a customer. Alec glanced to see who he was looking at, and almost fell out of his seat.

 _No._

No. No no no nonono.

Those pretty, hazel eyes that had haunted him for the past few days was the first thing he saw, meeting his own with startling intensity. It felt surreal, seeing _Magnus_ across the room from him, in all his glitter glory. Almost like his brain was just making it up.

 _Fuck._

Magnus had come in humming, sporting a see through black shirt with matching leather pants, six buttons up the front and sinfully tight, leaving nothing to the imagination. The kohl rimming his eyes was smudged, giving him a sexy raccoon look. Only Magnus could pull off sexy raccoon. His casual, stringy demeanor changed when their eyes met, however. He stiffened when he caught Alec's eye, humming abruptly stopping. He was clutching his phone in one hand, a small bottle of seemingly some sort of alcohol in the other. But Alec barely noticed those things.

Because there Magnus was.

All Alec had wanted in the past couple of days was to see him, and now...Now here he was. Alec felt his chest tighten, and he assumed this was what people meant when they said their heart was 'skipping a beat'.

Alec's whole posture changed when their eyes met, too. He felt hot all over suddenly, then cold, then he couldn't sit still. He was on his feet before his brain could catch up with his muscles, and backing away from Magnus until he hit the wall.

Weston, meanwhile, looked more confused than ever. He looked to Alec, who was almost out of view, back ridged as he stared at the man like he'd seen a ghost. Then he looked back to the mysterious man, who seemed to have trouble standing straight. There was a wild uncomfort hanging in the air, and the obvious, yet silent, question. At least, to Weston there was a question.

"Um…Can I help you with anything? Just so you know, we're about to close."

Magnus tore his gaze from Alec's, eyeing the bartender with a lucid disgust. Weston raised his eyebrows.

Alec's cheeks were starting to fill with color, and he licked his chapped lips nervously.

"No. I'm all good," Magnus whispered, if Weston wasn't mistaken, sarcastically.

"Ok," he nearly mouthed, awkwardly turning around and going to the back employees room, but not before giving Alec a 'wtf' look. Alec wanted to chase after him, beg for him to not leave them alone, but it was too late.

Dreadfully, he turned his head back to Magnus, who was staring again. He pursed his lips, hands wringing quickly in front of stomach and shoulders drawn to his neck, in a sort of feral defense.

"Hi," Magnus said, voice quiet.

The corners of Alec's lips turned up, in the slight spasmodic way they did when he was trying to hide a smile. It usually didn't work. "Hi."

Magnus walked up to the counter, swinging himself onto a bar stool and draping his body over the cold stone. Yes, Alec thought, he was definitely drunk. It was something by now that Alec wasn't even bothered to worry about; Magnus never listened to him. He didn't listen to anybody. Especially not about something as silly to him as drinking. What he hadn't noticed was it was starting to become a daily thing.

"Helllloo?" Magnus sang out. Alec stifled a laugh, hand flying to his mouth. "What's it take to get a Pina Colada around here?" Alec's stomach bent and twisted with banter. He pursed his lips, body relaxing instantly. The tension melted from the room, leaving things back to the way they were. Magnus was so easy to talk to; it was one of the things Alec loved about him. Even when things were awkward. Him being drunk, however, helped with that.

"Magnus," he said loudly enough that Magnus could hear him. "Don't." He walked up to him, waving a dismissive hand to Weston who peaked his head back into the room for a split second. He could handle drunk Magnus. "What are you doing out this late?"

Magnus cocked his head, staring at him like he was stupid. "What are _you_ doing out so late?"

Alec smirked. "Well, I'm not tanked."

Magnus scoffed. "Neither am I," he stated proudly.

"Magnus you can't even walk in a straight line—"

"I can too! Watch," he ordered, grabbing Alec's shoulder and hoisting himself off the stool, before tripping on his own feet and tumbling to the floor. Alec laughed and caught him before he could fall all the way, and carefully placed him back on the chair. Magnus looked horribly confused at the entire dilemma.

"Come on, Magnus. The bar's closing. Time to go home." Alec felt ridiculous, having done this so many times before that it felt like a ritual.

"No!" Magnus grabbed the counter with strong hands. "I don't wanna! I ca—came here for a reason, and I deserve to have a drink," he announced with glory, throwing his arms in the air.

"Magnus. You've had enough to drink already," he said with an anxious voice, brows drawing together like curtains. He motioned with his head to the empty bottle on the floor; Magnus had dropped it when he'd grabbed the counter. "You're acting like a child," he laughed when Magnus slid to the floor and crossed his arms, pouting without saying a word.

After a few minutes of convincing, Alec managed to drag a sullen Magnus out of the bar and into the New York City streets. It felt a comfortable temperature outside, a light breeze soothing the unexpected warm, evening air. It smelled of cigarettes and wet dog—a storm was definitely on it's way.

The sidewalk was oddly empty, even for this late at night. Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the damp air, still holding Magnus's hand tightly to keep him balanced. Magnus looked dazed and disoriented, staring into the sky.

And Alec was hit by an strong pang of emotion in his heart then as he stared at Magnus, cute and crazed. To be blunt with himself, he'd really never wanted to kiss him more. He'd also probably said that to himself a million times, but the feeling always got stronger. It felt like a lyric from a crappy love song, and he could sing all the lyrics looking at this man. Alec was staring now; he knew he was, but he couldn't help it.

Up close, even just in the streetlight, Alec could notice all these little perfect things about him. Like the leftover glitter in his hair, red and blue, a dash of yellow. It was messy but it marked him in a such a way that if he didn't have it, Alec wouldn't be sure if it was him. It was so very _Magnus_. A smudge of some light shimmer was across his slack lips, the strong scent of alcohol coming from them. God—in case he hadn't mentioned it before—Alec could dream about Magnus's lips in all wet dreams. They were relatively thin, completely average, but, once again, there was no other lips that Alec could think of on him. They were perfect. He was.

Alec tore his eyes away to the boring, dark sidewalk, regretfully remembering their past conversation from a few days ago. All he wished of was telling Magnus all these things, and he'd promised himself that one day he would, one day he would tell Magnus just how much he cared and loved for him. Would it be on his deathbed? Probably. But he couldn't even be sure anymore, and that was what was making him so uneasy.

Before all the events, Alec could've at least dreamed of what it would be like if Magnus returned his feelings. He could've even dreamt that it was true. Now, Magnus was just sending him all these mixed signals that was sending Alec's thoughts spiraling wild.

Magnus was steadier now, more still and quiet. Alec tentatively glanced back up, feeling very small. Magnus had a special look in his eyes now, however. Dread filled Alec. Because he recognized that look.

"Alec," Magnus whispered, licking his lips and staring at him with wide, boggled eyes. "Do you realize we can do anything we want right now? There's no parents to restrict us, no college dorm curfew. He could just, go to Canada and like…Ride a Canadian horse."

Alec's mouth twitched. "We can't actually do that, I hope you kno—"

Magnus whined. "But why not? I wanna go to Canada. Like Montreal. Come on, Alec, take me to Canada."

Alec let out a small titter through his bitten lips, trying not to swoon. Magnus shouldn't be allowed to be so cute. "Why don't you decide about that tomorrow? Let's get home and get some rest now, yeah."

Magnus looked severely disappointed, but agreed nonetheless. "I'm still upset I didn't get my Pina Colada."

And now Alec just let out a full out guffaw. They began their walk back home, though it was more Alec leading back Magnus to his apartment in one piece. He felt like a caretaker. Of a ridiculously attractive man. Magnus owed him about a billion for the amount of times he'd had managed to get him home in one piece, Alec thought. He was leaning against Alec's shoulder as they crossed empty streets and passed pitch black stores, which made it painfully hard to walk, but Alec couldn't get himself to mind. Every time he looked down at Magnus's soft face, drowsy with the lack of sleep, he felt careless to the fact that he had to take care of him, maybe even a little grateful.

Alec glanced around. It was strange, seeing the city so…Asleep. Everything felt closed off and abandoned, yet it was just everyone trying to get a good night's rest before a long day at work the next morning. Alec had been out late at night before, obviously, but he'd never really taken the time to appreciate it before.

And it was nice.

Alec's mood was lifted soon, higher and higher. He was pretty sure Magnus was asleep by now, half having to carry him himself.

But he was sorely mistaken.

"Ooh! Alec—it's my favorite club!" Magnus was pulling at Alec's hand, staring spellbound at a bright, light up sign that read 'Quicksilver' in twisted letters.

 _Very original._

Alec was sure he was going to pass out if they went to any more bars or if he had to deal with drunk Magnus any longer. "Magnus, _no_ , we're not—Mag—hey!"

Magnus had wrenched himself free from Alec's grip and stumbled through the tinted glass door behind the sign. Alec exhaled deeply, running a sweaty palm through his scalp, pushing back a few strands that had fell in front of his eyes. His hair was messy and unkempt, and it bothered him most of the time, but he didn't want to change it. That would be weird.

He pushed the sudden thought of his hair (for some reason) out of his head and chased Magnus into the club. The moment he walked in he knew he didn't like it, stopping abruptly to adjust to the vulgar lighting and lusty music. It was actually a perfect example of the type of club/bar that he didn't like. The one that Magnus of course liked.

It seemed to be one, large room, 75 percent of it dance floor and the other percent was just some type of bar in every corner. In front of him, and pretty much all he could see if he didn't strain to see anything else, were countless half naked strippers grinding on each other or probably just fucking right there on the dance floor. Half were getting high and half were going hysterical to the roaring music. There were other waitresses distributing shots on large trays, dressed in tight, exposing clothing which made Alec feel queasy. It stenched, badly, of alcohol and there were so many colorful laser lights shooting around the room someone could've honestly mistaken it for a concert. Besides these lights, the room was totally dark, flashing shadows now and then of shiny figures. It was hot inside, more than it should've been, and Alec just craved to go back outside and run to his the comfort of his house and bed so he could just relax after all of tonight's events. After all of the _whole day's_ events. But he couldn't. Even though Magnus wasn't his responsibility…He kinda was.

Taking a deep breath, Alec tried not to stare at anyone as he shimmied his way through the crowd. He called Magnus's name a few _million_ times, squaring every inch of every single bar and coming up with nothing again and again. Eventually it got to be too much, and Alec had to sit down at a stool to fan himself out pathetically. He was about to file a lawsuit on whoever put the heat up to fucking 80 degrees. He swore he was about to pass out, for about the fifteenth time that night.

Another stripper-like-waitress walked up to him. "Can I help you?" She had a strong Russian accent and a blunt, dominating look in her eyes as she leaned her body weight onto the counter through her broad arms. Alec didn't even feel like holding back anymore.

"Just—a beer, please," he said, resting his head on the high, cold counter a second later. It soothed his hot cheeks, and a few seconds later he gratefully took the fresh beer and rubbed it on his face as well.

He knew he looked pathetic but really, who would recognize him in this place?

A couple beers later with still no sign of Magnus, Alec was starting to wonder if he should just give up and go home. It seemed like Magnus had.

It was coming around midnight—or so he assumed, he wasn't about to lift his hand to check his phone. Too much work. He was practically asleep on the counter by then, chewing on the cap of one of the beers, fiddling with the empty bottle with his other and scanning the room for the last time for his long lost friend.

Exhaling loudly, he flipped back around and slammed the empty glass bottle onto the table. The Russian lady gave him a look, to which he ignored.

Right when he was going to get up and go, something...Weird happened. Hot, wet lips ran along the back of his neck, resulting in a shiver down to his spine.

 _Wait, what?_

"Who the—"

Alec whipped around, alarmed, and almost fainted when he saw Magnus. _Magnus_ , of all people, standing very, _very_ close to him, sour, warm breath hitting his face repeatedly. Alec's heart lurched, half in relief, half in nerves.

He suddenly threw his arms around Magnus, mostly using it as an excuse to put his weight on something.

"Magnus! Where the hell were you? I searched the entire place, like fucking twice, and then you just appear out of nowhere—" And then Alec was rudely interrupted when Magnus suddenly attached his lips to Alec's throat, sucking hard on his pulse point. Alec squeaked, clutching harder on the mesh shirt around his back, then gasped, eyelids fluttering as Magnus continued. The room suddenly grew ten times hotter, and now he was pretty sure it wasn't because of the temperature. Magnus's hair was tickling his chin and face.

"Magnus—"

"Alec." Magnus's voice was throaty and sexy, confident, and he could actually feel his lips moving against the skin on his neck as Magnus talked. He looked around frantically, to see if anyone was watching, but no one seemed to pay attention or care. Alec was getting pressed harder against the counter as Magnus continued the series of hickeys across his neck. He could feel Magnus's whole body pressed and connected to his, sending sparks of bliss throughout his body. He never thought something could feel this good, a few _kisses_ could turn him on more then any of his last boyfriends. Though, to be fair, he was technically still a virgin. It didn't matter. Magnus was beyond ecstasy.

Alec was incoherent, weakly trying to get out words or pull himself away or…Do _anything_. It had happened so fast. He was too drunk to stop Magnus, and he knew it. He was more overwhelmed then he'd ever remembered himself being, a million questions flying through his mind at a million miles per minute. But every time Magnus licked over his skin, they were all popped out like they weren't even there to begin with.

It was unfair that Alec couldn't know what was going on.

" _Nngh_ ," Alec whined, gasping a little. "What are you… _Ohh_ —"

Magnus pulled away, finally, at that small, weak noise. Alec was half disappointed, half glad because if Magnus would've continued, his legs probably would've gave out. Magnus's eyes were shining in the dark room, and his mouth was wet with spit. Alec was breathing heavy, staring at Magnus in shock. He was clutching the back of Magnus's shirt, trembling slightly. His neck was tingling, and his brain was working harder than it did in class to try and form a rational explanation for what the fuck just happened. His face was flushed, hot and scarlet.

…He wasn't about to complain though.

Magnus looked unfazed. He just eyed Alec slowly, dragging his eyes over his face, down to the collar of his shirt which was probably just beyond a litany of bruises, over his chest and where they finally rested just below the hem of his shirt, where Alec was certain there must've been a pretty noticeable bulge by that point. However, the way Magnus was looking at him was definitely not helping. He threw his head back, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes and trying to control his breathing.

His brain had given up on trying to figure out logic in the whole situation, and his stupid, teenage hormones were taking over instead. He felt dizzy, wasted. Well, to be fair, he _was_ wasted, but Magnus just made him feel…So much more.

"Care to dance, Alexander?" Magnus purred, backing away and offering a hand. Alec blinked, mouth hanging open like an idiot, before convincing himself he'd be a fool not to take it.

"Magnus, what—" he breathed, but Magnus wasn't listening.

As Magnus led him through the dancefloor, Alec buzzed with excitement. He felt high on adrenaline, blood boiling in his veins. He didn't want to think about what was happening, just for once in his life, he wanted to let himself _feel_.

To be...Selfish?

But no. No, Alec couldn't be selfish. He was a Lightwood. He wasn't supposed, wasn't _allowed_ to _feel_ —

A sinful song started beating through the club, draining out Alec's moan (thankfully) as Magnus pulled him to his body again. They fit in each other's arms instantly, startling Alec, oddly. Magnus's face was dark and barely seeable in the dim club, but he could still see the dilated eyes, the parted, smirking lips, and— _oh_ , the _very_ interested bulge pushing up against his leg.

" _Fuck_ , Mag—Magnus, _oh_ , oh—"

Magnus leaned forward and connected their lips, causing Alec to let out what he would adamantly _swear_ was not a squeal. Magnus's lips are hot and wet and messy against his, and it felt _stunning_.

Alec's brain was still working up a rational explination of all this.

Because there had to be. There—

Magnus's hands slid around the small of his back, where they held him tight and steady and he rocked once, slow but _so good_. Yeah...All rational thoughts of any kind were evaporated by that point. Alec whined against his mouth, biting his lower lip.

Magnus grinned, breaking them apart in a way that they were now just breathing in each other's mouths. He rocked his hips forward again and made Alec's eyes roll to the back of his head. "You are _so_ riled up, darling."

Alec stared at him in confusion for a few seconds, because really, what right did he have to talk to Alec like they were dating? But once again, it was stolen from his mind when Magnus changed the angle and started jerking his hips forward in steady rocks. Alec was gasping and moaning now, burning face finding no relief. He hid his face in Magnus's neck, his soft, warm neck as his body jerked and shuddered erratically with the movements, as if on it's own accord.

There was multiple other people surrounding them, bumping up against their writhing bodies awkwardly. But Alec couldn't even get himself to care about that.

Damn. Look at him. Not even caring about other people.

 _This is insane._

But Alec couldn't get himself to stop.

"I—oh, a— _ahh_ —oh god, Magnus—" Magnus chuckled again, hands moving from his back to grip his ass firmly and causing Alec to jump. "Y—You're not exactly helping," he managed to whisper, a reply to Magnus's earlier comment.

"Oh, but I _approve_." Magnus accented his words with a hard, direct _thrust_ of his hips. Alec was finding it hard to breath. No, breathing wasn't even an option. He was finding it hard to even _catch a damn breath_.

If only Magnus had any idea _why_ Alec was so riled up. This was like a fucking wet dream come true.

 _Exactly. He doesn't even know why…What am I doing?_

But Alec didn't want to stop now. He couldn't stop. Alec threw his head back, choking on a gasp as he felt his core tightening. _Damn_ , not even fully undressed and Magnus had him coming hands-free.

Completely unaware and careless of the people around him, Alec was starting to lose control to Magnus. There was this curious moment where Magnus went pliant in his arms, muttering out a curse as his eyes fluttered. Then his eyes went dark and he stared at Alec heavily through them, anticipation growing from them.

He reached down and put a hand between the two of them, groping Alec's erection through his pants and allowing him to rut into something solid. Alec positively _sobbed_.

"Oh _god_ , you're so hot—" Alec cried out, hands running up and down his back, eventually settling with the small prickles of hair at the back of his neck. He pulled hard on the soft hair there as he came, sweat dripping down his neck and mouth hung open wide enough to fit a tennis ball. Magnus grunted and gasped, thrusting forward so hard on the final one that Alec nearly fell over.

Alec was panting hard, eyes closed as he held his arms tight around Magnus's neck, mainly using him as support to keep standing. Magnus was in a similar state, breathing harsh as he clutched Alec's back. Alec's face was still a terrible tomato red, and his body was shaking slightly in exertion. Magnus didn't say anything either, just hugged him close. They swayed, lightly, even if it was just to crappy music. Alec knew his poor boxer briefs would have to go through a very thorough wash after, and that he would have to walk home with a sticky, uncomfortable mess in his pants and wake up the next day with a raging hangover, but he really just couldn't find it in his brain to care. His body may have seemed relaxed, but on the inside his heart was beating faster than a fucking cheetah runs.

Because, it was unbelievable that he had just had an orgasm _with_ Magnus Bane. That's right. Not because of him this time, _with._

It was just…

Completely unthinkable.

Impossibly unimaginable.

Things that only happened in the movies. Romance novels.

Yet…It had just…Happened.

But no, Alec didn't want to think about what had just happened. He'd work out the details tomorrow. He wished he could just stay in this comfortable feeling forever, and not have go through the complications. All he wanted was Magnus, goddamnit, forever.

Was that so much to ask?

* * *

 **A/N: ….**

 **That was such a disgusting chap i'm so sry for everyone reading Idk why i freaking suck sm lmao not even saying this for like 'the reviews' legit this is crap lol.**

 **ANNYWAY. I think y'all should review and tell me what ya thoughts r on this perfectly sculpted pile of rat crap. Also, it's fucking one A.M. and I forced myself to finish the whole thing. Just for u guys ;). So u best enjoy what i can give you bc this is it, chief. ALSO i finished it in UNDER TWO WEEKS. :). FUck yeah.**

 **Aight. I rlly got nothing more to say.**

 **pLz reViEw anD mAkE my dAY. :)**

 **-Emma, who's tired as fuck rn but accomplished as fuck.**


	5. Finally

**A/N: hI.**

 **How'S uR dAY?**

 **How bout u leave a review on how it is AND NOW WE TALK AB HOW BO RAP WON 4 FUCKING OSCAR AWARDS. I literally had multiple aneurysms and also bo rap stands for Bohemian Rhapsody it's literally illegal if you haven't seen it so go watch it now. :)**

 **Well. Back to Malec.**

 **SO THE FIRST EPISODE 3B UM JUST HAPPENED. If y'all don't watch the show, well go watch it—Shadowhunters, and if you do, PLZ review ur thoughts on the episode bc I might have a stroke if I can't talk ab it with someone. mY gOD. Idec if it's like been five weeks since episode's been released that your now reading this, I WANNA HEAR ALL UR THOUGHTS FAAAAM. So go review ab that now plz.**

 **ANNND review ab how much of a shitty author I am. :). ALSO ILU ALL SM FOR UR REVIEWS *GIANT VIRTUAL HUG AND COOKIES***

 **Shall we read?**

 **Actually yOU shall.**

 **(Slight angst warning) :(**

 **(But then good stuff) :)**

 **(But not that type of good stuff) :(**

 **(But that type of good stuff'll come) :)**

 **HAPPY READING !  
**

 **Disclaimer: I'm way too hyper for this. Freakin season three AHHHH**

* * *

Alec was pretty sure he'd never had a worse hangover in his life.

"Oh, _fuck_."

Whoa. His eyes stung when he tried opening them, and his mouth felt so dry it could've been glued shut. He was sweating, he noticed as he shifted around, and itchy and hot all over, like he was lying in a sandy desert.

 _Gross._

He felt too gross.

Contemplating whether he should shower or just stay in bed all day was quite a large argument with himself. Showering meant getting fresh and clean, but he had no idea how much effort it would take to physically get up and walk to the shower. But staying in bed was…Disgusting. Yeah. He couldn't stay in bed.

However, as soon as he tried to open his eyes and get up, the sun was too bright, his head was _pulsing_ , and he felt as if someone shoved a cheese grater down his throat. Just after taking a few deep breaths.

And…There something heavy and furry on his face?

"Church— _mmf_ —" The cat had curled up around his nose, purring when Alec tried to pry him off. "Goddamnit, you— _ow_!" Apparently he didn't like it, Alec thought as his cat's talons dug into his face. That was also probably the reason his eyes were so hard to open.

Once he finally threw the cat away, (gently), he was back to groaning and focusing on opening his heavy eyes, because apparently he discovered that with or without the damn cat his eyes were still glued closed. He could feel the heat from the sun through his damn open window beating on his skin, making him feverish. So, using all he learned from his gym trainer about self discipline, he forced himself up into a sitting position. Fisting at his eyes, then slowly standing, he ran to the window so he could close the damn blinds. Of course he was nearly back to his bed before he had a sudden crash of nausea and had to flit off to the bathroom. It was dark in there, window shaded by a curtain and Alec had to grope around a bit to find the cold handles of the toilet.

Of course in _the bathroom_ the blinds were closed but not his own room.

Once he did, he was on his knees immediately emptying his stomach into the water. His throat tasted like acid, which really didn't encourage the nausea. All types of gruesome liquids were dripping off his face and into the toilet. He didn't even want to _think_ about how he looked, slumped over something that people shit on like an actual idiot.

Once he was finished, he sagged completely against the cold porcelain, trying to breath heavy breathes through his mouth **.** His legs were sprawled out on the bathroom tiles lazily, his arms draped over the toilet and his head dipped inside.

And then he was terribly tired again, all energy ripped from his body. And hot. He was, again, really hot.

Why the fuck was he so hot?

And so exhausted he could just…literally fall asleep, right there draped on the toilet seat. Where other people's asses had been. People like Jace, his parents—

He lifted his head abruptly, holding back another urge to barf. "Ew."

He ran a hand through his tangled and sweaty hair, gulping hard. The taste of puke was still faintly in his mouth, his tongue still burning a little of acid and his throat still feeling like a vultures crotch. The tile was cold and uncomfortable, but he was too spent to move. He didn't want to. His arm was getting sore from holding himself up, but it still wasn't motive enough to lift his entire body.

God, he was so loathsome. At times like then, he couldn't even imagine how Magnus would ever like him. Magnus _would_ never like him. He groaned. This was sort a crisis, because who the fuck _would_ want to date him?

He'd never been the center of attention in his entire _life_. Always in a shadow, someone's shadow, when he was little, that shadow being Jace's. Jace went off in life, getting relationships here and there, while poor eighteen year old Alec _was still a goddamn virgin_. It was…Horrific. Unbelievably embarrassing. Just thinking about it made his stomach do flips like the inside of a washing machine. It made him want to just let everything go, to just _weep_.

He wished that someone for once would tell him that he mattered. That he deserved love, or that…That it was okay to cry, to let it out.

But Alec never let himself cry. He _hated_ crying. It was the most pathetic and useless thing to do for a problem. He wasn't judging people who cried. He was more judging himself for doing it. Because really, he had no reason to be crying. He was just a dramatic little shit.

Just those thoughts brought a lump in his throat, so he decided to refocus his brain.

He closed his eyes, for just a second, trying to plan out his day. He definitely had to call in sick for work, something he'd been doing _too_ much lately. And he had to find out the reason for this horrible hangover. Last night was really just a blur to him; he knew Magnus was there, he remembered the cute Texas bar…

Well. He _knew_ there was beer.

Alec groaned again, rubbing his face hard. It felt dirty and raw. He hated it. And finally, that was motivation enough to stand and face himself in front of the sink. He probably looked dreadful, and—

Ah, the mirror.

He'd covered it in all sorts of stickers, brands and homemade, even a few pictures, just to cover up the fact that he didn't want to look at himself everyday and just see an absolute failure. It had been years ago when he'd done it, when he'd rented into the apartment.

Everyone questioned it, but he always changed the subject and refused to talk about it, or would say that they're just decoration that had gotten a little out of hand. He was a horrible liar, and everyone knew it, but they still eventually had stopped asking.

Which Alec was half grateful for, half disappointed.

Because honestly, he wished someone _did_ care enough to notice something was wrong. Of course he knew his friends and family cared for him but it was never enough. He also knew that that wasn't necessarily possible because he never showed any emotion, but he could still dream. He could still dream that someone would ask why he wore long sleeves in the summer, or refused to get a haircut.

No one ever did though. And no one ever would.

He hadn't noticed he was clutching the stupid white sink, that his eyes were clenched hard, as if trying to stave off all the repugnant thoughts. He opened them slowly again, taking a couple deep breaths and staring at the dried, filthy water on the edges of the sink. He forced his breathing to even before turning on the faucet and splashing cold water on his face. It felt so refreshing, like he was shaken awake from a dream. All those thoughts flew from his head as soon as the cold water hit his face, which he was incredibly grateful for.

He groped around for the nearest towel, trying to avoid the feeling that it was damp, and scrubbed his face until it was dry and raw again. At least it was clean. His eyes were starting to burn, and he didn't know if it was because he felt the lump in his throat rising or because he'd just rubbed them hard.

Either way, he wasn't enjoying it at all.

Somewhere in his bedroom there came a sharp buzzing noise, vibrating loud against what sounded like wood. He groaned inwardly, putting his face in his hands again and planning on ignoring it before he remembered that Church hated that noise. For some reason, his cat was petty as fuck and couldn't handle his phone buzzing.

He was brutally reminded of this when suddenly Church started meowing viciously in the other room, the screech echoing through his goddamn apartment.

"I'm coming, I'm come—" His voice, he discovered, apparently wasn't ready to say sentences yet, as it felt like someone was scratching sandpaper down his throat. And on his neck, actually. He wondered for a second if he was getting sick. That would've been just _great_.

He jogged into the other room before Church could completely claw up his phone, blinking hard at the adjustment of light. His room was still too fucking bright. As he bent to grab his phone, he made a mental reminder to buy new curtains.

Izzy's name flashed on the screen.

"Hello?" he croaked.

"Alec? Damn, are you sick?"

Alec sighed, gesturing with his hand even though she couldn't see him. It was just something he did. "I—I don't know. Was there something you needed, because I think I'm about to go back to sleep, Iz."

"Oh, well, I—" She cut herself off with a hard sigh. Alec frowned, moving to sit on the bed. He sensed this might be a long one. "Do you…Do you have any idea what happened last night, Alec?"

Alec snorted. "Not really. I was fucking wasted."

And he could _hear_ her grimace. "Oh. Fuck. Well, um, you're probably not going to want to hear this, but Magnus called me this morning." Alec straightened, suddenly on high alert. "And he was freaking out, saying he'd ruined everything, everything with you, that it was all just a mistake…Or something but I couldn't really tell what he was saying _and_ he didn't even tell me what the mistake exactly was…So."

"Wait, something happened last night? With Magnus and I? A mistake?"

"That's…What I heard."

Alec racked his brain for something, any small memory, but alas, nothing. Alec scoffed. "Of course Magnus has a better drunk memory then me. All I remember was that Magnus was with me last night but…Honestly, not much more. Which sucks."

"Well, ok. What details _exactly_ can you pick out from last night?" said Izzy slowly, like she was walking him through learning something new.

Alec puffed out a breath, leaning back into a lying position on the bed with his hand propping up his head and contemplating the question. "Um, I went out to a bar. Jace forced me."

"Of course," she commented.

"And it was a really cute bar, like Texas theme, lowkey, and a cute…Oh wait! I remember now!"

Izzy sounded excited. "You remember what happened?"

Alec pursed his lips, disappointed. "Uh, I mean not really. But I remember I met a cute guy. The bartender."

Now Izzy sounded closer to angry. "Alec?" she said strictly.

Alec scoffed again. "Don't worry, I'm still…Batshit crazy over Magnus. But I remember this guy. He was really nice, and let me spew out my life story about Magnus all night. He seemed like a really good friend."

"Oiy," Izzy said, exaggerated.

"What? You should be proud I'm actually making friends outside of you and Jace."

At that Izzy broke a laugh.

"Alright well I think you should talk to Magnus because it sounds like he knows what's going on and y'all need to talk it out."

"I—Yeah, okay," Alec said,

"Yeah—look, I gotta go. Bye Alec." She hung up the phone abruptly, cutting off Alec's reply. He slowly brought his phone down and stared at it in his hands. That was the second time she'd done this. _Now_ he was going to question her ways.

But he didn't have time for that.

Instead, he started to scroll for Magnus's number, trying to ignore the urge to get nervous. It was a habit, really. There was nothing to be nervous about. Whatever happened couldn't have been that bad, he tried telling himself. They'd gone through thick and thin, and done it together, and Magnus tended to be overdramatic about these types of things. Alec was _sure_ they could get over it.

Right?

Magnus's cell went to voicemail. The obnoxious siri voice was replaying again and again in his head as he got more and more worried when Magnus continued to avoid his calls. Izzy said he'd just called her. Why wasn't he picking up? What if something was wrong?

So, feeling a little desperate, Alec went off to Magnus's apartment, without thinking. After small contemplation, he decided to walk again. He really didn't see the point of wasting his money on a cab.

The walk was short and fast. Outside was bare and cold. He planned what he was going to say, over and over again, playing Magnus's possible reactions as well. It was terrifying. Alec tried to force himself not to overthink anything as he stepped up to Magnus's doorstep, moving his thoughts to worries about school. There was always something to worry about, therefore always something to distract himself with.

Magnus answered the buzzer. "Hello?" He sounded hesitant and quiet. Usually he answered with some sort of joke, or screamed or something.

Something was wrong.

Alec cleared his throat, preparing up what he would say one last time and idly rubbing his fingers together. "It's Alec," he murmured after a minute.

There was silence, and no click to be let inside. Alec squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't know what happened last night." He blurted quickly. He hated how small and shaky his voice sounded, how almost…Guilty, though he didn't even know if he needed to feel guilty about anything yet. "I just…Izzy said we should talk about it. I mean—I don't—she didn't tell me what happened, she doesn't know, I just called her and she said it—it was bad and I don't—"

The door buzzed loudly, jolting Alec in shock. Nothing else was said by Magnus, and Alec was almost glad. Gathering up what minuscule courage he had left, he then started hastily descending up the rickety steps. As he got closer to the apartment, the familiar sandalwood drifted into the air, of course, and fresh chai tea. Alec inhaled deeply, trying to even out his stuttering breath in his chest. He wouldn't let himself sound like a fool this time.

And Alec lifted his hand to knock on the dark door, but then stopped himself. Magnus was right the other day when he'd asked why Alec had even knocked. He never knocked. Ever.

 _Just open the door. It's not weird._

An awkward creak resounded through the empty living room as the door opened. A nice memory came to him then, the two of them always joking about how Magnus's apartment was ancient. Alec was clumsy as fuck, and every time he broke something he blamed it one Magnus's old apartment. It eventually just caught on. And as Alec walked in, the flat really did look centuries old, which came as a surprise because Magnus usually did everything he could to keep the place tidy and young.

The living room was empty. Light flared from the window outside in front of him, making specks of dust dance in Alec's vision. He squinted, moving out of the way. It was…It was too quiet, no loud reality tv show in the background or raging party with obscene music filling the apartment, which felt weird. He stared ahead of him at the large windows. Magnus usually kept those blinds closed; they were the ones that led to his mini balcony which was probably too rotted to hold a human body, therefore the one that they never went on. Now they were half open, presenting the wooden porch above the ground with the glass doors open and letting in a drift. That was strange.

Strewn across his coffee table was a couple Chinese cuisine boxes, dried noodles and rice sticking to the wood. Alec grimaced at the mess, walking forward and starting to pick up the boxes and sweep up the food without thinking.

"What are you doing?" A groggy voice appeared in front of him, out of nowhere. Alec jumped, dropping one of the boxes. It was Magnus, duh, leaning against the glass door of his balcony, hip jutted out and glass of wine held lazily in one hand. He looked…Beautiful, but that was nothing new. It was funny how he could look that good and not even try. No makeup, no glitter, just simple sweats. Alec should've been concerned. "Not cleaning up, I hope." Magnus took a sip of his wine, hiding his smile.

Alec grinned sheepishly. "No I was just…" Cleaning up. "I—What are _you_ doing? I thought that balcony was too…weak for us to go on it or something." Alec gestured with his free hand, coming closer to drop the boxes in the nearest trash bin. Magnus narrowed his eyes as he did, and Alec could see a careful study of blankness behind them as he feigned sleepiness, like when he was trying to hide something. Alec frowned, telling himself again not to get nervous.

Magnus's lips turned up, in the most humorless way, moving his gaze to the ground. Anywhere that wasn't Alec, he noticed. "We've never actually tried hanging out there. Just assumed. And I thought there was no better time to try."

 _No better time to…_

 _What?_

"Anyway, it worked out perfectly. Pretty nice actually, could use some renovation but I'm sure we—well, _people_ could hang out there after—"

"Magnus." Alec stepped closer, stopping his babbling. He only did that when he was on edge, and Alec could sense his tense mood from miles away. Magnus flinched away from him a little, deciding after a second to just completely walk back onto the balcony, turning away from Alec. Alec's heart felt a small stab, but he ignored it.

The view was pretty great, Alec thought as he walked up next him. Buildings like the one they were in surrounded them, reaching up into the cloudless sky. Alec stared at them instead of Magnus, as he was sure Magnus was avoiding his look as well.

They stayed like that for awhile. Both just leaning against the wooden railing and staring out into the cloudless sky. Alec was really just trying to prepare what he was going to say…Or how he was going to say it.

All he knew was that it was time. He'd put it off long enough.

"I don't remember what happened last night," Alec parroted, starting to play with his fingers again. This would be fine, right? "But…I hope we can just…Forget about it? Move on?"

Magnus downed the rest of his wine glass in two loud gulps, moving to face Alec as he leaned against the railing. Alec looked at him as well, the nerves clawing back.

Magnus deadpanned him.

"No? Too hard to recover?" Alec pondered, grimacing.

Magnus just kept staring, eyes narrowed. Alec nodded, looking down and wishing _he_ had a glass of wine to gulp down. Or that the balcony would collapse and he would just be swallowed into a black hole.

"I…" Magnus's voice was throaty, still dead quiet. "I think it's best if we just…Don't talk about what happened."

Alec frowned, eyebrows pulling together. He looked back at Magnus, who just turned away, almost guiltily. "No, I—if it's that bad, I don't think that's a good plan," said Alec firmly.

And Magnus looked back up with startling vigor. "So what do you suggest we do Alec? Talk about our feelings?" Magnus mocked, voice shaking and straining on the edge of either yelling or crying. Alec stepped back in surprise and hurt. "Talking isn't going to take back what happened, it isn't going to change _anything_ that's happened, _nothing will!_ " His lip was trembling, and he was now full on yelling, the wine glass shaking from his tight fist. Alec swallowed hard, trying to get past the lump in his throat. This was starting to get worse then he'd thought.

Magnus looked like he was going to say something else, but then restrained himself with a long, loud sigh, blinking rapidly. His mouth was pressed closed in a grimace. "I don't want to talk about it. And trust me Alec, you don't either." His voice had returned to it's normal volume, which was a good sign, but it still had an edge. Magnus started to turn away, to go back inside, but Alec put a hand on his arm and caught him before he could.

"Magnus, yes I do. That's literally the whole reason I came here." He felt…Alec didn't know how he felt. Scared, anticipated, nervous. All of the above. But he knew that he wasn't going to leave until he'd gotten the answer he was waiting for. Or at least gotten somewhere.

"Alec let go of me." Magnus's voice was soft, but serious, and Alec felt his heart do a somersault in his chest as he let go. Ok, maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he should leave.

But he'd gathered every last smither of courage he had had left, and he wouldn't let himself give into fear. Not yet.

So he took a deep breath, and turned and followed him inside. The air wasn't cold, but the wind was cool enough that Alec was shivering slightly. He didn't care.

"So what now? We just…Forget about whatever happened?" Alec couldn't help the bitter tone creep into his voice. Because…Because he didn't want to lose _this_ friendship. Alec screwed his eyes shut, preparing confessions that he'd barely admitted to himself. He knew that they had to come out eventually. "You know, after everything, no matter who left in my life, I always relied that you…I guess you would be the one that would stick. I…I'd have never thought a year ago that we would have to be going through so…So much." Alec spoke slowly then, in a low tone. He was staring at the ground, eyebrows pulled together in embarrassment at his words replaying in his head, but he'd started now, and he needed to finish. He needed to tell someone. And it if there was anyone who he could trust, always, it was Magnus.

Magnus had paused in the middle of pouring another glass of liquor for himself, heart splintering painfully in his chest. He desperately hoped Alec wouldn't bring up…What he hoped he wouldn't. He wasn't sure if he could keep himself together if Alec kept talking.

"And when I was twelve…And I… _Cut_ for the first time…" Alec's voice shook violently, and Magnus's fingers started shaking against the cold glass. He inhaled raggedly, tightening his grip and setting down both glasses to turn and face Alec. He was slouched in a pose of defense, shoulders pulled in towards his face fearfully. Magnus opened his mouth, trying to think of something comforting to say, _anything_ , but nothing that came to his mind seemed to…Fit. It was always like this when Alec talked about his cuts, which was thankfully, rarely.

"Alec…" Magnus whispered, anxious that his voice would crack if it was any louder. His heart was so contracted in his chest that he was worried it would combust.

"I went to you first. Not Izzy, not Jace, obviously not my parents…I just ran and ran until I was there, with you. I remember that night, clear as day." Alec scoffed a little, then sniffed. He finally looked up, and his _gorgeous_ bright, baby blue eyes were wet, making Magnus's heart break a little. "Do you?" He asked.

Magnus nodded, slowly. All anger and other thoughts were starting to melt. Stupid Alec having stupid effects on his stupid heart.

Alec looked back down again, quickly, but Magnus didn't miss the tear that fell from his cheek. He wiped at it wildly, and Magnus choked on a breath. He remembered the night just as clearly. It had been the night Alec had come out to his parents. "I mean, how could _I_ forget it?" Alec took a deep, shuttering, breath, shaking his head. "But…I don't—I don't want to talk about that anymore. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid—" Magnus protested weakly, but was shut down quickly.

"My point is, you can trust me with anything. We've always had the most trust in each other. And I think I deserve to know what happened."

Magnus cringed, stiffening. Alec was staring again, and noticed the sudden change. He then spoke quick. "I don't need every detail, just…I mean, what's so bad about it that it makes you like this?" He gestured to Magnus's change in posture.

Now it was Magnus's turn to look down, shamefully. "It was my fault. I…I dragged you into this dumb club, got totally wasted in the bathroom, and…And then did something really stupid. Because, as I said, I was wasted. I didn't…" Oh god. Magnus wasn't sure he could actually say what he was about to. It was madly frightening, ridiculously heart shattering, but he almost felt as if he owed it to Alec. Alec had shared a lot, and he was right, he deserved to know _something_. "I didn't want to face my feelings. What I…What I felt." Magnus said it all in breaths, staring hard at the floor and focusing on keeping his cheeks dry. Damn, this was not how he'd thought his night would end up.

It would probably end in disaster.

Magnus breathed a laugh, completely humorless. "God, this is so stupid." He dragged a hand across his warm forehead. When had it gotten so hot?

Alec was quiet for too long. Magnus still refused to look at him. When he spoke again, Magnus heard him much closer.

"Why don't you just…Tell me how you feel?" said Alec in nearly a whisper.

Was that…Hope?

Jesus. Didn't Alec know that Magnus was just one person? One weak, frail old man. How could he even imagine that Magnus's heart could take all this?

Magnus drastically pushed the thought of Alec hoping out before it could stay too long and leave and imprint. It couldn't have been hope. He took a loud mouthful of air before lifting his head and meeting Alec's wide eyed gaze. He studied his face swiftly, taking in the fear and longing in his eyes, the slight grind of teeth and lips red from being bitten. He blinked nimbly.

"I…I don't—I don't know…" The last word was barely audible with shame.

Because Magnus knew very well.

"Well…" Alec's eyes were calculating now, like he was trying to find the right way to say something. It was annoying adorable. "I've known for a while now how I feel."

No.

This _could not_ be happening.

Magnus wouldn't believe it.

Because now…Now Magnus was _sure_ he saw something else in his eyes. He was sure he saw that hope. No matter how much he didn't want to believe it.

Because that stupid hope was starting to ignite a dangerous hope of his own, setting his heart on fire.

"But…I've been holding off telling you for so long and it's…Stupid." They both laughed, a little breathlessly, as he echoed what they'd been saying all night. Alec was very close now, and Magnus wasn't unsure now, he was, and always would be, in disbelief about what was about to happen. But he was sure now. Anyone could sense what was about to happen, like the end of a predictable romance story.

It was still scary as fuck though.

"But it's been too long now, and I promised myself…That night…That I wouldn't keep secrets from you anymore. It was, however, the first night I realized how I felt." Alec met his eyes. "About you. So my promise had a hole in it." He cocked his head slightly. Magnus couldn't breath.

Alec's eyes were no longer wet, but brighter then Magnus had ever seen them. His lips were holding back a smile, probably because by this point, he knew too.

"And I never told you, because I never really knew for sure that…" This was it. They had reached the line both of them had been avoiding crossing helplessly for years. Magnus prayed that he would have enough courage to cross it eventually, but who knew that Alec, sweet, shy little Alec would be the one to cross it.

Alec's eyes flickered down for a second, and in that second Magnus felt so much panic if he'd stayed down for another second Magnus would've fainted. But then he lifted them again and met his gaze squarely, rudely taking away Magnus's breath in an instant. "I never really knew for sure that you felt the same." Getting his breath back was an impossibility, but no longer important. "But, even through all the denial, after the events from the past few days, I kind of…Suspected something," Alec breathed, lips quirking up into a sweet, _oh so sweet_ , crooked smile as he looked at Magnus. Was Magnus being that obviously smitten?

 _Yeah, probably._

"I mean, I decided that I…" His voice broke off into a deep breath. "That I should try something for myself for once. Plus, Izzy wouldn't stop giving me shit for it, so of course that's another reason." Magnus was near tears, and he was surprised he could utter a laugh.

But he couldn't help it anymore, he couldn't help anything anymore, because this was so unreal…Because—

"I love you, Magnus." Alec whispered, eyes bright and searching and nervous. And yet, though he knew it was coming, his mouth still fell open in awe, a shocked gasp escaping him as a hand flew to his mouth. The years of loneliness, longing, rejection. And all along, _all_ along Alec had felt the same. _God_ , the amount of partners he'd lost over Alec. And wow, neither of them had even tried to see if the other person had felt the same.

Even though he'd suspected it was coming, he couldn't have been more surprised then when he heard it come out of Alec's lips.

"And even if I'm wrong about everything, even if you don't even feel the same in the _slightest_ way, I know that you'll still accept me for who _I_ am, for what I feel, because you always have. And I trust you." Alec took a deep breath, looking more nervous now as Magnus still said nothing. "Which might be a huge mistake—"

Magnus shook his head furiously, tears pooling in his eyes. "Shut up," he muttered, cupping Alec's face with both his hands and pulling him in until they were just inches apart, bodies rolling together.

And right before Alec let their lips touch, a _dreadfully_ attractive look in his eyes and huge grin on his lips, he whispered, "Make me."

And Magnus did.

* * *

 **A/N: Ok y'all, NUUMBER ONE: Weston will nOT become like a partner of Alec's or whatever he's legit just gonna be a friend bc…Well bc this is my story and I want Alec to have a friend named Weston. And I love Weston.**

 **NUMBER TWO: I AM SO LITERALLY SRY THIS CHAP TOOK FIVE YEARS TO COME OUT I swear I've been trying so hard but i've just been so sosoosos oso so genuinely busy and for some reason this has just been so hard to write so im just rlly sry rip :(.**

 **NUMBER THREE: Y'all I need some advice. I wanna be a writer when I grow up, obvi, but it's not a steady profession and everyone I know is saying that I should just be my second option, an eye doctor. I know what I would have to do and shit, and it's steady money. Blike, love writing and rlly wanna be a writer…But what if I suck and start living on the streets? PLZ tell me what to do bc i've been thinking ab it all week and I can't decide fam (even tho I don't need to decide now, it's still giving me ocd that I don't know. So help). SO PLZ HELP A GIRL OUT.**

 **NUMBER FOUR:** _ **If y'all have any preferences ab any Malec scenes y'all want, drop em. Seriously. I might do em ;). And I'm talkin any scene ;). **_

**Ok sry I'm done jesus that was long.**

 **-Emma, who's dying oawjfowjengnwoek and p.s. no I did not forget REVIEW PLZ**


	6. Sunshine

**A/N: UWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUUWUWU.**

 **UWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUUWUWUW+**

 **Y ' A L L. Myyyyyyyyyyyy bbbbaaaaaaaeeeee jjjjjuuuuusssstttttt aaaassskkkeeeddd mmmmmmeee ooooouuuuuttttt bbbbbbaaaaahhhhhhh. (kinda) :0**

 **Ok sry none of y'all care um—**

 **oH yEs. REviews.** **HollieElisabeth** **ur review'S sOOsooso sweet thx for the advicee and I used to be super scared of like sharing my work too but I was just scared of someone I know finding it and on fanfic there's like obvi no one that I know personally so… Im still kinda terrified lol and i'm gonna stop now bc this isn't making any sense. :) (Basically what I'm saying is just go for it and share ur writing u won't regret it) and thx for ur other reviews y'all MWAH they're literally the sweetest I—**

 **SO ANOTHER SHADOWHUNTERS EPISODE CAME OUT. *cough* Rant *cough*. And well I ain't rlly sure what else to say bUt i LovE AlL uR rEviEwS pLz keEp iT uP tHeY'Re liTeRaLlY kEePinG mE sAnE. :).**

 **AighT fam crazy Malec ab to happen here so prepare urselves *evil face*.**

 **Also um *giggle* mature content will follow so *giggle giggle* *runs away*.**

 **Lol I'm so obnoxious.**

 **HAPPY READING !**

 **Disclaimer: Why do I still do this lol**

* * *

Alec Lightwood was in heaven.

He was in that lovely dreamlike state, just before one wakes up. It was a horribly pleasing feeling, and Alec had always been quite addicted to it. He wished that he could always wake up like that, or could just always feel like that.

Though, he couldn't give all the credit to that dreamlike state. No, he was in a _fantastic_ mood, but for a different reason entirely.

He was in an _amazing_ relationship, with the absolute most _amazing_ man alive.

Who was naked, curled up against his backside and tangled haphazardly with his own limbs. Alec slowly opened his eyes, waking himself completely. That dreamy state was the best, but good things never lasted. However, lucky for Alec, it was a rare case where it was just one good case right after another. He was facing away from any windows (not being woken from the blinding sun for the first time in days felt nice), nearly on the edge of the silky, crimson bed. Magnus's arm was wrapped over his torso, hugging his chest with his hand right under his chin, almost protectively. He was being spooned.

Alec almost, _almost_ gushed. He'd never been spooned before.

And Alec…He'd never felt more loved in his life. More protected and happy. It made him have to bite his lip to keep from grinning like an idiot. It was ridiculous.

He let his eyes close again, sighing contentedly in Magnus's arms and letting his mind drift to thoughts from last night.

He wondered if he was still a virgin. They'd…Well, they'd done all sorts of stuff the other night, but Alec was pretty sure that he technically hadn't 'popped his cherry' in the way everyone was referring to now a days.

The night had passed in a pleasant blur filled with dragged out confessions and incredible passion. After Alec had admitted his feelings, it was straight to bed, for hours, and hours, and, well it had nearly been all night, Alec was sure. He squeezed his eyes shut a little harder, trying not to let his stupid sailors blush cross his face.

He opened his eyes again. Tempted suddenly to check the time, he shifted a little on his side, seeing if he could move enough to grab his phone on the night side table without Magnus waking. Behind him, Magnus shifted a little too, sighing. Alec grimaced. Risky business.

He settled back down. Magnus was a light sleeper, and Alec decided that the task wasn't urgent. Plus, the moment was too nice to ruin.

Unfortunately, Chairman Meow was the one who ended up ending the beautiful moment by scratching adamantly against the bedroom door for food. Damn petty cat.

Soon, the door managed to open with his power and he trotted in the room, chin high. Alec glared at him, trying to shoo him with looks. The car ignored him, going up to the edge of the bed.

"Chairman," he whispered quietly. "Chairman shoo. Oh, go away, you—"

And Magnus shifted again, this time fully untangling himself from Alec and stretching onto the other side of the bed with a soft, long sigh. Chairman Meow, the smug bastard, leaped up to the bed to scratch at the covers by Magnus's feet. Alec turned around as well, sending a groggy Magnus a guilty look.

Magnus was blinking his eyes open, squinting. His hair was thrown in a mess, like a strong gust of wind had just rattled it. Alec's eyes, however, were glued to his chest, trailing down to where the covers were lightly lifting and showing more skin the more Magnus stretched his arms.

Alec blinked, almost as if to assure himself that what he was seeing was real.

His heart swelled uncontrollably. He never thought he'd be able to actually _ogle_ at Magnus's _body_ …Feeling the way he was. His eyes followed the shallow lines of his abs, the curve of his rib cage, all set perfectly on his olive-tan skin tone, like it all fit, matched. He would've never thought that he would _ever_ get to look at Magnus's body, yet alone look at it and not feel incredible guilt, but happiness and content instead.

It was so surprising that he was actually allowed to feel like…To feel happy for once. To feel comfortable in his own skin around one of the most important people in his life.

Alec hadn't noticed that Magnus was completely awake and running his fingers up and down Alec's arm with one hand, the other one propping up his head as he lazily smirked down at him.

Alec felt his face burn scarlet as he realized he'd been caught staring, so he buried it into Magnus's shoulder. He felt Magnus shake a little, a silent laugh. Now his fingers were exploring more territory, going up to his neck and tickling the hairs around his face. He started kissing the top of his head lightly.

"What are you thinking, babe?" Magnus whispered, trailing his hand in little shapes on his arm again, making Alec shiver.

"I—" Alec choked on his hoarse voice. He cleared it, sniffing and trying again. "I don't know. Um—nothing."

Alec felt Magnus's smile against his head. "Aww, voice a little scratched?" He released a deep sigh, body tensing slightly. Alec glanced up. "I can think of a few reasons why," and his left eye fell in a wink.

Alec scowled, burying his blooming face back into Magnus's skin again.

Magnus finally let out a full laugh, doing his cute little hiccup as he did. Alec grinned against his shoulder.

"Ahh, what a night," Magnus breathed out, like he was in awe. Which Alec thought was ridiculous—it should really be the other way around, Alec was pretty sure he'd never had a more overwhelming night in his life. He felt Magnus's head lean back on the ridiculously extensive pillows. Honestly, they were covering half their bed space. Chairman Meow, Alec suddenly realized, had given up the scratching and decided to cuddle up and sleep at their feet. Guess he came in tune with the peace. Alec didn't blame him. Magnus hummed a little. "How many times d'ya think we did it?"

Alec groaned, shoulders curling inward defensively. They'd…Done many things the other night but, as he thought before, he was still _technically_ a virgin. He was pretty sure.

"Magnus!"

"What?" He asked innocently.

Alec let out an angry exhale, eyes squeezed shut. "Your so—"

"Fabulous? Amazing?"

"Vulgar, obscene, shameless." Alec's face by that point was so red it almost _hurt_. Magnus chuckled, starting to run his fingers lightly through his hair, forcing the tangles apart lightly.

"Well, I at least have to thank you for the most incredible night in my life," he said with a deep breath, his chest rising and lifting Alec's head a little.

"Oh please," said Alec disbelievingly. "You said the best night of your life was when you broke into that theme park with Cat and Ragnor and got drunk. Aside from the part where you almost got arrested."

Magnus laughed, a light and happy noise. "Well, that was so far, darling." Alec couldn't hold back a small smile, making sure Magnus didn't feel him smiling against his skin. Because this was all Alec had ever asked for, but more. He didn't think he could come up with words about the feeling. Magnus was already treating him like a freaking king, and they'd just barely had sex. He was _positive_ that he didn't even _compare_ to any of Magnus's other sexual partners. Positive. So Magnus had to have been over exaggerating. Right?

"I'm serious, darling," Magnus whispered, his mouth running against his scalp as he read Alec's thoughts. Alec's smile widened, and he couldn't control it even if he tried. "Quantity does not mean quality."

Alec made a little surprised noise, pathetically close to a squeak. "That's not true," he said quietly, lips twitching.

Magnus scoffed. "Oh, I wish there was a way I could tell you."

Alec shifted, scooching further up the bed to level his eyes with Magnus's and tucking his elbow underneath him for balance. Magnus bore his gaze right at Alec, a serious look written in his eyes, like he was trying to tell Alec a deep secret.

"What do you mean?" Alec asked.

Magnus sighed through his nose, shaking his head and looking away. He looked frustrated, and Alec was baffled. "A way to tell you how beautiful and talented and smart you are."

Alec turned his face away, mostly so Magnus didn't have to see his startling flush, because now that he was shirtless, Magnus would be able to see it _all_. The redness flow all the way down his chest. He fell back on the bed again, against Magnus's shoulder to shield himself. All the while, his heart was palpitating erratically, and his brain actually couldn't believe what he was hearing. It felt like such a cheesy moment, and he was surprised that this stuff literally happened in real life. _Especially_ towards him. He could cry.

"Magnus…" He didn't want to deny the bizarre new feeling. But…He wasn't ready to give into it yet. It was just too much.

"Maybe I can show you," Magnus whispered, except this time there was a certain allurement woven in. Alec gasped unexpectedly, looking at Magnus in shock as he moved himself above Alec to capture his lips in a wild kiss. Alec could feel all his emotions through it, which was beyond astonishing.

"Mmph—" He tried breaking his lips free, just for a second, but Magnus wouldn't relent. He tried again. "Mag—wait—"

After one last thorough swipe of his tongue across Alec's lips, he finally pulled away, but only to attack Alec's throat. It tickled insanely at first, and Alec had to press his lips together _hard_ to stop himself from giggling. Man, how that would've ruined the moment.

"Magnus— _ah_ —I'm not sure it's literally _healthy_ if we— _fuck_ —do this again— _mmph_ —!"

Magnus had a hot look of desire clouding his eyes the next time he leaned back over to cover his lips over Alec's again, this time barely holding himself back. His arms were braced on the bed at Alec's sides, and he took the opportunity to distract himself by running his hands along Magnus's stunning biceps. Distract himself from the fact that Magnus was probably _inhaling_ his horrible morning breath.

He really didn't seem to mind though, Alec thought as Magnus traced his tongue along the roof of his mouth and let out a low groan. It felt so…Weird. To have someone's else tongue in his mouth, poking inside like a warm gummy candy, or something. But weirdly good. Alec was pretty sure he could easily get used to Magnus's tongue in his mouth.

Suddenly, Magnus moved back down to his neck, trailing wet open-mouthed kisses all the way down to his sternum, sometimes using his teeth and probably leaving a mark.

Wow.

The thought of being marked by Magnus…For everyone to know and see…

Alec let out a high-pitched moan, his hands moving to the back of Magnus's neck and pressing harder into his skin. Encouraging him.

"Yes— _ahh_ —fuck—" he breathed, eyes boring into the ceiling and trying to calm his body before it would be too much and he'd finish in the sheets _embarrassingly_ fast. It was getting close, he thought as Magnus rutted down against him making him feel _every inch_. It was terrible. He knew it. Magnus was going to kill him.

Subconsciously, he knew where the downward kisses were leading to. It was nothing really, just a morning blowjob, there was really nothing to get so worked up over. Especially considering that there was barely any semen probably left from the other night.

Alec groaned, squeezing his eyes closed.

Thinking about the other night was not a good idea in this kind of situation.

It had been slower, calmer, more foreplay, really. Really sweet, too, their first time being together officially, it had felt like a sacred moment. Well, many sacred moments.

And now, in Alec's first 'morning after', things were so rushed and hot and fierce it was overwhelming. This was usually what happened at the end. The desperation in both of them, the incomparable energy. It made Alec's head spin. It shouldn't have been this good, especially so quickly.

Yet Alec's dick was clearly planning on going places that belated morning, and there was nothing that could stop it.

Once Magnus had reached his navel, he finally slowed down, staring up at Alec through thick lashes and licking around every space that _wasn't_ where Alec wanted him to be. Alec's hands clutched at the hair around Magnus's neck, trying not to squeeze to hard. Alec's was blinking hard down at him, trying to figure out what was happening.

Why had he slowed down?

Alec groaned inwardly, and this time, not a good one.

"Mag— _Magnus_ — _please_ , please please—" Alec cut himself off with a whimper when Magnus's chest brushed over his dick, the slight friction an anticipation of what was going to come and leaving Alec shaking.

" _So_ eager, Alexander," he chuckled. Then, after tracing his tongue around his belly button, he pulled his body, _everything_ , away completely. Alec whined loudly, almost humiliatingly so. His eyes were closed again, trying to ignore Magnus's loud gaze. He could feel it like sunlight on his face. And then, "what do you want, Alec?" His voice was divine, sending shivers down his spine with just the tone and it was ridiculous. Alec felt incredibly stupid at being so terribly smitten and wound up. He prayed he would make it through the experience.

"I—I, um—" Alec almost snorted. Because it was hilarious that Magnus even _thought_ Alec would be able to answer that question. "I—I don't know?"

Magnus laughed breathily. "Oh sweetie, are you sure?" His left had trailed down his stomach, feather light touches, until it reached his dick and he lightly let his fingers rest over it for a second before moving away again. "I don't know what to do if you don't tell me."

Alec wished he could scowl and _glare_ at Magnus. Because there was nothing about this man that wasn't completely _evil_.

"You cruel bastard," Alec whispered, opening his eyes just enough to shoot daggers at Magnus, to which Magnus just echoed another laugh. And then waited. Alec sighed dramatically.

"Kiss me?" He tried murmuring, maybe sound sexy? But no. It was closer to a desperate moron.

"Oh baby, what part of you?"

Alec threw his head back, forcing back a yell in the back of his throat. "Magnus—don't make me say it—"

"Say what?" Magnus was sporting a _devilish_ smirk.

"Oh _god_ —"

"It seems like it's on the tip of your tongue—"

"Oh—" Alec grumbled, more in frustration. "I just—could you—can you— _please_ —"

"Yes?"

Alec stopped and closed his mouth. He studied Magnus curiously, for a second. The only way to win this was to act confident through it. Alec could _totally_ do that.

He forced his eyes wide, then relaxed them to half mast, boring them deep into Magnus's. He swore he could've seen a flash of surprise when he (attempted) a smirk.

"Suck me?"

And the reaction, as Alec expected, was priceless. Magnus's mouth dropped open in a perfect 'o', his eyes going wide, and dilating visibly. Alec swallowed a laugh, controlling his facial features to let the moment last just a little longer. He was, however, still faintly embarrassed. But he knew he would get over it just because of the look on Magnus's face.

After a few seconds over getting over the initial shock, Magnus regained himself again, his mouth morphing into a smirk. Alec couldn't tear his eyes away, and then couldn't help bringing up his hand and swiping his thumb across Magnus's kiss-swollen lips.

"Oh darling," said Magnus with a sugar sweet voice that was melting Alec's heart. He rose one of his own hands to stroke the side of Alec's face gently. "It would by my _absolute pleasure_." And this time Magnus's voice was rough and deep, switching his heart from melting to going into overdrive. It was all quite staggering, and Alec still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Magnus was actually saying those words to him.

"Wow," Alec said aloud, before he realized he was saying it. He immediately blushed, foolishly, and wished he'd never opened his mouth when Magnus paused for a second to look at him.

"What is it?" He asked. Alec swallowed.

"Nothing. It's—I—nothing." Alec slowly slide his hands from Magnus's hair down to his back, stroking softly and trying to distract him. Magnus was running his hands up and down his sides, nearly tickling him, and shooting him a worried look. To which he dismissed. He didn't want to embarrass himself anymore, and _for the love of god_ , he just wanted to get on with it.

Now Magnus stopped completely, moving up on the bed to get a better look of his face. He was giving Alec the 'I'm not going to continue unless you tell me' look. Alec groaned, covering his red face with his hands. "It's _nothing_ , god, please—"

"Alec, c'mon." Magnus stroked the hair out his face. "Now you have me curious. You're so cute when you're embarrassed."

Alec peeked through his hands. Second time of the morning Magnus was being evil, Alec mentally noted. He would get his revenge.

He sighed.

But not at the moment. He would have to deal with it first.

"Noth—I was just, thinking about how…I don't know, surprised? I am I guess because we're actually…I mean we're finally…" Alec awkwardly motioned between the two of them with his finger, the other one still rubbing his burning face in the best way of hiding himself.

Magnus was smiling wide, desire gone from his eyes for a second. Alec narrowed his eyes.

"I know," he whispered. "I've been waiting just as long." He took a shuddering deep breath, stroking Alec's cheek again with feather soft fingertips. Alec's lips quirked up softly, twitching to keep himself from squealing or something ridiculous.

 _God_ , Alec was a _goner_.

"Yeah…"

And then, just as quickly as it had ended, Magnus was back on it again, kissing and nipping more quickly down his chest and stomach. Alec moaned in ecstatic relief, moving his hands back to clutching Magnus's dark locks tightly. But not too tightly.

"Fuck— _fuck_ yes, yeah yeah—" Alec was babbling as Magnus finally gave his dick some attention, licking from the base to the tip and leaving no more room for foreplay. Alec was very grateful.

Magnus's hands were stroking his thighs lightly, lifting them over his shoulders to get a better angle. Well. Alec wasn't sure how Magnus even thought he would be able to handle seeing them in _that_ position.

"Ohmygod—Magnus, _please_ —" Alec choked when Magnus leaned down and took him all in one. Wow. No gag reflex.

Just better for Alec.

Magnus was starting to moan louder then Alec, moving up and down in slow bobs. Which was absurd.

However, even though him moaning was usually always the best thing, in this situation, it was starting to really be an issue for Alec. The issue being it had only been about ninety seconds and Alec was already trying to stop himself from combusting.

He whined desperately and shamelessly, beyond embarrassment by that point.

" _Magnus_ —"

Magnus let out the loudest moan yet, nearly startling him. Alec forced himself to look down and see Magnus's face, and was definitely surprised when he did. It was contorted in _pure_ bliss as he sucked his dick with vigorous enthusiasm, eyelashes fluttering closed.

So…How was he enjoying this even more than Alec?

Alec…Was sort of tempted to ask, but got distracted by Magnus's tongue every time.

He did, though, manage to get out the first part of his question, "Magnus—"

And then it happened again, the loudest moan, the eager bob, his hands clutching Alec's thighs tighter. Alec gasped.

It was hearing his name.

And suddenly, Alec knew how to make sure he wasn't feeling like he was the center of attention. He would give Magnus something too.

"Magnus, _oh_ , yes, _Magnus Magnus_ —" He choked off as Magnus switched the pace to going mind-numbingly quick. Alec's eyes rolled to the back of his head, his mouth falling open.

"Oh god, _oh fuck_ , oh Magnus— _Magnus fuck_!" Alec managed to stammer out Magnus's name again before coming suddenly down his throat, choking on his babbles as he cried out. His hands were fists in Magnus's hair, and struggling to stay in place with how fast Magnus was moving. Alec's legs were writhing, nearly kicking as Magnus attempted to still them with strong grips.

Finally, he finished, his entire body going from all tense to completely relaxed in less than five seconds. Alec's let his eyes fall closed, panting out small wounded noises as the aftershocks made him twitch every few seconds. He kept his hands in Magnus's hair, but they were loose now.

Magnus was resting his hot cheek against Alec's thigh, taking a break for a second. He was in the same shape as Alec, panting and moaning out exhales…Why?

Alec looked down, and saw Magnus completely relaxed too. He tugged on his hair a little, pulling him up and letting him collapse next to Alec. Alec glanced down and...

 _Oh_.

So…He'd gotten off…Just from making Alec come like that?

Alec groaned quietly.

Even though he'd _just_ finished, he felt like he could've continued throughout the afternoon.

After a few minutes of trying to get themselves together, Magnus grabbed the sheet and pulled it over their exposed bodies. Alec turned on his side, facing Magnus with a shy smile as he cuddled up in the blanket.

Magnus sent him a side glance, but didn't completely move. He seemed too exhausted, still. Which made Alec feel a twinge of guilt; all he'd done was lay there completely useless while Magnus did all the effort, and Alec couldn't even pleasure him afterwards. Though, now that he thought of it, the fact that it probably wasn't necessary wasn't an all bad thing.

"How are you feeling darling?" Magnus spoke softly, still staring awestruck at the ceiling. Alec turned a little red.

"Well, how are _you_ feeling? I mean you just—I didn't—I mean afterwards—"

"That was hot," he drawled. "I didn't even need your help. Well, actually, blowing you was enough."

Alec sputtered, smacking his arm. "My god, Magnus."

His face split into a triumphant grin when he cocked his head and saw Alec's burning blush. He lifted a hand, brushing the back of it against Alec's hot cheek, which really wasn't helping the situation.

"Oh sweetie, there's no need to blush," Magnus cooed, stroking his skin gently.

Alec rolled his eyes. "It's not like I can control—"

"Especially after what we were just doing a couple minutes ago."

Alec rolled his eyes again, moving to get out of the bed.

"No, wait," Magnus laughed, grabbing his arm and pulling him back. "I'm sorry." He sounded nowhere near sorry. Alec's mouth was quirking on the edge of a smile, however.

But then he frowned, leaning over Magnus to grab his phone on the bedside table.

"Aww, why'd you have to go and ruin the mood with technology?"

The screen was bright and unwelcoming, and Alec sighed unhappily knowing that it was time to tear himself from the fantasy and start the day. Looking at the time, he hoisted himself up from the bed with a deep breath, leaning over to grab his boxers from the floor. Magnus pouted and whined behind him, flailing his arms out to try and pull him back to bed.

"Sorry, but I've already skipped a class today. It's twelve."

Magnus put his face in his hands and fake cried, trying to cover himself completely with the covers. Alec chuckled, tugging on his trousers. He tried not to think about how they were left on the floor like that from the day before.

Oh who was he kidding. There was no way he would be able to _stop_ thinking about the entire situation throughout his day.

He really should just call in sick for work, because he needed a solid hour or so to just lay down and coo about Magnus.

How they'd finally admitted their feelings. Celebrated with a kiss, and…More stuff. Good stuff. The first good stuff Alec had ever experienced in his life. And it was all with Magnus. His best friend and now…His…

"What is it?"

Alec had stopped what he was doing and was just standing in the middle of the room, a question probably evident on his features. Magnus had propped both hands behind his neck and was staring lazily at Alec across the room. His gorgeous tan skin was spread out wide on the bed, broad chest and long stomach stopping only at the dark crimson silk sheet crinkled and covering his lower body. Alec opened his mouth, trying to remember what he was going to say as he blushed absurdly. Magnus smirked, stretching out a little more on purpose for Alec.

Shaking his head and looking back to the floor, Alec regained his thoughts. "I—I was just—wondering, I guess, um…We didn't really talk about this last night—because—of other things—" He was blushing more.

Magnus took this in with a wide grin, nodding his head and making a happy humming noise.

"Well…You don't have to answer this right now—I guess—but, I mean, are you my boyfriend? Can—can I call you that?" Alec stammered, fiddling with his t-shirt he picked up off the ground. Suddenly, he felt too exposed, and wrestled the shirt over his head quickly.

Magnus's smile had changed to a softer, more thoughtful one. One just for Alec.

"Yes. I think I would like the sound of that."

Alec returned the smile, a tinier, shyer one, but still enough for Magnus. "Okay. Okay that's—good." The smile widened.

For a few precious seconds, there was this sweet moment just in their own little bubble. Just staring at each other. Not even the slightest bit awkward, just so heart achingly sweet. God, how would Alec even be _able_ to leave this man? His freaking _boyfriend_. He already missed him, and they were literally in the same room.

Alec sighed, breaking the bubble when he spoke. "I really should…Get to class." He pointed to the door with his thumb, still not moving. None of them had noticed, but Chairman Meow had made his choice to leave the bedroom when the…The good stuff started happening. A good choice.

He was now, however, back in the room and starting to bug Magnus about food again with his troublesome claws.

Magnus's smile disappeared, and Alec immediately wished he could get it back, then take a picture of it to save it forever. He made a mental note in his head to do that one day. Magnus's smile was almost as irresistible as…His other body parts. Alec shook himself out of thinking about _that_ before it was too late.

 _God, control yourself Lightwood._

"And I should probably feed this pesky beast," Magnus cooed, his face pinched as he started scratching the Chairmen's ears. "Ah, well. He always convinces me with his charm." Magnus blew his cat a kiss before he himself stood and went to get dressed. Alec sputtered as his whole body was suddenly on display, and suddenly looked away before he could think.

Magnus noticed the sudden discomfort, and slithered closer to him until he was just a few inches away, sliding his hands gently around Alec's waist. Alec's jaw dropped as he tried to say…Words.

"Aww, what is it sweetie? You've seen all of _this_ ," Magnus gestured obscenely with his body, "before. Saw it this morning, even."

Alec couldn't stop staring. Yeah, there was no way he would get to any classes today. "I—you—but—"

Magnus leaned in closer, pressing his lower body to Alec's, skin against pants. Alec choked on the rest of his sentence. If that's even what one would call that.

"What? Wanna go one last round?" Magnus's voice was sugar sweet, his lips starting to brush along his throat. Alec's eyes slipped shut at the sensation, his hands jumping up to clutch Magnus's bare shoulders.

"Mag…Magnus… _Oh_ , god, I think we're gonna _die_ if we have— _fuck_ —if we do it one more time— _ahh_ , stop, _god_ —"

Magnus was mapping his neck with his mouth now, seemingly not planning on stopping any time soon. Alec really didn't want to think about how many hickeys he had by that point.

"God forbid," Magnus whispered.

And he grabbed the front of his t-shirt and used it to drag him backwards onto the bed.

Eh. College wasn't as important as Magnus.

* * *

By the time four o'clock rolled around, Alec was officially impatient. He'd managed to make it to his last class of the day, (at least it was something), after a _fantastic_ morning/afternoon with Magnus. But English was so fucking boring. His teacher was usually later than some of his worst students, and when he did come, it was just a mess of papers and coffee and unwashed hair. Mr. Trucket disgusted Alec.

And today was no different. He'd come in late then realized with dismal that he'd left his homework assignments for the class at home. Well, Alec wasn't gonna complain about that.

He only wished the class would just be over already because he was forced to sit in the front of the class and Mr. Trucket had a strict policy about no phones, so he couldn't even sneak a glance at his texts. Just in case a special someone had texted. He wasn't hoping or anything.

All his books, which were piled perfectly on his desk, toppled to the ground when the bell rang and Alec jumped out of his skin.

"Fuck," he muttered, scooping all of the books off the ground and balancing them awkwardly in one arm while he pulled out his phone in the other.

"And remember," Mr. Trucket called out, stroking his white beard thoughtfully. Alec snorted. "Test on all this material is next Tuesday!"

Alec cursed under his breath as he hurried out of the room, throwing his ugly, brown school bag over his shoulder. One of these classes he really should pay attention.

But he quickly distracted himself with the screen. Ignoring the bustling bodies around him in the hallway, he turned on his phone and…

Alec sighed. Nothing.

Shoving his phone back in his pocket, he started wobbling out to the little park in his campus. He loved his university. It was so open and small, and just so…Alec. He finally found an open bench and dropped all his stuff on it, plopping next to it and stretching out with a fond sigh. He slipped his hands behind his neck to prop it, slipping his eyes closed, just to take a little break. Warm sun beat down on his face; it was closer to a relatively warm day, and Alec was actually enjoying it.

This was where he typically did his homework, or to relax and work on a drawing. It was profoundly peaceful. Alec felt like he could just float away from the world there. A nice place to escape his worries, and all other people.

And a good place for thinking. Thinking about what to text Magnus since he hadn't texted Alec.

Alec stared into the sky. It was strikingly blue against the swirl of upcoming winter clouds. A flock of birds flew by, forming a sloppy arrow south. It seemed like such a picture-perfect day, and all of sudden, Alec had the sudden urge to just drop everything and draw the scene. His hand twitched, and he almost went to grab the extra blank sheets of paper he had in the bottom of his ratty shoulder school bag. Which was completely pointless, if he thought about it, because it wasn't even big enough to hold a single one of his textbooks.

Before he could get distracted again, he pulled out his phone, opening Magnus's contact to text him.

…

 _How was your day, babe?_

No. He deleted it all before it could leave a mark on his dignity. He couldn't pull off saying pet names.

 _Whatchya doing?_

Alec scowled, cringing as he deleted it again. He groaned inwardly, pressing his neck into the cold metal of the bench behind him.

 _When you get off work, wanna meet somewhere? When's your shift end?_

Deleted again. He sounded too desperate.

"Hey." Alec startled, his phone jumping between his hands as he tried getting his grip back. There was a soft laugh from above him. He took in a smooth, red flannel button up and dark blue skinny jeans, paired with tall, russet cowboy boots. His face was sort of familiar, the messy, dirty brown hair and a sleek goatee. Wait…

"Alec, was it?" The man offered a crooked smile, cocking his head and pointing at him. There was a slight accent in his words, Alec was guessing closer to a southern one.

 _Oh_.

"Weston!" Alec exclaimed, sitting up and grinning up at him. He moved over on the bench, gesturing for him to sit next to him. "Gosh, I completely forgot about you!"

Weston chuckled, sitting next to him. He had good posture, Alec noticed, and a stunning jawline.

Alec couldn't help but smile to himself a little, remembering the last time he'd noticed all of Weston's good features. He'd been drowning in misery, about Magnus (who else), and trying to find a way to be attracted to Weston. Well, now there was no need. He'd actually gotten his prince charming. His fairy tale.

"Wait, do you go here?" Alec asked, pointing to the school behind him in awe.

"Oh no," said Weston. "No, my boyfriend does. I'm just visiting."

"Oh cool." Alec decided not to ask about the boyfriend.

"Yeah."

Now they sat there sort of awkwardly, Alec's hands wrenching in his lap nervously.

"Oh!" Alec exclaimed, his face lighting up as he thought of something interesting to talk about. "Magnus and I finally got together," he said with a grin.

Weston gasped theatrically, clapping his hands together in the gayest way. Alec laughed.

"What happened?" There was definitely a southern accent in his voice, Alec inferred. He might have noticed it last time he'd been with Weston, but he'd been too wasted to actually remember a specific detail like that. Weston's eyes were wide and he started chewing on the string of his flannel sweater…Thing. Alec didn't understand fashion.

"Well, it started after that night. You know, where I got super wasted at your bar and then left with him," Alec explained.

"Oh yeah! I remember that," said Weston. Then he made a face. "He was _hot_."

Alec giggled, covering his mouth with his hand. It felt so good to finally talk about all this Magnus stuff with someone who could…Relate as much. Izzy and Jace were great, but they were straight, so it just wasn't the same.

And then Alec told the whole story, from beginning to end, a _lovely_ procrastination of his piles of homework. Weston really knew how to listen, and relate, which felt really good. Alec felt like he'd connected with him on a level that Jace and Izzy just couldn't meet.

"And now we're here." Alec sighed a gestured to his phone, staring up at him from his lap, abandoned from his last attempt to text Magnus something. "I don't know what to say," he admitted.

Weston chuckled, rubbing his hands together. "Oh, I'm _great_ at this stuff. Give me your phone."

Alec smiled, hesitantly opening his phone and handing it Weston, who's face lit up.

 _Oh dear._

Weston giggled a little, typing something quickly before handing the phone back to Alec. Alec took one look at it and nearly yelled, gasping loudly.

"Oh _g_ — _Weston_!"

Weston threw his head back and cackled, clutching at his chest. "God, I'm hilarious. Alright. That's the best I can do for now—if you don't wanna use it," he shrugged one shoulder as he got up, "that's fine. Good luck! I gotta run." He grinned, a little apologetically when he saw Alec's face.

"Wa—O—Okay?" Weston was speed walking back into the school, and Alec could see his head ducked and his shoulders moving as he laughed.

Alec shook his head, turning his attention back to his phone and quickly deleting the inappropriate text. Dear _god_.

 _Alright Alec. It's not that hard_.

Alec took a deep breath, and started typing.

 _Hi. Just checking in. How's your day going?_

It was mildly cringey, but Magnus was an adult. They both were, even though it didn't feel like it sometimes. He would have to accept it.

And he hit send, immediately scooping up all his crap to head back to his apartment and get ready for his night shift at the bakery. Guess he'd just have to pull an all-nighter to finish the homework. Oh well.

* * *

It was around six when Alec had started to worry. His shift had just started at the bakery, but it was empty. Jace was busy…Somewhere, and Magnus wasn't returning his texts. The troublesome thing was, he hadn't replied all damn day. He couldn't have…No, he couldn't have changed his mind about them or anything. Alec was pretty sure the night before could attest to that.

Alec took a deep, ragged breath, grabbing a stool from under the register to rest on. It had been a long day, considerably. Just being at the bakery for an hour could make time feel infinite. Especially after his boring class, and no texts from bae.

A few more hours passed. Still barely a sliver of customers, leaving Alec with a substantially large amount of time to think. Or overthink in his case. About Magnus.

Awkwardly, he'd gathered enough courage to text him again. It was something small, but Alec had still convinced himself he'd sounded desperate. What if Magnus was just having a busy day? Or a bad one? Or what if he just lost his phone?

But Alec's mind liked to focus on the negative possibilities, like Magnus was purposely ignoring Alec for something he did wrong or he _had_ changed his mind, for whatever reason, and was trying to let Alec figure out why on his own.

But he hated being left in the dust like so. How was he supposed to know what he did wrong if he didn't even know what was going on?

"Um, excuse me? Are you okay?" A snotty voice asked from in front of him. Alec, who'd been staring aimlessly at his blank screen while slumping on the stool, jolted and got up quickly at the sight of a customer.

She was sporting an epic dramatic face of disgust, tossing her bleach blond extension over her exposed shoulder. Alec smiled, wide and fake. If he needed to, he would just do the old sneeze muffin.

"So sorry, ma'am. What can I help you with?" He asked.

"I would like three red frosted cupcakes with the words 'I love you, Jem' written on every single one of them please." She sounded like a ten year old sarcastically asking their parents for girl scout cookies. Alec cocked an eyebrow.

"Alright. However, since it's a specialty cupcake, it'll take about two to three days to make," Alec replied, noting her change in expression and getting ready to have an argument.

"Well can't you make an exception? This is very important! I need those cupcakes today!"

"There's nothing I can do about it, ma'am. We don't have any red frosted—"

She scoffed loudly, as if it was the biggest bullshit she'd ever heard, and slammed her hand on the counter. Alec rose his eyebrows lazily, unimpressed.

"Oh please! What an excuse. You're just lazy." She pointed a sharp, long red nail right at his face. He didn't flinch. "I'll get your manager down here so fast that you'll be fired in an insta—"

Alec cut her off, leaning forward to the finger and standing up a little straighter. He kept his chin high to these type of customers. "For what? Following restaurant policy?" His voice was quiet, but deadly, and he could see her posture breaking. He smirked and pulled out a sheet of paper from under the register, without breaking unblinking eye contact. He placed the paper on the counter and slid it over to her, along with a pen. "Fill out this sheet, and you can come and pick them up in two to three days," he repeated, with a firmer final tone. She rolled her eyes, throwing her hair back again but taking the sheet and filling it out quickly.

"There," she snarled, sneering at him as she sashayed out of the the bakery. Alec finally let out a breath, just glad that no managers were called. He knew he would beat her through that fight, but his boss probably wouldn't be happy to deal with that dilemma at seven on a peaceful evening.

Just as crazy bitch walked out, another customer came in after. She had a kinder, more familiar face as she approached Alec with a smile. Her outfit was pretty wild—a bright pink mesh shirt with leather pants with those frilly things on the sides and matching eyeshadow and lipstick. Her hair was up in a frizzy bun, the bright green color giving her quite the confident vibe. Alec felt the strange urge to smile back. She seemed much calmer then his last customer.

"Hi," she said before Alec could ask anything. She leaned casually against the marble counter and pointed a finger at him. "You're Alec, right?" The smile was gone from her face, and now was set more in concern and concentration.

"I—Yes? Who's asking?"

"Oh, sorry." She extended out her long arm, offering Alec a hand. "Catarina. I'm Magnus's friend."

Alec took it, grinning. "Ohh, that's where I know you from." He laughed, but it ended quickly. Something about the new expression on her face set Alec on edge.

"Anyway, what's up? Is Magnus alright?"

Alec wasn't actually _thinking_ about that, he just wanted to know why Magnus had gone awol. But now that he saw Catarina's darkening expression, the worry started to set in. "Wait—is there _actually_ something wrong with him? Is he okay?" Oh god, how was Alec so stupid? Of all the possibilities he'd thought up in his head, of course he'd never thought something would actually be wrong.

She winced. "Not exactly."

And the panic set in.

* * *

 **A/N: woOOwOOWoOw.**

 **Hey remember how at the beginning of this I said that my bae asked me out? Well that thing that he asked me out for is now tmrw. And I'm hecka nervous. For no reason. Per usual. :). Also, this is the ex that I was talking to y'all about like in my last story. (It's a LONG story. The ex thing, not my last story lol).**

 **But I just wanted to rant about that so nVm loL WHAT DO Y'ALL THINK OF THIS CHAP? Good stuff? Bad stuff? Just plain boring? Lmk if u plz.**

 **uM as usual I love all ur review and keEp iT uP.**

 **I cannot pull off saying that lol but whatever.**

 **Also should I continue this story? Like I'll give it an ending, but does it just totally suck ass? Like I just don't know bro I ain't feeling good about it. But don't worry, I'm not gonna like abandon it.**

 **ALSOOOO PLLLLZ REMEMBER !WESTON IS JUST A FRIEND!. I just felt like adding in a cute, sexy southern guy in the story. A to Alec. Plz don't attack me.**

 **Anyway. I don't have anything else to say. Review. Or don't**

 **-Emma. Uwuwuw.**


	7. Bound Wave

**A/N: I'm so freaking exhausted bc I stayed up late last night trying to edit the last chap and now we're here. It's also late at night again. Idk y I do this to myself lmao.**

 **SO. None of y'all r reviewing ab the show? As in the show Shadowhunters? Like do y'all watch it I'm confused so plz review and if u do watch it then Y AREN'T U RANTING AB IT CMMMONNNNNN.**

 **I need help.**

 **Also this chap is gonna be…Quite a trip. I ain't ready for it either. Basically ANGSTTT warning but dnT wRry dRLINGS they'll will survive as always.**

 **Baaahahhhh revieW plz I appreciate them all v deeply :).**

 **Disclaimer: Shush I'm too tired for this (But ya I own nothing)**

* * *

It was funny.

Less than twenty-four hours ago, Alec had been…Well, in heaven. At the highest peak on the happy mountain.

He'd had the best morning after of his life. His freaking _first_ morning after. Oh, did he mention it was all with his best friend since practically birth?

But things could change just like that. Alec wished they didn't.

Yes, idiot Alec was an idiot and no, his assumptions about why Magnus wasn't returning his texts were completely wrong. Was that a bad thing?

Alec would've have traded anything in the world to have it be a good thing.

But alas…

Sunshine never lasted. And in Alec's case, his sunshine was in the hospital, where he was headed, with Catarina.

"Alec? Are you okay?"

Alec's head jerked up from where it was focused on his folded hands in his lap. He rose his eyebrows, playing innocent on Cat to hide what he was really feeling. It's what he did best.

He cleared his throat.

"What?" Alec murmured, lowering his head again when Cat just stared at him in surprise. "I'm fine."

She put a gentle hand on his knee, speaking softly. "I know this is going to be hard. It will be for me too. But what you have to understand is that he's going to be okay. He will."

Alec sighed, long and sad, staring at the hand on his knee.

"Trust me, I'm in college for nursing. He'll live." Her voice was encouraging and reassuring. But would it reassure Alec? Of course not.

He chewed his lip, saying nothing. She gave his leg a small, supportive squeeze before pulling away.

The thing was, Alec knew that Magnus was gonna live. But that wasn't it. He hadn't been there for him when Magnus had needed him. He didn't notice or even think about the circumstance that something was actually going on, too focused on his own selfish reasons.

Tears unexpectedly welled up in Alec's eyes, and he had to swallow painfully past the lump in his throat to blink them away. He tasted something metallic and wet on his lip from where he was digging his teeth into it, hard.

God he was pathetic. All he could think about was how he wanted Magnus there, by his side, to comfort him. But then every time he thought of it, the memory that it was _Magnus's_ turn to be comforted made him feel even worse about himself.

 _You couldn't be more selfish._

"Alec? Alec, we're here. C'mon," said Cat.

Alec felt like he was moving underwater as he got up out of the cab and started walking towards the large, white, unwelcoming building. Everything was numbed and cold. His vision was blurry, and he could barely think about where he was going.

"Alec—careful! You almost ran into that lady." Cat's voice seemed far away, and Alec couldn't bring up the energy to reach it. He was like a robot, moving forward with one task only, one target. Magnus. _Magnus Magnus Magnus._

Cat dealt with the receptionist, her words just shapeless blobs in Alec's mind by that point. It felt like he was sinking farther in the ocean, his vision getting blurrier and his mind getting more fogged the longer he was kept from Magnus. He needed to see him. He needed to. He needed he needed he needed he needed—

"Alec?" Cat was suddenly in front of him again, waving a hand in front of his face. "Alec are you sure you're alright?"

Alec gasped, like sucking in air from the surface suddenly after drowning. It was time to see Magnus. He nodded quickly, opening his mouth to say something but the words got caught in the lump in his throat and he stayed silent.

"Ok." She had a new expression now, her eyes hard and single-minded as she started towing Alec to the elevator. His blood was racing, and he felt a sort of adrenaline as he stormed after her. Now he was on the edge of the water, like fresh air was right there but just out of reach.

He needed some air.

He needed his sunshine.

He needed to see Magnus.

"Alec, I just want to warn you, you should be careful around him. Don't act too worried, no bad news, just nothing that'll freak him out too much. He needs to stay calm. Alcohol poisoning is no spa."

Alec gritted his teeth together, staring at the floor and nodding again. His hands twitched in the dream of forming a fist. The lump was painful in his throat, like it'd been shove down awkwardly, and a tight fist was slowing forming around his heart. The air felt more out of reach now.

He absently wondered if Cat was concerned by how long it'd been since he'd spoken.

The elevator shuddered to a shrieking stop at the fifth floor, and for a second Alec was terrified that the elevator had broken down. But no. They'd arrived, the closest to reaching dry land that Alec had gotten to. He speeded out first, not even caring what room Magnus was in. He needed to see him immediately. He would find him himself. It didn't matter.

The hallway was thin and poorly lit. There was a small pathetic table in between every room, some sort of withering flower in a vase on each one. And it the whole place smelled of rotten cherries.

Ugh.

Alec hated hospitals.

But nonetheless, he was racing through, scanning all the rooms quickly and panting.

"Alec! Alec wait! You passed it, dude. He's right in here." Cat was a few rooms back, standing in front of room two hundred fifteen and pointing a thumb towards it. She cocked her head, smirking a little. "Too cocky," she muttered with a smile as Alec ran past her, nearly crashing into the bed that was way closer than he expected it to be.

The room was very small. He blamed it on that.

But…Alec had passed it and…

He inhaled a shuddering whimper, covering his mouth with his hand.

He hadn't even recognized the person inside.

Magnus didn't even look like himself. His face was icy pale. He was bare of all makeup and his hair was down flat against his face, covering one of his eyes and part of his cheek. Alec wanted to cry. He'd only seen Magnus without makeup and product after…

He was draped in an awkward and crinkled plastic gown, ugly and unsuitable on him. He definitely wouldn't approve of the look.

If he was awake. That was…Sort of a problem for Alec. That was the one thing that made his heart twist painfully in his chest, like he'd finally reached dry land, but it was too dry. Like from drowning water to desert island. It was too much.

His eyes were soft and closed. And he looked so…Sad. Probably as sad as Alec felt, just having to sit through the torture of looking at him.

Oh. He _was_ sitting. Without realizing, he had fallen back onto one of the stale, hard chairs behind him, still staring at Magnus with his mouth dropped in shock.

After what felt like a hundred years, his throat started working again.

"Is this…" Alec croaked. "Is this normal? For just alcohol poisoning?"

Cat winced, sending Alec an apologetic look as she started fretting over the machinery by his bed. His heart monitor was beeping slowly and shooting arrows into Alec's heart. Fat, rusty, dirty arrows.

"Yeah, unfortunately." Cat cleared her throat, moving her gaze to the ground. "Only for the really bad cases."

And Alec just broke down. The tears came back in his eyes like large raindrops and his face contorted as he dropped it into his hands. Wetness was pooling in his palms, making it harder and harder to breath as they just wouldn't stop.

"I didn't kn—" Alec's voice broke, ugly and fragile. He changed it to a whisper. "I didn't know it was so bad. I should've known. I—I—can't—"

"Hey, hey Alec. Don't blame yourself. You just need to calm down and realize that Magnus is going to be okay. It's not such a big deal."

"You don't understand," he said quietly. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He didn't think he could. Cat sighed, sounding like she wanted to say something else, but instead just placing a comforting hand on Alec's shoulder.

"When will…When will he wake up?" Alec asked, keeping his voice low so it wouldn't break. He was staring at Magnus like an idiot, and the more he stared, the sadder he got. It was stupid.

"I—Um." Cat looked around, probably for some nurse or something. "Hang on." She left the room quickly, leaving Alec alone with his unconscious boyfriend.  
After a few seconds, Alec had an idea. He leaned in close, carefully taking one of Magnus's limp and small hands and cupping it with his own. His lips trembled violently as he brought it to his mouth, giving it a small kiss as a tear slowly slid down his cheek and wet Magnus's hand.

"I…I don't know what to say," he whispered, chuckling a little. "Well, if you were awake right now, you'd probably be yelling at me to go to your house and get you a new outfit. Though, I agree, this gown doesn't really suit you." Alec's sad little smile faltered. "But you can pull anything off. You always could."

" _God_ , I _hate_ this. I wish you could hear me. I wish I could tell you how much I loved you, or that I could kiss you and you'd wake up just like a fairytale. But I have no idea how long this'll last." Alec took a deep, shuddering inhale.

Suddenly, a new voice came from behind him, causing him to jump and nearly drop Magnus's hand. It was an old woman in a plump little white dress, fit around her like a robe. She was clutching a clipboard in her left hand and two thin lenses were on the very tip of her nose as she pulled out a pen and starting writing something.

"Actually, he's just sleeping." She lifted her head and gave Alec a short, tight smile at his mixed look of relief and shock. "He was put on a lot of drugs, and after everything, he's probably exhausted. Well, that'll teach the kid to stop drinking, huh. Learn from this." She pointed right at Alec with her black pen. Alec scowled at her. "This is what drinking can do to you." Her tone was incredibly condescending, and it irritated Alec to a great extent.

"He didn't mean to," Alec mumbled, switching his gaze to the ground. "He just likes to have a good time."

Something suddenly came to mind. He put Magnus's hand back next to his body slowly, and then rose next to Cat to whisper something in her ear.

"Wait, is he going to get, like, arrested? He's underage." He said the last part of his sentence nearly silently, trying to ignore the petty nurse giving them arched eyebrows across the room. It was a small room, however, so Alec prayed she didn't hear anything.

Cat shook her head. "Don't worry. I hooked him up with his fake ID. It's—I took care of it. He'll be fine," she whispered back.

Alec nodded, turning his attention back to Magnus. The nurse was now adjusting his machinery and Cat was texting someone on her phone, so Alec took Magnus's hand again, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

"I love you. I know you'll get better, and I'll always be here for you, Magnus. I know you can't hear me, but please, don't do this to me again." Alec chuckled weakly, squeezing his hand. "You're…The literal sunshine of my life. I couldn't…I couldn't even imagine living without you." His voice cracked again on the last syllable, and he sniffed while wiping a tear. After leaving a long, gentle kiss on the side of Magnus's face he finally leaned away.

Magnus's hand stayed in his though, and he stroked it and stayed by his side until visiting hours were over.

* * *

Friday might've been one of the most restless and impatient days of Alec's living freaking life. He'd woken up excited and happy, twisting around and feeling around his bed for a certain someone before realizing that the reason he was happy was just an illusion. Magnus was still in the hospital on bed rest.

But he'd _promised_ himself that he would get through the day and get to _every one_ of his classes. Magnus would've wanted him to do that instead of moping by his side all day without being able to actually do anything. Except keep him company.

 _No. No, Alec, you're_ going _to class._

He had to, or he was literally going to fail college. In every way.

So he pulled himself painfully out of bed at seven, throwing on a random grey sweater he'd probably already worn that week and some sweatpants he'd found on the ground. His go-to outfit.

And, after running out of his apartment in a hurry since he realized he'd forgotten his first class started earlier than he remembered, he was out into his busy day.

Biology was frustrating. Writer's workshop was painful. His art gallery class was the best though, because he got to actually do what he liked and not constantly worry about Magnus. Though, he did paint him in watercolor. In the bed. At the hospital. Confusing the fuck out of his teacher since they were supposed to be painting flowers. Although, Alec's logic was that Magnus was his sunshine, and flowers couldn't live without sunshine. Hell, he was like the flower himself. His teacher hadn't really agreed.

After that, he went out to the park and picked a good empty bench. Maybe working on at least _some_ of the work that he'd missed, possibly thinking about studying for biology. But he that was a maybe. Like he said, the best distraction was worry. There was always something to worry about, (like him failing freaking college), and is was a great new thing to think about. It was like a cleansing on his brain.

His non-stop worrying about Magnus felt like his feet after being rubbed against bed sheets for too long. Hot, uncomfortable. A nice new thing to worry about was like a face mask for his brain. It felt nice and fresh after.

Alec suddenly shook his head and went back to trying to focus. He had serious problems.

* * *

It was four-thirty, approximately. Alec was speed walking back to his apartment, trying to ignore the burn in his shoulders of having to lug all his fat textbooks home with him. He was seriously regretting not just calling an uber.

The sun was too bright outside, making him squint as he moved in and out of building's shadows. There was barely anyone on the streets, everyone still at work at this time of day. He was sweating in his baggy sweater, trying to focus on controlling his breathing as he raced down the streets. The smell of coffee and cigarettes floated into the city air as Alec neared the familiar brick buildings surrounding his flat.

Visiting hours ended at six, and he'd gotten distracted with…Studying for biology. Yes, he'd forced himself to do it and now it had been a mistake.

Magnus was probably awake by now, wondering where the hell his unloyal boyfriend was. _God_ , it didn't matter. He just wanted to see him. _So bad_.

Alec nearly ran _past_ his place when he'd reached it, skidding to a stop so fast he had to scramble so he wouldn't drop any of his stuff. The keys didn't go in the lock fast enough. The stairs were slowing him down. His doorknob suddenly twisted the opposite way? And of course, his cat was already attaching himself to Alec's shoes and pant legs the minute he stepped inside because fuck, he'd forgotten to feed the poor animal that morning. The universe was just not on his side today.

"Okay— _okay_ , Church— _I'm getting you the food now_ ," he growled, throwing his crap on a nearby armchair while leaning down and simultaneously trying to pry the stupid feline off his sweatpants. Church meowed aggressively, following him close behind with his tail held high in suspicion, like he didn't trust that Alec was actually going to give him food.

"God, you're pettier than the Chairman." Alec swallowed hard as he thought about that, then thought about the last time he'd seen that cat, and his heart did a sharp lurch in his chest. Alec blinked, thinking about Magnus alone in the hospital again, and he immediately picked up the pace.

After dragging out Church's high class pebbles and simply dumping a good amount into his food bowl (most of them ending up on the floor), Alec was back out the door like a flash. He was jumping down the stairs two at a time, dialing a taxi on the way. He also tripped and banged his head on the last step, which was real fun.

The taxi took four years (minutes) to arrive, stomping like a boulder on Alec's last nerve.

Alec was petrified on the way to the hospital. He felt frozen where he sat, numb and scared. What if something had changed while he was gone? What if Magnus had gotten worse? Or something ended up being wrong with his brain? Oh _god_ , what if he…Lost his memory, like _forgotten_ Alec or—

A new lump was wedged in his throat now, a different one. It was more watery and dull. Like a preview of what could happen and…

Wow.

That was literally the worst thing Alec had thought of _ever_.

"Hey dude?" Alec jumped like he'd been shocked, looking around dumbly for a second for the cause of the voice. Before realizing it was the cab driver. Because he was stupid. "Are you…Okay? You seem like you're gonna be sick and...You're like super pale. You want some water…Or something?"

Alec was nodding fast before the man had even finished his sentence. He had a deep, rough voice, like he was a serial killer, but his tone was softer than a grandma's. "Yea—" His stupid voice cracked. "Yeah, I—I'm—are—are we almost there? I'm kind of on a time crunch—I mean I'm just a little late—"

Alec could see the guy's eyebrows rise in the rear view mirror, and he was grateful when the driver interrupted his unstoppable rambling.

"Yeah. Like two minutes away. And, just a reminder, I'm sorry you're late, but I can't control how fast we get there." He did an awkward chuckle a few seconds after, as if immediately regretting his words.

Alec nodded quickly again, looking down and squeezing his eyes together. His hands were twisting and pulling in his lap again, shoulders hunched. "Yes I know, I kno—I'm sorry."

Alec made sure to shut himself up after.

In the next few minutes of awkward silence the anticipation and adrenaline in Alec started growing, like a big boulder was churning in his stomach. He was checking the time constantly, fidgeting and biting his lip like it was a piece of candy. He hoped the driver didn't think he was mentally insane.

But of course, once he pulled up in front of the hospital, those thoughts vanished and his mind was clouded by Magnus again. It was annoying, if he was honest. Worrying about Magnus was like an extra weight to carry. It freaking hurt, too.

Alec threw the guy a wad of cash, out of the car before it had even stopped moving and already running towards the building. People were staring at him everywhere, but he could care less, even as he toppled through the glass doors and straight into the counter. Damn, the place was small.

"Hi," he panted. "I'm here to see Magnus Bane. I mean—can I visit him? Er—"

The poor lady stopped him before he could continue.

"Yes. He's in room—"

"Two-fifteen, yes." Alec had already distracted himself with trying to locate the elevator again from where he was standing. "Alright can I go, or…?"

The women just adjusted her glasses and shook her head, like she was babysitting a little boy. She nodded, however. Alec sent her an apologetic and grateful look, starting to speed walk through the people around him like a jellyfish. He was tapping his foot hurriedly the whole elevator ride, definitely annoying everyone in it with him. But all of that was irrelevant.

Cat was already in the room, sitting by his bed where Alec usually sat. And Magnus was…He was still asleep? Same expression, same outfit, same position…

 _Oh._

Oh… _Oh hell no_.

"No. No, no no no—" Alec's voice sounded distant in horror.

Cat turned around and looked at him from where he was standing in the doorway. Her eyes were a little red, like she'd just been crying. "Alec…Magnus—"

"N _o_." His voice was quiet and cracked. Alec kept shaking his head and trying to shake out the thought, the _image_. He wouldn't believe it. No.

"Alec, I'm sorry. They don't know when he could wake up. Apparently…I don't know something went wrong, and his brain just basically…" Cat waved her hand in the air, exasperated, like she didn't understand it either. "Shut down. They said it was a 'rare case,'" she mocked. Alec was still in shock, staring at Magnus like it was the worst thing he'd ever seen yet he couldn't look away.

"Wow." His voice sounded small and far away in his own head. He was still staring at Magnus, but his mind had led his brain somewhere else.

Alec couldn't breath. Of all things, of course he hadn't thought of _this_ situation.

Alec almost snorted. Yesterday, his worry was what he should text Magnus. Then it was guilt. Horrible guilt, for not having thought of the situation earlier. But of course, as always, there was something worse. Alec didn't deserve this. _Magnus_ certainly didn't. And they couldn't even go through it together.

Who knew when he would hear Magnus's voice again? Or see him smile? Laugh? See his beautiful, gold-green eyes, staring down at him in an amused expression or one of love? What if he never got to to see any of those things ever again? What if he lost his sunshine? How could anyone live without sunshine?

And Alec just broke down. He hadn't realized he was sobbing until his vision had blurred and the strange, squeaking, hiccuping noises he was making came to his ears. His face morphed, twisting and pinching as he collapsed onto a stiff chair. His hand was over his open wide mouth, his eyes locked on Magnus's face. This time actually looking and paying attention to it. In fact, remembering and re-thinking every detail about it, how it looked when it was happy or sad, what it had looked like when it was…When they were doing their good stuff.

Alec choked, clutching his mouth harder as more tears than what was visibly possible poured down his cheeks like waves in the ocean. Cat was up and hugging him in the next second, rubbing a hand up and down his back and whispering comforting things in his ears. She smelled slightly like Magnus, and he almost lost his mind. He couldn't have felt more pathetic, but he couldn't help it. Her being there just made him sob harder.

* * *

 _Silence_.

It had been a week without his sunshine.

Alec was quiet. He didn't talk to anyone, he ditched work, and besides class, he barely went outside. He never came to the door. He didn't answer anyone's texts or calls. His siblings had come a couple times to his apartment, but he'd just ignored them. Like everyone else.

He visited Magnus every day. Bringing him a ridiculous amount of flowers and teddy bears and all his favorite candies was like…His coping mechanism.

The room had been hideously bare, and ugly. Alec had spent days there, sitting by Magnus and holding his hand through it, but staring at dull, worn out white walls. And he hated it. It was like they were telling him that nothing had changed, that Magnus hadn't improved or done anything at all. It _spelled_ depression. So he brought in something new for him every day, making sure to fill and cover every inch of the tiny room.

The current day was three large balloons that read 'Get Better!' on each one in different colors. Yes, it had been awkward walking from the convenience store to the hospital and squeezing in the elevator with them, but they felt necessary. Despite their cheesiness.

Everyday was like a schedule. He checked in right when visiting hours started. Came in with whatever new thing he was bringing. Brushed Magnus's hair lightly, maybe changed his gown. Wondered how the hell he was holding off going to the bathroom for so long. Sat by his side, maybe said a few things. Then, before he left for school, wrote him a small letter. Nothing big or extravagant, just a little note to let Magnus know that he cared and he was there. But that was if he woke up while he was in class.

And every day, he came back to the un-opened, folded up piece of paper on Magnus's chest. He tucked the fifth one under his pillow, feeling the rough edge of the others shoved under there too.

Alec had been doing everything he could. He'd stayed up _nights_ in a row researching comas and alcohol poisoning and just positively _anything he could_.

He'd taken off all Magnus's jewelry and makeup, done every tip on the internet. But it was hopeless.

Alec had, in fact, nearly given up hope. He'd never felt more helpless or broken in his life. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing that he was doing that was ever going to work. What if Magnus never woke up? What if he just stayed the _exact same_ for _years_ and Alec had to just…Watch him go? How would Alec even live through that?

 _God_ , if he'd known that it was going to be the last time he'd seen Magnus move, or talk, he would've gotten it on video. He would've stopped to memorize every single detail through his emotions, in his eyes.

Now, he might as well have had Magnus's ghost. Unmoving, not talking, no emotion. It was terrifying to sit through everyday, but it almost felt like a natural disaster. He knew it was horrible but he couldn't stop watching.

Alec bit his lip roughly, eyes locked on Magnus's face again, though he knew it was stupid. Every time he looked at Magnus for probably more than five minutes at a time, there was always tears. It was like part of the schedule. And it sucked. Everything sucked.

It was Friday. He'd finished all his classes. Visiting hours ended in an hour. And three minutes. And Alec felt so unbelievably _drained_. God, all he wanted to do was just sleep. Escape the horrible nightmare that was his living life. But he hadn't gotten a good sleep, (or basically any sleep at all), in days. A week, to be exact. He didn't know why he couldn't. Maybe he was punishing himself.

Alec had grown to like the ache that came from sitting in the hard, plastic chairs all day. Pain had grown into something near enjoyable for him throughout the years. For grieving, at least.

Which was sad, and it just made him more guilty. Because every day he felt himself inching closer to the razor blade tucked under his sink. But then he became painfully aware of Magnus, his words he'd said, and he knew that Magnus would be severely disappointed in him if he were awake. All the guilt was crushing Alec more and more everyday. The worst part was that he couldn't even talk to Magnus. He couldn't even say that he was sorry for not noticing something earlier. He couldn't do anything. As he said, helpless.

It was the worse than heartbreak.

Alec had earbuds in, listening to sad music as he stared endlessly at Magnus and just…Thought about what it'd be like to speak to him. Right at the moment. He didn't think he'd be able to handle it, definitely start crying, probably start freaking out like he was meeting someone famous for the first time. Except the situation was sort of nothing like that.

He was fidgeting his hands restlessly in his lap again, this time pinching the skin the more he thought about it. It started to burn, but he didn't notice. He didn't notice when it apparently started bleeding again, too, like his entire body was numbed. It did feel like that, sort of.

The door opened with a loud creak, and the usual, condescending nurse came bearing a clipboard. Alec didn't glance up, didn't even take out his earbuds. He ignored her, as usual.

"Wow. Still no changes," she muttered, jotting a few notes down. Alec lazily picked up his gaze and moved it over to her. She looked up at him and gave him a wide, fake smile. Alec cocked his head, keeping the same expression. She was a small lady, a young face but white hair. It was lightly touched by wrinkles, and her eyes didn't hold her expression. "You're a hero. I've never had someone check in and come to visit as many times as you."

 _Lies._

Alec nodded still, deciding it was rude if he pretended he didn't hear her. She started tapping her short heel lightly, the sound starting to resonate through the room. After a few minutes, it drowned out his music, and he ripped out his earbuds with a frustrated sigh.

She sent him another tedious smile. Actually, smile was probably more of an over exaggeration. Alec would describe it more like a short lift of the lips, like she was bored of him already.

"Wow. Got nothing to say?" She moved to sit down, and Alec groaned inwardly when she did.

He shrugged, looking away. Specifically, back at Magnus. He hide his eyes from her with his hair; he'd rather not have her comment on that fact that they were probably wet and red. She took a deep breath, and Alec prepared himself for whatever she had to say. Hopefully, it was quick.

"So. Is he a close friend?" Something inside Alec twitched and shifted, a nerve. His lip twitched, and he shook his head cautiously.

"Relative?" She pondered casually. Alec held back punching her as he shook his head again, and dared to use his voice.

"Boyfriend." He immediately regretted it. It was feeble and poignant, and Alec could _hear_ the lump in his throat through it as he was now sure the nurse could too. So much for her not knowing about him crying like a fucking five year old.

It echoed through the room as she stayed silent for the next few seconds, bringing a wince out of Alec. He hated his voice.

"Oh."

Alec lifted his lip in disgust, moving to glare at her. Her expression was unreadable, and Alec was literally going to leave the room if—

"Well, I'm sorry then." Her face still held no expression, but he could hear the sincerity woven in her words, probably drawing from her own experience. Alright. She was fine. No homophobia.

Alec nodded again, tightening his hands in fists. His eyebrows drew together in attempt to hold back more tears that came unexpectedly back to his eyes. He didn't know what else to say, and she had stopped talking, so he brought the earbuds back up to his ears slowly and put them in.

However, for just a moment, he didn't play any music. Just reveled in the perfect, painful silence. He closed his eyes, letting himself get caught up in it. Just for the moment.

The nurse got up and walked out of the room, letting her hand rest on his shoulder for a second as she stepped out. Alec tasted blood as he bit his chapped lip again.

 _Helpless._

* * *

It was too quiet again.

 _Two weeks._

Fall was fleeting. December was nearly there. Which meant Magnus's birthday. It was in a week, to be exact.

But Alec had lost hope that he would even be awake by then.

He'd fallen from a routine to more of a constant, dazed state. He would sleep in the hospital bathrooms sometimes; being near Magnus was the only way he _could_ sleep, then be back at Magnus's door in the morning. It was disgusting and painful and…Alec knew that he was just torturing himself for no reason, but he had to. It was like an addiction. Magnus kept pulling him back in again and again, and Alec had started falling apart.

He'd thrown his phone away. Maybe. He couldn't remember. It was probably _somewhere_ in the hospital.

School? He'd abandoned that. He'd probably lost his job, his siblings trust, and now his sunshine. For good. It didn't matter if Magnus would be disappointed about his behavior, because he was never coming back.

He just wanted to spend enough time with him before it was too late. He had to.

Cat came once in a while, too. She would comfort him every day, say the usual bullshit, like Magnus was likely to wake up at any minute. Alec wouldn't stand for it. He'd found out that hope was useless last week.

He knew he was being dramatic, but the thing about being dramatic was that it usually went away. After a while, one would usually realize their actions and emotions were just over exaggerated. But Alec never felt like that throughout the weeks. Everyday was the same numbing, overwhelming feelings. If he was being dramatic, why the fuck was it lasting so long?

So he ignored Cat. He tried ignoring everyone.

The nurses had gotten used to him, even learned his name. He didn't bother with theirs.

Sometimes, it would get boring, and at those times, Alec wished he could talk to his siblings. Or that Magnus could…

 _No._

Alec pushed away that thought hard and fast. It brought back a lump so large in his throat it made him want to strangle it away, and that was just too many emotions to deal with at once.

Oh. And he'd cut himself again.

So life was just going _real_ well.

The temptation had grown too strong, and he'd just needed that crushing relief. A lot. It took away the guilt, the sadness, and just the world. Even if it was just for a moment, it was the only way Alec felt like he could take a breath from everything.

Magnus used to be his breath.

Magnus used to help him through it, and he became like a new drug. Except better. A breath of fresh air from Magnus felt cleaner, and deeper. And it definitely lasted longer.

But Magnus was _gone_ now. Alec didn't know what else to do. He had to breath.

Alec had lost track of time ever since he'd lost his phone approximately a week ago. He just judged it upon if it was getting dark out or not. Maybe sometimes asked a nurse.

And he would still write Magnus letters. Every day, each getting longer and longer, though they were mostly for him. Writing about what a great writer Magnus would've been, how they would've grown old together, made a family and—

Alec choked on a breath, inhaling raggedly a second later. He pushed those thoughts away too.

It was Saturday. And Alec guessed it was around mid-day, so he still had plenty of time.

It was one of those gorgeous, rare autumn days where the sun had ripped it's way through the hazy smoke in the sky. And it was shining through the tiny, pitiful window in room two-fifteen, right in Alec's face. He really didn't need to go home—the stupid sun reminded him of his bedroom anyway.

He closed his eyes, however, enjoying for a _second_ the warmth on his skin, like it was burning through all the pain in his life. He was clawing at his skin as his hands were wrenching away again, but he didn't feel that pain.

He'd been writing his letter for the day, but was stuck on it. He'd really honestly written everything that he'd needed to say. He couldn't think of anything. Why couldn't he think of anything? Magnus was his entire _world_ , there _had_ to be something to write about, why why why why—

Alec picked up the pen again, off the floor from the last time that he'd thrown it in anger. He had to think of something. He was going to.

Because if he gave up on his letters, it felt…He felt like he was going to give up on Magnus. More than he already had.

Not that he had hope. Because he didn't. Nope. There was no room for that, and he couldn't afford it.

But he wouldn't give up on the letters. Though they did absolutely nothing at all, (like everything he was doing), he felt like it was his last form of communication between Magnus. His…Sunshine.

Alec inhaled a little gasp, an idea suddenly striking him. He carefully wrote in his neatest print _Sunshine_ at the top of the paper. He would tell Magnus _just_ how much he means to Alec in his one.

He took a deep breath, rocking back and forth for a second on the hard chair for a second before lifting the pen and—

"Hey."

Alec's blood froze.

* * *

 **A/N: Aight fam, sry this is so short yet took so long to come out, iM tRyiNG oK.**

 **And I'm also sry that this is ending on** _ **another**_ **cliffhanger. Yikes, y'all prob hate me by this point, but PSA: I WILL MAKE UP FOR THE ANGST. RIP, STICK WITH ME PLz :(.**

 **Also, I think the next chap is gonna be** _ **loooong**_ **. Sort of. I mean, that's the plan. So if it takes a little longer to come out, i aPoLaGiZe IM tRYinG aS i sAiD. (But once again, no longer than three weeks. So don't worry).**

 **Aight, other than that, review ur thoughts, review what's going on in ur life bc I have no friends, just review whatever you want.**

 **Y am I like this lmao.**

 **Ok. I'm super nauseous, so imma go now. Mwah.**

 **-Emma**


	8. Fuzzy Dreams

**A/N: Jeeeeesususususus. I'm tired.**

 **OK HERE WE GO THIS CHAP BOUghT to YEET ME OUT THE WINDOW. I think this is gonna be super long, so once again, forgive me if it take forever to post. Though I actually might split it into two. Idk we'll see. This chap was unplanned tbh.**

 **Lil angst warning again. But it'll get better in this one, I promise ;).**

 **Alright I love ur reviews I'd literally eat them all up and become a big love ball if I could and I'd love it if u keep reviewingggg.**

 **HAPPY READING.**

 **Disclaimer: No.**

* * *

"Hey."

Alec's blood froze.

The voice sounded familiar, but just to be sure…

"Sorry, Mrs. Smith is out sick now, so I'll be, uh…Magnus's new nurse for the time being." It was a scrawny young man, his voice uncannily close to Magnus's. So close, that Alec wanted to bawl.

"Are you alright?"

Ugh. He was so nice. Alec hated that he didn't even have a reason to be a grumpy asshole now.

He could still be sad about it though. Mope.

He realized that the nurse was still waiting for a response, and so he quickly nodded his head. Alec turned his head down to look at the paper again, ignoring his brief existential crisis as he tried to remember what he was going to write.

Right. Magnus. Sunshine.

He could do this.

Little traces of a small yet painful pang crept into him, which Alec dreadfully recognized as hope. His lip trembled slightly, his hands twitching. He was holding the pen, poised to write, but his gaze was locked to the floor.

The nurse cocked his head and moved it so he was in front of Alec's gaze. Once in that position, he shot Alec a look of confusion, like that a teacher gives a super smart student after they've just gotten a D on their most recent test. It made Alec feel like a child, but not in a good way.

Why was every nurse in the hospital like that?

Strange.

"Watchya writing there?" he said chirpily.

Alec narrowed his eyes, pulling the paper slowly to his chest. "Nothing." He couldn't blame the nurse now. He was sort of acting like a child.

The man nodded, taking the hint as he went back to scribbling on his clipboard. "So I hear you're Magnus's boyfriend?" Alec sputtered, looking up in shock.

"Wha—you—I mean, yes? How—how do you know that?"

He shrugged a single shoulder, gesturing to his clipboard. "It says so in your file."

Alec was taken aback. "I—I have a file?"

The nurse nodded, still jotting down notes like this conversation was irrelevant to him, or like this was just as casual as discussing the weather.

"It goes with Magnus's. Your the 'significant other,'" he whispered like it was a secret, chuckling a little. Alec opened his mouth in surprise, but couldn't figure out what words would be even normal to say in a situation like this.

"O—okay?"

Alec sat there in puzzlement for a few seconds, still trying to figure out if there was something that he was missing. He made the mistake of putting down the paper, however. The guy saw it.

"Sunshine? Are you writing a poem? Ooh, is it like, one about your lover? Aww, that would be so cute." He dropped _his_ pen to place a hand against his heart, gushing.

Alec blinked, staring. Okay, so he was definitely gay. And extremely invasive.

"Uh—no, this—it's still nothing." Alec hid it again.

The dude just shrugged again, pretending that he didn't care and he was over it. Which was very weird, because why did he even ask then?

 _God, focus Lightwood_ , Alec told himself. He wanted to finish the letter today; sometimes his letters got really long. He wanted to write it, however, without the uncomfortable gaze of the strange man standing like a pedophile next to him.

So he decided he would wait until the guy left the room.

"Well, it seems your boyfriend is doing very well. Well of course it's hard to tell, but I think he could really wake up soon now. He's been out what, two weeks now?" He said it casually again, like it was so simple and easy. It made Alec wary. Of hope. "Most people who go into comas from this barely last a week. So, anything could happen, but just be ready for that. Him waking up soon, that is."

And he left the room with a sashay, leaving Alec staring after him in such large shock his mouth was hanging open.

A few things happened at once. He suddenly felt dizzy with a sudden strong surge of…Hope. Bright, sharp hope. But then he was trying to push it away, trying to reprimand himself and change the direction of those thoughts _so hard_. It wasn't working. He felt so strange, the first real, compelling outburst of emotion he'd had in the last two weeks.

And he couldn't stop the hope. It wouldn't go away.

It felt startling, but maybe he could try to…Accept it.

Abruptly, Alec could feel the cloud lifting, the dream and the haze. He could feel something new appear with the hope. Something good. He felt a sort of cleanse going through his mind. It really wasn't much, but now that he thought about it…Maybe he was just being dramatic. Maybe Magnus would wake up. He had to. Right?

It was just from alcohol poisoning. It wasn't like he was going to last with it his entire life.

There was still an inkling of that negativity left, and it felt like it would never go away. But Alec wasn't sure about that. Maybe it would when Magnus woke up.

He felt his bottom lip tremble through the cage of teeth. Tears, the ones that had come so many times that week that his eyes goddamn _hurt_ , welled up once again in his vision. Briefly, he pondered if it was unhealthy for his vision to be crying so much.

But, after so long, these tears were different. They were happy at feeling something after so long, like a splash of color finally splitting through his grey world. It felt better than anything, and Alec had been waiting for that relief of coming back to reality for what felt like years.

Ok, maybe he was being a tad dramatic again.

But he really just couldn't help it.

So apparently, that day was a day of first's, because Alec decided to go home confidently that night. He decided to go home and actually sleep, resting by holding onto that hope, refusing to let himself think about anything else. Refusing to go back to that grey world.

Because Magnus _would_ wake up. He was going to.

It was the first preview of sunshine all week.

* * *

Alec woke the next morning feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

It was bright outside again, so he woke up to that blinding sun warming his face, but it didn't even faze him. He didn't care.

He moved like a superhero, zipping around his place at the speed of light just so he could get to Magnus as soon as possible. He was also considering checking the hospitals lost and found for his phone again. His siblings were probably worried out of their minds.

He was just so damn glad the color had come back into his life. Even if he didn't know why. He hadn't believed _anyone_ when they'd said that Magnus was going to get better. Who knew that all it took to get him back to himself was some gay nurse with a positive attitude?

Fuck. Alec was so pathetic.

How could he have just abandoned his entire life? His family, his job, school? He was hit like a truck with the sharp guilt knowing that Magnus was _going_ to wake up, and he was _going_ to be disappointed by how Alec had thrown his life away over him.

 _No._

He was going to fix this.

He sped to the hospital with a light heart, pushing away all those thoughts. He was gonna fix it. It was just a mistake. Everyone made mistakes. And he would fix it. He was determined to.

He started walking faster when he thought about Magnus, the fact that he could actually be awake by now. _God_ , what if he was? Alec wanted to smile, so bad that his lips strained. The hope was starting to get ridiculous; he probably wasn't going to be awake yet, he hadn't been for a while.

But what if he was?

The hospital was still far, but Alec was starting to feel relieved already, more than he already was. Magnus could be awake. Magnus was _going_ to wake up.

He repeated it again and again, letting it sink into his mind and thoughts until nothing else was left. Just Magnus. Magnus was going to wake up.

To say Alec was disappointed when he'd come to the hospital and Magnus had still been in a coma was an understatement. But he wasn't surprised. He didn't really _ever_ have any type of good luck in his life. Ever. It was like God liked to take these things away from him. Always.

However, Magnus had joyfully trotted along into Alec's life, and even though God had still put them off for as long as possible, there was no stopping their connection. Them being together. It was the weirdest, cheesiest love story Alec had ever come up with, let alone about his own life, but it strangely fit.

Still, of course, shit had to happen. In their case, a lovely coma.

But thankfully, Alec had gotten over the dark emotions that had been clouding his entire mind. He'd beat them. He was going to be positive from now on, and he would stay hopeful.

Take that bad luck.

Magnus would wake up.

Now, he sat in the stiff chairs sporting a tiny, weak smile as he stared at the love of his life. The sun outside had died down by the time he'd walked over, and the world outside was draped in more of a soft, lamp-like light. Alec had gotten used to that medical cherry smell, but after spending the night at his house, it was back stronger than ever. Alec had opened the small window pane in Magnus's room to let in a drift; it was getting sort of hot and stuffy, and now the sounds of busy cars and bustling people surrounded the air around him, drowning out anything else.

Alec felt strangely…Nice. It was weird, considering every other time he'd looked at Magus for more than a few minutes throughout the week tears were involved, but now his face was clean, his vision clear. And his mind cleansed, and just so joyfully happy. So happy that he was _sure_ he was going to see that smile again. Those eyes, the color return to his face. And instead of the hustling New York harmony coming from outside, he would get to hear Magnus's voice, his sweet comments, the ones that always, _always_ made him turn a certain color of crimson or the snarky, playful, remarks that had him on the floor in tears from laughter.

Alec's smile had widened, and he was biting his lip to hold back a grin. He was so excited to see those things again.

Magnus was going to wake up.

It was just alcohol poisoning. Even when people got into comas, they didn't last long. So he was going to wake up.

Magnus was going to wake up.

And then a second later, surprising even himself, Alec had started to literally giggle out loud.

Under _any_ other circumstance, he would've _died_ of embarrassment from legitimately _giggling_ out loud like a love-struck, obsessed teenager. But it was different this time. There was no one near him, no one presently awake in the room with him. Hell, he could've done whatever the fuck he wanted.

Alec paused to clear his throat for a moment, reconsidering.

Alright, maybe not _anything_ , but he could sure as hell giggle. And he did. He giggled loudly, as loudly as he rarely let himself, and it felt _so fucking good._

It was like all the laughs that he'd been deprived of over the last few weeks, and by the end he was snorting out loud, leaning over and clutching his stomach.

For no reason.

Okay, maybe there were a few. Every single time he closed his eyes in bliss, he saw Magnus, Magnus's face, Magnus's smile. Maybe his body, striking a pose and wearing the usual leather pants and a loud t-shirt.

It just made him laugh more.

And he wasn't laughing because it was funny. There was really nothing funny about it. It was his boyfriend. He could've cried looking at his pretty, funny, gorgeous, amazing boyfriend.

But he'd clearly had enough crying that entire week, so now he was laughing. Maybe it was because it was something that had been on hold inside him for the past two weeks, or maybe because after going so low this was his peak.

But he couldn't, and wouldn't stop.

It felt good.

He was going to laugh. He would let himself.

Magnus was going to wake up.

* * *

Magnus felt like he was floating.

Was that normal?

No.

He didn't know where he was; he couldn't see anything, he didn't remember anything. He had no fucking idea what was going on—

Oh. Something suddenly came into view, not focused quite yet, but visible. He squinted, but he couldn't make out where he was. Still.

Wherever he was, it was cold. It was super cold, actually, and super blurry, like this is what it'd be like if he didn't have twenty out of twenty vision.

But he did. Right?

He wanted to sigh, but his body wouldn't react. He honestly couldn't remember.

He couldn't move. The picture was starting to slowly come into view, but still not enough for him to see yet. It was like he was wearing glasses that needed a serious cleaning.

Magnus's limbs still felt like jelly, and he still wasn't sure exactly why. But that was no longer important. The blurred image was becoming clearer and clearer, and Magnus could make out a tall building…In the shape of a triangle. The Eiffel Tower?

He himself wasn't moving a single limb, yet he was inching towards it slowly. Like he was flying, but lightly; just above the ground. It was crazy and weird, and Magnus assumed it was a dream.

But he was still freaking out inside.

The closer he came, he noticed more details. There was a tall figure beside the tower, leaning against it casually, like it wasn't a historical monument. He chuckled on the inside because that reminded of him of Alec.

His vision finally cleared enough to make out specific details.

 _Oh_. What a coincidence.

It _was_ Alec.

 _Fuck_ , he'd forgotten how sexy he was.

When had Magnus last seen Alec? It felt like it'd been years ago, and seeing his face just brought on an onslaught of memories.

Although, he couldn't really describe what he saw as a face. It was all sort of fucked up, moving in and out of view and vision, and sometimes the image would change and be a different person, someone who looked very similar to Alec but not quite there yet. Magnus suddenly felt like the one who was super confused and uncertain in the relationship, for the first time.

Well, he didn't know what Alec was thinking, but just by his posture, his face, his _smirk_ Magnus felt almost…Vulnerable.

Yeah. Definitely a dream.

Alec was wearing mostly dark clothes, from what he could make out, so that was the same. Though, a slightly different style; a smooth, black leather jacket over a white t-shirt, and black _ripped_ jeans. Well, Magnus wouldn't exactly call white a color, but for Alec it was still good progress. It looked like an outfit that Magnus would try and get him to wear for like, a party.

As for Alec's face, when Magnus could get a good glance, it was the most relaxed he'd ever seen it. His forehead smoothed out, his eyes drooped, his mouth curved slightly in a lazy smirk, directed toward Magnus. His head was tipped back and leaning against the metal of the tower as he raked his eyes up and down Magnus's form. At least, when Magnus _saw_ eyes that's what they were doing.

Magnus wasn't at all surprised that _this_ was what his dreams consisted of. Alec Lightwood in Paris looking more attractive than a freaking biker boy. Actually, with the outfit, probably looking quite equivalent to a biker boy.

Magnus couldn't take the silence anymore. He tried opening his mouth, tried saying something so that they weren't just standing there staring at each other like this, but nothing worked. Just like the rest of his body, his face felt numb and fragile. And weird. He'd never felt like this before. It was sort of overwhelming, to see someone looking like _that_ right in front of him and not be able to give out any obscene compliments, or, in Magnus's preference, climb them like a tree right then and there.

But he tried not to let it get to his head. Because this was just a stupid dream. He would get over it.

He wished he could do something though, because he didn't have dreams very often. Especially ones this vivid and intense. He wished he could take out a camera and capture just how good Alec looked, then go back into reality and show it to the real Alec. Maybe that would persuade him to dress prettier.

Huh. The real Alec.

If this was a dream, when the hell had he fallen asleep? Why couldn't he wake up? Why couldn't he do anything? If he knew it was a dream, then why couldn't he control anything?

Maybe he was misunderstanding, it's not like he knew anything at all about dreams.

But still. Why didn't he have any recollection of anything that had happened before this strange dream?

Alright, he knew he was dating his wonderful boyfriend, Alec. He was pretty sure, at least.

Magnus wanted to sigh again. This was too much to understand, and he was getting a migraine. Maybe.

After a moment's time, Magnus started to hear things. Wordless whispers mixed in carefully through strong gusts of wind. And every time Magnus thought he was close to making out what they were saying, the wind came back again, stronger. In fact, it was so strong, that he was surprised he wasn't moving an inch. By the sound of it, winds this strong in real life would be knocking him over by this point, or at least making him shift or stumble. But he wasn't moving. And neither was Alec. Not a single hair on his cute little head was moving at all, the black mane tangled and swirled and mussed, yet perfectly still.

Magnus felt surreal.

Then, after a while of _this_ new torture, Alec burst out laughing, scaring the bejesus out of Magnus. Not that he could actually have an outer reaction because he couldn't _fucking move_.

Little giggles at first, his cloudy features twisting more upwards until they were full out laughing sweetly, the soft little hiccups that he did coming along with it. He was still leaning against the Eiffel freaking Tower carelessly, his posture slouched, but in an elegant way. His arms were crossed across his chest; something Magnus hadn't noticed until he'd started laughing.

The laughter started to become louder, clearer, yet his features became blurrier.

Blurrier and wonkier until everything just disappeared quicker than a blink. Magnus felt a gasp bubble at this throat as total darkness surrounded him.

The laughter was still Alec's, Magnus could piece that out. But it was louder now, much, and Magnus could hear it _right_ next to him. Right to his left, sounding close enough to _touch_. Fuck. This wasn't a dream anymore.

Magnus was starting to get a feel of his limbs again, his body, his face. He still couldn't move, which was torture, but he was getting closer to it. Every single nerve in his body was on fire, and he wanted to just leap out of bed and run a 5K.

Wait a minute.

He wasn't…In his own bed? At his own house? No, now that he was actually starting to _feel_ again, he realized with a start that he most definitely was _not_ in his own home, and he was _not_ in his own clothes.

And not being able to move or speak or _see_ really just didn't make anything any easier.

So, trying not to freak out too much, he attempted moving a single finger. He was under what seemed like some sort of thin, wavery, cold sheet. Which was starting to become dreadfully uncomfortable. His thighs and feet were bare, and the sheet was resting crinkled atop them, making him itchy.

His finger refused to move. The laughter had started to die down, Magnus realized with panic. He _really_ wanted to see Alec's face, especially his chubby, wide smile. So much, in fact, he surprised himself. But now that he thought about it, when was the last time he'd even seen Alec?

Magnus took a deep breath, forcing his muscles to start again. He tried remembering what it was like to move, and focused on it hard. For a while, it didn't do anything. No fingers were moving, no eyes were opening.

But after possibly a minute, he felt a twitch run through his hand. Then he got the chills, then got hot, then cold, and suddenly, his pointer finger wiggled slightly. Magnus internally jumped for joy, trying it again. It seemed to spark signals all throughout his body, and pretty soon, he could move all five fingers. Which then progressed to his hand, and he even got to twitch his arm, slightly.

He prayed Alec would notice something, _help_ him for god's sake because for some fucking reason he couldn't get himself to wake up. Alec's laughter had decreased to small, parted giggles, and Magnus doubled his efforts.

Using all the energy he could muster, Magnus managed to lift his entire hand. For half a second, before it fell back against the bed in a weak flop. Fuck. That was exhausting.

Also, by doing so, Magnus found out that his hand was under the ugly sheet as well, so there was a good chance Alec hadn't seen that at all. In fact, Alec probably wasn't even paying attention to Magnus. He'd been laughing, so he was probably looking at his phone or something. And he also probably assumed that Magnus was sleeping. However, the mystery Magnus had yet to solve was why the fuck he wasn't in his own bed, why he couldn't remember getting there and why he couldn't get himself to wake up. Hell, this wasn't even _Alec's_ bed by the feel of it.

Alright. He needed to figure out what was going on, and he needed Alec to notice him. He took another deep breath through his nose, and drew all his energy to his hand again. It lifted once again, brushing the papery sheet. Magnus mentally pat himself on the back for lifting it so high.

Then, a couple things happened at once. All Alec's noises stopped with one last dulcet hiccup. Magnus held his breath, praying that Alec had noticed and was going to help him.

But nothing happened.

Magnus let the breath out in a sigh, rolling his eyes behind his closed lids. This was infuriating—

Before Magnus could even _finish_ his thought, he felt a wave of wind blow across his face and saw a shadow come over his vision, clouding whatever light was above him. There was what sounded like a scramble of limbs as Alec _finally_ came right up next to him. He wanted to grin.

 _Yes yes yes yes—_

"Magnus?" Everything in Magnus's stomach plummeted at the sound of panic and hope in his voice. And desperation? What in the fucking fuck was happening? He heard tears somewhere in there too, and longed to reach up and comfort him, to tell him that it was going to be okay, (though he didn't even know _what_ was going to be okay). Jesus, why did the universe hate him? Why couldn't he just look at his boyfriend? Why was it so hard to grant him that one, small, _tiny_ favor?  
Magnus still couldn't move his mouth or eyes, but he lifted his hand again, trying to put all his emotions through that. He suspected it didn't work.

He heard Alec take a shuddering breath above him, and felt it blow out raggedly against his face. Why was Alec almost as panicked as him? Wasn't he just laughing?

"Magnus, _Magnus_ , oh— _oh fuck_ —" Alec's voice was shaky breathes and hoarse whispers. He sounded so _broken_ and sad that Magnus couldn't take it.

"Magnus, Magnus can you hear me? Magnus?" Alec asked desperately. His hand had snuck under the covers to clutch Magnus's, and Magnus could feel it shaking against his skin, icy cold.

Magnus tried to telepathically tell him that he was alright.

"Okay, um, I don't know if you're here right now, but the nurses are on their way, and— _fuck_ —" the rest of his sentence was just trembling curses, but that wasn't what concerned Magnus.

 _Nurses?_

Was he…Was he in the hospital?

But why?

Magnus's brain felt like it was going into overdrive.

It was going to explode soon.

Alec's face was so close to his he could literally feel the warmth coming off it, like when he was blushing. He was still whispering small words of encouragement, yet they were so nervous themselves Magnus had a hard time trusting them. His hand had started stroking over Magnus's palm, thumb rubbing back and forth. Magnus forced his fingers to bend so he could touch more of Alec's skin. It was all he could do anyway.

Alec let out a _whimper_ , and Magnus felt a _tear_ hit his cheek. It slid down his face until Alec caught it on his cheek, wiping it away and mumbling "sorry" through the small sobs.

 _Oh Alexander._

Magnus's heart was starting to hurt. He wanted to open his eyes and see Alec and touch him and just do everything _so damn bad_. It was more painful knowing what Alec was going through and not being able to do anything about it. Shit, tears from his boyfriend had literally hit his own face, and all he could do was lie there pathetically and uselessly.

So he let his hand go limp, and moved all his energy into opening his eyes. It had to happen eventually.

His eyes were moving frantically under his lids as the pressure built, and Magnus let out a harsher breath through his nose as he tried again and again. It was near equal to trying to push a boulder off your body.

Then, with one last push and one internal grin, Magnus cracked open his eyes slowly.

But had to immediately close them. Because everything was so freaking bright, he didn't know what to do about it.

Alec was still murmuring into his ear, stroking over his hand. His other hand had lifted to Magnus's cheek, stroking with his thumb across the sharp bone.

Magnus wanted to scream, and tried to make himself, but all that came out was a particularly noisy breath. Ugh.

When Alec moved again to kiss his cheeks, Magnus forced his eyes open and used Alec's shadow to shield his eyes. He wanted to grab Alec and hold him there, tell him to stay this close to him.

Alec's shadow wasn't much, and when he opened his eyes again there was still blinding brightness that felt like it was going to split open his brain. It was so strong, his face contorted accidentally, eyes squinting hard enough that he couldn't see anything even with his eyes open. Which he thought was ridiculous because how the fuck could his entire face move like this but not any other part of his body?

After a minute of intense concentration on keeping his eyes from slipping shut again, things started slowly blurring into view. Just like his dream; white clouds close around him and dark figures moving through the brightness.

Magnus lifted his hand in the vague direction of Alec, trying to capture his attention, maybe even get to hold his hand.

God it was pathetic but he needed _something._

Alec's urgent voice had come back to his ears again, and he was still leaning over him while stroking over his face.

"It's okay Magnus, it's okay, I'm here…" Alec continued whispering…Encouragements as Magnus slowly started to get a feel of his body again. Finding out what was going on was his new number one task.

Alec's face was still _very_ close, his breath rippling across his face. However, he was so close, that Magnus was having a troubled time focusing on it, and…

A tiny, shocking spark of brilliant blue was the first thing that _did_ come into view. Magnus realized, with both surprise and excitement, that it was Alec's eyes. He swallowed carefully, trying not to form a lump in his own throat at the tears that he saw in them. Fuck, he couldn't get distracted. He needed to find out why his dear baby was crying.

So he blinked a couple times, slowly, trying to move his eyes around and look at other features of Alec's face. He saw pale, creamy skin smoothed over clear cut cheekbones and a small, stiff nose. That cute little perky nose that Magnus was always tempted to kiss. It wasn't any less of a temptation now.

He started to see beyond actual physical features, saw more emotion. His eyebrows were raised, in fear or sadness or both, and his chapped, bitten lips were parted as he still blurted out all kinds of random praises.

" _Magnus_ , oh, oh my god,I can't believe you—you're here—you're _awake_ —I—" Alec spoke in shaky breaths, and the more he did the more his lips trembled, the more tears gathered in his eyes. It was heartbreaking, not being able to do anything about it.

Magnus got his tongue to move. "Al—Alec—" he croaked through an open mouth. His throat, he realized suddenly, felt about as moisturized as sandpaper. Alec's eyes somehow became more sad. Magnus wanted to cry.

"No, no Magnus, it's okay, you don't—" Alec's throat jumped visibly as he choked over his tears. He swallowed hard and lifted a finger to Magnus's lips. "You don't have to speak. The doctors—nurses are coming. You're going to be okay, okay? I'm here," he whispered, pressing their foreheads together. Though Magnus's vision was probably working enough for him to look around the room in other places, he didn't care. All he was going to watch was Alec anyway.

He tried lifting his hand again, repeating the motion until he'd shimmied it up farther against the bed. If that's what one would even call the monstrosity he was laying on.

 _God_ , he had so much to say, but no voice. He wanted to go back and sleep on his own bed, because, _fuck,_ out of nowhere he was just endlessly exhausted. He wanted to know why Alec was crying, know why he was at the hospital and know why he felt like he hadn't seen his boyfriend in weeks. Because frankly, Alec was acting like _he_ hadn't seen _Magnus_ in weeks either. Magnus was trying to make notes in his head of everything he needed to ask.

But it was too much. And, _fuck_ , what if something had gone wrong or something, and that was why he was there? Like what if he'd lost his voice in some sort of accident that he couldn't remember or something?

No, he needed to find out immediately.

 _Sorry Alec._

"Wh—wher—" Magnus coughed. Sort of. "Why—?"

He knew _he_ was supposed to be the more confident and assertive one, he was supposed to be the bigger man but for some reason he couldn't keep up that charade. Well, maybe there was one reason.

Some weird shit was going on, because this rarely happened, but Magnus just wanted to cuddle up in bed with Alec for hours until all this confusion and all these problems went away. He wanted Alec to just take over and be the bigger man. He hoped it wouldn't last long; he didn't want to have Alec have to see this side of him.

Alec nodded quickly, understanding. His voice shook, still, but it sounded more put together now. "Oh god, you don't remember anything, do you?"

Magnus wanted to shake his head, but all that came out was a small squeak. Alec sighed, his eyebrows pulling together as he looked around the room frantically for the nurses. Magnus whimpered when Alec pulled away entirely, flailing his hand up in weak attempt to pull him back down. Alec just whispered more praise and pet at his arm lightly as he glanced around in concern for the nurses, Magnus guessed.

Then he said, "Okay, I—I'll be right back, I just need to check where everyone is by now, I—nobody's coming and I pressed the freaking button—" Alec's sentence morphed into mumbling to himself as he left the room without even taking another glance back at Magnus, and Magnus closed his eyes in defeat.

Panic started to bubble up in his chest now that he was alone, and he tried to focus his mind on something else other then the fact that his whole body still basically couldn't move. He opened his eyes again and glanced around the room.

There was a heart monitor next to his bed, beeping steadily. Alright. That was new.

There was also a huge jumble of complicated machinery next to it, various wires attached to his wrists. Probably IVs.

 _What the actual fuck?_

Alec took a long time to return, however. And by the time he did, looking a little flushed and determined while bringing in four nurses, Magnus could already get a feel of his legs and arms, and even move them a little. His eyes had completely adjusted, and he was even thinking about maybe trying to speak full sentences.

"Magnus! So glad to see your awake." A small little nurse with thin glasses hanging on the edge of her nose said as she scribbled something down on her clipboard. She had a stern look on her face, like a teacher reprimanding a student, and her voice held no enthusiasm even though her words were supposed to be supportive.

Magnus glared at her. He decided to pretend like he couldn't speak yet.

Alec was standing in the corner behind all the busy nurses biting his lip and tapping his foot against the ground quickly. He looked deep in thought, staring down at the ground like it was showing an image of his dead dog. Magnus's heart yearned for him, and he wanted to get up and go over there and hug him more than anything. He knew when Alec had a look like that on his face, he was overthinking something. So that wasn't good.

"How are you feeling?" The next who spoke was an extravagant, pretty, middle-aged man with a slight higher pitch to his vowels. He sounded more caring, and actually looked Magnus in the eye when he spoke.

"I—fine." There wasn't much he could say, his voice still felt like a dried river. "My throat—it—" Magnus lifted his head slightly, trying to show his throat and tell the man that it sort of hurt like hell.

He smiled warmly. "Well yes, that's alright. It's pretty common to have a sore throat after you wake up."

Alec spoke next, so quickly and suddenly that he nearly stepped over the nurse's words. "I don't think he remembers anything. At all." Alec's foot was tapping quicker now, and his arms had crossed defensively across his chest as he still refused to meet Magnus's eye.

The nurse gave Magnus a look of confirmation, and Magnus just nodded lightly.

"Alright, well that's okay. Memory loss is usually normal after an alcohol overdose." Magnus jerked his head in surprise, eyes widening with his mouth open. Alec's face contorted briefly in the corner of his eye, but by the time he looked over he had covered it up again. Magnus felt a twinge of guilt. He didn't want Alec killing himself over this. Over _him_. How long had he been doing it anyway?

"How long have I—" Magnus's voice broke off as he choked and then started coughing violently out of the blue. He wanted to lean over and cover himself up, but his body didn't respond. Alec was by his side in an instant, fretting over him with tissues that had come out of nowhere.

"Here, Magnus," he said, his voice thick with tears and concern that Magnus was still surprised by. He didn't deserve Alec's concern. He slide a hand under Magnus's shoulder blades to lift him up slightly so he wouldn't choke, then covered his mouth with the tissues lightly. Magnus inwardly groaned. He felt like a child again, being taken care of so delicately.

"Sto—let—go—" Magnus tried pulling himself away weakly. It wasn't working. Alec just held on tighter, stroking his hair gently as he let him cough ruthlessly into the tissues.

Once the wave passed, Alec finally let him down, slowly. Magnus blinked, sniffing a little. Fuck.

"To answer your earlier question," said Alec, quietly as he turned his gaze away again, like he was hurt. "You've been in a coma for two weeks."

Magnus almost, _almost_ choked again, just from sheer shock. "Wha—are you serious?"

Alec nodded solemnly.

Magnus swallowed his own tears, thinking about what Alec must've been going through. So _that's_ why Alec had been so emotional right when he'd woken up. Alright. He checked off that question in his head.

"And…How did this happen?" Magnus pat himself on the back for being able to form full sentences.

"Alcohol poisoning." A small, young nurse hidden behind the big scary ones spoke in a small voice. Oh right. They'd already mentioned that.

"I…I don't remember drinking alcohol before this. Especially consistently enough to go into a freaking coma."

The man nurse sighed, fidgeting with with the cap on his pen. Alec gave him an annoyed look to which the nurse ignored and continued fidgeting. "Well, it doesn't need to be right before. Sometimes alcohol poisoning can come from a long build-up of _lots_ of nights spent drinking. And one last drink to push one over the edge." He paused, a hesitant look in his eye. "I…Could recommend you to some therapists?"

Magnus's mouth fell open in disbelief, but he shot him a cold glare. "What's that supposed to mean?" he deadpanned.

The man shurgged innocently, and the other nurses awkwardly scooted away from him, sensing his mistake. "Oh, _I_ don't know. Maybe it could help your…Problem?" He sounded sincere, not sarcastic, which surprised him.

Magnus knew what he was going to say before he even finished speaking, and he wasn't happy about it. "What prob—excuse me, sir, but you don't know anything about me, and I most certainly do not have any _problem_ with drinking. In fact, I think I've had enough of your presence here, and if you've gotten all your information, I would like some privacy with my boyfriend," said Magnus bitterly, a little out of breath once he finished. Alec sighed uncomfortably, sending the group an apologetic look as they shuffled guiltily out of the room.

Magnus's expression visibly softened when he caught Alec's eye. "So sorry about that, darling. Now what d'you say you help me get out of this bed and hop into a nice shower? I feel disgusting." Alec barked out a laugh, his eyes still wet, but a little brighter.

" _God_ , you have _no_ idea how much I've missed you," said Alec. He turned a little red right after, like he hadn't meant to say all that. Magnus sent him a warm smile, and picked up his hand a little to invite him over.

Alec came shyly, and Magnus was having none of it. He pulled him down by his shirt once Alec had gotten close enough, pausing once their faces were a few inches apart. Alec's breath stuttered against his chin. The position was awkward, but the pure intensity and love held in each others eyes made it work. Alec looked like he was trying to hold himself back, like he wanted to stretch out the moment forever. But his facade broke quickly when Magnus let his eyes drop to Alec's lips. His eyes drooped and dilated, and the last thing Magnus saw was Alec lick his lips hungrily before he dived in. Magnus let his eyes close, sparks jumping behind closed lids. Alec's lips were soft and full, but his kisses were wild and whole-hearted. He pressed their lips together, though chastely, as if it were the last time they would be able to kiss. Magnus swallowed all the whimpery sighs Alec was making, trying to tell himself that it wouldn't be wise to get himself too excited when half his body literally couldn't move.

Alec shifted, then scooted Magnus over gently on the bed so he could slide in gracefully next to him. Magnus wanted to grin as Alec practically scooped Magnus's limp body in one arm as they lay on their sides. His hand was resting on the small of his back, light, like he didn't want to hurt Magnus. His other hand was by Magnus's cheek, stroking it as he kissed him with everything he had. The sweetness behind his gestures was confusing. Magnus wanted to smother him yet stay just the way they were all at once.

"Mmmm," Magnus moaned into his mouth, sliding his stable hand slightly up Alec's shirt. Alec squeaked into his mouth, trying to pull away yet arching into it like he just couldn't help it. Magnus turned on his charm; he knew that the hospital people probably wouldn't appreciate it, but he hadn't even touched, even _seen_ his darling Alec in _oh so long_. They both deserved a little love.

"No—mm _ph_ —Mag—" Alec stumbled over words as Magnus's refused to stop. He in fact, pressed hard, sliding his tongue slowly along the seam of Alec's lips.

"Ohh, _yes_ ," Magnus murmured. "Missed you _so_ much baby."

Alec chuckled a little, pulling away to press his mouth against Magnus's cheek for a second. "Magnus, you weren't even _conscious_. You had no idea what was going on."

Magnus pressed one last fond kiss against Alec's slack lips, before sighing and pulling his face an inch away to survey Alec's expression.

"I still had an idea of what was going on. Of how much I missed you. I think I had dreams, in fact."

Alec looked alarmed.

Magnus sighed, forcing his hand to lift and stroke Alec's cheek. Alec leaned into the gesture with a soft sound, his eyes slipping a little. "Yes, dreams of you. Blurry, and ununderstandable. But it was still you. And I also felt this weird…Longing in my heart toward it. Toward you, my love."

Alec's ears turned a light pink when Magnus added the last part. "I—wow. I didn't know you could dream in a coma."

Magnus cocked his head. "Me too. Interesting."

Alec's face pinched a little. "Was it painful?"

"No," said Magnus. "It was just weird. Numb. I thought I was having like a _really_ good sleep."

Alec laughed a little at that, and Magnus hadn't realized how much he'd _needed_ that laugh. Oh fuck.

"I heard you laughing as I was waking up," Magnus said, suddenly coming to that realization. "Because of that, you were laughing in my dream."

Alec looked like he wanted to laugh again, but seemed too uncomfortable.

Magnus cooed, moving his hand to ruffle it through Alec's hair. "Aww, no, sweetie. I love your laugh."

"Okay," Alec said firmly as he rose out of the bed. "I should—you—that's enough." He sounded big and angry, but Magnus saw the red from his ears move to his face accidentally as it always did when Magnus complimented him. Magnus had _missed that fucking blush_.

"Why did you gooo?" Magnus whined, falling onto his back in the now empty bed. "Ugh, god, this place is a mess. I swear, I'm being lenient now, but when we get out of here, I will be _all over you_."

Alec smiled slightly. "I can't tell if that's a good thing or a warning for a threat."

Magnus returned the smile, smirking. "Why can't it be both?"

A new nurse came a second later, bringing in a cart of food. Alec moved politely out of the way, clearing his throat awkwardly and ducking his face so she wouldn't see his blush. Magnus lifted his head, sniffing the food and moaning out loud happily.

"Oh, _lovely_."

* * *

 **A/N: U guys there's only two fucking ePisodes until the finaleeee and I literally wanna bawl I'm actually gonna lose my mind so guys plz rant on the shoW and w0w i'm in tears (talking ab shadowhunters btw).**

 **OK aLSO plLLLLZZZZZ rrrEeeview. Review and I will virtually give you a brownie. I will literally push it throw the screen, and you will l0ve it.**

 **Also sry for the spelling errors and shit, I'm literally just desperate to get the chap out for y'all so I try to edit quick. I wanna know; would y'all rather me edit and have it be like confirmed super good but take a pretty long time before I post? Or just the way it is now? Plz lmk.**

 **ANNNd I kinda have an idea; a lil sequel of this story (sort of) that's just all of Alec's letters that he wrote to Magnus in the coma. Is that a good idea? Ppplz lmkkk.**

 **Aight so that's the end of this chap, angst is finally over (or is it?) lololololol I'm excited to show you guys what I have planned for this story.**

 **-Emma, who will bribe you with a brownie if you review.**


	9. It's Been Awhile

**A/N: Hi lovely readersssssssss.**

 **Y'all shadowhunters is tearing my heart to shreds. I'm just so askkfjwujrnvu and oadinowen and skskaksf. It's ToO mUcH.**

 **OkAy imma ask again if any of u want me to make like a sequel thing off this story that's just all the notes Alec wrote to Magnus while he was in a coma. Does that sound good? TELL ME PLZ.**

 **Y'all aren't reviewingggg anymorrreee. MOstly. Is this story is complete trash? Like am I just completely failing? At least tell me what I'm doing wrong. Pleasseee.**

 **Alright, this chap was originally supposed to be part of the other chap, but the other one was already too long (my longest one freaking yet), and don't worry, there won't be any angst in this. Well, kinda. There'll be more fluff. I kinda find it funny that I literally cannot handle reading angst but I write it constantly and idek why. So have fun dealing with this mess of a chap and hAPPY READING.**

 **Disclaimer: *sigh* If I owned the mortal instruments, shit would be going dowwnnnnnn. Be glad I don't.**

* * *

Alec was straight up panicking on his way back from the hospital. After too much convincing from Magnus that he would be alright on his own, he'd decided to go home and put his house together for Magnus. They'd decided to have a little sleepover. At Alec's place. For a few days.

So now, Alec was going to have to deal with his devastatingly handsome boyfriend _living_ in his house. After not having seen him for weeks.  
Alec blew out a frustrated breath, weaving his hands through his messy hair.

He wasn't going to rush Magnus into anything at all. In fact, the entire purpose of Magnus staying over was that he'd be taken care of, that Alec would just give him some company and help with his recovery. It was simple, nothing.

He'd just have to live with a few extra cold showers, that's all.

Alec wanted to scold himself for being so selfish. His boyfriend had just woken up from a two week coma, and all he could think about was getting some. This was _ridiculous_.

Alec had been so caught up in his own thoughts, he hadn't noticed the busy street in front of him, nearly running into a moving car.

"Fuck," he said, hastily jumping back onto the sidewalk as a middle finger popped out from the jeep that he'd scarcely ran in front of. He bared his teeth, awkwardly looking away.

His house wasn't far; this was one of the perks of living in the city. Basically anywhere you go is in walking distance.

It was around four, the sun sitting halfway in the cloudless sky, burning down on his shoulders and face. The streets were busy with traffic as people came back from work, cars jumbled and chugging along slowly. The air felt dry and thin, the smell of burning gas and sour coffee surrounding him. Just usual New York City stuff.

He turned the last sidewalk corner to his apartment entrance, burying his hands in his pockets and ducking his head to avoid the curious looks of bored passengers passing by in slow vehicles.

Alec nearly tripped on his way up the stairs, fumbling with the key for a second before pushing it into the lock and twisting it with shaky fingers. Church was immediately on his tail, meowing after him angrily. Oh fuck. He'd kind of forgotten Church had existed.

But it didn't really matter anyway, because Church could always reach his food even without Alec's presence. He'd trained himself to, since Alec went away like this quite often. It was just a bit…cleaner when Alec gave him food. Pebbles were scattered all over the kitchen floor, a small clearing in between them where Church had clearly laid down to scarf them up.

Alec sighed. He'd just have to pick that up later.

 _Fuck, this cat doesn't deserve me_.

"Oh, Church baby, I'm so sorry, I'll—I'll take care of you in a second—just—" Alec put a hand up as he went around his flat, tidying up and making room for Magnus. Church swished his tail, clearly annoyed as he stalked away. Damn, Alec was going to pay for that later.

Alec's phone made a tiny buzz in his jean pocket, making him jump and then freeze on instinct. He'd forgotten he'd picked it up from the hospital.

He winced when he saw the long, long line of missed calls and texts from his siblings. Well, mostly Izzy. Jace had just texted once or twice wondering if he was coming to work, then texting "nevermind" a small time later. He missed Jace.

He opened his phone and went straight to Izzy's contact, pressing the call button. He desperately ignored all the red missed calls.

"Hey, Iz—"

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

Alec winced again, pulling the phone away from his ear slightly. "I—"

"You know what, don't even answer that, Alec Gideon Lightwood. You are in deep shit. And I will punish you for it later. But first of all, are you okay?" She asked it in a stern voice, her annoyance still clear, but Alec knew it was genuine. He smiled softly.

"Yes. Look—"

"Okay, then where the hell have you been?! You're telling me you've just been MIA for nearly _two weeks_ and there's not even anything wrong?" Her voice was high-pitched and angry, and Alec could tell he'd fucked up.

"Izzy, please let me explain—"

"You better have a damn good reason, Alec Light—"

"I do!" He interrupted before she could go off again, throwing his hand up in the air in an exasperated manner. "And stop full-naming me!"

She sighed loudly through the phone, waiting. Finally.

"Okay. Magnus…he got a little sick."

"Oh my god—" Izzy was annoyed again.

"He was in a coma Izzy. For two weeks." Alec cringed at the silence on the other end, and tried talking through it to make it seem less…weak and pathetic. He was supposed to be the older brother. "I—I don't want to get into it, please. It's—It was just not…a good time for me, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—I mean, I should've answered your calls and texts and stuff. I just kinda forgot about my phone through the whole…situation." It sounded really stupid out loud, now that Alec thought about it. He clenched his eyes shut, pulling at his hair again as he opened his mouth to say everything all over again.

"Oh," said Izzy, unsure pity in her voice. "I'm sorry, Alec. Is—is Magnus alright? I mean, you have your phone back now." She chuckled awkwardly.

Alec smiled again. "Yes. He's good now. Thank _god_."

He and his sister never really had deep and meaningful conversations. They were very close, yes, but they conversed everything that needed to be said in calm, short conversations. It pleased Alec greatly. Izzy knew when to stop digging and annoying Alec, and she really, truly understood him. He didn't have any reason to lie to her.

"Okay. Well, I need to get back to work, and from the sounds of Jace, you do too my friend. Have fun with that. Oh, and tell Magnus I said hi. Love you bro."

"Love you too. Bye."

The call ended with a quiet beep from his phone. He placed it on the side table, feeling a sense of accomplishment and happiness. He was glad Izzy wasn't mad at him. That women could hold grudges for years.

And Jace was pretty chill. Jace understood him just as deeply as Izzy, but maybe even more. He knew that when Alec went MIA like that, it was for a good reason, and he gave him space. He appreciated his siblings more than they would ever realize.

Alec sighed, coming back to Earth when he felt Church nudge his knee. He grinned and scooped him up, ignoring the angry and annoyed meow. He cuddled the little cat up to his face, giggling when he gave in and started purring. This was a certain side of Alec he hoped nobody would see.

He still let himself do it, though.

"Alright, I think it's time to take care of this mess," he said, his voice still sounding like a coo. "Because papa Magnus is coming over."

Church cocked his head, eyeing Alec warily.

"You're right, that was a weird thing to say."

* * *

"Alec, I'm very touched that you want to walk me to my apartment. But there are some things that I can do myself. Like get my stuff. Plus, I'm already taking a cab."

Magnus was balancing the phone between his shoulder and his neck, his head cocked and skin squished to keep it in place. He was holding a bag of hospital stuff; stuff the hospital had lent him for free, and his own stuff in his other hand. It was complicated.

"I know, I know I know. I just—I mean, you _just_ got out of the hospital. Out of a _coma_. I want to make sure nothing happens. I just think—I—I don't know." Alec sounded resigned, shameful at his words. Magnus could tell what he was feeling. He smiled slowly.

"Aww, honey. That's sweet. But I'm alright. I will be just fine—"

"At _least_ let me pick you up from your house. You know, on your way to mine. Please." He sounded slightly desperate, and while Magnus denied it, he was secretly pleased.

He sighed, pretending he wasn't excited about seeing him. He already missed him, which was concerning because they'd only been apart for about forty minutes. "Alight. I'll do it for you, Alexander." He heard Alec breath a laugh through the phone. He grinned as well. He heard the lie even in his own voice.

"See you soon. Love you." Magnus's grin widened. They'd never really said that before much, besides really emotional times or the very first time they _had_ said it. Magnus thought he liked the sound of that.

"I love you too."

The call ended, and the smile refused to stay off his face as the cab pulled up to his house.

He made sure he was short and quick with getting all his things; Catarina had been watching Chairman Meow for the past few days, and she was okay with watching him for a few more. It would be fine.

After a brief reunion with his cute feline and a quick shower, Magnus was texting Alec that he was ready to be romantically picked up, not forgetting to add a large supply of foolish heart emojis. Alec's reaction was a bland smiley face made with two parentheses and a colon. Alec was boring.

But he was loyal. In a matter of five minutes, earlier then Magnus had expected, Alec was knocking on his door. He tried not to squeal as he skipped over to answer him.

"Alexander!" Magnus exclaimed as he opened the door. Magnus knew he looked like a total mess—his hair was damp and un-styled, his face completely free from any product. His outfit was sweats, and he felt the least himself he'd ever been. But Magnus didn't miss the way Alec's eyes lit up when their eyes met, or the way his face split in a smile at being close to him. What had he done to deserve this?

"Hey. Ready to go?" Magnus nodded, picking up all his bags and refusing Alec's weak attempts to help him carry them to the cab. Once they were in and ready, they sat looking away from each other, out at the gorgeous New York City skyline, but their hearts were close. Magnus could tell. He felt around, without looking, for Alec's hand in the cab. Alec slipped his fingers through Magnus's, gently squeezing. Magnus smiled fondly.

Then Alec spoke. "You know, we've never even been on a real date before," he said quietly, like he was embarrassed. Magnus inwardly cooed.

Magnus slowly turned his head and was met immediately with Alec's uncertain gaze, staring at Magnus as if for confirmation through low lashes.

Magnus squeezed his hand. "Why, of course. Would you like to go out to dinner?"

Alec beamed, visibly relaxing. "That—that sounds great."

Magnus returned the smile. "How about tonight? I know a great little place with the best prices—"

Magnus stopped talking when Alec's face suddenly morphed into concern. "What is it?" Magnus asked.

"I—just, I think you should rest tonight."

Magnus glared at him, and Alec sighed.

"I know you think you're all better, but please. For me. To make _me_ feel better, could you stay safe at home for _one_ day?"

Magnus's heart did a stupid little jump when Alec referred to his apartment as _home_.

"Are you saying you don't want to go out with me? Are you hinting something here?" Magnus said it in a teasing tone, but Alec still of course took it literally.

"I—no, _no_ , not at all, I—"

Magnus laughed, shaking his head. "It was a joke darling."

Alec's cheeks went a little pink, and he looked away. "Oh."

Magnus hadn't realized, with all of his admiring Alec, that they'd pulled up in front of Alec's apartment. Their flats weren't that far apart, anyway.

"Have a nice day," Alec mumbled politely to the cab driver after paying him. Magnus paused as he was getting out of the car, studying the man in the driver's seat in a moment in confusion.

"You too," he said. Then he caught Magnus's eye through the rearview mirror, _winking_. "Have fun."

Magnus gasped.

"Wait—I know you!" Magnus pointed at him accusingly as the guy laughed. "You're that driver from—from before."

"Yes. Nice to see you again, Magnus." Alec was waiting outside of the car, holding Magnus's luggage and staring between the two of them in a fearful confusion.

Magnus scowled, just waving and making a small frustrated noise as he pulled himself out of the vehicle. Didn't New York have any other cab drivers?

"What was that all about?" Alec asked as they walked up to the brick building.

"Oh, nothing." Magnus waved it off.

"Was he an old friend?" Alec inquired.

"Oh gosh no, he's…just a creepy dude. Nice, but…I don't know." Magnus laughed a little at the look on Alec's face. "No, no not like that. He's not like 'going to kidnap and rape you' creepy. He just notices a lot of things that others wouldn't."

Alec still looked doubtful, but he just nodded without any other further questions asked.

Church seemed happy to see Magnus when they walked in. Church was usually never happy to see anyone, not even Alec.

Magnus scooped up the small fur ball and cuddled him close to his chest as he purred. Alec stood frozen in the living room, watching the two of them fondly.

He wanted to see this everyday. He wanted to come home with Magnus, or come home _to_ Magnus, playing with his cat like that. He wanted the three of them to be like a family, and he wanted to spend every single day feeling like that.

Alec blinked.

Oh no. No no no.

He did _not_ just think about Magnus moving in.

With a vicious shake of his head and an inaudible agitated sound, Alec left the room, lugging all of Magnus's stuff to the guest room. Magnus had put down Church and was looking after him in curiosity.

"You're banishing me to the guest room? What did I do?" Magnus called to Alec, who froze.

"Wh—no—I mean, what do you mean?" He said quickly.

Magnus smiled and crossed his arms, leaning his torso back a little. This caused his shirt to ride up, slightly, and Alec's mouth went a little dry as he couldn't help but stare. Magnus's loose yoga pants were hanging a little low, and Alec could see the defined 'V' on his abdomen. It'd been just a little too long since they'd done good stuff.

Then Magnus spoke, distracting Alec. "I thought I was going to sleep in your room, sweetie?"

Alec rose his eyebrows innocently. "I—yeah, sure, if that's what you want."

Magnus recoiled a bit, his smile faltering. "Unless—you don't want that. I can sleep in the guest if you want."

Alec looked startled, as if someone had caught him off guard. "No, no you can sleep in my room. I wouldn't—I don't mind."

Magnus studied his face for a second, then his smile returned full force. Alec's heart jumped. Magnus should really smile more often, he thought.

"Wonderful. And, for the hundredth time, I can carry my own things, Alexander." Before Alec could move or do anything, Magnus had moved with high speed and snatched his bags out of Alec's hands. Dammit.

Magnus strutted over to Alec's room, dumping his things in the corner of the room carelessly as he inspected the area. "I've never noticed how small your room is," he announced. "A pity. And remind me to redo your closet while I'm staying here, alright?"

Alec shook his head furiously, but he was grinning. "Of _course_ ," he said sarcastically.

Magnus turned around, and Alec's eyes were once again drawn to where his shirt was still ridden up, exposing that one small, delicious strip of skin. His eyes went a little glassy, and he unintentionally licked his lips. Magnus didn't miss the gesture, and he smirked and cocked his head.

Alec's eyes shot up, and he shook his head, trying to shake himself out of that momentary trance. Magnus wasn't ready for…that stuff. Not yet.

As if he'd read his mind, Magnus slinked forward, sliding his hands up Alec's arms until he was cupping Alec's red cheeks. Alec let out a small whimper when Magnus slotted their lips together. He let his eyes slip shut, let himself get lost in Magnus. After all, it was just a little kiss. It wasn't going to go anywhere. Alec had self control.

Magnus's hands slid down to Alec's, taking them in his and leading them to his hips. He placed them right on the strip of skin that Alec knew he knew Alec had been looking at. Alec suppressed a shiver, forcing himself to calm down. He slowly lifted Magnus's shirt, relishing in the soft, smooth skin that he'd missed _so damn much._

He let out a breathy moan when Magnus snaked his tongue into his mouth, shuddering when he ran it against the roof of his mouth.

 _Oh fuck._

Without thinking, his hands slide the rest of the way up, running up and down Magnus's sides. Magnus groaned, and Alec swallowed the noise happily.

He didn't think it was possible to feel this happy after going through everything he'd just gone through. Magnus really was his sunshine.

 _Oh. The letters._

Of course Alec had just remembered them while making out with Magnus. He'd brought them home with him, secretly, before Magnus had come over. But now, the thought of Magnus seeing them, reading all those personal, deep feelings he had made him want to vomit. He didn't want to even think about vomiting while kissing Magnus, so he moved his train of thought to the hand that was inching its way closer to his groin.

Magnus really seemed like he wanted to, but it was too early. Right?

No. No, it was too early.

"Mm—Mag— _Magnus_ —" Magnus just seemed encouraged by this. He pulled away, but before Alec could speak Magnus was pushing him back onto the bed, sporting a mischievous smirk.

" _Alec_ ," he replied, in a completely different tone. Alec sensed the meaning behind the words, and he sat up a little on the bed, making it impossible for Magnus to lay on him. Magnus cocked his head in confusion, climbing on as well, and placing his hands on Alec's chest, as if to push him back.

Alec wouldn't let him, a hesitant look surely on his face. Magnus pulled back completely, sitting up. His eyebrows drew together and he frowned. Oh how Alec hated when he made Magnus's face look that.

"Something wrong, Alexander?"

Alec shook his head fiercely, nearly scaring Magnus. "No. No I just think that it's a bit too early for you to be doing…those activities." His ducked his head but Magnus could still see a blush forming.

Magnus crossed his arms. "I don't think that's up to you to decide, honey. But, I mean if this is some way of telling me that _you're_ not in the mood, that's completely fine—"

Alec shook his head again, black hair bouncing. "No no, I'm—I'd be…up for it I just—I mean you just got out of a coma. I don't want to rush you into something your body can't handle yet. A few freaking hours ago you could barely move. I think you should just rest. Maybe we could…watch a movie or something?"

Magnus studied him carefully, making sure that this wasn't some way of telling him that he didn't want to have sex. It didn't really seem like it, and as Alec had said, he _was_ in the mood. So Alec just genuinely didn't think he was ready for it. Huh.

"Well darling, I know that I've been in a coma, but I still haven't seen _you_ for two weeks either. And yes, my body _was_ paralyzed a few hours ago, but I am perfectly capable of doing many things now. The doctors never said we couldn't."

"Yeah, but—"

"Shh." Magnus placed a finger in front of his face. Alec adorably crossed his eyes to look at it. "I want this. You want this. I'm capable. You're capable. There's no problems here. And there won't be. I promise."

Alec still looked skeptical, so Magnus blanketed his lips over his and kissed away his last doubts. Alec finally let himself lean back, opening his mouth and deepening the kiss. He whimpered with the touch of Magnus's tongue against his, and let out a hard breath when Magnus gradually brought their hips together.

He grinded down, hard, moving his hips in small circles. His hands slide up Alec's worn out t-shirt again, this time with no resistance of any kind. He smiled against his lips, running his hands up and down Alec's built torso and stomach in appreciation.

Magnus truly believed in mind over matter, but having a hot ass boyfriend was certainly a perk. His abs were god sent, slender and strong yet not too much. His chest was smooth and hard, well built muscle trailing across fine layers of moonlight skin. Alec shivered when Magnus moved his hands to his nipples, rolling them slowly. Alec arched his back, thrusting his hips up when Magnus did it again and clearly trying to stifle his noises with Magnus's mouth.

Well, they couldn't have that, now could they?

He tore his lips away, delightedly hearing Alec's small groan at the separation, and moved to his neck. Alec seemed like he was trying to protest a little, but couldn't get control of his own body. Magnus was used to that feeling, he thought with a small, inner chuckle.

When he moved down to Alec's chest, moving his fingers from Alec's nipples to his waist, Alec started pushing him away a little.

 _Not again_.

Magnus opened his mouth to ask, but was then completely surprised when Alec pushed harder, wrapping his hands around his shoulders to roll him over on the other side of the bed. Before Magnus could comprehend what was going on or where he was, Alec was on top of him, their hips back together and bodies connected again. Magnus blinked at Alec's small, proud smirk, probably at the look on Magnus's face.

Magnus's mouth was hanging open a little, but he wasn't going to complain at this new confident, assertive Alec. The Alec that suddenly took both his hands and put them above his head, _pinning him down_.

 _Oh_. Magnus liked that _very_ much. He could get used to this Alec.

Trying not to moan too loudly, Magnus pushed his hips up and turned to putty in Alec's arms. Yes. He liked that very much.

Oh wait.

Oh no. _Fuck_.

"Fuck fuck fuck—" Magnus said against Alec's lips, squeezing his eyes shut. Alec pulled their bodies apart instantly, a worried look crossing his face as he scanned Magnus for probably any looks of uncertainties or regret. However, that wasn't why Magnus had stopped their little make-out.

"What? What is it? Did I hurt you? Are you okay?"

Magnus shook his head quickly. Alec had completely separated their bodies; he was laying awkwardly on his side so he could still watch over Magnus nervously.

Magnus relaxed a little, shortly forgetting about his problem. Maybe they could just stay here and…finish what they had start started…

 _No._

"No! No not at all, sweetheart." Magnus laughed a little at the situation, which just managed to confuse Alec more. Magnus almost wanted to not say anything and just pause time so he could take a picture of Alec like this. He really had no right to be so damn cute.

"Sweetie, I just forgot about something. I sort of set up reservations at that place that I wanted to go to for dinner. And just remembered that they're due in probably like ten minutes."

Alec just sort of flopped and gave him a 'seriously' look. Magnus smiled apologetically. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

"Magnus I told you that we shouldn't go out tonight, you need to rest—"

"Honey, we were well on our way to doing quite the opposite of that just a few minutes ago."

Alec turned a little pink, but he kept the stubborn look on his features. Magnus grinned, sitting up and pulling him out of bed. "Come on darling. I spent money on this. Let's go."

Alec weakly protested, but he came along with a scowl anyway. Magnus knew that Alec knew he was making a good point.

"Wow. This is so exciting. Our very first date," Magnus mused. He looked over his outfit as Alec put on his shoes. "Umm, however, there is no way I can even be seen in public like this. Especially not on our first date."

"Magnus!" Alec whined. "I'm not waiting forever for you. You were the one who wanted to do this."

Magnus dramatically put a hand over his heart, gasping. "You don't want to go on a date with me?"

Alec turned pale. Magnus stifled a laugh. "Wh—no, no that's not what I'm saying—" His voice was softer now.

Magnus full out laughed, tipping his head back. "Oh you need to stop taking all of my jokes seriously." Alec scowled again, harder this time, and Magnus lightly ran out of the room.

"Don't worry, I won't be long!" Alec rolled his eyes, falling back onto an armchair and taking out his phone. He knew Magnus _would_ be long.

"Aren't we going to be late?" Alec called after him with his sudden realization.

Magnus popped his head back into view and shrugged. "We have some time," he said. Alec sighed.

* * *

Magnus had taken a little too long, and by the time he was done they were already rushing out the door. No matter how much Magnus had insisted Alec had changed, Alec swore to stay in his comfy outfit.

They'd decided to walk and save money; it wasn't that far anyway. Alec tried not to stare at Magnus's ass as they speed walked down dark, city streets. He hadn't really gotten a chance to admire how well he'd dressed up.

His hair was gelled in its usual spikes, but this time it was a little less intense. Alec was sure Magnus had done it for him. Alec loved it when his hair was down.

His outfits never stopped stunning him, and this one was no different. He was wearing baggy ripped jeans, the ends rolled up a little to show off his cute new white boots that went up to his ankles. A leather jacket was open and resting on his usual black, mesh, see-through shirt, the array of shiny and long necklaces topping it off. He watched as they dangled on his chest, reflected the moonlight and bounced against his skin as they walked. Magnus finally noticed all his staring with a glance, and smirked, lifting his chin smugly. Alec's breath came a little short.

"Close your mouth, darling, you'll catch flies," he said, lazily glancing Alec's way again.

Alec closed his mouth quickly and turned to glower at Magnus, who just emitted a laugh.

"I—you look…amazing," was the best Alec could come up with to say. He wasn't very good at receiving compliments, and was especially not good at giving them out. "I—you—very, very beautiful." But he needed to let Magnus know. Magnus deserved to know.

Magnus turned his smirk into a warm smile, eyes softening slightly. "Thank you dear. You look rather striking yourself."

Alec frowned a little, turning an ugly color of red. How could Magnus even…even _compare_ himself to how _he_ looked, ratty and disgusting and not…nothing like Magnus. Magnus was _much_ more impressive.

"Wha—in this? I don't—that's not—I mean compared to you—"

Magnus chuckled, knowing what he was trying to say. "Well, not that it makes a difference, but I _did_ tell you to change—"

Alec interrupted. "Magnus we barely had any time left—"

"I know, I know it was a joke." Magnus put his hands up in surrender, and Alec gave in and smiled. "Still, it _doesn't_ make any difference. Everything thing about you is just…absolutely ravishing."

Alec's blush returned. "I don't—but that's not…true," he said pathetically. Alec wasn't fishing for compliments, and he knew that Magnus knew that, but it was still terrifying to say aloud. He felt like he was asking for attention when really he was just weakly trying to get his point across.

"Alec," Magnus said firmly. He'd stopped walking too, so Alec followed and turned to him with a bewildered look. "You are wonderful." He accented every word with an intensity Alec didn't know anyone could have towards him, especially about something stupid like his looks. "Never stop believing that. And always know that I will always believe that, as long as I live." His face was between Magnus's hands now, and people were giving them strange looks, but he ignored them.

"But—"

"No. No buts. You will listen to me, okay?" Alec just nodded weakly, then looked away awkwardly.

"We—we're going to be late, Magnus," he mumbled, indicating his head the best he could towards the direction they were heading to.

Magnus paused, but then slowly removed his hands from Alec's face and smiled. "That's what I thought," he said proudly. Alec just shook his head, threading a hand through his hair harshly.

This date was already off to an emotional start.

They needed to redeem themselves.

After reaching the restaurant and hastily begging the hostess to give them their seats even though they were late, Alec was already starting to get tired. It was eight o'clock already. Fuck, Alec felt like an old man.

Magnus was chirpy as ever though, of course. Which was strange for someone who'd just gotten out of a coma.

Taki's was a cute little place. It was small and enclosed, lots of pretty lights hanging in various places and it wasn't very full. They also got seated at a booth, which made Alec feel much better about everything.

Magnus thanked the hostess, who he appeared to know; some Tessa girl, and pulled out menus for himself and Alec.

"Mmm, I'm so excited for the food here. You won't believe how good the quesadillas are." Magnus kept on blabbing about the food and Alec smiled and politely nodded along, but his mind had gone somewhere else.

Would Magnus order an alcoholic drink? Would he be allowed to, so soon after coming out of a coma that had _been_ from alcohol? Would Alec be okay with seeing him drinking again?

"Alec? What's wrong?" Magnus waved a hand in front of Alec's face, looking worried. He started babbling again before Alec could say a word. "Is it the place? Do you hate it? Is it too much? Or is it something else? Are you upset from the conversation we had earlier—"

Alec stopped him before it got any worse. "Magnus! No. I love the place, I'm sure I'll love the food, and I love you. Relax. I'm just…worried about you. Are you…" Alec cleared his throat awkwardly, looking down. "Going to order any…um, any alcoholic drinks?"

Magnus's face turned a little pale in embarrassment, and Alec saw him look away too.

"I don't think so," he said quietly. Alec felt a little bad for him, but didn't know how to fix it. "Look, Alec I want you to know that I'm not addicted liquor. In any way. I had just went a little overboard, okay? We all do sometimes. And because of that, I promise I'll take a break from it for awhile."

Alec visibly relaxed, pressing his lips together tightly to prevent himself from smiling _too_ big, and reached across the table to caress Magnus's hand gently. "I love you," he whispered. Magnus looked up and met his gaze squarely.

"I love you too, Alexander." His eyes were shining, and for a second, it was just the two of them in their own little bubble, nothing from the outside world being able to disturb them. Alec loved moments like that with Magnus.

Magnus suddenly shook his head, pulling his hand away to open the menu. "Okay, I think it's time to eat. I'm famished," he announced. Alec giggled, picking up his menu as well.

* * *

"You know, don't think it's weird, that we haven't even been dating that long yet we've already said 'I love you' to each other? Like is that weird? I can't tell." Alec said all of this while chewing on a fish stick thoughtfully. Magnus, across the table, nearly spit out his water while laughing. Alec cocked his head at him. He didn't really see anything funny in the question.

"What? What is it, why are you laughing?" Alec asked stubbornly. Magnus snorted, a purple manicured hand flying up to cover his mouth.

He controlled himself again, putting on a clearly fake serious face for Alec so he could hide the giggles. "Nothing, oh, nothing's funny about it, dear. You're just too damn cute, I can't take it sometimes." Alec pouted obstinately, crossing his arms.

"I'm not—"

"And no, I don't think it's weird." Magnus interrupted him. "We were in love with each other for a long time before, so this relationship is technically long overdue. That's why it feels like we've been dating for years." His face was completely serious now even as he popped another fry into his mouth. Alec tried to hide his smile at the words.

"Yeah. Yeah I guess you're right."

Magnus nodded, his face unreadable but his eyes shining.

"So. How do you think we would act right at this second if this was a blind date?"

Magnus threw his head back and laughed, clutching his chest. "Oh darling, with a sight of someone as pretty as you, I'd probably have turned it all the way on. Meaning I'd be dragging you to the bathroom right about now to climb you like a tree."

Alec barked a surprised laugh, blushing a looking around absurdly to make sure no one had heard him. Thank god it wasn't very full that night. "Magnus! Don't say stuff like that right now! We're at a nice place," Alec demanded. Magnus suddenly got a strange look in his eye, a mischievous one. Alec leaned back into his booth, looking at him warily.

"Oh really? So you don't like it when I say things like that?" Magnus spoke as if he already knew the answer, but Alec couldn't help himself. He wondered briefly where Magnus had learned to be so enticing.

"Well—no—I mean like...we're in public, Magnus. Just—" Alec stuttered, seeming to not be able to find the right words.

Magnus cocked his head again, and suddenly Alec felt a hand crawling up his thigh under the table as Magnus leaned down. Alec jumped, then clutched the wooden seat tightly as he breathed harshly through his nose.

"What is it Alexander?" Magnus murmured. Alec scowled at him. "You're looking a little…flushed." The hand started crawling further and further up his leg, dreadfully slow.

Alec got the chills, his eyes going half closed. "You bastard," he managed to whisper.

Magnus chuckled a small, sexy chuckle. Alec had never met or even seen anyone who could make a goddamn chuckle sexy.

"Hmm, I think I might be the problem here," Magnus whispered, and suddenly his hand jerked forward and was now touching his crotch. Alec startled, his breath coming a little shaky as Magnus's hand moved up and down painfully slowly. After their hot makeup, Alec had been left feeling…wanting, and he couldn't find the will inside him to stop Magnus's ministrations.

"M—Magnus, we—we're in _public_ —you—you _can't_ —" Alec cut himself off with a gasp when Magnus squeezed him to shut him up.

"Really? Look around, Alec. There's no one here. No waiters or waitresses. It's just the two of us in our own, little, world." Magnus moved his lips slowly and deliberately at the last words, and his voice oozed sex. Alec wanted to push him away, his inner mind was _begging_ him to, but his body was refusing to cooperate. He drew in another long, trembling breath and closed his eyes. However, he knew that if they kept this up, Alec would give in completely and they probably _would_ end up going to the bathroom for sex. Something that Alec would regret later on.

"Magnus. Come on." He pushed Magnus's hand away with much protest from his pleasure regions. "We haven't even finished our food yet. And plus, this isn't fair, because _you_ were the one who stopped us earlier for _this_. Now there's no canoodling until we get home, okay?"

Magnus looked severely disappointed, and Alec almost felt bad until he said laughed softly and said, "Canoodling?"

Alec's cheeks burned a little, but he decided to ignore that. "What? Like you don't use extravagant words like that." Alec had calmed himself down more now, enough that food looked edible and delicious to him again. He took another fish fry and bite the top of it.

"Yes, but there's a difference," Magnus said. "I can actually pull them off."

Alec kicked him under the table.

* * *

Magnus, the smug son of a bitch, had taken Alec's no canoodling rule to heart and decided ordering a full three-course meal. Of _course_. It was really late already, both of them were tired, (and horny, if he wasn't going to lie), but it was all about the foreplay, right?

"Magnus, you can't blame me for not eating my chicken alfredo. I'm just not hungry. How the hell are you, still?" Alec watched him in awe as he downed down all three meals with no hesitation or uncomfort.

"Two weeks in a coma, Alec. Two weeks. For the _next_ two weeks, I will always be hungry as hell," Magnus announced.

Alec laughed a little. "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to need to pack this up for the road," he said, raising a hand to call the waiter over to ask for box.

All in all, it had been a pretty good date, Alec thought. Besides the obvious, uncomfortable desire the two of them shared throughout dinner, they had had tons of mini conversations and a good time. Alec had in fact learned a bit more about Magnus. Alec couldn't have thought of a more perfect date.

Well, maybe one without Magnus feeling him up during appetizers.

…Not that he hadn't enjoyed it.

Alec shook those thoughts out of his head. They weren't back home yet. He couldn't think about that just yet.

"Alright darling." Magnus slide gracefully out of the booth and laid out a hand for Alec to grasp. Alec did, gratefully, as he wasn't nearly as balanced himself in those simple tasks. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Alec said, taking a quick glance at their table to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. "When did you pay?"

"Oh, while you were packing your food," Magnus replied casually. Alec glared at him.

"Of course, just so you didn't have to insist to pay. You know I could've."

"Yes, but you're right," Magnus said as he dragged him out of the restaurant. "I _would've_ insisted and we would've stayed there longer, creating unnecessary arguments and more time bought when we could've been canoodling."

Alec sighed, smiling nonetheless at the possibilities of the activities they were going to do when they got back ho— _to his apartment_. He hadn't realized he'd been saying home so much. It wasn't their home. They weren't living together. Alec had to repeat that to himself a few times to engrave it in his mind.

"You know, we have all night. You're sleeping over. We technically did have time for arguments."

Magnus put a finger in the air as if he'd just realized something that was going to make him become president. "Ah yes, but that is why I ordered that three-course meal, of course."

Alec giggled, just taking notice that their hands were still attached when Magnus started rubbing his thumb up and down on the back of Alec's hand. Alec shivered.

Two. Damn. Weeks. He was desperate.

* * *

Magnus was being too eager. He was practically getting into his boyfriend's pants as they walked down the dark roads back ho— _to Alec's apartment._ He needed to stop thinking that.

"Mag—Magnus, stop," Alec whispered desperately when Magnus mouthed at the side of Alec's neck clumsily as they speedwalked. Alec was clutching Magnus's right hand and his skin was _burning_ against Magnus's mouth and it was all honestly very overwhelming. Magnus didn't know if he would be able to wait until they got to the flat.

"Mmm, but you taste so good, Alexander," Magnus murmured into his neck, hot breath causing goosebumps. "It's hard to keep off of you."

Magnus wasn't even trying to sound sexy at this point, he was just being plain honest. This side of him really only came out when he was with Alec, and Magnus was sure he didn't have a problem with it. Especially by the way he was whimpering and pushing into the touch.

"O— _kay_ , but can you— _ah_ —can you at least wait until we get indoors? I don't want to be— _arrested_ —" Alec's voice cracked and rose to a higher pitch every time Magnus sucked a mark on his throat, squeezing his hand harder. Sure, the position was awkward and bumpy with how fast they were walking but Magnus made it work. He would always be able to make it work.

"What? Arrested?" Magnus said in his silkiest voice. "Look around. There's no one here. Barely any cars, even, and they aren't paying attention to us."

"A—actually there's quite a few cars, but—" Alec cut himself off with a gasp when Magnus attacked his neck like a vampire again. Magnus wondered if he secretly had some type of neck fetish, but from the way he was reacting, this seemed to be entirely new to him. Entirely new which meant entirely genuine reactions. That was what Magnus loved most about his inexperience. Every single reaction was real. He'd never been taught to hide it, never been taught that it was a bad thing or that some people hide them because of embarrassment. Well, Magnus knew he felt embarrassed about them all the time but he'd probably assumed it was okay because Magnus did it too. He hoped that no one would ever teach Alec Lightwood to hold himself back. God knows he never would.

" _Finally_ ," Alec muttered as he stopped in front of his apartment to fumble with his keys. Magnus took this as a great opportunity to _really_ dive into Alec's neck, this time better angles and more stability. He internally jumped for joy when he felt Alec's knees buckle and his hands grab his shoulders quickly to stay standing. Oh yeah, Alec definitely had something with his neck.

He tore away from Magnus and snuck inside before Magnus could get back on him again, probably just so he would have the ability to walk up the stairs. Magnus chased after him, wrapping his arms around his waist when they both reached the top. They stumbled into the flat kissing, pulling at each other's clothes already and kicking off shoes.

Magnus shrugged off his leather jacket, ripping Alec's flimsy t-shirt off his back and throwing it somewhere in the living room. It didn't matter.

 _God_ , Alec was _so_ eager. It made Magnus's heart ache with how damn excited Alec seemed. He'd never seen him so earnest.

He was making small sounds in the back of his throat, low whines and Magnus swallowed every single one of them. Once both their shirts had been removed and they were pressed bare skin against bare skin, Magnus started to drag Alec blindly in the direction to his bedroom, but apparently Alec had other ideas.

"N—too—far—" he mumbled, muffled by Magnus's lips and then pulled him backwards so they both fell onto the couch, Magnus on top.

 _So eager_.

"Oh, Alec," Magnus whispered, pulling back to marvel at him for a second. His hair was a rat's nest, spread out along the pillow underneath his head and incredibly attractive. His bottom lip was drawn between his teeth, biting so hard it was starting to become white and his eyes were lidded and _dark_ and desperate with desire. His cheeks were flushed brightly, the blush already spread to his chest. "You are…there are no words in the English language to describe how beautiful you look. Maybe in another language," Magnus said with a small laugh as he murmured something in Indonesian. Alec's eyebrows rose, his mouth parting a little.

And that was the last Magnus could take before he dove back in again, sucking his bottom lip between his own and biting lightly. Alec moaned softly, then tentatively tongued inside Magnus's mouth. Magnus groaned loudly, encouraging Alec more. He shuddered when Alec tried sucking on his bottom lip, just like Magnus had. Magnus almost got a little _too_ excited when he realized that Alec was trying to copy things from Magnus, and he really was getting better at this kissing thing real fast. Magnus couldn't complain.

When Magnus moved his mouth back down to his neck, Alec let out a frenzied cry, no longer covered by Magnus's lips, and thrust his hips forward.

Magnus smirked a little against his neck. Guess now he knew that Alec was just as excited about this as Magnus was.

And it seemed to be the perfect time to take things up a notch. Magnus pulled back an inch to say, "What do you want, Alexander?" Alec swallowed hard and loud, and Magnus ran his tongue right against the place where he just saw his adams apple jump. Alec shivered.

"I—I don't, um…whatever you want is okay, I guess." Magnus smiled, opening his mouth to say something before he was cut off. "Except, I don't um, I don't want to go all the way tonight." Alec blurt it out quickly, like if he wasn't going to he would lose his nerve before he finished talking. When Magnus didn't say anything for a second, Alec started babbling nervously. "Not that I—don't want that with you it's just—I mean, it's just a little early? For me? You know? I'm not trying to say that it'll never happen, well, unless you don't want to—"

Magnus lifted his head to look him in the eyes and placed a hand gently over his mouth to shut him up. "Darling. Relax. It's okay. We can wait however long you want."

Alec looked greatly relieved at his words, as if he was expecting Magnus to break up with him if he denied him sex on the first date. Magnus sighed and almost shook his head. Alec was just too unsure sometimes. Magnus made a mental note to try and teach Alec to be more confident as their relationship grew. "Now, what _do_ you want to do?" Magnus asked again. "Because I could really do anything, darling, but tonight is about you. You decide."

Alec looked hesitant, a look on his face mixed between him not knowing what to do or him thinking about what option would be best. That was the best Magnus could read it as, at least. Then he got that shimmering look in his eye.

"Magnus, I thought we agreed that tonight was supposed to be about _you_ ," he said, nearly _smirking_ a little. Magnus blinked at him, his mouth a little open. He briefly thought if he had ever met someone as selfless and caring as Alec. He was pretty sure he hadn't.

"Well—I—um, if that's what you want, sweetie. But are you sure that's what you want?" Magnus tried to think if there was any situation where Alec hadn't surprised him. All in wonderful ways.

Alec shook his head, sitting up a little to unwrap himself from Magnus and stand, offering him a hand with a deep smile. "Magnus. Like I just said, tonight's not about me. I mean, for the love of god, the world doesn't revolve around me. So what do _you_ want, Magnus?" Magnus could tell he was still being awkward, not on purpose, and he could still hear the hint of insecurity behind the words. But just the fact that he had the courage to do all that just for Magnus in the first place was enough for him to bow down and do whatever Alec asked. Well, in this case the opposite however.

Magnus took his hand and returned the smile, and they both scurried off to the bedroom giggling at the events to come; the night was still young.

* * *

The apartment seemed to echo with both of their cries that happened only a handful of minutes ago, filling Magnus's head and making him dizzy. He was laying atop Alec's broad, damp chest, clutching his hand and trying to catch his breath somewhere deep inside him. Alec wasn't doing much better, slightly trembling under him with the same labored breathing.

Magnus's entire body felt hot and flushed with pleasure and release. He hadn't felt this hot and dirty since…well maybe since ever. Alexander Lightwood was full of surprises. He knew that it was just a start, and he had never been more excited to see what was next with him in his life.

"Well, Alec," Magnus breathed, once his throat was working again. "You've certainly outdone yourself. This was…wow, I think you've managed to render me speechless."

Above him, Magnus heard Alec emit a small breathless laugh. "Thank you," he said quietly. Magnus smiled widely, cuddling up a little closer to his boyfriend.

Magnus _loved_ after sex cuddles. He loved the intimacy, the closeness, the feeling of your partner panting against you as an encouraging reminder that they are just as winded as you. Magnus loved it.

And with someone like Alec, especially how Alec just completely ravished him not even ten minutes ago and was now hugging him as if they were spending a lazy afternoon in front of the television, this was something he hoped he never got used to. He hoped Alec would never stop surprising him. In fact, after knowing Alec for years of his life, Magnus was pretty sure that he wouldn't. Alec never grew old, never became dull. Never stopped surprising.

"Mmm, I just hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, darling, because truly, I cannot express how sad I will be if I know that you didn't get to experience what I did. It was so… _mmm_." Magnus finished with a satisfied noise, rubbing his head against Alec's hot skin. Which was gradually getting hotter and hotter at Alec's words.

"I, um…" Magnus traced random patterns across Alec's stomach and waited patiently. He knew Alec didn't know what to say, but he knew that he would get there. He always did. "I—I think I did. As much as you. Maybe. All I know is that I, um, I had a pretty good time. Really, _really_ good." He sighed happily, slowly running a hand through Magnus's messy hair. "I really missed you, Magnus. Please never do that to me again." Magnus's heart broke at how open and honest he sounded. He wondered if, after being so shameless for so many hours, it was easier to admit this now. Maybe it was something he was trying to do earlier but couldn't because of his insecurities. Was Alec really that affected from Magnus's coma?

 _Oh, you idiot._

He just needed now to focus on comforting his own boyfriend. So he sat up, dreadfully changing their comfortable position, to face Alec and look him in the eyes. Alec's eyes were wide and a little wet. Mangus tried a gentle hand across his cheek, stroking a thumb under his eye lightly. "Oh sweetie, I promise I won't. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't know you were that…hurt."

Alec looked bewildered for a moment. "I…of course I am Magnus. I care about you…I love you so damn much and I would literally go through hell and back to make you happy. And having to see you so low, so close to…I just don't even want to think about that. I can't—I can't lose you."

Magnus's heart tore open again. "Darling, I promise you will _never_ lose me. I love you. Forever."

Alec smiled a little, and now their faces were just a couple inches apart, foreheads touching, eyelashes brushing. "I love you, Magnus."

Magnus touched his lips to Alec's, briefly, and just for a second he was reminded of when he was just waking up. How Alec had been so close, and nearly just as broken as he was now. Magnus was going to fix this. He would make up for that lost time.

The anticipation was finally too much for Magnus, and he brought their lips together as fireworks exploded behind closed lids. This was ridiculous. He wasn't a lovesick, obsessed teenage boy anymore. Kisses weren't supposed to be this good. He wasn't supposed to have butterflies in his stomach. This was dumb.

Alec sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.

Well alight. Fuck that.

Just when he suspected things were going to start getting good again, that loud, obnoxious beep went off through the place. Both of them startled apart, and Magnus heard Church meow disapprovingly from the living room where he had probably been asleep. Magnus raised an eyebrow, looking back. Who would be at the door this late?

The buzzer rung again, making Magnus jump, _again._ Damn, what a way to ruin the quite, peaceful moment they'd been having.

"Well fuck," Alec said bitterly, voicing Magnus's exact thoughts.

"Yes," Magnus said with a sigh as he forced himself away from Alec to stand. "Fuck indeed. Here, stay darling, rest. I'll get it."

"But—"

"But you've already done enough tonight." Magnus finished the thought for him. "So stay here. I better not hear you following me," he said with a grin as he slipped on a pair of discarded boxers and padded on the cold floor to the door.

He took a deep breath, feigning sleep and pressing the big red button. "Hello? Who could it possibly be at this hour?" Magnus wasn't even sure what the hour was, all he knew was that it was damn late and whoever it was had best have a damn good reason to be interrupting his Alec time.

"Oh thank god, _Magnus_ ," a shaky voice said—

No.

Magnus's entire body froze, his brain short-circuiting and his heart contracting into a tight, wound up ball somewhere in his cage of a chest. That _achingly,_ desperately, painfully familiar voice.

Magnus _had_ be too tired. This was a sleep issue. He was hearing things—

"Magnus it's Jem. I thought you might be here and—" he cut himself off with sigh and Magnus drew a vibrating gasp. "I guess I should just get right to it. I'm still in love with you Magnus. I want to be with you again."

* * *

 **A/N: OOhhhhhHHHHHH bboOOOOOYyyyyyYY. What'll happen neXt? *Evil face* hehehehehhehe okay I think I'm sos tired I'm losing brain cells and that's y I'm acting like a fucking pyscoOOo WHHOOOOO i'm dead inside.**

 **Alright fam, a lil upset y'all aren't reviewing/telling me what I'm doing wrong so Imma straight up ask: can. Ya. Plaz. review. For mommy. OR ELSE NO NESXzT CHAP.**

 **Hehe jk y'all know I ain't that evil. I'm literary going insane to like great extents right now shits about to explode.**

 **I love every single humanoide who reads my story sm my heart can barely hold it all in so I hope y'all eNjoYEd ThE RiDE. I kinda didn't I'm tired as a fuck rn.**

 **Wtf did that even mean omg i need to stop.**

 **-Emma, who's forcing herself to end this before she accidentally breaks her computer by falling asleep on it.**


	10. To Love Comes With Burdens

**A/N: FUck fam. Ya girls gotta date this weekend and she's scared as fucking fuck. Also idk y I just said 'ya girl' that was just the worst thing ever I—**

 **Also shadowhunters ends in like two weeks. It'll prob over by the time I finish this chap. What the fuck. THat's just not fair. I'm v upset.**

 **Like how tf am I gon live without shadowhunters? It's my literal life. mY lITTERALLL life. This fanfic wouldn't be being made rn if it wasn't for shadowhunters. And now damn freeform or netflix or whoever tf cancelled it. I literally sob ab it every single day so if y'all r feeling the same plz review a sob fest with me.**

 **Alright. Everyone knows what I'm gonna say now. Review, blah blah blah, it would 100% times infinity make my day and cover my depression from shadowhunters leaving me, blah blah blah, (so plz just review :)).**

 **AND ofc I love all ur current reviews. FOR REALSIES. I agree w all y'all and thx for telling me ab the sequel thing I think maybe one day I might just do it and also I'm quite excited to show y'all the plans I have for this story.**

 **K bye mwah.**

 **Disclaimer: Do I even need this anymore? Ummmm?**

* * *

A long ten minutes later, after many minutes of sitting in silence, Alec finally decided to drag himself up from bed. Just in case whoever was at the door was a homophobic kidnapper or something. You never know.

He quickly slid on a pair of boxers, not enjoying being exposed to his own cat who was staring at him from the doorway. Pervert.

"Magnus? Are you there?" Alec awkwardly slipped into his dark living room, squinting. "What's going on?" He could see Magnus's dark outline by the door, frozen with his back stiff. He didn't respond to Alec.

 _What?_

"Magnus?" He asked again, more worried this time. Alec walked up to him and gently put a hand on his shoulder. Magnus jumped at the touch, as if he hadn't heard Alec previously calling his name.

"Magnus? Can you answer me? What's wrong?" A horrible thought reached Alec, and he turned to look at Magnus's face. "Are you hurt?"

Before Alec could finish the thought, Magnus was backing up from the speaker, furiously shaking his head. Alec didn't know if it was an answer to his question or if he was denying something. Either way, Alec knew it wasn't good. Damn, why couldn't they catch a break of peace?

"Magnus," Alec said slowly, approaching him with open arms. "I want to help you. But you have to tell me what's wrong, okay?" He put his hands on Magnus's elbows, drawing him closer. Magnus looked at him with wide eyes, still shaking his head a little. It looked more like in denial, so Alec let go to go see who was at the door.

Magnus realized what he was doing with a start, chasing after him and putting a hand in front of him. "Alec, don't—"

Well. That just encouraged him more.

Before Magnus could stop him again, Alec reached an arm out and pressed the buzzer. "Who's there?" He asked.

"What? Who is this?" Alec cocked his head at the slightly familiar voice. "Magnus? You know it's me, Jem."

Alec's mouth fell open, and nearly felt his knees weaken with how quickly so many emotions passed through his mind. He saw Magnus cringe visibly in the corner of his eye. "No way," he breathed out in shock, without meaning to. He felt just as frozen as Magnus now. Anyone would.

"Um, what? Hello?"

Magnus was trembling slightly next to him, and Alec couldn't resist putting a comforting arm around him and drawing him close to his side. "What the hell do you want Jem?" He asked hotly. "It—it's very late right now," Alec spluttered out pathetically. His brain couldn't come up with anything else. It _was_ late.

"I'm here for Magnus." Alec's blood ran a little cold with jealousy at the confirmation in his voice, and next to him Magnus shook more. Alec held him tighter, like it was grounding him.

"Magnus wants nothing to do with you," Alec said crossly. "And that still doesn't explain why you're here. At this hour."

"Well, why don't you let Magnus speak for himself?" Alec could hear the dirty smile in his voice, and his vision went a little dark with rage.

"That's not—"

Magnus put a hand up. It was unsteady, but firm. "Alec. It's alright. Go back to bed. I'll handle it," he whispered.

Alec snorted. "The hell I'm gonna leave you right now. Go ahead. Speak."

Magnus laughed a little, and wow, it was funny how suddenly Jem was forgotten. Just for that one blissful second.

Then Magnus turned back to the speaker, his smile wiped away and replaced with that horrible expression he always wore when he was nervous but tried to cover it up.

Why did Jem always ruin beautiful things? Things like Magnus smiling? It was sort of rude.

"Jem. I want nothing to do with you. Alec's right. Please just…leave us alone." His voice was small and quiet, and Alec clenched his eyes shut, wishing this would all be over and that Jem would just leave already. Magnus's usual facade was gone, and Alec could literally see the bare vulnerability in his face. It was almost strange, since Magnus usually used all his strength to keep it up. But now, it was gone in the blink of an eye. Because of...his ex-boyfriend.

Scratch that. It wasn't strange. Just extremely painful.

"Oh really? So it's 'us' now? Is there something…going on between the two of you?" Magnus winced, and Alec decided to answer for him again.

"I believe that that's none of your business."

"Really? _I_ don't believe that—"

"Alright, that's enough. Alec, _please_ , go back to bed and let me handle this. Do it for me. And Jem, I'll deal with you next."

"Magnus—"

"No. No buts," Magnus said. It painfully reminded Alec of earlier that night, when he'd said it in a completely different manner.

Alec bowed his head defeatedly. "I—alright. Okay. Just—don't be long, please. Don't…I mean, not that you would, but don't make a big deal out of this."

Magnus blinked, then nodded, returning his attention to the speaker solemnly. "Go back now, Alexander."

Alec nodded, pecking his cheek for a long second before turning back. The second he did, he heard Magnus begin speaking again.

And he _knew_ he shouldn't listen. He _knew_ that it was wrong, and Magnus probably sent him back to the room for a reason. Probably sent him back to hint that he _didn't_ want Alec listening in on this conversation. But…

He was worried about Magnus. And Magnus was his boyfriend, so his business was technically Alec's. _And_ , Magnus hadn't said he _couldn't_ listen, so he supposed there would be nothing wrong with innocently standing in the doorway.

"Jem, you can't come to m—to Alec's apartment in the middle of the night and _announce_ something like that," Magnus said heatedly. Announce what? What had Alec missed?

"Why not? It's a free country isn't it?"

"Yes, but we're _done_. I am done with you. And I _need_ you to understand that."

Done?

Wait…

"Really? You seemed quite desperate when we were breaking up."

Magnus blew out an angry sigh, which Alec could hear from the bedroom. " _Yes,_ obviously, but—you can't—I'm—we're _done_ , Jem. I cannot get back with you, I—I don't even want to get back with you, and the _nerve_ you have, coming here and telling me that you still _love_ me after _brutally_ breaking my heart—" The rest of his sentence was drained in his angry whisper, silent to Alec's ears. His heart wrenched in his chest, and unexpected tears pooled in his eyes. _Fuck_. This was stupid. He was confident in his and Magnus's relationship. He was confident that Magnus loved him.

But…Magnus had been _wrecked_ when Jem had left him. Totally ruined. And now…Alec wouldn't blame him for feeling something if Jem had come back to say that he _loved_ him still.

 _God_. He shouldn't feel bad about this. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Well, he just wouldn't tell Magnus about it.

"Alec?"

Alec jumped, turning around with wide eyes. He hadn't heard Magnus stop talking. "Oh. H—hey. How did it go?" Alec asked awkwardly. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second. God, couldn't he just sound confident even for a minute?

Magnus took a deep breath. "Everything's alright darling. Don't worry, I sent him away." Magnus's eyes softened and he lifted the back of his hand to stroke Alec's burning cheek. Alec looked away guiltily. "That…whole experience was just a bit overwhelming for me. I don't—I don't know." Magnus let out a tiny laugh. "God, please just ignore me. I don't even know what I'm talking about."

Alec nodded quickly, turning back into the bedroom with a stupid lump in his throat. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed and hide under the covers forever. "Right. Okay," he said quietly, so his voice wouldn't crack.

Magnus followed him into the bedroom, slipping back under the covers with a shudder, as if trying to shake off the memory of what just happened. Alec slid in next to him with a shaky sigh, avoiding Magnus's eye.

The thing was, he wasn't unsure that Magnus loved him. He knew that. But…Jem was so intimidating. And confident. And sexy. Well, at least a lot sexier than him. Jem was basically everything that he wasn't, so Alec still couldn't help but have that nagging worry that Magnus still felt something for the other man.

He knew it was horrible to even _think_. He knew that he was being childish and dumb and just stupid in general.

But that didn't mean that he didn't get the right to _think_ about it. Magnus didn't know what he was thinking. He didn't know that he was becoming worried.

"Honey? Are you alright?"

Fuck. Magnus might not be able to tell what he was thinking, but he could read his face like an open book. Which made a slight problem.

Alec blinked, then put up a false smile. "Of course." His voice was breathy and uncertain. He cleared it, as if that would make him sound more confident. "What makes you think I'm not?"

Magnus shrugged. "You were just sort of staring into space and laying down like you were in a coffin."

Alec winced. "I—oh. I didn't realize."

Alec could tell he was still worried, so he tried his best again. "Magnus, I'm good. I promise." Oh what lies.

Magnus hesitated, but then slowly returned the small smile. Alec's heart stabbed with pain a little, and he turned around completely, so he wasn't facing Magnus anymore. "Going to sleep," he muttered.

"Alright sweetie," Magnus murmured. Alec could hear the hurt in his voice, but he couldn't get himself to turn around and face Magnus again. He knew that if he did, if he saw the look on Magnus's face, he wouldn't be able to take it. He knew that he would break down, blurt out the truth, and Magnus didn't deserve that tonight. It was, after all, his night. And he'd been through enough already.

So he held it in.

Did he stay up all night thinking about it?

Of course.

But did that mean anything?

No.

Right?

* * *

The next morning, Magnus woke up to a wonky stomach and an empty bed. Quite a wonky heart, as well.

Church was the one who actually made him get up, in the end, as for at least an hour all he was doing was lying in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about what had happened the other night.

The cat was nuzzling against his shin as he wrestled one of Alec's large t-shirts over his head, not bothering putting on pants. He cooed a little and picked the cat up in his arms, using him as a distraction.

"Where did Alec go, hmm?" Magnus spoke to Church, who just looked at him and cocked his head. "Out to the gym?" Church meowed thoughtfully, and Magnus set him down with a smile. "That's what I thought."

He padded barefoot to the kitchen, sighing as he looked through Alec's fridge. There was nothing but expired sour cream and orange juice. Magnus chose the orange juice. It would just have to do.

"Alright Church, where does Alec keep your food? Up there?" Magnus asked, pointing to the cupboard above the counter. Church meowed again, louder, and jumped up to go claw at where Magnus was pointing. Magnus took that as a yes.

"Did Alec already feed you?" Church blinked at him. Magnus shook his head. "Whatever. You deserve more, you cutie pie."

After feeding the cat dutifully, Magnus was just about falling asleep again. He fell back into bed, clutching the orange juice like it could keep him going. He stared at it for a moment, wishing there was vodka in his hands instead. That would really help ease the pain.

 _No._ No, no he had _promised_ Alec that he wouldn't.

Magnus sighed. He would just have to get through these emotions himself.

Jem breaking up with him was the best thing that ever happened to him. Jem was a toxic, evil asshole who had gratefully led Magnus now into the greatest relationship he'd ever been in, even if they'd just gone on one date. It didn't matter.

Alec was nothing like Jem. He was shy, uncertain, nervous when dealing or talking about feelings with him. That was one of the flaws in their relationship, just a little hiccup that they also got over. So yes, technically, in that aspect, Jem was better.

But Alec had the kindest, _sweetest_ soul. He would save a fly from drowning even if he was drowning himself. Well—besides the fact that he despised bugs.

Jem was _evil_. He was like the cliche boyfriend, all the 'boyfriendy' traits anyone would want in their partner. But his personality was absolute…for lack of better words, trash. He _wouldn't_ save a _child_ from drowning if it meant that his life was at risk.

Church came once again and interrupted him from his thoughts. Once again. He hopped onto the bed with Magnus matter of factly, swishing his tail as he tried to find a good place to sit, which ended up being right on Magnus's chest. He smelled like cat nip and warm clothes. It was nice.

Magnus smiled at the vibration under his hands as he started stroking Church's fluffy fur. "Hmm. Church, do you think Alec left because of what happened last night? I mean, surely you remember. You were awake."

Church meowed absentmindedly at him, pushing into Magnus's hand for more when he briefly stopped petting. He continued.

Magnus frowned a little. "Do you think that Alec would think that I would…even _consider_ getting back together with Jem?"

Church didn't do anything for a minute, then let out a small sound that Magnus interpreted as him saying 'obviously. It's Alec.'

Yeah. Magnus had some important things to do. "Right. I better go call him then. You stay here," he muttered as he slowly scooted out from beneath a grumpy Church. Church meowed in annoyance at the change in position, but Magnus was already up and searching for his phone in distress.

Suddenly, he yelled, "Hey Siri, call Alec!" hoping that it would call back to him for an easy find.

He was not mistaken. From underneath a couch pillow, he heard a muffled robotic voice. "Calling Alec heart emoji heart eyes emoji." Magnus smiled widely, forgetting that Siri called out the emojis from the contact as she read it as well. He jogged over to the sofa, digging for his phone as he heard it ring and then pulling it out triumphantly.

Just to have it go to voicemail a few seconds later. Lovely.

"Oh great," he murmured aloud, trying next to find Isabelle's contact. She would know where he was. Right?

She picked up on the third ring. "Magnus?"

"Yes! Hello Isabelle. How are you?"

"Uh, good, I—"

"Great. Look, I don't mean to be short with you, but this is important. Do you know where your dear brother Alec is?"

Izzy sounded startled. "I—um, no, no I don't, he—"

"Fuck."

Izzy was silent on the other end for a moment. "Why do you need to know? Is everything—okay?" She hesitated, as if she were afraid it was none of her business.

Magnus hesitated next. Then he shook his head, scratching the back of his neck as he paced through the living room. "Yes. Yes, of course everything's fine, it—I'm probably just overreacting. Look, I have some important business to attend now. Lovely talking with you again, dear."

Izzy sounded happier over the phone when she spoke again. "You too. We should really hang out again, talk, maybe over lunch?"

Magnus had already gotten distracted and was barely listening to what she was saying. "Yes, yes that sounds great. Text me about it. Talk to you later?" He spoke quickly.

Izzy sounded surprised again. "Y—yeah, yes of course. Good luck finding my chaotic brother."

That did not help calm Magnus's nerves. "Thank you. I'm afraid I might need it. Goodbye."

"Bye," she said with a laugh, as if Magnus were joking. He was not.

Magnus called Jace next, getting the number from Izzy. She texted it to him.

"Jonathan!"

He could almost hear Jace roll his eyes. "Magnus. How lovely to hear from you," he said sarcastically. Magnus grinned.

"Yes, always a pleasure. Listen—"

"How'd you even get this number?"

"Isabelle. Now, did Alec show up to work today?"

Jace sighed. "He did, for a second. To tell me to tell our boss that he had come down with a very bad flu virus as an excuse on why he was missing so many days."

"Right. What time was that, exactly?"

Jace blew out an exhale. "I don't know. Maybe seven a.m.?"

Magnus checked the time. It was eight.

So Alec hadn't left that early. God, if only Magnus was an early riser. He could've talked it out with him. "Did he seem…distressed or angry in any way?"

Jace sounded irritated. "May I ask what this is about?"

"No. Answer the question, please."

"No, no Magnus he did not sound distressed or angry. Maybe a little lost. In a weird way. But then he ran off somewhere, and no I don't know where. Can I go back to work now?"

Magnus sighed, giving up and falling onto the couch. "Yes, go ahead. I—nevermind."

The call ended with a click, leaving Magnus alone again in the dead silent, slightly cold apartment. He shivered, reaching down to snatch a discarded, fuzzy blanket off the ground and curl up in it.

Maybe if he just rested his eyes for a bit. Maybe if he just took a small break, he could clear his head. Or maybe it would pass the time in hopes that Alec would be back when he woke up.

Magnus opened his eyes again to a brighter room and the sound of small, padding footsteps. He sat up hastily from the couch, looking around wildly in excitement when—

He groaned, and laid back down. It was just the cat. "Church…" he whined. "You pesky beast."

Church was guilty of the footsteps. He was trotting around the flat, probably looking for something to do. Magnus dragged his phone off the coffee table to check the time. Eleven a.m. And Alec still wasn't there.

If he had been at the gym, he would've been back by now. And he wouldn't have skipped work for it.

So Magnus, in an attempt to calm himself down, decided to get up and make himself some tea. That always helped with stressful situations.

"How 'bout some chamomile, Church? Does Alec have any of that?"

Church gave him a judgy look, then went back to licking his paws. Magnus rose his eyebrows, then rolled his eyes. Church was useless.

Alec's kitchen always smelled of fresh bread and lavender, a strange combination but a somewhat suiting scent for Alec. Magnus smiled when he smelled it, rubbing his fingers together. The scent was familiar and comforting, and made him think that Alec was right there next to him.

Magnus frowned, his fingers ceasing their rubbing. But Alec wasn't with him. And Magnus wouldn't be able to see him for god knows how long. When Alec thought about something too much, there was no telling what he could do. One time his childhood cat had run away and he'd called Magnus _drunk_ at midnight (when he was only fifteen) to say that he was very sad about losing his cat. And he'd turned out being at the local bowling alley, trying to get in without a pass or having to pay any money. Magnus had picked him up.

Alec Lightwood sometimes did some crazy shit when he was hurt. And Magnus was usually there to help him through it, but how could he do that if he had no idea where he was?

Magnus set down the mug he'd been clutching. Now was no time to make tea, he decided. It was time to find his boyfriend.

* * *

It was around one when Magnus had decided to take a break from looking. He had gone to check the bakery that he worked at, just in case, to the university, (where his professors had confirmed that he hadn't come to class), and countless other common places Alec went to every day. But there was absolutely no sight of him anywhere.

It was cold outside. It was most days, but a strong November wind rocked through the city that day in particular, making Magnus shiver as he practically ran past people on the sidewalk. He was beginning to seriously regret his outfit—ripped jeans and t-shirt. The weather forecast had lied about it being warm, sue him.

He was racing down the streets back to Alec's place. He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to get in without a key, but maybe Alec had come back and would let him in. He really hoped so.

The sky was cloudy and the air buzzed with electricity. Magnus sensed a storm gathering up. And, of course, the weather prediction had been sunny.

The tens of tall, tainted blue glass buildings reaching into the sky looked baffling against it's dark grey color. The colors were dark and gloomy, and they fit together on the foggy skyline. It gave Magnus a sense of unease, like something bad was going to happen, and he walked faster, pulling out his phone. He swerved a few mumbling tourists as he attempted to multi-task by calling Isabelle again.

"Magnus! Any news on Alec?" She sounded quite the opposite of how he felt; optimistic and hopeful. Magnus wanted to smack himself in the face at her words. Of course she hadn't found Alec. She would've called if she did, _idiot_.

He shook his head frantically, even though she couldn't see him. "No, no nothing new at all," he said sharply, trying not to let his helpless panic seep into his voice. From Izzy's response, he assumed that she heard it anyway.

"Why would he just run off like that, without any warning or reason?"

Magnus hesitated. "Well, I don't want to get into it right now, but he might be upset about something that happened last night."

"What happened?" she asked with curiosity, ignoring what he had just said about not wanting to talk about it.

Magnus sighed heavily, pausing at a street crossing for the red hand to turn to the green go. He leaned against a pole and closed his eyes for a second, resting his face in his hand.

"Jem came back. To admit that he still loved me. I know it sounds insane, but it's actually true. I swear I wasn't dreaming."

There was a gasp. "Oh my god. Really? Wow, I—I can't believe it. That's—I'm really sorry, Magnus."

Magnus sighed again. "Yeah, me too. I don't know how that mechanical fuckup keeps squeezing back into my life, and _ruining_ it. It's really frustrating," he admitted.

"Yeah, I would think," she replied sympathetically. "Again, I'm so sorry. This must be terrible." She paused. "Wait, did Alec hear it all? Is that why he's upset? Do…do you think he got _jealous?_ "

Magnus's insides clenched painfully. "I—"

"You know what, don't even answer that. Let's be honest, we both know Alec, he probably did get jealous. Of course."

Magnus wanted to laugh, but it got caught at the lump in his throat. "Yeah," was all he could mutter back as he crossed the street, pushing a hand through his hair to try and fix it somewhat from the damage of the wind.

"Alright Magnus. Don't worry. I'll take some time off work and go look for Alec with you. Text you any updates. Good luck."

Magnus walked up the familiar street to Alec's apartment, crossing his fingers. "You too. Thanks. Goodbye."

"Mhmm."

 _Click_.

Now Magnus was standing in front of the apartment flat, staring up at the dusty, small, retro windows on upper levels, knowing exactly which ones where Alec's. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, and stepped up to press the buzzer with shaking hands. He started praying to every god he could think of in his head. After about a minute with still no response, Magnus buzzed it again. And then again. And again and again and again until he was reminded of the night he had come to Alec's after Jem had broken up with him, broken and alone. He shuddered at the memory, squeezing his eyes shut and buzzing it one more time.

"No, no no no no, _why_? Why does this have to happen to _me_?" He whispered aloud as he slid to the ground, his back against the solid, locked door. "We _just_ got back to each other, no no no no Alec _please_ —"

His face was in his hands and his knees were brought up to his chest as he breathed heavily. He wanted to just sit there and sob and wait and then sob some more and then wait some more. For Alec. He would do it. He would've totally just sat there and waited for Alec for _hours_ , or however long it took for Alec to come home.

He started panting harder as more disturbing thoughts overtook him. What if Alec was gone for a different reason? What if some freak had taken him? He doubted it, but the city was unpredictable and shit happened to adults too.

It just made it harder for Magnus to hold in the tears.

Thunder clapped overhead, making him jump, and then his phone started buzzing a second later, making him jump again. He was nearly trembling when he fumbled to get it out of his pocket, staring at the caller ID. It was his old friend, Tessa. He composed his voice the best he could before he picked up, not even bothering lifting the phone up all the way to his ear. He put her on speakerphone with a shrug. No one was around.

"Hello? Tessa?"

"Magnus. How lovely to hear from you." He could hear the irritation in her voice as she tried being polite, and he knew that she was never happy to hear from him.

"What do you need, Tessa?" he said with a sigh. "Because, no offense, I'm a little bit tied up in my own issues right now."

Tessa sounded more annoyed. "Well then can you at _least_ tell your dumbass boyfriend to leave my restaurant? Because he's been here for about four hours and barely eaten anything and goddamnit, there are other people waiting!" she snapped.

Magnus couldn't get words to work in his throat for a solid minute, couldn't get himself to breathe properly. It was quite a startling contrast, from breathing like he'd just run a marathon to not being able to breath at all, he thought.

Taki's. How, _how_ in the world could he not have thought to look there?

He let out the breath he'd been holding shakily, closing his eyes in bliss.

"Magnus! Are you there?!"

Magnus blinked, and then let himself collapse in crushing relief. He was near tears again. "Oh my god," he whispered at first, closing his eyes again and covering them with his free hand. Then he started smiling widely. "Oh my god. Oh—okay, okay I'm—thank you _so so_ much, Tessa, I'll be there in five, than—I owe you _tremendously_ ," he babbled as he scrambled up from the building's steps and starting nearly sprinting down the street.

"Yeah, you already owe me enough, but alright. Also, I'm not going to ask."

Magnus started laughing, wildly throwing his head back and ignoring the strange looks he was getting. "Yes. It's probably better that way. Thank you. Goodbye."

She ended without a bye back, but Magnus couldn't even get himself to care.

Holy fuck.

It was very strange how much someone could lose their minds after being separated unwillingly from their loved ones. For _less than a day_.

Huh. Maybe it was just Magnus. Maybe Magnus was just insane.

The relief Magnus felt when he stormed into that restaurant nearly made his knees buckle. His breathing simply collapsed, and before he knew what was happening he was throwing himself at a very surprised Alec.

"Oh dear god," he mumbled into Alec's ear, clumsily petting at his hair with one hand while the other was clutching it.

Alec had been sitting slumped in a booth, idly rubbing a french fry between his fingers as he stared off into space. He'd made a small noise of shock when Magnus had jumped onto his lap, throwing his body around Alec's in joy.

"Oh you stupid idiot," Magnus blew out, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck and pulling Alec closer still. "My stupid, stupid, dumbass idiot."

After a second, Alec gulped but hesitantly wrapped his arms around Magnus as well, returning the embrace. Sure, the position was awkward and the entire place probably thought they both had problems but Magnus could give less fucks about any of that. All he was focused on was Alec. Alec was here. Alec was safe. Alec was in his arms again. And now he wasn't sure how he'd ever be able to let him go again.

"Magnus…?" Magnus almost cried in relief at the sound of him, glad that his face was hidden and that Alec didn't have to have him see the way he was reacting to something as small as this. For fuck's sake, they'd only been apart a few hours. And Magnus was a grown ass man. He could control his emotions.

Apparently not his mind, though, because he had done way to much thinking in those few hours, coming up with a multitude of possibilities and problems and everything that could've ever possibly gone wrong with Alec.

"Magnus?" His voice sounded more concerned now, and he tugged on the back of Magnus's shirt a little, to pull him back. Magnus took one last deep inhale of his skin, one last whiff of his gorgeous scent that he hadn't realized how horrible it had been to be apart from, and then pulled back. He immediately missed the warmth, though, and the comfort, and wished highly in his head that Alec would just get along with it so Magnus could continue to smother him.

Oh dear.

He changed that last thought.

Apparently not being able to _see_ his lovely boyfriend for a few hours had taken quite a toll on him as well. Magnus almost whimpered. He suddenly felt a wave of gratitude at being the _only_ one who got to truly admire him like this, to truly appreciate and _own_ all of his beauty. It was all his, and no matter how many people gave him looks in public or winked at him, Magnus knew that Alec would always be his.

His glossy, always messy black locks, sitting on his head so casually and making Magnus want to dig his fingers in them just to mess them up more. His plump, full lips, always red from biting, a habit that he tended to have that Magnus loved. His dark, pretty lashes, sweeping down to nearly touch his cheekbones. God, Magnus wanted more then anything to kiss his stupid idiot. Kiss the surprised look right off his face, touch his lips…

The lips that were moving. Whoops.

Magnus brought himself back to reality at the exact moment Alec had read his mind. Again. That seemed to happen a lot between them, Magnus thought. He liked that.

"Magnus?! Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?" Alec said, not even trying to be gentle. Magnus cooed a little, cupping Alec's cheeks in his hands and petting him like he would a dog. Alec frowned and made a face, blushing despite himself. Before Magnus could answer, Alec pulled him off, squirming away from Magnus's embrace so he could untangle himself and scoot farther down the bench. He turned and face Magnus, his hair a little messier than before because of Magnus's doing and _unbelievably_ sexy. Magnus felt a little winded, just by looking at him. When Alec threw his head back in annoyance, baring his long neck, it didn't really help the situation.

" _Magnus._ You're still not listening to me." Alec stated it as a clear cut fact.

Magnus shook his head a few times, closing his eyes and covering his face with his hands. "Sorry, _sorry_ , I—you—you're just too distracting." Magnus kept his eyes closed but lifted his head. "Alright. I think you can continue now."

Alec laughed. Magnus's jaw dropped a little, and he started shaking his head again.

"Nope. Not if you make those noises. Don't laugh. Don't do that to me."

Alec suppressed a small giggle, but Magnus could still hear it. He was silent for a few seconds, and Magnus realized it was because he had embarrassed Alec. So right about now, he was probably trying to get the blush off his face, trying to compose himself…

Well, Magnus was only human. He _had_ to look at _that._

He opened his eyes again, and swooned.

"Well darling, I'm sorry, but I think we've lost all hope on me trying to pay attention to you. Maybe if you stop being so attractive…" Magnus trailed off, murmuring. He was a little distracted.

Alec shook his head again, in disbelief, like he was trying to convince himself out of feeling confident, to convince himself that Magnus's words were lies and that he wasn't worthy of them. Magnus knew that look.

And he sighed. One day he would really teach Alec that it was okay to be selfish. It didn't have to be all negative things.

"Magnus, we've only been separated for a couple of hours! Why—how—are you okay? Did something happen in the meantime? What did I miss?" He clapped his hands together, getting ready to hear the news. Magnus smiled. His stupid, idiot, dork.

Then he took a deep breath. "Alec, I was going insane. First of all, do you know how disappointing it is to be woken up by a cat then a devastatingly handsome young man? The man that you were _expecting_ to wake up to?"

Alec ducked his head, almost in shame. Magnus would comfort him, he really would, but he had to finish before he did anything.

"And then how terrifying it is to find out that that man isn't in his _own_ apartment, especially since it's so early in the morning? And that none of his siblings or friends have any idea where he is? So then you just go looking for him all over the city until hours have passed and your jumping out of your skin thinking that you could've just lost that man again, right after getting him back? Do you know who that man is Alec?" Magnus ranted out with a manic edge to his words.

Alec's head ducked lower, and he nodded, like a child being confronted by a parent. Hell, Magnus almost felt like the parent in his situation. Alec needed to learn his lesson. He couldn't do this to Magnus. Magnus was just a small old man. His heart couldn't handle getting him back and then losing him in the same week.

"I'm—I'm sorry. I didn't think that you would notice."

Magnus scoffed loudly, laughing a little hysterically. "You—you didn't _think_ —oh, of course you didn't—"

Alec cut him off. "Look, I just wanted to go out to get a breath of fresh air—"

"At seven in the morning? Really Alec?"

"Yes! Okay, you know I'm a morning person. So anyway, I got distracted, and before I knew it I was here and wanted to go inside to maybe have a short meal, maybe get reminded of happier memories, like our first date. And it just got a little out of hand."

Magnus sighed, glowering at him. "Alec, you know that it is _lethal_ for you to be left alone with your own thoughts for so long. What were you overthinking, Alec?"

Magnus was pretty sure he knew what it was, but he had been seriously wrong about these things in the past, so he had to make sure.

Alec opened his mouth, hesitated, then closed it. After a second, he spoke again, shyly. "Well…I don't want to say. You don't want to know."

Magnus gave him a look. "Tell me. I deserve to know what caused you to completely ruin this fine morning."

Alec scratched the back of his neck, biting his lip and staring up at Magnus from underneath heavy lashes. "I…well, I wasn't—I definitely wasn't jealous from what happened the other night, but…I don't know the whole thing, it just—" Alec flailed his arms a little bit. "The whole things just threw me off, a bit. I mean—I'm totally confident in our relationship, but Jem is…I mean I can't compare to him, he—he's so—" Alec cut himself off with a frustrated noise as Magnus's heart did a little twist in his chest. His face softened, and he reached out to cup one of Alec's soft hands lightly.

"Oh Alec. Alec you have _absolutely_ nothing to worry about at all. I'm really sad all that had to happen, especially the night of our first date, but there's no way that I would've even considered getting back together with Jem, even if I wasn't with you. No way. Jem's an asshole, as you always tell me, and him breaking up with me was the best thing that ever happened. Oh, and if I ever hear you say that _you_ can't compare to _Jem_ , I'm going to slap you," Magnus added matter of factly.

Alec's face loosened, his body relaxing and his eyes crinkling as he gave Magnus a toothy laugh. He turned his hand in Magnus's, linking their fingers together. Magnus brightened, and he grinned as Alec pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

This time, they didn't break apart for a while.

Well, until Tessa came back to yell at them that they needed to leave so she could seat new customers. They walked out hand in hand, smiling and laughing, just like they had done the night before.

* * *

 **A/N: Baaaaaaah okay I kinda hate this chap I'm sry.**

 **Y'all. I found a way to plan out my time better so I have more time to write every day. It's called not listening to music while doing it so I can actually focus for more than three minutes. You're welcome.**

 **You guys. The. Series. Finale.**

 **This is—**

 **Ok I won't spoil just in case but it was literrrraaaallllyyyy sssssooooo ssssaaaaddd I WEPT like no joke ugly cried for HOURS and then went to be with a roll of toliet paper next to me because I was too lazy to go downstairs and get tissues and then the next morning I watched clips from the finale and started crying again which was unfortunate because I had just put on makeup. Fuck.**

 **I can't. I literally don't even wanna think about losing Shadowhunterssssss Y'ALLLLL plz help and review and tell me I'm not the only one.**  
 **Oh yea and also review.**

 **But did I mention review?**

 **Right, right I did. And you should also review tho.**

 **But like, along with all those things, don't forget to review.**

 **Ok I'm done. Wait fuck, how could I forget? Plz review.**

 **:).**

 **Goodbye, and good day. I can't even.**

 **-Em—WAIT I FORGOT. U SHOULD REVIEW—ma**


	11. The Supposedly Special Day

**A/N: HEeEeEeYyYYyY.**

 **I: am back.**

 **How CrAzY iK.**

 **Ok sososoossoososoos this chap is—**

 **I don't honestly even remember what this chap is going to be about and I'm too lazy to go and check at the moment so just have fun we all know it's going to be an emotional rollercoaster because there is literally not a single one of my chaps that isn't. :). Oh and also I rlly do nottoototootot want to go to work tmrw so I will give you my address if you come and kidnap me and then we can both go and live in France or somethin. :)))))).**

 **I tHinK I'm losing my mind. Possibly.**

 **OKokookokok on with the chap my dudes HAPPY READING AND PLZ REVIEW BC THIS TIME I ACTUALLY FORGOT TO SAY IT UnTIL now.**

 **Disclaimer: Nay.**

* * *

Magnus's birthday was in one week.

Alec took a deep breath in, then let it out with care.

One week. He had one week to prepare something absolutely fantastic for the love of his life.

And it had to be perfect. Of course.

The thing was, just a year ago, they hadn't even been together yet. They were still in that 'desperately in love but clueless and going to mope about it' stage. Both of them were, yet neither of them knew that the other was in it. Alec still thought back to where he was last year, or for the past couple years of his life.

He closed his eyes.

A while ago, Magnus was like some sort of forbidden fruit. He wouldn't let himself think about Magnus for long periods of time, he wouldn't let himself stay with Magnus for long periods of time, or look at him. For long periods of time. Because all of those things equally had a painful toll on his heart. His brain screamed at him that _Magnus had a damn boyfriend and if he knew the thoughts Alec was thinking he'd think he was sick_ , and he was miserable because of it.

But everything had worked out in the end. Alec's heart fluttered dumbly when he thought of the day that they'd made their love confessions to each other, had…had been together for the first time and…

Yeah. He really needed to make this one special.

Alec opened his eyes slowly. Then he blinked a few times, forgetting momentarily that he was in the brightest room in his home.

He was just sitting on his bed, fiddling with his phone in his hands and trying to resist the urge to call Izzy for help. _Seriously_ , there were some things he had to learn to do by himself. And Izzy wouldn't always be there for him. He needed to find a way to do them himself.

Alec set the phone down on his bedside table, putting it down a little too hard and startling a sleeping Church beside him. Church growled, a sound he didn't even know was possible for his cat, and leaped off the bed with an angry swish of his tail in Alec's face. Alec chuckled, leaning down to scoop him in his arms and pet him thoughtfully.

Church resisted at first, but then gave in as Alec leaned back so they were both lying on the bed comfortably. The cat pryed it's way out of Alec's arms but curled up still on his chest. Alec grinned, running his fingers through his exceptionally soft, well taken care of fur. Church reminded Alec a lot of Magnus, with his sassy and eccentric behavior. Though he'd never admit it.

He sighed, staring at the ceiling. Which was boring, and uninspiring.

"So Church," said Alec. The cat jumped a little again. "What do _you_ think I should do for Magnus's birthday? A romantic dinner at his favorite restaurant? A ridiculously expensive piece of jewelry?"

Church meowed and licked his paws, unimpressed. Alec rolled his eyes. "Of course. Not that my ideas were good, but you wouldn't be satisfied even if I told you I was buying out the Marriott hotel for the evening."

Church paused the licking to cock his head, big blue eyes staring out the large window by Alec's bed. Then he blinked and went back to normal, continuing back to cleaning his feet. Alec simply rolled his eyes again, tipping his head back into the pillows so he could stare at the ceiling.  
For the next two hours, Alec brainstormed and hacked into Izzy's pinterest to search for creative ideas. None of them turned out to be good enough, and it turned out Izzy was _not_ happy about Alec's hacking. Whoopsie.

Nothing. He'd found nothing. He had a week, which consisted of school and work and homework and lots of other things, to plan the best birthday gift anyone had ever planned. One week.

Alec groaned, tossing his phone to the other side of the bed. He was screwed.

Even better, the whole agreement on Magnus living with Alec for a while made it harder for him to have time to make anything. Magnus came back from work at around six everyday, maybe earlier, maybe later. And then took all of Alec's free time.

So he basically had to use this last moment of weekend time to not only plan but start making Magnus's gift. Great.

His hands twitched towards the device again, tempted to ask Izzy. Church, who Alec had thought had been sleeping, suddenly lifted his head to meow angrily at him.

Alec sighed. "I know you're right. I won't text Izzy."

Sometimes Alec felt like he had a better relationship with his cat then anyone else.

* * *

It had been two days since the whole birthday present brainstorm fiasco. And Alec had given up and gone to Izzy for help. Of course.

Well, technically, he had come up with a few ideas that he had thought were good and then went to Izzy to confirm that Magnus wouldn't hate them. Yes, he did know his boyfriend well but…Izzy just knew him better.

"No. Absolutely not."

The two of them were bickering quietly in Alec's room as Magnus cooked a nice dinner in the kitchen. Alec was sitting on the bed across from Izzy, bent forward to whisper.

"What? What do you mean? He would totally love that idea."

Izzy narrowed her eyes. "Alec, Magnus loving the idea of having a bunch of posters set up in his room back at his house would be like Simon loving salad. It's just not going to happen. Yes, even if he loves the shows that are on the posters."

Alec pouted, crossing his arms stubbornly. "Well how do you know that he won't be up for it?" He fished.

"Because I know. There are some things you just know. Just like you just know that Simon despises salad."

Alec sighed. Izzy couldn't stop talking about her new boyfriend, Simon, even if he stuffed her mouth with an apple.  
"Well, you've said no to like all of my ideas, so—"  
"Because all of them were bad."

"Ugh, well then why don't _you_ come up with an idea then," he snapped.

Izzy smirked. "Oh, I have."

Alec frowned. "Can't be any better then mine."

She snorted. "I believe that's not true, actually."

Suddenly, Magnus burst into the room grinning, and Alec and Izzy jumped away from each other. As if Magnus would suspect that they were planning his birthday party. "Ladies!" He sang with a wink. "Dinner's ready." Just then Alec realized he was sporting a smooth white apron that read, in fancy letters, _Kiss The Cook._

Alec rolled his eyes, dragging himself out of bed. He knew that Magnus knew he hated it when he referred to Alec as a lady. And yet he still did it. Too often.

"This isn't over," Alec muttered in Izzy's ear as they both walked out of the room. She chuckled, patting him on the arm.

They both scooted themselves into seats at opposite ends of the table. Magnus came balancing a couple of dishes on his arms like a true waiter.

"Today I will be serving you a _wonderful_ noodle stir-fry with a side of Indian rice and roasted asparagus."

Izzy blinked in surprise, then closed her eyes in bliss as she took a whiff of the meal Magnus placed in front of her. "Wow. I didn't know you could cook, Magnus."

Magnus grinned. "Of course I can. Did you read the apron?" He pointed to it.

Alec rolled his eyes again as Izzy laughed.

* * *

Three days. Three days since the brainstorm, four days until the birthday. The very big event that Alec had yet to plan.

It wasn't really that big of a deal. He had some basics planned out. Izzy had been real helpful on that part.

And he already knew what some of the side gifts were going to be. The little gifts like makeup or chapstick and his favorite candy. He'd even bought a few of them.

Just as he felt his hopes getting up that everything might actually be okay, that he might actually not fuck this one up, he remembered that he hadn't thought out the _main_ gift idea. The gift that had to be special and thoughtful and personal and all that shit.

Alec sighed deeply, running his fingers through his hair and fisting it angrily.

But he had no freaking clue what that was going to be. At all.

Izzy couldn't help him with that one. He had to do it himself. It was scary.

Birthdays were usually simple for him. Gifts for his siblings were easy, because they were always predictable. However, the boyfriend's gift needed to be different, otherwise it wouldn't be…good. Wouldn't be acceptable enough for Alec.

He groaned aloud, falling back onto his bed, where he'd barely moved from all day. It was depressing, really.

He decided to call Izzy again to procrastinate.

"H—"

"No Alec, I haven't thought of anything new, yes I would tell you if I did, and yes, I have been thinking about it. Now this is the third time you've called me _today._ And you know I'm at work. And you know how I hate it when you call me when I'm at work," she muttered.

Alec sighed, closing his eyes. "Yes, yes I know." He opened them again to stare at the ceiling above him, which he'd been staring at so much in the past couple of days it felt like "I—I'm sorry I'll leave you alone now."

"Thank you," she said shortly and then the call was over.

Alec sighed deeply. Again. He was starting to sigh so much it was the only thing he could hear in the empty flat.

He went back to pinterest for ideas.

Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe this was all stupid, and if he just got something he knew Magnus would like, it would be okay. After all, they hadn't even been dating for a full year. They _technically_ weren't classified as serious yet. So Magnus wouldn't be…too heartbroken. Right?

Fuck. Nope. He couldn't handle even a little bit of Magnus Bane feeling pain. Especially if he was the cause of it.

And after what a mess the last few months had been, with his breakup with Jem and then the coma and then Jem coming _back_ on their first damn date. After all that, Magnus Bane deserved the best. And maybe it just took a little bit of thought and effort, but Alec was sure he'd be able to think of something for him.

He had too.

Alec hadn't noticed Church had walked into the room until he felt something furry brushing his leg. He jumped and tensed, immediately assuming of course it was a bug, and then relaxed when he felt the soft vibration of his cat purring. Cats were nice. They really knew how to calm you down.

He was about to ask Church for some help, but then he stopped himself. He was afraid he was truly going to turn into a psycho if he kept asking his cat for advice. Also, Church wasn't very helpful.

It reminded him of when he'd first found out Magnus had had a coma and had talked to his cat for a solid hour about it. Because he was truly psycho. It was scary.

Alec was suddenly brought back to the entire coma situation, the weeks of fear, sadness, even a little self-loath. And endless love for Magnus, which somehow ended up being stronger after the whole dilemma.

And…

 _Oh my god._

His letters.

Alec jumped up from bed, an unexpected idea popping suddenly in his mind like a tidal wave. He scrambled up, nearly throwing an angry Church against the wall, and went straight to his desk drawer. He yanked it open, fishing a little until he felt the stack of paper hidden under everything else.

The letters.

Maybe this could be it. Maybe this could be the creative, personal birthday gift that would truly surprise Magnus.

Alec grinned, and took a jittery breath, holding all the paper to his chest.

He really hoped so.

So he went and sat on his bed, reading through them for a while.

It was a little harder then he had expected. Reading through all of them made him relive all those horrible memories and also got himself so embarrassed at his words he just wanted to burn them all.

But…even so, he couldn't help but wonder if Magnus would maybe, _possibly_ appreciate them. He certainly deserved to get all this love, and he had _never_ judged Alec. Not for his feelings, at least. In fact, he was almost certain Magnus would love something like this.

Alec fiddled with the worn out sheets of paper for a second, closing his eyes to think about what Magnus's reactions would be like.

He'd probably be proud of Alec. Alec didn't like thinking about that option, but it was the most logical. Magnus was loving and tremendously caring and giving, and he knew about Alec's feelings. Like, he _knew._ It was quite terrifying. Alec had never opened up to anyone as much as he had to Magnus. No one had really ever known as much as Magnus did, not even Izzy.

And it was the same with Alec. He knew Magnus. He knew everything. Well, he knew enough to know that Magnus would be very happy about this gift. No matter how self conscious he was about it, Alec was going to do it. He was going to give Magnus the letters.

Magnus deserved it.

But that didn't mean he couldn't quickly run it by Izzy first.

* * *

Day five had come. There was only two days until the big event. It was sort of funny, being around Magnus all the time and having him be completely clueless to what Alec had planned. He probably thought Alec would just give him a small gift and take him to a fancy restaurant or something.

Alec's lips twitched, because he technically was going to do both those things anyway.

Now he was wrapping all the presents up with his sister, as fancily as he could. He felt his heart lurch as he looked through the letters again, almost excited about seeing Magnus's reaction.

"So," Izzy readjusted herself on her large bed to reach more gifts to put in more tiny parcels. The two of them had decided to visit her flat to help wrap the presents together after they both got off from work. Yes, Alec had decided to go back to work. "What else you got planned for this weekend?" She asked with a sly grin. "I mean, if you even have anything else. All this is quite a lot already."

Alec suddenly stopped wrapping. "What? Do you think it's too much? It is, isn't it? All the gifts, and dinner—"

Izzy laughed sweetly, putting her hands up in surrender. "Woah woah woah, I never said that it was too much. I think everything that you're doing is amazing and Magnus will totally appreciate it. And now that you say it, there's going to be dinner?"

Alec paused, reading her face for any sign of judgement or lies, but relaxed and continued when he found none. "Yes. I think I'm going to bring him back to the same place where we went on our first date. Lot of good memories there. Or try and cook something. Maybe that'll be more romantic." Alec stopped to stare out in space for a second, thinking about the two options before shaking his head. "I don't know. Which one do you think I should do?"

She crossed her arms. "I don't know. The restaurant dinner sounds less private and romantic, but better food." Suddenly, her face lit up. "Oh! You could do dinner at home and I could help you. I'm an excellent cook," she said with a wicked grin.

Alec cringed, trying not to imagine what a disaster that would turn out to be. "Um, I—I don't know. I'll have to think about it." He cleared his throat, just in case, adding, "but probably the restaurant dinner." Because his sister was the opposite of an excellent cook.

She sighed then shrugged, taking a stray bath bomb and popping it into a matching color box.

"Alright. You do you, bro."

Alec felt like he was hogging up the conversation with talking about Magnus, so he decided to change the subject. "So, what's been going on in your life?" He asked with great difficulty. He was terrible at making small talk, even if it was with his own sister. "You and Simon still together?"

Izzy smiled slowly, her cheeks heating up slightly. "Yes. Yes we are."

Alec returned the smile. "That's great. Great that you found someone. I knew you would."

She cocked her head, her smile faltering. "Let's not get to cocky now. We haven't been together for that long. We haven't made any long commitments yet."

"Why not? Aren't you two like, made for each other?"

Izzy tipped her head back and cackled. Alec blinked. "Oh Alec, I really don't think that you should be the person to give me relationship advice. Of all people. I mean, no offense, you've only ever been with one person."

Alec barked out a laugh, tearing off a piece of wrapping paper to throw at her. "Hey! Shut up. Magnus and I have only been on one date and I already know that he's the one, so maybe I _can_ give good relationship advice," he stated proudly.

Izzy didn't laugh, but her smile reached her eyes this time. "Alright Alec. Whatever you say."

Alec shook his head, throwing more paper at her.

After another twenty minutes of perfecting every single gift to the greatest extent, (which was very high considering Alec's standards), Alec finally departed, lugging all the gifts back home in a cab and hoping that Magnus wouldn't question the huge Macy's bag where they were all hidden in.

It turns out no one answered his prayers, because the second he walked into the apartment, Magnus was all over him _and_ the bag.

"Alec!" Magnus jumped up from the couch with a big smile on his face, running up to Alec to nearly wrapping himself completely around him in a hug. "God, I missed you. You got me all worried again."

Alec's eyes widened. "Magnus. I told you I was going to Izzy's. I was only gone for half an hour. How could even be worried?"

Magnus sighed, shaking his head, and scratching the back of his neck, embarrassed. "Well, to be fair, you went right after work so I haven't seen you all day. And second, after losing you _twice_ , I technically had every right to worry."

Alec laughed softly, reaching out to tuck back a silky black lock that was in Magnus's eyes. Magnus's face softened, and he reached out for him again. Alec dropped the bag and accepted the embrace, pulling him close as their lips met in a slow, sweet kiss.

And then Alec moved his foot and the Macy's bad fell over, startling them both apart. Alec scrambled onto his knees, covering the presents with his body as he shoved them all back quickly into the bag.

Magnus grinned, squatting down next to him to inspect it. Alec snatched it away, getting up so fast he almost hopped. He put the bag behind his back.

Magnus rose up with him, slowly, putting his hands on his hips. "What could that possibly be, Alexander? Do you have a little secret?"

Alec's face got hot and he stammered incoherently for a few seconds before he found his voice again. "Uh—n—no. No, it's nothing, I—" He sighed. He knew Magnus wouldn't give up. "Yes. It's a secret. That you'll find out eventually."

And then he scurried off into the bedroom, shoving the bag into his desk drawer and locking it before Magnus could catch up with him.

Magnus pouted. "What! That's not fair. Why won't you show me?" he demanded.

Alec shrugged, hiding a giggle. "You'll just have to wait and see."

"No, Alec—"

Alec cut him off with a hard kiss, digging his fingers into Magnus's tight v-neck t-shirt. Magnus made a small surprised sound in the back of his throat, but gave in in about ten seconds. Alec couldn't hold back a small smile of pride through the kiss, pride that he could distract Magnus Bane with a kiss.

Once Alec was satisfied Magnus had forgotten about the bag, he slowly dragged his mouth away to kiss along the side of Magnus's jaw. Magnus made a low, throaty, thick sound, tipping his head back in invitation.

"Are you trying to distract me, Alexander?" he murmured, slightly strangled. Alec gave a little laugh against his throat.

"Mmm, you know me so well," he replied sultrily.

He felt Magnus emit a shuddering chuckle before the two of them simultaneously fell back onto the bed like dead weights, giggling into each other's mouths.

* * *

An embarrassingly short twenty minutes later, Alec stumbled out of bed clutching his boyfriend's hand, simple t-shirts and boxers covering both their bodies. Alec was red all over, panting a little, while Magnus had his head back and eyes closed, smiling lazily, like he was trying to go back and relive the relaxing moment.

It was funny how Magnus always found sex relaxing and calm, while Alec always seemed to feel like he was in the middle of a hurricane and a tornado while trying to win a bicycle race. Or, in other words, he was always a complete wreck before and during.

Huh. He would ask Magnus about that later.

At the moment, it was time to actually relax after a long day.

Alec dragged his bare feet across the soft carpet in Magnus's bedroom, digging his toes into the material. Magnus was next to him, smelling hot and fresh and sandalwoodey, Alec's favorite. Alec turned his head and smiled widely up at Magnus, who was still grinning from earlier dalliances.

Magnus tilted his head to the side, giving Alec the impression of a confused dog. It was oddly adorable. Alec loved when Magnus did that.

He loved when Magnus did a lot of things, he thought as he squeezed Magnus's hand.

"So," Magnus started, voice slightly hoarse. Alec felt his face go a little hot at that. "Shall we dress and cuddle?" he stated casually.

Alec laughed quietly, ducking his head away from Magnus's intense gaze. He hoped to get his attention somewhere else then himself. "I mean, we technically are dressed, but yeah, sure."

"Lovely," said Magnus. Then Alec caught him frown in the corner of his eye as he glared at Alec's tiny closet. "Though, I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that." He indicated to the little closet. Alec rolled his eyes fondly.

"Oh come on now." He let go off Magnus's hand to go get a pair of some faded grey sweatpants from one of the neat drawers. "At least it's all organized."

Magnus snorted. "Well yeah, of course it is. You wouldn't be alive right now if a single person messed up with anything anywhere in your house."

Alec gave a small squeaky laugh, wrestling the pants on. "Oh shut up, I'm not _that_ insane. Besides, don't you have your own clothes, anyway? Why do you have to pity on mine?"

Magnus gave his a side glance as he bent over to go rustle through his overnight bag, which was bigger than any suitcase Alec had ever owned. "Yes dear, but most of my clothes are extravagant; I assumed I could borrow some of yours for some comfy clothes."

Alec chuckled, stopping suddenly when he saw a perfect view of Magnus's backside, those thin boxers showing off his ass _spectacularly_. He cleared his throat, forcing himself to look away. Now was not the time for that. "Okay well I don't see what's wrong with any of my clothes. They're perfectly wearable for the 'comfy clothes' category."

Magnus made a face as he finally stood up and approached Alec. "But there's like, holes in them and stuff. And they're ugly."

Alec gave a little admonishing sigh. "Well don't worry, because no one's going to see you in them but me. So just here, I'll give you some sweats, you'll be comfy and just fine." Alec tossed him an identical outfit to the current one he was slipping on. Magnus eyed it warily, but eventually came to his senses from Alec's small speech and put it on. Alec tried to look away as he undressed.

After they were both dressed and comfy and ready to cuddle, the two men journeyed to the living room, wrapped themselves in each other on the couch, and put on some small background tv.

Alec sighed happily once settled in Magnus's arms. He was sitting sideways on Magnus's lap, his head tucked into Magnus's neck and his back leaning against the arm of the sofa. Magnus had one arm around the small of his back and another stroking down his body; his sides, his neck, his hair and even his face a little. It was highly enjoyable.

"So," Alec whispered. "Your birthday's coming up this weekend. Turning twenty one. Are you excited?"

Magnus chuckled drying, his body tensing a little. "Well…I'm glad I can drink legally now. I can get a proper ID."

Alec froze. Magnus winced. "Too soon?"

Alec said nothing. Magnus sighed and went up to stroke his face gently again.

"I'm sorry dear, you know that I'm never going to drink in a long time though, right?"

Alec relaxed a little, nodding into Magnus's neck. Magnus smiled.

"So anyways, do you have anything fun planned? Like with friends or something?"

Magnus cocked his head, considering. "I don't know. Maybe." His voice sounded a little irritated, and Alec frowned. "I—I don't know, probably not."

Alec couldn't help but a feel a small ounce of relief at that. At least now no one else would get in the way of his plans. "Okay. Good. I mean just because I—I think I want—I mean, I have something planned for you. A little birthday surprise."

Magnus didn't say anything for a moment, and Alec couldn't feel him breathing. Concerned, he turned his head at a slightly awkward angle to get a better look at Magnus's face. Magnus did not look happy.

But he couldn't figure out why, exactly. "Magnus? What's wrong?" He spoke a little too fast, and Magnus could sense his worry. Alec knew he could.

Magnus sighed, looking away with a distant expression on his face, like he was deep in thought about a bad memory.

"Well, I haven't told many people about this, but I don't actually particularly enjoy…celebrating my birthday."

Alec shook his head, still confused. And slightly hurt.

"But…what? You've never mentioned this. And we've always celebrated your birthday. You would've—would've told me about this earlier. If you hated your birthday, I mean."

Magnus laughed a little, but it was mostly fake. "Well, I'm not an idiot; I won't turn down gifts. And yes, I'm sorry I've never told you about this before but…I don't know. I just don't like the thought of getting older. It's stupid—thus why I never brought it up. But I guess now that we're, well, together, I can share more personal things with you." At the end of his sentence, his voice turned kind and soft.

Alec was slightly taken aback. Magnus had never even seemed like he didn't like his birthday. He hadn't been, well, _ecstatic_ about it, but not like he hated it. And…he didn't share personal things with Alec? What else was he hiding? Alec had thought he had known everything there was to know about his boyfriend, but now that didn't seem to be the case…

And just great. All his planning and stress for this weekend was basically pointless because it looked like he was going to have cancel everything anyhow.

"Alec? Did you zone out, baby?" Magnus waved a hand in front of his face, and Alec blushed at the endearment.

"Um, no, no I'm—no."

Magnus seemed in a better mood now that they were off the topic of his birthday, so he just shrugged and shifted Alec a little in his arms to increase the volume on the remote. Alec, however, _was_ zoning out. He couldn't stop thinking about it.

"So, just to be clear, you don't like celebrating your birthday because you don't like thinking about getting older?"

"Yes," Magnus snapped. "Now can we please talk about something else?"

Alec felt a small stab of anger and sympathy at the same time, which was confusing. "I'm sorry, but I think we should talk about this."

Magnus gave a deep sigh, muting the TV and turning his attention back to Alec with an annoyed expression. Alec felt a little guilty, but he needed to talk to him about this. And more importantly, he was pretty sure that Magnus needed to talk to him about this. To talk it out.

"Alright. Fine. Let's talk," Magnus said shortly. "Shoot."

Alec hesitated. "O—okay, um, so, w—why, I mean, what's so wrong with celebrating? I mean, we all hate getting older but, to completely skip out on all the fun just seems…not like you."

Magnus took a long inhale, like he was controlling himself, then let out a deep exhale through his nose, his eyes narrowing. He avoided the gaze Alec was desperately trying to get Magnus to catch, staring at the coffee table in front of him instead.

"Well, long story short, my parents, when they were alive," Magnus gritted his teeth. "The taught me that birthdays were…well bad, basically, and that getting older and gaining _years_ on your life wasn't actually a good thing and I just, I don't know, I guess I came to believe them. It's stupid, really. But I hated my parents. And my birthday is now like a reminder of what they taught me. And yes, I have hid that from you throughout the years, that's why I seemed 'excited' about other birthdays." Magnus rolled his eyes, like just the thought of celebrating a birthday was something foolish. Alec's heart sank, and his eyebrows pulled together in confusion and hopelessness.

"But…but maybe…I mean, are you sure nothing can change your mind, because…because—"

"Yes, Alexander." Magnus's tone was final, and he finally brought his eyes up to Alecs firmly. Alec wanted to cry.

Fuck. Everything was absolutely fucked.

* * *

It was the day of Magnus's twenty-first birthday. It finally came.

Alec was hurrying back and forth through his apartment, perfecting the dinner table with white tablecloths and flower petals. Magnus's favorite flowers only, of course. He ripped off his apron and threw it in a nearby cabinet, wiping sweat of his forehead. He set the food on the table—once again, an all time Magnus favorite, fresh maki maki sushi and crab rangoons. And, he almost forgot, Magnus's favorite french wine, which was being chilled in the fridge. He pulled out a bottle, walking over to the table to set it in the middle and smoothing everything out, wishing his nerves were as calm and perfect as the setup looked.

It looked pretty damn perfect, if he did say so himself.

The letters were all tucked into an envelope, tied off with a red ribbon and placed at the edge of the balcony table. Oh yes, he was doing this on the balcony. See, he was that extra.

"Okay Church, it's time for _you_ to move into the guestroom. Sorry, can't have any interruptions," Alec muttered as he grabbed the small feline with one hand and gently tossed him onto the bed in his guest room. Church made an oddly adorable screech of annoyance, but then felt the comfy bed and changed his mind, deciding he wanted to stay to take a nap. Alec chuckled.

All of the presents he and Izzy had wrapped were at the feet of the table, scattered along the floor. He started wringing his hands together furiously, his dry skin protesting very much as he walked backwards slowly to take in the situation. The situation being the birthday surprise.

Yes, he was _very_ nervous about it. Especially after the entire thing with Magnus hating his birthday. But he had a plan. And everything should work out according to it, if there was no changes.

Magnus had texted him saying he was on his way home, and Alec felt a little sick to the stomach with nerves.

But everything seemed to look okay. Good, even. Good enough for Magnus? Who the hell knew?

Just as Alec got to calming himself down, he heard keys jangling at the door and a lock click. Church meowed, nudging open the guestroom door which he'd apparently left ajar and hopping over to greet Magnus because apparently he'd grown to like him. It was funny, considering Church didn't even like Alec as much as he liked Magnus.

"Aww, hello sweetie," Magnus cooed to the cat, completely not noticing Alec standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, his sweaty palms behind his back. He heard Magnus chuckle as he tugged off his boots. "No, you may not eat my shoes."

Then Magnus looked up, still holding Church, and let his jaw drop in surprise. Alec almost winced.

"Alright," Alec started, putting his hands in the air as surrender. "Don't think of it as a birthday dinner. In fact, don't think that any of this even has to do with your birthday. At all. Because none of it does." All of it did, but Alec was rambling.

Magnus's face changed as Alec spoke, going through a couple different emotions; affection, annoyance, confusion. Alec tried telling himself that Magnus would be okay with all this.

"And we don't have to do any of it, if it makes you uncomfortable. I mean, because—I know you hate your birthday." Alec wanted to slap himself. Hard. "B—but again, don't think of this as anything for your birthday. This could've been on any other day. Just me doing something nice for my boyfriend." Alec heard his own voice splitting the room's painful silence from afar. He sounded incompetent and stupid, and all he wanted to do was just hide under his bed with a pillow and pretend none of this was even happening.

"Oh," Magnus said at last. Alec felt a pinch, a _sliver_ of relief, that was taken away in an instant at the tone of his voice. He did not sound very happy. Neither of them were nearly as happy as Alec had planned for them to be. It was depressing. "So you just happened to plan all of this on the day of birthday? Correction, the day that you now know I hate?"

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, his hands colliding back together to wring and wring and wring. Damn it. Magnus always managed to outsmart him. And now well...alright. He couldn't stop himself from telling Magnus the truth. Who was he kidding, when could he _ever_ stop himself from telling Magnus the truth?

Then he started waving his arms around idiotically as he vomited out words, unsteady and nervous and quick. "Okay okay okay, I know I know I know, I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_ , I—I planned this entire thing for your birthday because I thought it needed to be special now that we were dating and—and I _wanted_ it to be different, to be special, I _wanted_ to give you everything you deserve, but then you told me that you hated your birthday and…and everything just got messed up, you know? I had planned this whole thing before you told me that and when you did, I mean, I didn't want to call the whole thing off, because I was _sure_ that you would enjoy it, even if it _is_ your birthday, and I even thought that maybe I could…I could maybe like change your mind about it? But never mind, never mind it sounds stupid now, I—I'm just sorry. I can get rid of everything if you want and we can just—just go to bed or something." By the end Alec's voice was near cracking—from embarrassment, from guilt, from failure. He'd failed Magnus. And this was not going as planned _at all._

Alec was just about to make a run for it when suddenly two very warm and very soft and _very_ Magnus-like hands were cupping his face, and suddenly Alec could feel the body warmth of another person right in front of him. Alec sucked in a desperate breath of air, one that he hadn't known he had needed, and looked up into Magnus's deep green-gold eyes.

Alec's posture faltered slightly, his mouth falling open and forming a perfect 'o'. It was really all Magnus's fault for being so damn beautiful.

And his eyes. They didn't hold the look of reject he thought they would be holding, or annoyance or anger or really anything besides pure, undeniable love. Alec could see it. Like, literally physically see it.

"Alec. Darling, you have no reason to apologize." Alec wanted to cry. He held his breath, basically holding it all in. Magnus's voice was incredibly soft and…and forgiving. "This is all quite amazing, and, pesky birthday in the way or not, I'd be a fool to turn it down." Alec chuckled lightly, his cheeks folding over a little because of Magnus's hands. Magnus gave him the sweetest grin. "And it's not like I hate my birthday _that_ much. I mean, I did tell you I liked the presents. And you've clearly got lots of 'em." Magnus indicated his head towards all the boxes and wrapped gifts around the table. Alec laughed more, unable to stop himself. It was more a few laughs of relief, however.

"So." Magnus removed both his hands from Alec's face, and Alec immediately longed to have them back, the warm comfort keeping him grounded. But Magnus seemed to want other things, Alec thought as Magnus strolled over to the balcony to inspect the sushi laid out. Alec felt himself holding his breath again.

Until Magnus turned around with a huge grin, his eyes rolling back into his head and he pretending to salivate over it. Alec laughed, loud and happy even in his own head. Sushi was Magnus's favorite. Thank god he hadn't fucked that one up.

"Looks like we have some dinner to attend to. Oh, and can we open gifts first? I'm sorry, but another thing I hated about birthdays was the absolute mutiny of times people would make you wait until you would get to open your damn presents. Like, they're my presents, why can't I open them whenever I want? And it _is_ my birthday? So shouldn't I get to choose when?"

Alec was hiding a smile behind the back of his hand when Magnus finished, not missing the part in his speech where he used the past tense of 'hated'. Maybe he was succeeding in those whole thing. Maybe he would be able to make Magnus happy.

For what he hoped was a long time.

"Alec? You look like you've just found the entire key to happiness." Magnus grinned as he said it, his tone teasing but his voice was mellow, soft. Alec bit his lip through his smile, wondering how he got to be so lucky. And to be so damn cheesy.

"Well, I think I have," Alec whispered, inching forward, lashes down as he tried not to look Magnus in the eye. He was getting there, but he wasn't that confident yet; not confident enough to say those things and look at a man like that.

Magnus was quiet for approximately twenty seconds, (not that Alec was counting), and when he did speak, his voice held a new level of affection and love. Alec hadn't ever heard Magnus speak like that to him, and it's what urged him to lift his eyes back to look at Magnus.

"Really?" Magnus replied breathlessly. "What's your secret then? What's the key?" Magnus spoke as if he already had a very good idea of what it was, and Alec tried to glare at him. Which apparently was funny, because Magnus laughed.

Alec cleared his throat. "Um…you," Alec said simply. Magnus stopped laughing immediately, in fact, the entire smile wiping off his face. Alec looked away again, in embarrassment. "For me, at least. I'm not saying that like, it has to be that way for you or—or pressuring you—"

Magnus cut Alec's rambling off in Alec's favorite way; with a kiss, his hands grasping Alec's arms and sliding up until they were cupping his neck. A passionate one too at that. So passionate that Alec was re-considering eating dinner at all.

When Magnus pulled away, Alec didn't realize that he was leaning back in for more until Magnus lifted a finger and placed it firmly on his chin, pushing him away slightly. Alec's face turned hot.

"So I guess we'll open gifts later, then," Alec murmured. Magnus laughed into his mouth, a vibrating, happy noise.

"I love you," Magnus whispered, his eyes still closed. He moved his hand back to Alec's neck, and Alec sighed, pleased. He watched with wide eyes as Magnus tilted his head and pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek, saying 'I love you' again.

Then Alec's nose, and "I love you," and Alec's other cheek, "love you," and then basically any part of his face that he could, partnered with murmured confessions of love. Alec was pretty sure his face would never be able to go back to his normal pale skin tone again, or that any other part of his body would have a proportional amount of blood.

He couldn't help but lean in and steal another kiss, a fast and hungry one, sloppy and determined. Magnus let out a growl of approval, biting on Alec's lower lip and moving his hands to slide around the small of Alec's back. Alec arched into it, encouraging him with his own sounds of pleasure. His hands were suddenly at Magnus's hair, taking a couple of handfuls and squeezing hard, and Magnus's knees buckled. And no, that wasn't something sexy that Alec made up in his head, they _actually_ buckled. To the point where Alec was now putting most of his weight on an entirely limp person, so they both went stumbling backwards and right onto the table. Right onto basically all of the sushi.

Alec pulled away immediately, jumping back, but Magnus stayed there, just lying in the maki maki's. Alec gave him a look.

"Oh, golly, I forgot about these," Magnus said, almost in wonder as he popped a stray one into his mouth. He nodded appreciatively, and Alec stared some more. "Shame that we couldn't get to eat them." It didn't sound like a shame at all to Magnus. "And shame about this designer shirt." Now _that_ he sounded sad about. But then Alec caught the mischievous gleam he had in his eye, and the way he had posed his body as if he were just waiting for Alec to jump right back into it.

"Ohh, I see," Alec said, crossing his arms and smirking. "Do you like this or something? Like _like_ it, like it? Fucking on a table? On the balcony?"

Alec could've sworn Magnus turned a little red. "Wow. You have no filter, do you?"

Alec shrugged. "Sounds about right."

Magnus laughed, his head falling back slightly, and that was when the lust part of Alec's mind made him go forward again and smother Magnus into the table, the raw fish squishing under them as they giggled.

And sure, Alec was maybe possibly a little bit nervous about doing this right out in the open, on a balcony, _on the sushi that he had bought_ , but the way he felt when he was doing it, the relief and loving happiness and just onslaught of emotions really just made him want to start crying with joy.

A thought hit him suddenly, as Magnus started to escalate things and thoughts were thought about how far they would be going that night. A realization, an ephiany, almost, that made Alec stop kissing him and open his eyes wide in his own thoughts. Magnus made a confused little noise, pulling back to survey his face. Alec almost couldn't handle the look on it.

"Alec? What is it?"

Alec swallowed carefully, perfectly ruining the moment with the nerves dancing in his stomach. He knew that Magnus knew he had them, and now they were going to have to talk about it. Great.

Well, it wasn't all bad. Maybe Alec would actually get enough nerve to say what he wanted.

It was Magnus's birthday though. He should be getting what _he_ wanted.

"I—nothing. It's nothing. I swear. Really. Please, let's just—" Alec mumbled off, indicating to the two of their mouths as an awkward way of asking for more kisses. Magnus couldn't help but chuckle, clumsily thumbing at Alec's swollen, red bottom lip. Alec knew his face was about the color of the very lips Magnus was thumbing at.

"Darling. You can tell me absolutely anything. You know that nothing you say will drive me away." Alec turned more red at the words, sitting up more on Magnus's lap to get a better look at him. "And besides, it's my birthday. I deserve to know."

Alec growled, pretending to be annoyed just to hear Magnus's sweet laugh again. " _Fine_ ," he dramatized. Then he sobered. "But this…I—I don't want to pressure you with this I just…wanted you to know that it was…that it's something I…have in mind? Possibly want to do?"

Magnus nodded slowly, sitting up next too. They both re-adjusted themselves so they were facing each other, ignoring the mushed up sushi on the back of their clothes.

"Go on. You know I'm open to anything you want, Alexander."

 _Damn, how is he so smooth?_

Alec almost wanted to ask him how things just came so easily to him, how everything was just so easy. But now wasn't the right moment, so he added it to the list of things he wanted to ask Magnus in his head.

"I…it's…"

"Alec—"

Alec waved a hand to silence him, more of a flail really as of his stress. "No, it's—it's not…it doesn't come easy to me, you know? I'm not like _you_."

Magnus chuckled, moving a thumb across the back of Alec's hand but saying nothing, gratefully for Alec.

But then Alec saw something flicker in Magnus's eye, the flicker he had when he wanted to say something that was probably important.

So Alec sucked in a sharp breath and blurted it out before he completely lost his mind. "I want to make love."

* * *

 **A/N: oOOooOooOOOHHhhHhHH boOOoOoYyy.**

 **WhAt will happen next? Who knows.**

 **Lol I feel like I say that every single time I leave y'all on a cliff hanger so that's funny.**

 **Anyway, I'm a bit too tired to do this rn, so just like you know what I'm bout to say, review review review, blllaaaaaaaaahhhhhh blah blah and just have a nice day yennow? I love y'all. Even though barely anyone reads this crap I LOVE Y'ALL. :).**

 **Damn idk what put me in this mood lol never been so optimistic.**

 **Also the person who said they wanted a brownie still sry I'm a lil late but YES HERE YOU GO *Throws multiple throw screen***

 **-Emma. Idk lol.**


	12. Everything

**A/N: Ok here comes the next chap. Have fun. Have a trip. Have a time.**

 **And don't forget to like review. Plz. Mwah.**

 **I lOOoOoOooovoOOVOovvvveeee all of ur reviewwwwsssss. They're so sweet n awesome and kind of confusing but awesome and wow already 25 reviews y'all ily this is lit.**

 **Wow I just really don't know what else to say so HAPPY READING. Even tho it's really not so happy anymore bc this writing sucks but I hope Y'ALL r happy.**

 **Annnnd *mature content* *is ahead* *so yeet*.**

 **Disclaimer: Like if I owned the mortal instruments, what the heck would you do about it? Arrest me? Haha.**

* * *

"Darling." There was a long pause filled with cold silence. "Are…are you sure?"

Alec started nodding quickly, and Magnus could sense he was about to start babbling. He wasn't wrong. "Yes. Yes, I'm sure. And yes, I know that this is supposed to be your night, and we should like, do things that you want to do and stuff," Alec proceeded to turn a _spectacular_ color of red at those words, and Magnus couldn't help but shiver happily at the thoughts that were probably going through his mind. Hmm. Something they would discuss later. "But I just wanted to let you know…I guess. We don't have to do it tonight, or any night, if you want. Because it's all about what you want. Well, not all, I—you know what I mean, I—" Alec started motioning with his hands inelegantly, as if flicking away his words because they made him too uncomfortable to even say himself.

Magnus wished he could teach him to be more confident in himself.

"Alec," Magnus gently placed a hand on Alec's, ignoring the fact that it was still sticky with sushi. "First of all, you need to calm down." They both shared small smiles at that. "Second, you…you have to understand that it's _not_ all about me. Sex is a give and take. And what's all this crap about my birthday? I thought I told you that I _didn't_ like my birthday and _didn't_ care about it. Honestly. So why would I care about having _sex_ with you? Which is by the way something that _I_ am quite interested in as well. No need to worry," Magnus said as casually as he could, when really his nerves were _burning_ inside of him.

Which was stupid of him, really. He was a grown ass adult, twenty-one now, in fact. He'd been with a multitude of different people, men and women. There was no reason to feel so excited yet so nervous about having sex with someone. In fact, that was one of the things in relationships he knew he was best at.

Maybe it was just Alec.

Alec, after his entire speech, was just staring at him, in pure awe, it seemed. Magnus rose an eyebrow.

"What?" he laughed.

Alec shook his head again, looking away, _again_. "Nothing, it's…I—I didn't know _you_ wanted to do it," he said quietly, his blush not ceasing to come off his face.

Magnus swallowed a little harder, taking a deep breath to steady himself. Alec was too much to handle sometimes; sometimes he had to stop himself from straight up pouncing.

"Of course it's something I want. I honestly thought that _you_ were scared and wanted to wait. And I was willing to wait, as long as it took. But now, well…I think this is the best birthday gift ever," he announced, solely to see the grin split Alec's face. He wasn't disappointed.

"Wow. Um, okay then. That—that's—" Alec paused to take a deep breath. Magnus wondered if he was feeling even half of what Magnus was. "I'm glad."

Magnus was pretty damn glad too.

"Then what are we waiting for?"

Alec's face changed quickly, to another self-conscious glance around. But this time, he deliberately seemed to be glancing around, maybe at their setting on the balcony.

"Um, I'd prefer not to have my first time on the balcony table, if you don't mind." Magnus laughed, jumping off of it and taking Alec's hand to lead him to the bedroom.

He noticed Alec looking back a little worriedly at all the gifts he had arranged, biting his lip. Magnus stopped walking, looking back as well. Then he brought a hand to Alec's cheek to bring him in for a sweet, _chaste_ kiss.

"Don't worry darling, I promise you we'll get back to your gifts. For now, however, I fear if we don't continue what we started, I'll go insane," he said dramatically. Alec's lips lifted in a small, nervous smile.

"Alright. Proceed."

Magnus snorted, stopping to mutter "nerd" right before their lips and bodies clashed together again in a powerful embrace.

Alec, a few seconds into it, started making those sweet sweet noises again in the back of his throat. Really, anytime Magnus was going through a tough time, all he had to do was think of those noises, and he'd be happily sated back into contentment. Possibly after a quick cold shower, however, because he could never think about those noises without thinking about what they were _doing_ exactly when he was making them.

Alec started pulling eagerly at his shirt, yanking it up harshly and ripping apart the buttons, desperate for bare skin.

 _God._

This boy would be the death of him.

He was already past the point of 'going to make it with a cold shower.' With the way Alec was pressing him hotly against the door of the bedroom and nipping lightly at his parted lips, he was pretty sure a cold shower would be completely useless by this point. He was pretty sure only Alec was the only person who was ever able to do that to him.

Then, Magnus came in contact with Alec's shirt, running his fingers up his back slowly before he felt the disgusting, cold creamy thickness from the sushi. This sushi had no place in their bed, Magnus thought slyly, and started pulling Alec into the direction of the bathroom.

Alec frowned through the kiss, trying to mumble through Magnus's hungry lips.

"Wh—wher—Mag—" Magnus sighed into his mouth, deciding to give up the onslaught and focus more on Alec's neck. The spots he knew were the most sensitive, just to see how Alec would be able to speak through it.

" _Oh god_ , you—I— _oh_ —" he spoke, rushed. "W—why are we _g—_ ahh, ah ah _oh,_ jesus, Magnus," Alec moaned, clutching Magnus's hair as if it were the only thing keeping him standing. Magnus smirked against his throat, biting down again and hoping to leave a mark. Alec slumped against him like a puppet with it's strings cut. The sounds he was making above him were absolutely _lovely._ Magnus hoped he would never stop hearing those sounds for the rest of his life.

And that thought made him pull away. Okay. It was time to take it down a notch, before he got on one knee and starting professing out love confessions that had yet to be said yet.

"To shower," he answered the question he knew Alec was trying to ask. Alec stared back at him with his mouth slightly open, almost baffled. Magnus knew he was about to ask yet another question, so he stopped that before it was too late. "We're both sticky from the sushi, and we both want some _love_ ," Magnus emphasized the last words obscenely just for Alec's sake. "So—shower sex. It's multi-tasking."

Alec managed to choke out a laugh. "Y—yeah, but—"

Magnus sighed casually, even as he started stripping his pants. He caught Alec steal a few glances at what was probably an obvious tent in his boxers. "Yes, I know, you don't want your first time to be in a shower, I get it. But it won't. This'll just be like…a warm-up. Some foreplay. Something to really get us going, you know?" Magnus reached into the shower and blindly switched on the nozzle to a comfortable heat.

Alec looked away, and Magnus saw that look in his eyes, the one he had when he wanted to say something but was too shy to. He managed to get there before Magnus needed to ask though, thankfully. "Well, there's really no need for showers to 'get me going.' You being here is enough."

Magnus took a deep breath, shivering a little. "Well dear, I'm flattered, but we're still showering. I refuse to smell like maki maki with my first time with you."

And Alec made a happy laugh, him too starting to take off clothing. After that, it didn't take long for things to heat up again.

Alec immediately started shivering when they were both undressed and standing barefoot on the tiled floor, kissing. Magnus had his hands sliding up and down Alec's back, but not even his warm palms could help.

So, Alec grabbed on to Magnus's elbows steadily, pulling his backwards blindly through the shower curtains.

" _Ahhh_ ," Alec moaned shakily as they both submerged into the startlingly hot water, a strong contrast to the cold he'd just been experiencing. Magnus was all over him now, too, connecting the two of their bodies flush together and pressing Alec into the shower wall. Magnus licked into his mouth, water dripping between their faces and making every sensation magnified and _hotter._

Suddenly, Magnus started sneaking a long hand between their bodies, and when he swiftly wrapped it around Alec's dick, Alec broke away from the kiss with a gasp. Magnus took that as encouragement and tightened his grip, twisting his wrist on the upstroke with an obscene, _wet_ sound. The hot water really just made everything better.

"O _hhhh_ , god, _god_ , Magnus, I— _I_ —"

Magnus grinned at him, pressing kiss after kiss against Alec's slack lips as if Alec was even _capable_ of kissing him back when he was doing absolutely heavenly things with just his hand.

"I know darling. I know." Of course he knew. Alec was staring at him with wide eyes and parted lips when suddenly, his hand was gone, and Alec was throwing his head back and groaning.

"Wh—what?" Alec blinked in confusion when abruptly Magnus was nowhere in sight. And then he felt the friction return to his cock, this time _much_ much hotter and ten times wetter and…

 _Oh._

"Oh!" Alec's hands flew to Magnus's hair, clutching tightly with vigor. "Oh fuck fuck fuck—"

It was more embarrassing now, Alec spurting out random gibberish and swears without the muffle of Magnus's mouth.

Alec's toes curled, _actually_ curled when Magnus went in all the way, deep throating and starting to _really_ suck enthusiastically and—

"F—fuckk. _Fuck_ , Magnus, you—you gotta— _mmm_ —" It seemed Alec was unable to finish the rest of his sentence, drowned off with a moan as he clenched his eyes shut and banged his head back against the shower tiles.

But he quickly forced himself to look back down. Watching Magnus… _pleasure_ his body so was a sight so gorgeous to see it would be really stupid if he missed out on it. He almost wanted to say, _sucking dick looks really good on you_. If he wasn't half sobbing, he probably would.

The only problem was, Magnus was _really_ damn good at doing it. Which was good in practically every other situation other than this one.

Alec tugged on Magnus's hair a bit more sharply, wordlessly trying to get his attention to pull off. Unfortunately, that only seemed to spur Magnus on.

"Ohgodohgodohgod, ok— _ay_ , Mag— _Magnus_ , you need—I need you to _ahhh_ —fuck, _please,_ st—stop—"

Magnus immediately pulled away, being the loyal boyfriend that he was, and stared up at Alec with big, doe eyes. "Yes?" he asked innocently, wiping spit and water that was dripping off his chin. Alec's heart quite frankly jumped.

"You—I—" Alec closed his eyes to breathe, taking a pause. "I don't think it'd be very wise for me to…you know. Right now. Since we're planning on…you know." Alec motioned awkwardly with his hands. Magnus chuckled, rising back to his feet with a satisfied sigh.

"Alright sweetie. Whatever you want."

Alec frowned at him, because he _knew_ that Alec hated it when Magnus said things like that. Especially if it was on his own birthday. It wasn't supposed to be all about Alec.

Magnus laughed again, hiccuping slightly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you know what I mean."

Alec pouted a little still, but then eventually gave in, wrapping his arms around Magnus's neck and pulling him into a full embrace. When their noses were a mere centimeter apart, Alec took that opportunity to whisper, "now we should probably _actually_ shower."

Magnus uttered a small giggle, giving him an eskimo kiss in return. "I suppose you're right."

After ten minutes of bubbly scrubbing and soapy smiles, Magnus was happily drying his boyfriend up with a big fluffy towel, (one that he had given Alec in the past for his lack of good towels). Showering with Alec for Magnus was funner than going to an amusement park or reading a favorite book. His two favorite things combined; Alec, and being clean. And the fact that the two of them were about to go off and do _more_ of Magnus's favorite things really just made it the best birthday he'd ever had.

"Why are you smiling so much?" Alec mumbled as Magnus moved the towel to his hair, digging it in and moving it around roughly to get out all the wetness. Alec pouted, his cheeks still flushed from the small blowjob and the steam that was filling the bathroom from the open curtains.

"Oh nothing. Just spending the best birthday ever with my favorite person ever."

Alec took the towel off his head and pulled it down slowly, to get a good look at Magnus. Then he slowly smiled. "Does that mean that I'm changing your mind about birthdays?"

Magnus chuckled a little dryly, patting his now fluffy, damp head. "Don't get your hopes up kid," he said as he sashayed out of the room with a swing to his hips, one that he knew Alec was staring after. He turned around right at the doorway, dropping Alec a signature wink. "Don't wait up," he whispered sultrily, pushing his ass out even more and then scurrying off to the bedroom. Alec's dumbfounded expression and obvious hard-on really made it all worth it.

Alec caught up with him a few seconds later, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind and nuzzling his face in the curve of Magnus's shoulder junction. Magnus hummed, delighted at the feeling of his silk soft skin and tickling hair. Magnus turned slowly in his boyfriend's arms, resting his arms lazily on Alec's shoulders as he eyes him with a smirk.

The position was slightly awkward considering Magnus was taller, but they made it work. They always did.

"How is your skin so soft?" Magnus purred, grazing the back of his fingers along Alec's cheek as he tucked away a sweet lock of hair. Alec blinked, wide, ocean eyes staring clueless into Magnus's. "I moisturize everyday and somehow your skin is like…just better than mine."

Alec scoffed, rubbing Magnus's side lightly as he spoke. "What are you talking about? I love your body. It's so smooth and hot and _smells_ so good…" Alec trailed off, and Magnus caught him lean in a little to take a big whiff, sighing afterwards. "And my skin? It doesn't even compare. It's just like…good genes I guess."

Magnus gave a small, agreeing chuckle, leaning in even more to feel more of that amazing skin that he loved so much. Alec gasped when he closed the distance between their bodies.

"Yes…I am very grateful for your good genes…they're _heaven_ sent, really." Alec looked like he wanted to move away and hide himself or deny everything Magnus was saying. Which was dumb since Magnus rarely ever told lies. And Alec certainly knew that, so he certainly must've known that Magnus wasn't bending the truth in any way as he spoke.

And he wanted to assure Alec that everything he was saying _was_ true, so he tried sealing it all with a kiss. Alec sighed into his mouth, almost sounding relieved, and returned the kiss eagerly.

Magnus moved their bodies together and fell backwards onto the bed, dragging Alec down with him. Alec giggled into his mouth, climbing up on top off him and surrounding his legs around Magnus's waist. The laughter stopped all at once, however, when Magnus lifted his body up a little and pushed their hips together once again. Alec gave a shuddering gasp, and Magnus took the opportunity to lick into Alec's plush mouth with passion. That just spurred Alec on more.

" _Ohh_ , okay, we—we should really get onto things, I—we—"

Magnus pulled away to examine him quickly. Alec's cheeks were redder than ever, and he could almost feel the heat emitting from them. His features were relaxed and calm with rapture, yet his eyes were wild and unruly, and Magnus didn't see an ounce of hesitation.

Okay. They were actually going to do this.

"We're actually doing this," Magnus murmured happily, frantically pushing hair out of Alec's face to make sure he didn't miss a second of seeing his favorite face in the world. "We're actually doing this," Magnus parroted a second later, more finalized that time. Alec grinned his wonderful lights-up-his-whole-face-grin, and Magnus swooned a little.

"Yes. Yeah Magnus, we are."

Magnus returned the grin, wrapping his arms soundly around Alec's torso and connecting their mouths together again. The two of them smiled, unable to help it, as they kissed, basking in all the new feelings and experiences.

By the time Magnus was reaching over to the bedside table for some lube, Alec was finding difficulty remembering how to breathe properly.

"Do you always just…have lube there? For whenever you…?" Alec's voice trailed off questioningly as he stared at Magnus slather some onto his fingers. He tried not to think about where those fingers were about to go.

Magnus shrugged casually, tossing the nearly empty bottle onto the floor when he was done with it. "Yeah, I guess." His voice made it sound like he had a much more interesting topic in mind to talk about. Alec could guess what that was.

"Cool," Alec mumbled. He wasn't sure what to do in situations like these. He'd never _been_ in situations like these.

Thankfully, Magnus could sense his brief panic, and quickly took over.

How was it always so easy with Magnus?

"Alright darling. Lie back now," Magnus whispered with hunger laced in his words as he pushed Alec over onto his other side, making Magnus on top again.

Alec licked his lips, going back eagerly and laying himself onto the bed at Magnus's complete mercy. He really liked being at Magnus's mercy like this.

"I love you," Magnus said fondly, tracing a finger over the lines on his forehead as he settled on top of Alec.

Alec whimpered pathetically in return, lifting his hips up a little in an attempt to get some friction. He mouthed 'I love you' back, trying to wordlessly tell him how desperate he was.

Mangus nodded, smiling slightly. "Yes, I know sweetheart. I'll give you what you need."

Alec nodded fervently, moving his hands all over Mangus's body without even being able to help it.

"Yesyesyes, _please_ , I—please—I need—"

Alec jumped when Magnus slowly spread his legs, leaning down to lay between them. Alec stared down at him, worried about being so exposed. But all he was met with in return was pure love, happiness and eagerness. Magnus was ready for this. Alec was ready for this.

They were going to do it.

It was happening. The moment Alec had been dreaming of had finally come.

When Magnus finally moved his hand between Alec's legs, Alec cried out, heart beating so loud and fast he was almost concerned that Magnus would be able to hear it.

Alec threw his head to the side and bit the pillow to stop himself from drooling as Magnus slowly pushed a fingertip inside.

"More," he moaned out. " _Please_ , Magnus."

Alec gasped when he pushed his entire finger inside, moaning loudly when he started pumping it in and out slowly. Alec couldn't get his throat to work enough to beg Magnus for more, all that was coming out was weird strangled noises and high-pitched whines as Magnus gradually opened him up with one finger.

Thankfully though, Alec didn't have to wait long, and soon Magnus was adding another finger, scissoring them inside of him. Alec clutched at Magnus's hair when he started leisurely kissing along Alec's abdomen as he moved his fingers inside, deliberately avoiding the exact place where Alec wanted him to put his mouth.

"F— _ah_ —fuck, Magnus," Alec groaned, jerking his hips when Magnus retaliated with a sharp thrust forward. He dragged his mouth over Alec's belly button in apology, finally bringing his eyes up to meet Alec's.

"Does that feel good my love?" Magnus rasped, his voice dirty and dripping with desire. Alec swore he caught him grinding against the bed in the corner of his eye, but he couldn't drag his eyes away from Magnus's face to look.

"I—I can't—" was all Alec could mumble out pathetically. And he _wanted_ to tell Magnus how he felt, how he was feeling, but it was too much. It was all just too much.

"Mmm, good," Magnus whispered.

Suddenly, Magnus twisted his fingers inside him and crooked them with deadly precision, and Alec saw stars behind closed eyelids. He thrusted and thrashed his body, shuddering when Magnus did it again. He jerked and moaned, quickly moving his hands to the bed sheets so he didn't pull Magnus's hair out.

Magnus just went back to kissing his stomach wetly, brushing against his dick every now and then and making Alec clench his teeth.

" _God,_ Magnus, _fuck_ , you—you need to hurry the fuck up," Alec spit out quickly. Every muscle in his body was clenching and twitching, every nerve ending sparking alive with every single thing Magnus did. Alec was pretty sure he had stopped breathing a while ago, and blood was singing in his ears.

Alec's stomach swooped when Magnus added a third finger, hyper aware of the new feeling; the slight sting, the stretch, the _gut_ wrenching pleasure of another finger pressed up inside of him.

The problem was, if Magnus continued doing what he was doing for a little while longer, Alec wasn't sure just how long he'd be able to last. And _hell_ , he wanted this to last forever. Yet he needed Magnus to take them out and _get_ on with it.

Alec was very confused at all of the emotions at once.

"M—magnus—I—I'm _serious_ ," Alec said through a strangled voice. Magnus just blinked up at him faux innocently, cruelly pressing all three fingers against that spot inside of him as he did. Alec tried to glare at him through the film of pleasure that he was sure was being shown on his face. Magnus simply did it again, _harder_ , and Alec couldn't hold back the cry that time.

"I don't know darling," Magnus said once Alec had been able to take another breath. "Maybe I like seeing you this desperate."

Alec clenched his eyes together, expecting another attack of pleasure, but when there was none, he let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and looked down at Magnus with pleading eyes. Magnus sighed, giving his stomach one last lick and then pulling his fingers out slowly.

Alec didn't know whether to be relieved or pained that he'd taken them away.

"Though I suppose you're right," Magnus stated conversationally as he slipped on a condom (which he'd apparently summoned from thin air). Alec gulped and stared as he spread lube on his dick, wondering in awe how he had the self-control to do this with Alec.

Though he did have a lot more experience than Alec.

"God you're so beautiful," Magnus murmured, running the back of his hand across Alec's cheek and tracing it down his neck. Alec sucked in a breath, unconsciously tensing his shoulders up towards his ears.

"I mean it, darling. I tell no lies with you. Ever."

Alec blushed, redness spreading all the way down to his chest. He wondered if he'd ever get used to Magnus saying things like that to him. To _him._

Someone who wasn't even half as beautiful as Magnus. He also wondered when he'd ever get the confidence to tell Magnus that. Or if he _ever_ would.

"I…I don't know what to say," Alec admitted, looking away. Magnus brought his hand back to his hot cheek, this time cupping it gently.

"You don't have to say anything," Magnus whispered, nuzzling his nose against Alec's other cheek. "I just need you to know."

Alec nodded awkwardly, hoping they would move on and talk about something else. Like the fact that they were supposed to be starting the whole 'making love' thing.

Magnus suddenly scrunched up his nose adorably. "Yeah, we should probably move along with things."

Alec laughed, finally relaxing and forgetting about the last three minutes. "Yeah I'd very much like that," Alec whispered into Magnus's ear, throwing his arms around Magnus's back to hold him close.

And just like that, the heat of the moment was back.

Not that it even left for very long anyway.

"Oh, _oh_ fuck, _fuck_ yes—" Alec started babbling when Magnus _finally_ pressed up against him, almost like he was waiting for permission.

Well. There was really no need for that. Alec was ready for what they were about to do more than he thought he had been ready for anything in his entire life.

" _Pleasepleaseplease_ , oh, _please_ Magnus," Alec whimpered, grabbing the back of his thighs and urging him on. Magnus made a strange noise, almost like a growl, and followed his commands.

Alec gasped when he first pushed the tip in, blinking furiously in surprise from the feeling of it.

Of his boyfriend being _inside_ of him. For the first time.

Magnus was very quiet and very still, only an inch inside and not moving any further until Alec gave his consent.

Yes it hurt, sure, but it didn't feel very different from the fingers. The same stretch from three fingers, just stronger. And it was already starting to fade. Alec knew that if he wanted to start feeling more pleasure, though he was nearly scared to ask, Magnus would to have to move.

" _Move_ ," He said deeply, shakily pushing at Magnus's thighs again. Magnus groaned, twitching a little, and listened to him.

When he moved another inch inside, their moans were synchronizing. Clearly spurred on by the feeling of it, Magnus moved even more forward, and Alec clenched his teeth through a shout. It felt strangely weird, but…good. Just very, very weird-good.

Little did he know that things were about to get a _lot_ better, and _very_ quickly as well.

Soon, when Magnus was pressed up right against his hips with no where else to go, they were both panting into each other's mouths, basking in the excitement and awareness of it all.

"I love you angel," Magnus whispered, his eyes half-closed. Alec's heart did what he presumed people meant when they said 'skipped a beat'.

"I love you more, Magnus."

Magnus gave a shaky smile. "Impossible."

And then he slowly moved an inch back, shuddering and then thrusting in again. Gently. Lightly.

But it was enough to _shatter_ Alec.

When everything sort of morphed into a rhythm, and Alec was starting to _really_ start to enjoy the feelings, Magnus changed the angle and was suddenly pressing up against that spot inside him again.

Alec's whole body jumped , involuntarily clenching around Magnus and making him cry out. He arched his back in bliss, scratching paths down Magnus's back and stuttering out a loud moan, trying to focus on breathing correctly the whole time.

"Holy fuck!" he cried out when Magnus thrust against there again. And again, and again, and oh yes, once a freaking gain. "Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy _fucking_ fuck Magnus, I—you— _nnnnngh_ —"

Magnus just chuckled at his reaction, thrusting sharply in return and ending up drawing more noises out of Alec.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, trembling in the embrace with whispered love confessions and sounds of passion filling the air. And, well, the sound of skin slapping on skin, but Alec tried not to focus on that; each time he did, he nearly couldn't hold himself back and there was no way that he was letting things end so soon.

However, it looked like Magnus had other plans.

"Fuck, _fuck_ , oh fuck angel," Magnus groaned, biting his lip when Alec pulled tightly at his hair, just the way Alec knew he liked it.

" _Yes_ ," Alec gasped when Magnus started losing rhythm with his hips. Magnus ducked his head into Alec's neck, mouthing sloppily at the skin there. Alec clenched his eyes shut and threw his head back, panting as he desperately started moving his hips forward to meet Magnus's thrusts. Magnus _keened_.

"Ohh, oh baby I—I don't think I'm gonna la— _last_ much longer, you're— _fuck_ , you're so fucking— _tight_ —" Magnus muttered through tight breaths, lighting Alec on fire.

He nodded frantically, reaching down and cupping Magnus's ass so he could get more leverage to pull their hips together. Another part of him would've been dizzy with embarrassment, but he was past feeling anything but pleasure. Magnus's arms tensed on his sides, his fingers digging into the bedsheets.

"M—me," a pant, "me too." Alec's couldn't help keeping his eyes closed still, his mouth gaping open like an idiot as Magnus took complete control over every sensation in his body. Now, the only sound he could hear was the loud slaps of skin hitting skin, louder and harder that time.

Magnus was still dragging his mouth across sensitive spots on Alec's neck as Alec moved his hands back down to Magnus's back, probably permanently scarring it with the way he was digging his nails in. Magnus didn't seem to mind though, as he moaned and bit down leaving probably a noticeable mark on Alec's neck every time he dug his nails in.

Just when Alec thought he couldn't hold it together for even another second, Magnus shifted his weight and reached in between them to pull at Alec's cock quickly, just the way he liked it.

" _Ohh_ , oh god, oh _please_ —" he didn't even know what he was begging for at this point, but with all the combined over stimulation from the entire night, he was sure if he didn't come in that exact moment it would literally start to get painful.

"Yes, _yes_ darling, _come_ , come for me—" Alec cut him off with a loud, long sob, his entire body clenching up and shaking as he started to fall over the edge. He tried to keep his eyes open, _tried_ to see Magnus's face when _he_ started to come, but he just couldn't. When he tried opening his eyes, all he could see was white and black spots, so he squeezed them shut again to make sure he didn't permanently damage his vision.

Alec was pretty sure he was yelling, or screaming or making all sorts of strange noises that were probably embarrassing if he wasn't overwhelmed with pleasure. Magnus's hand was still working him through it as he spurted all over their stomachs, still scratching down Magnus's back unintentionally like a fucking cat.

Once he finally came down and was able to see and breath again, he realized that Magnus was _still_ coming, his whole body still convulsing and tensing as he gasped and moaned right into Alec's ear. Which was a lot, considering he sounded sexier than ever and Alec had _just_ finished yet his dick seemed to plan on going places again.

Once Magnus had come down as well, he collapsed boneless against Alec, making him squeak slightly.

They stayed panting in each other's arms for a reasonably long amount of time, until Alec gently pushed Magnus to hint that it was maybe time to clean up a little, or at _least_ move out of him.

Magnus complied easily, slowly pulling out (which wasn't…the _best_ feeling of the night) and fell onto the bed next to him, sighing happily and pulling the covers atop the both of them.

"So," Magnus said a few seconds later, but he made it sound like more of a question. Alec cocked his head and got a good glance at him, noticing the beautiful shine of sweat and perspiration that looked like a gorgeous glimmer across his tan skin. His mouth was slightly open as he stared at the ceiling, seemingly too exhausted to even turn his head to face Alec.

Alec mentally pat himself on the back.

"So," Alec replied in a breath, reaching over to grasp his hand gently. Magnus gave a ghost of a smile, giving his hand a small squeeze in return. "That was really…good."

Magnus gave a small breath of relief, chuckling and finally turning to face Alec. His eyes lit up, and Alec's heart stopped promptly.

"For a second there, I thought you were going to say that it was _bad_ , and I was about to lose my mind."

Alec laughed heartily, hiccuping slightly as he took his other hand and dragged it lazily across Magnus's cheek and neck, a gesture he did so often now it was almost done without thinking.

"Wow, really? You think I faked that orgasm?"

Magnus snorted. "Of course not."

Alec smiled softly. "Then you have nothing to worry about."

Magnus's smile went from hesitant to eye-crinkling, and Alec didn't think he'd ever been happier ever. They both laughed at the inside joke after.

"Alright sweetheart. Whatever you say," Magnus whispered, sighing and closing his eyes. "Though I gotta tell you, you got me totally beat. I'm freaking exhausted."

Alec giggled, trying not to be proud. "Wow. That's—I'm—that's cool."

Magnus opened his eyes, a mischievous look in them. "I think that whole experience was slightly more than 'cool', darling. C'mere."

Alec felt his face go little pink, but he complied, melting in Magnus's embrace. He wrapped his arms around Magnus's slim torso, shuddering blissfully when Magnus slotted their legs together and surrounded Alec completely in his body. Alec buried his face into Magnus's neck, basking in the smell of sweat and salt and the warmth that was emitting from him.

"You feel so nice," Alec mumbled, without even really meaning to. Magnus chuckled quietly, rubbing his back with a kind touch. Alec shivered.

"Thank you. You feel quite good yourself," Magnus answered in a small breath as to not disrupt the perfect peacefulness of their moment together.

Alec was honestly starting to feel just as drowsy as Magnus was describing earlier, and just as he felt himself start to slip away, he heard the smallest of whispers come from above him.

"I love you more than infinity."

Alec felt butterflies in his stomach, stupidly, and he couldn't help but smile. "Cheesy."

They both shared a small chuckle before drifting off into blissful sleep.

* * *

 **A/N: Ok fam how'd ya like the famous fiRsT tiME episode? Which is this chap btw lmao.**

 **O gOoDneSs this is short but sweet so I hope y'all liked it and I rlly need to stop saying y'all sm I sound like Harry Shum Jr ;) tho that's not a bad thing and anyway idk what else to say but haveeee a good day and reemmmmmbbberrr to review so that IIIIIII can have a gooooood day. :) this A/N's rlly sad.**

 **Tell me what ya think ab this one iiIDdiIDKk.**

 **oKAy. Goodbye.**

 **-Emma, who's just lost her mojo on writing A/Ns rip lmao.**


	13. Carry You

**A/N: Hellloooooo y'all. I'm kinda doing pretty darn wellllllll.**

 **That sounded so weird blike you get the jiff also no one says that anymore idk I need to stop.**

 **I mean, I don't mean to sound ChEeSY, but hope y'all r having a good day, and also if y'all want me to have a good day, you should review ;).**

 **Ok as usual I can never think of anything to say, so HAPPY READDDDING.**

 **Disclaimer: Shut up.**

* * *

The first thing Alec realized was that everything was grey.

 _Where am I?_

Wherever he turned his head, wherever he moved, or at least tried to move, all that was in his sight was just… a cloudy, murky, icky, foggy grey.

Alec, from what he could tell through the fog, was only wearing a large t-shirt and some sweatpants. That's what it felt like, at least.

Well, that really wasn't any different from his usual outfits.

Suddenly, from the grey fogginess there came a figure, very tall and very still. And still unrecognizable, but the silhouette was there.

Entranced, Alec moved forward towards him, like he just couldn't help himself. A part of his brain was telling him that this was stupid, he didn't even know where he was and whoever this was could surely be a serial killer.

Yet that sensible part of his brain felt switched off and somewhere out of reach. It was very strange indeed.

As he moved forward, the silhouette got more visible, and Alec recognized it to be Magnus. He immediately lit up, holding his arms out in obvious invitation for Magnus to come closer. Which was…weird. He never really did stuff like that.

But the misty Magnus didn't even flinch. In fact, it didn't look like he even noticed that Alec was standing right in front of him in the first place. Alec frowned, his hands slowly lowering as he stepped in for a better look.

At that point, he noticed how weird everything in his body felt. The distanced, rational part of his mind, the feeling like he was walking on air or not walking at all when he was clearly moving forward. He wished he could understand what was going on.

But the part of his brain that was open for business was just focused on the Magnus in front of him. The Magnus that was wearing a silky, bluish, papery hospital gown, with his features completely stilled and his eyes closed like he was…he was still…

No. No way.

Alec forced himself to turn around, to move back into the greyness, focus on _anything_ else than what he had just saw—

But when he did, Magnus was right back there again. And slowly, as if seeing Magnus like that again wasn't enough, Alec started to hear the steady, ugly, beeping heart monitor that his head had been playing constantly on repeat from all the time he'd spent at the hospital. With Magnus in a coma. And it was all coming back now.

The beeping was getting louder. Alec frantically tried running away from it but it leaped right there, right in front of him again and again and again and again. It was chaos. Alec just couldn't even think of a better word to describe his brain at that moment.

"Oh god," he whispered out loud, his face pinching in pain as he clutched at his hair. Everything was was starting to become numb.

He curled up into a small ball on…well, it wasn't exactly a floor, just a sea of more grey. And he tried not to sob, hugging his knees to his chest and rocking back in forth until the beeping was so loud that he could barely hear himself think.

"Why?" he yelled out, his voice on the edge of cracking. "Why why why _please_ , please please please _stopstopstop_ —" Alec kept murmuring gibberish, trying to keep himself sane with it. All he could picture was Magnus's face in the coma, the doctor's face when telling him the results, or that stupid heart monitor that he wanted to rip in half by week two. But obviously, he didn't, because it was telling them that Magnus was still alive.

 _Still alive._

Alec let out a wretched sob, without even meaning to, and wrapped himself more soundly in a ball as he started weeping quietly. He still tried whimpering out words, begs, but he couldn't even hear them over the beeping of the monitor.

But it was over. This was supposed to be over. Magnus wasn't in a coma anymore. He would never get back into a coma. This was fine. They were both fine.

So _why_ was this _happening_ to him?

"Alec."

The voice cut through all the other noise, the sound of his own thoughts, the damn insistent beeping that almost sounded like it was screeching by that point.

And he knew that it was Magnus's.

Alec's head jerked up, looking around wildly for the source of where it was coming from. But all he could see was Magnus in a coma, all around him, over and over again, and he ducked his head back down with a hard bit to his lip. Maybe he had just imagined it.

"Alec."

Alec froze. There it was again.

But he knew what was in front of him. He knew the real truth, and maybe that voice was just trying to trick him into looking up and falling into his own nightmare. So there. He had cracked the code. Now he just needed to find a way to make it shut up.

"Stop it," he mumbled into his knees, which he pulled closer. "Stop. It."

"Alec, come on," it said. Magnus said. Alec lip trembled, and he bit it hard to get it to stop.

"What do you _want_ from me?" he asked desperately, starting to rock back and forth again. The beeping was starting to fade, either that or he was just getting used to it.

"Alec, Alec wake up."

What? That couldn't be right. If it was trying to manipulate him, then why was it telling him…to wake up? That didn't make any sense in even a single fantasy Alec dreamed up. He still refused to look up, though.

And yes, the beeping was definitely fading. His thoughts started forming fully again, and he felt more _whole._ Maybe it was all going away.

"Wake up Alec, wake up." The voice sounded frantic, almost desperate, and Alec's heart broke.

Alright, so maybe he would take just _one_ glance up, since the beeping had stopped, and—

Oh. He was in a bedroom. The grayness was gone. The figures were gone. He was just sitting on a bed in a dark bedroom. Well that was anticlimactic.

Yet he could still hear Magnus. "Alec, Alec are you okay?"

Alec blinked, then whipped his head around wildly, trying to make sure that he wasn't in that horrible nightmare anymore.

 _Oh._

So it _actually_ was a nightmare.

Well fuck.

"Oh," Alec whispered, feeling pathetic. He started becoming more aware of his surroundings and what was going on as a few more seconds past. He was no longer in a ball on a grey floor anymore, but tangled and sweaty in his bed sheets. The beeping was gone, and all that was heard was the light whir of his heater working and Church purring loudly in his sleep in the other room. And Magnus. Magnus was at his side, rubbing up and down his bare back and petting at his hair, still murmuring words of fortitude gently into Alec's ear.

He felt wetness on his face, and reached up to touch his cheek in wonder. He didn't know that he could cry in his sleep. Especially without waking up.

He was also panting, hard, still recovering from what he had seen. Swallowing more tears back heavily, Alec turned to look at Magnus, trying not to feel too guilty.

Really, it wasn't like he could control his own dreams.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing he thought of saying. It was like a habit, really. "I'm—I'm really sorry, I don't…I just had a nightmare. I'm sorry I woke you."

Magnus relaxed visibly. His face turned into an expression of happiness and relief, smiling as he tucked another one of Alec's sweaty hair locks out of his face. Alec cringed, trying to turn away. Magnus wouldn't let him.

"Darling, what are you talking about? You don't have anything to be sorry for. That's ridiculous. It was just a nightmare. You can't control your own dreams."

Alec's mouth twitched in the hint of a returning smile. "Yeah, that's exactly what I thought."

Magnus grinned, dropping both his hands to cup Alec's. He brought them up to his mouth and gave them a light kiss on both palms. It felt like Alec's heart _shuddered_ inside him.

"Great minds think alike," said Magnus. "Now, do you want to talk about it?"

Alec cocked his head to the side, considering it for a brief moment. On the one hand, talking it all out, admitting the truth to Magnus that he'd been hiding from him for so long, all that sounded like it would feel really…good. But on the other hand, it was embarrassing. Which yes, was stupid, but it overruled the better hand because of Alec's crippling fear of rejection. It didn't even matter if he was sure Magnus wasn't going to judge him, it was just his own insecurity. And he knew that he wouldn't be able to talk about it. Maybe, possibly another night. But he knew he wasn't ready yet.

"No," Alec said simply, shrugging and wiping more tears quickly. He prayed Magnus would let it go. '

He wasn't exactly right. "Alec, that looked really…bad. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I might be able to understand, or maybe even help. And now you've also gotten me all curious."

Alec chuckled, rubbing his wet eyes. "Yeah well, you've never been in a situation like this, at least I think, and I don't think there's any way that you can help. And as for the curious thing…I don't know what to tell you. I will tell you, one day, but I'm just not ready yet. I'm sorry." Alec covered his face with his hands, sighing deeply.

Not even five seconds later, Magnus was prying them off his face with kind hands. Alec tried to resist the urge to blush. Magnus was smiling again, all bright and forgiving, and that just made Alec all the more scared. He didn't know why.

"Darling. As I said, you have nothing to apologize for. I get it. Totally." He paused. "Wanna cuddle?"

Alec let out a breath of relief, thanking the gods that Magnus always knew what he wanted without him having to ask. Being with Magnus was so easy. He loved it.

Alec nodded quickly, ducking his head and accepting Magnus's warm embrace. He let himself fall back onto the sheets, burying himself deeply into Magnus's body. Magnus tugged and pulled the navy sheet over their shoulders, burying them both back comfortably in bed. Alec finally let his eyes slip shut, trying to get his mind to think about anything other than the dream. The _nightmare._ He wouldn't be able to handle thinking about it again without crying. But now, without them talking and with so much silence to think, Alec was certainly…overthinking.

All he wanted to do was just lay back, relax, and pray to god that he wouldn't have another one of those terrible dreams as he started falling asleep that time.

Above him, he heard Magnus's breathing even out, his chest rising up and down as he breathed more rhythmically. He was definitely asleep.

Yet Alec was not.

* * *

The next day didn't pass so good. It was like the downfall after being at the highest peak.

Alec was dead tired all day, which wasn't a surprise considering how little he'd slept. And he had forced himself to go to all of his classes _and_ work, which meant waking up early with barely any Magnus time and going throughout the day with also little to no Magnus time. It was hard for Alec to function.

And it was also uneventful. He saw Weston at school, hanging out with his boyfriend. Alec blushed and waved while passing by, hoping that Weston remembered who he was. And he had. So that was about the most interesting thing that had happened all day.

"Alec! You should know this. What does Shakespeare mean in that last quote I just read?"

Fuck. He hated English class. He hated his teacher. And he hated that his teacher always picked him out on things that he knew Alec didn't know. Though to be fair, he _did_ know that Alec wasn't paying attention. Which was true.

"Um, what—which quote, again?"

Bratty Mr. Garrison just crossed his arms and pushed his large, circle glasses farther up his nose, giving him a critical look. Alec's insides shuddered at the humiliation of everyone staring at him and his teacher waiting for an answer on something that he didn't know. And that his teacher knew he didn't know.

"Do you even have your book open, Lightwood?"

God Alec hated it when he called him Lightwood.

But…he was pretty sure he had lost the Merchant of Venice weeks ago, so basically the situation was getting worse.

"No," he said bluntly, refusing to look at anyone else than the stupid teacher.

The stupid teacher that definitely had the power to outsmart him. He could at least try.

"And why not?"

Alec shrugged, tugging at the ends of his sleeves a little too fast and scratching the inside of his palms. "I don't know where it is." This was starting to get really awkward.

 _Wow,_ really _? No shit sherlock._

"Well, Mr. Lightwood, you know if you lose a book you have to pay back for it yourself. So if you don't have it back by the time we finish up this story, which'll be in about a week, you'll have yourself quite the dilemma," Mr. Garbageson— _Garrison_ said with sass. Alec just rolled his eyes, leaning back in his seat to glare at him with crossed arms.

"Yes, I'm aware," Alec said through clenched teeth. He was pretty sure his face was about to burst from how much blood it was holding.

"Alright, well would anyone else like to answer the question Lightwood here failed to?"

Alec sighed in relief, closing his eyes for a moment to breath. Well. There went the first eventful part of his day.

He found himself zoning out again, thoughts of Magnus, of course, and tried with all his might to listen to the teacher.

He found himself zone out three more times before class ended.

* * *

"Catarina! I'm not discussing private issues like this at work!" Magnus hissed as he hung up another sparkly shirt. Cat was breathing down his neck about the night before, which he had mistakenly told her about.

"Hi, do you need help finding something?" Magnus asked a nearby customer, partly because they looked helpless and confused and partly because he needed to get away from Cat.

The young man took one look at the two of them, Cat basically throwing herself onto Magnus and Magnus awkwardly trying to push her away whilst trying to face the customer.

"Um…n—no, I'm good, I—" he motioned in the other direction and hurried away.

Magnus turned around slowly with a glare in his eye, directly pointed toward Cat. Who smiled innocently and batted her eyelashes pleadingly.

Magnus ground his teeth together, rolling his eyes. "Look Cat, I know you're desperate, but you're going to have to wait until after work. I have a job, and I need to focus on it before I get freaking fired. My boss already hates me enough," Magnus muttered, fretting around various racks and fixing fallen clothing. Cat followed after him, running a little to keep up. Magnus smirked.

"Magnus! He's not even here! _Tellll meeeee_! This is _big_ Magnus. It was your first time with him! How did it feel? Do you think he's the one—"

Magnus turned around suddenly, lifting a hand and covering her mouth with it. She yelped, muffled, then started laughing and used his hand to stifle it. He simply glared at her again, pointing a finger with his free hand warningly.

"Come on. You need to get to get to work too."

Cat groaned behind the hand, shoulders slumping dramatically. "I don't wanna," she complained.

Magnus sighed, going back to the counter finally and putting his elbow on it to rest his head on his hand. Cat came right up next to him, doing the same with a similar sigh.

After a few minutes, Magnus gave her a side-glance. She looked away, pretending that he didn't exist.

"God you're so dramatic," Magnus said theatrically, rolling his eyes. She didn't say anything still.

"Okay fine. It was great." Cat squealed, turning towards him again and clapping her hands together excitedly. There weren't any customers anyway. They would survive with a little chat.

"Yesyesyes tell me _everything!_ "

Magnus felt himself give a small smile, without even meaning to. He turned so his body was leaning against the counter and he was facing Cat fully. Glancing around one more time for customers and finding none, he continued.

"Alright. So yeah, it was amazing."

Cat clapped her hands together again. The look on her face was so priceless, he almost wanted to take his phone out and take a picture of it.

"Wow! So give me details! Was it good? I mean, was he _good_ —"

Magnus waved her away, face scrunching up. "Oh no, we are _not_ talking about _that_."

Cat tipped her head back and laughed. She had the most infectious laughter in the world, and any time she even made a giggle, Magnus couldn't help grinning too. So the two of them laughed, and for the first time in a while, Magnus felt at peace again. He felt happy.

The more they talked and gossiped, the more Magnus felt himself again, and he wasn't sure he'd ever feel like that again after the coma. Cat was the only other person who could make him feel like that other than Alec.

Work passed quicker when he was hanging out with his friend, and before he knew it, he was on his way home in a cab. Smiling.

* * *

Cat had really been a confidence booster about the whole thing. She'd hyped him up about it, and before he knew it he was at hom— _Alec's place_ , wanting nothing more than to jump into his boyfriend's arms and tell him about his wonderful day. He realized, with a jolt, that he wanted to come home to that every day.

"Ale _ccc_ ," he sang into the intercom once he had reached the apartment, humming to a random tune stuck in his head as his feet tapped to the beat.

There was a loud buzz, making him jump, and he was surprised Alec did it without even answering back through the speaker. He shrugged, ignoring his pestering thoughts about it and skipping up the stairs to the flat. He burst through the door, a huge smile on his face, expecting a warm hug from his equally happy boyfriend.

Instead, he was met with no one.

Faltering slightly, Magnus straightened from his brief dance pose, flattening out his clothes and putting on an actual normal expression. Well, one of concern.

"Alec? Alec where are you?" Magnus called out, a bit less 'singey' this time.

All Magnus heard in reply was the sound of a bottle rolling across a hard floor, and if he wasn't mistaken, a hiccup.

 _Oh no._

"Alec? Alec baby tell me where you are," Magnus said loudly out in a frightened voice, carefully moving across the wood floor so he wouldn't make any noise and he could hear Alec's reply. However, there was no reply. Not even any noise that time.

So Magnus started bolting around the flat, going into every room and searching everywhere, before finding him in the bathroom. Alec was laying down in a haphazard angle across the tiled floor, face-down, with one arm draped over an empty wine bottle and one clutching the base of the sink like it was keeping him from falling. Even though he was on the ground.

Magnus was immediately at his side, fretting and taking away the bottle to set to the side. Alec barely reacted to his presence, just hiccuping again and twitching lightly in his arms. "Alec, Alec oh my god, are you okay?" There was no response. "Alec _why_ , why would you do this to yourself, why would you do this to _me_ , oh god—" Magnus continued babbling as he tried lifting his dead weight boyfriend up from the dirty floor and into an actual sitting position. He had to admit, it took quite a bit of effort.

Magnus first saw Alec's face pinched in uncomfort at the new position; sitting up against the bottom part of the sink, and then it was dazed as he stared at Magnus.

"Mag—nus," Alec hiccuped, lifting a hand and clumsily batting Magnus's face with it in an uncoordinated manner.

Magnus would've smiled if it were a different situation. "God, how wasted are you?"

Alec's eyebrows scrunched together adorably, looking confused as he started flailing his arms aggressively. He looked as though what he was doing was totally normal, Magnus thought as he ducked from Alec's arms.

"No no no, nonono you see—you see _I_ ," Alec pointed to himself with a finger. " _I_ am not d—runk. I just have the hiccups."

Magnus sighed, scolding himself for finding this side of Alec lovable. "Alright Alec. Whatever you say. Now let's get you to bed, okay? You're going to have a hell of a hang—"

" _I am not drunk!_ " Alec declared loudly, again.

"A hell of a _headache_ tomorrow if you don't get some rest now," Magnus fixed himself, dragging Alec up from the floor with a grunt. The younger man collapsed onto him, shifting all his weight so he was basically being carried into the bedroom.

Magnus dumped him onto the gratefully large bed, making sure that he didn't twist any limbs in the process. Alec just giggled and rolled around in the sheets, taking handfuls and bringing them up to his nose to sniff fitfully.

"Magnus! Come back! These—sheets smell like _floooowerrsss_ ," Alec blubbered in a baby voice, kicking his feet in the air. Magnus faintly wondered if Alec's maturity took a hit when undergoing alcohol.

"Alec," Magnus said slowly, calmly. "I'll be right back."

 _Yeah, just heading out to throw away that empty wine bottle that you supposedly didn't chug down._

Alec started to protest, but Magnus had already rushed out of the room. He tossed the bottle in the recycling, massaging his temples in his hand before heading back with a fake smile for Alec. Who smiled widely in his return.

"Magnus! Thank god you back." Alec's whole face lit up. Magnus cooed, coming over to sit on the side of the bed and pet back Alec's sweaty hair from his forehead.

"Hey sweetie," Magnus whispered, grinning when Alec gave him a goofy, crooked smile below him. "How you doing?"

Alec cocked his head, like the question was stupid. "Dunno."

Magnus laughed, nodding his head knowingly. "Alright. Wanna talk about what happened?" He was more serious this time, and Alec took the hint. However, he did not seem to enjoy it at all, and his happy, golden expression was replaced with one of resentment and humiliation.

"No," he said stubbornly. "But I will lie down and cuddle with you."

Magnus chuckled, straightening up and removing his hand from where he was playing with Alec's hair. Alec pouted.

"Well, sure, we can do that. If you tell me what's wrong."

Alec face changed from the happiest man in the world to the unluckiest as Magnus started and then finished his sentence, and Magnus was almost grateful to be able to see him so open and trusting with his emotions, unlike how closed off he usually was.

He also looked like he wanted to stab Magnus, and Magnus didn't take that as a very good sign.

So he decided to coax some more. "Okay, okay, you don't have to tell me. But if I ask questions and I guess it, will you let me know?"

Alec's buzzed mind didn't have to think about it long, thankfully. "Okay," he replied bashfully, biting his lip. Magnus reassured him that there was no reason to be embarrassed; Magnus would never make fun of him, and then he started.

"Did it have to do with the dream you had the other night?" He started running his fingers through Alec's hair again, smoothing it out and brushing his scalp with gentle fingers. Alec's eyelashes fluttered, his lips parting as he pushed his head into the touch. He nodded.

Magnus gave him the warmest, most encouraging smile he could muster. "Alright, good, good that you told me," Magnus muttered. "Did the dream have to do with your parents, or any of the childhood fears you had about coming out?"

Magnus knew he used to have those dreams; those were ones that Magnus was actually skilled at getting him through from how often they came up.

But alas, Alec shook his head, squeezing his eyes together like he wanted to burn out the memory. Magnus could sympathize.

"Did it have to do with me?" His voice was quieter than a whisper, small. Alec nodded.

"Alright, alright," Magnus said soothingly, trying to make sure that his nerves weren't sounded in his voice. "Can…can you tell me what it was about?"

Alec swallowed heavily, so much that Magnus could see it move down his throat. His eyes were less wild now, and he wasn't twitching uncontrollably anymore. Well, not as much.

His hiccups were gone as well, making his sentences easier to understand. Magnus was grateful for that. "Okay…" He was still using a baby voice, but it sounded more sad and mopey. It felt like someone had literally taken hold of his heart and fisted it.

"So…it was just a stupid dream from the other night." Alec started squirming a little, his shoulders hunching up defensively. Like he was afraid of Magnus's reaction. The fist around his heart tightened. "And it was just…stupid. It was foggy and grey and I couldn't see anything until _you_ appeared, out of nowhere, out of the fog, and then—but then you were in a coma, and the heart monitor thingy was there and it was super loud and scary and I tried to run away but then suddenly you were _everywhere_ and I couldn't move or breath or see and it was just…really bad," Alec slurred. By the end he had covered up his face with his hands, and he was nearly curled up into a ball. The entire speech, to a normal person, probably didn't make any sense, but Magnus oddly understood it. They understood each other like no other partner that Magnus had had. Alec's voice was muffled when he continued. "It was just very really bad. I didn't like it. And— _ugh_ —and ever since you got out of the coma, I—I can't stop seeing you in it, and—and i just—" Alec's voice cracked at the end, and Magnus saw his face scrunch up from through his hands.

"Ohh, oh no no darling don't cry, _please don't cry_." Magnus was worried that if Alec started crying than he would too, and at least one of them had to stay put together. Best case Magnus, since Alec was ever so drunk. So he couldn't cry.

Magnus lifted Alec's body back up into a sitting position, pushing him lightly so he could get the hint to lean back on the bedpost. Alec did so, but not without taking his face out of his hands. The second he was settled, Magnus scooted up right next to him, wrapping his arms lovingly around his body. Alec just melted, slumped onto Magnus's chest as his body wracked with sobs, sobs that vibrated between the two of them. Magnus continued petting Alec's back slowly and running his fingers through his hair soothingly, biting his lip so hard that it was numb to stop tears of his own from coming out.

"Shhh, it's okay baby, I'm here, I'm here now…" Magnus felt the pain in his words, and he winced when Alec's whole body shook again. "I'm never leaving you again sweetheart, okay? I promise, I _promise_ , please, it's okay…"

Magnus kept up the encouraging words until Alec was still in his arms, just sniffling softly. They didn't say anything to each other for a good amount of time, and Magnus was fine with it that way—if they talked about it again, he would definitely cry.

But Alec seemed to have other ideas. "I hate crying," he mumbled into Magnus's shirt. "It's so dumb. Who invited crying?"

Magnus chuckled through the lump in his throat, which wasn't the easiest. He had never seen Alec drunk before—not _really_ , anyway. And who knew he would be so honest?

"It's a good thing Alec. You needed to just let it all out," Magnus assured him with a kiss on the top of his black locks.

Alec sniffed loudly and shook his head. "No, no I hate crying. I don't wanna do it anymore."

"Okay darling, okay. Whatever you want."

Alec growled, but from how fragile his voice was it sounded like a whine. "Stop that. You know I hate it when you say that. It's not all about me."

Magnus sighed, closing his eyes. "I know. I just—I know."

There was no point in trying to convince Alec of anything in this state. "You know what sweetie, how about we go to bed? Hmm? How does that sound?"

And finally, Alec warily lifted his head, his red and puffy eyes wide eyes staring at Magnus as if he was contemplating something.

"Yes, sleeps sounds good but…" Alec started moving in Magnus's arms, trying to squirm away and then accidentally rolled himself off the bed. Before Magnus could even react though, he had jumped up with enthusiasm and run off into the other room.

Magnus slid off the bed and went after him. "Wh—Alec! Alexander, what are you doing—" Just as Magnus had gotten to the doorway, however, Alec was right back in front of him faster than Magnus could blink. Magnus yelped, jumping back and clutching a hand to his heart in surprise.

"Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. Why are you in such a rush? And what's that?" Magnus indicated to the small stack of letters tied together with a ribbon that other boy was holding between nimble, nervous fingers. He rose an eyebrow at Alec, who bit his lip.

"Well…it's your birthday gift. The—the main one." Magnus was about to ask what that meant, but Alec interrupted quickly. "I just…just please read them. I need you to. Please."

Magnus stood there in shock for a few moments before he regained awareness of reality. "And…you're sure this can't wait? Until you're…you know—"

"Yes. You need—I want you to read them right now."

"O—kay," Magnus said hesitantly.

Alec nodded quickly, ushering him back into the bedroom and climbing onto the bed to sit in a criss-cross position. Magnus followed.

"Here," Alec said, giving him the letters.

Magnus tried to breath when he opened the first letter and started reading it.

They were all about…him. All about him in the coma and all about how Alec felt about it and wow it was strange reading them because it was almost like reading a part of Alec's mind. An honest one, one that he never really shared often, even if it was with Magnus.

And as he read on through the emotional roller coaster Magnus hadn't known Alec had been going through, he felt like his heart had swelled up to three times its size, like in the Grinch. He also knew that he had to give up his promise on not crying, because by letter three he couldn't hold back anything anymore.

Each letter held more about Alec's feelings than Magnus was even half used to hearing. He spoke about the future, about love, about how it felt to be in his shoes while Magnus was in that coma. And Magnus felt like he was in a dream while reading it; a happy, painful dream where the things that he wanted to hear the most from the person he wanted to hear it from the most had to be said in such a sad manner. So basically, unlike any other dreams he'd ever had, but still unreal.

Tears were rolling in continuous streams down his face by the end of all the letters, and Magnus wouldn't stop sniffing consistently, to the point where it was even annoying _him_. Alec was fiddling his fingers together nervously and opening his mouth like he wanted to say something, but was too scared to. Magnus's heart just grew more.

"Alec, these are…" His voice sounded broken and scratchy to his own ears. "I—I can't…there are just no words to describe them, I—" He ran his fingers gently over the scrawny handwriting done in pen on the computer paper, trying to imagine what he must have been feeling while he'd been writing them. Trying to think about it like that made his heart hurt.

"Thank you," Magnus said suddenly, overcome with his emotions. "I'm so glad…well, I guess not _glad_ that you had to write these, obviously, but these—it makes me so happy. Hearing you share all this stuff with me. I know it's hard to usually." Magnus pulled on the sleeve of Alec's very sweater that he'd been wearing and wiped more tears away. Alec almost looked guilty, and he lifted a small hand to brush across Magnus's cheek and wipe away the remaining tears. Which turned out to be pointless, since the gesture caused more to come.

"I…I don't know what to say. I just really needed you to read them. And I'm glad that you aren't like, totally weirded out by them. I wasn't really...in my right state of mind I guess you could say while making them."

Magnus cooed, finally giving in and leaning into Alec. The position was slightly awkward as they were both sitting criss-cross on a bed and leaning over the pile of paper to hug, but Magnus didn't even care about that. He pulled back and connected their lips in a sweet, wet kiss, trying to stop himself from crying through it.

"I love you so much," Magnus whispered, their foreheads now touching intimately as they breathed into each other's mouths. Alec nodded, apparently beyond words and scooped up all the letters in front of him to toss somewhere on the ground. Magnus jolted, moving to go after them and pick them up.

"Hey, what—why'd you do that— _mmph_ —"

Alec's reasoning was shown through their next kiss, and Magnus made a small sigh and sound of agreement when he was pushed back slowly into the bed.

"What are you… _oh_ , Ale—Alec are you sure that you—"

"Shhh, sh," Alec whispered, placing a hand over Magnus's mouth. Which was giggling behind his palm. "What? What's so funny?" A still very drunk Alec squeaked.

Magnus shrugged, prying Alec's hand off his mouth. "Oh nothing. I just never expected sweet Alexander Lightwood to be a _horny_ drunk." Magnus could barely breathe through his laughs. He'd never expected to go from crying profusely to laughing like an idiot. He was pretty sure Alec was the only person that he did that with.

"Wh—I'm not—I'm not _drunk_ , _hey_! I—I am perfectly sober," Alec slurred, raising a finger matter of factly. His face had turned a delicate pink, and Magnus couldn't tell if it was from the words he was saying or from the alcohol buzz.

Magnus was in fact producing more tears, this time from laughter, as Alec continued trying to convince him that he wasn't glazed. Alec kept swatting his arm, clearly holding back his own laughs as well.

"Sweetie, drunk or sober, I think we both deserve some _rest_ right now. I know I could use some."

Alec pouted, making a grumpy noise and falling down on the bed next to him. Magnus rose and shut the lights, pulling off his sweater and climbing into bed next to Alec.

"Goodnight, my love," he whispered, pulling Alec close. Alec, like he always did during late night cuddling and really any time he was sleepy, wrapped his limbs completely around him and buried his nose into Magnus's neck with a soft noise. Magnus swooned slightly, sliding a hand up and down his back and letting the other one rest unclenched in Alec's hair.

"Mmm," Alec murmured, taking a deep breath. "I love it when you play with my hair."

Magnus's lips toyed with a smile. "Really?"

Alec nodded. "Yeah." His voice was muffled in Magnus's neck and it tickled every time he said anything.

As a reply, Magnus just started slowly weaving his fingers through the soft hair on his boyfriend's scalp. Alec squirmed and purred, and Magnus felt his eyelashes flutter against his neck. He smiled.

Everything would be alright. Finally.

* * *

 **A/N: Ok I think imma wrap up this story up now like after the next chap I think that'll be it so unless y'all wanna tell me any other ideas for chaps idek what to put anymore lmao.**

 **Ok also sry this story was so boring like I promise the next one'll be more creative I just rlly wanted to make a cute lil friendship to relationship story like this so hope u enjoyed and plz leave any ideas for other chaps or other stories srsly I need them.**

 **Wow I'm being like actually halfway normal this A/N crazy.**

 _ **Also PLLLLZ read my next chap's A/N bc ppl are always confused on why the story just ended blike I explain everything in the A/Ns so just PLZ read em.**_

 **Aight anyway it's like a billion o clock time to sleep except not actually sleep but start working on the next chap byeeeeeeee.**

 **-Emma.**


	14. Forever

**A/N: Ahhhhh yo what's upppppp.**

 **Ok I think imma make this the last chap but again if y'all have any suggestions about other Malec stories or like other chap ideas for this story plllllllz let me knowww.**

 **Alright I don't know what to say so yee yee have a nice day y'alllll looooveee uuuuuu and alllll uuuuurrrr reeevvvieeewwwssss sssssooo ppplllllzzzz rrreevvvieewww forrrr meee.**

 **Disclaimer: I own notHing.**

* * *

 _Epilogue: One year later_

"I'm coming!" Alec yelled while tripping out of his room, his socks slipping against the wooden floors and making his feet slide. He giggled when he reached the door, jumping when Magnus rung the doorbell again.

 _Beep beep beep._

Alec wrenched the door open at the same time he pressed the button to let Magnus up into his apartment. His foot was jumping up and down, excitedly waiting for his boyfriend. In one hand he was clutching his phone which he'd just texted Magnus with saying that he was ready to go and in the other he had his overnight bag, thus proving he was ready to go.

"Baby!" Magnus yelled as he skipped up the stairs. Alec couldn't keep the wide, happy smile off his face, and his arms twitched in want to jump forward and wrap himself up in Magnus.

There was no need for that, apparently, because Magnus was already there picking him up with his arms and twirling him around on the unsteady step. Alec squeaked in surprise, clutching at Magnus's hair to keep himself from falling and Magnus giggled, ignoring Alec's protests.

"M—Magnus! Come on, aren't we a little too old for this?" Alec laughed. Magnus let him down slowly, keeping their bodies close together so their faces were nearly touching.

"Hi," Magnus whispered, giving Alec an eskimo kiss. Alec felt a tell-tale blush creeping up his face, and moved to hide his face shyly in Magnus's neck. Magnus chuckled, petting his back. "Hmm, a whole year, and you're still so nervous around me. Interesting," Magnus pondered.

Alec breathed a short, laughy sound into Magnus's neck. "Well, you saying that really isn't helping."

Alec felt Magnus smiled. "I know." Alec finally leaned back after that, returning the eskimo kiss despite his burning face. "Anyway, are you ready? This is going to be our _funnist_ sleepover yet."

Alec gave him a short peck on the lips. "You say that every single time," he said, pretending to be annoyed. "And 'funnist' isn't a word. Now let's go."

Magnus laughed sweetly, and Alec tried to ignore the fact that that very sound was what made his heart jolt in fifteen different directions in his chest.

It was around Christmas vacation for both of them, and each year they had always had an annual sleepover party together, switching each other's houses every year. This year it was Magnus's. It was honestly one of Alec's favorite and best memories of the year, and now that he got to share it with his _boyfriend_ instead of his _friend_ he couldn't even imagine a happier or better life. He had everything he could've ever wanted.

They mounted a cab together, shivering in the windy and frosty weather outside. Magnus held Alec's bony fingers in between his hands as they rode in the taxi, blowing warm breath on them.

"Thanks," Alec whispered, licking his chapped lips. Magnus blinked then smiled, blowing warm air onto them once more before letting go completely.

"Anything for you, darling."

Alec couldn't help but smile back. He would never be used to Magnus calling him pet names like that, and he hoped he never did get used to it.

"You know, I love it when you call me things like that," Alec admitted, looking away.

"Mm, really? Which ones? Sweetheart, darling, pretty boy—"

"Woah woah wait now, you've never called me pretty boy before. That's new," Alec laughed through his words, like the possibility of him being called that was just absolutely ridiculous.

Magnus's face softened, sobering from a joking manner and into what Alec knew as the 'we need to talk about something important' face. Alec was scared of that face.

"Alec." Magnus brushed one of his gratefully warm hands across Alec's cheekbone. Alec would've probably turned red if he wasn't completely already from the cold. "You're beautiful. Please. You deserve to be called pretty boy every single day."

Alec swatted his hand away in embarrassment, turning to face the seat in front of him with his arms crossed. Maybe Magnus was just rubbing off on him. Maybe it was the fact that Alec was finally starting to listen. Or maybe he was just starting to realize that he wasn't a complete idiot. Anymore.

Alec didn't say anything to that. He wasn't going to admit it, but…there wasn't any reason not to. If Magnus wanted to call him pretty, well…he guessed he didn't have that much of a problem with it anymore.

"Aww, that's sweet honey," Magnus said fondly. Alec jumped, turning back to stare at him with wide eyes.

"Wh—did—are you seriously telling me that I just said that aloud?" Alec said disbelievingly. And slightly fearfully.

Magnus snorted slightly, covering a hand over his mouth immediately after. "Oh god. Are _you_ seriously telling _me_ that you actually _didn't_ mean to say that out loud?"

Magnus kept making these strange little hiccup noises, like he was trying to hold back tons of laughter. Alec had possibly never felt more embarrassed.

"Oh no," was all his shorted-out brain could think of saying. Brilliant.

It was soon after Magnus started crying with laughter that Alec was too, and the rest of the ride to Magnus's place was joyful as ever.

* * *

The first thing they did when they arrived to Magnus's house was settle down and make some hot chocolate for their signature Christmas movie marathon. Alec tried insisting making it, but Magnus always needed helping him with the drink because Alec just never remembered how to do it even after years of making it.

"No, no Alec you're supposed to put the powder in _after_ the milk, _Alec_ , no Alec stop—" Magnus could barely speak through his wheezing laughs as he weakly attempted to take the chocolate milk packets out of his boyfriend's hands. Alec was denying the facts, trying to drag it back while at the same time trying to convince Magnus that his way was better, his cheeks turning a stupendous color of red in the process.

It was so fun seeing how quickly Alec could turn red from the smallest of things. It was one of Magnus's favorite things about him.

"Alright, okay, you can make your hot chocolate that way and I'll make it my way. The better way. We'll do a taste test after, see who's is better," Magnus said with a wink, moving to make his own by putting the _milk_ first. Alec just nodded, proudly pouring his powder packet into the tall glass before the milk. Magnus just chuckled, pecking Alec on his pink cheek.

"So, what movie will we be watching tonight?" Alec asked, leaning over to toss the empty packet into the trash bin and accidentally giving Magnus a fantastic view of his ass. So it really wasn't Magnus's fault when he got a little distracted and forgot to answer.

"Magnus?" Alec saying his name jarred Magnus back into reality, and he returned his vision back to Alec's face. Which was holding a scolding look. "My eyes are up here." Alec pointed to his face and Magnus just shrugged, resuming what he'd been doing.

"Sorry dear. You know I can't help it. Your as—"

"Nope. Don't even finish that sentence. Now is not the time I can't—it's movie time." Alec waved him away. Magnus smirked, wiping the powder off his hands as he finished off making his drink.

"What is it darling? Can't resist getting some of _this?_ " Magnus whispered right into Alec's ear, pushing his body forward obscenely.

Alec's blush reached so far down it started to hide beneath his shirt, and Magnus knew he had gotten through to him, even as he made a stubborn scowl.

"Magnus," he said warningly. "We—we can't do this right now."

Magnus chuckled lowly, delighted in the shiver that went through Alec's shirt. "You would be a lot more convincing right now if your voice was begging for me."

Alec exhaled hard through his nose, his eyes going half mast as he slightly tilted his head towards Magnus's mouth. "You're so arrogant."

"Mmm, I _love_ how quickly you can get riled up," Magnus said with a grin, leaving a slow, wet kiss on the side of Alec's neck and then moving away completely. "But you're right. It's movie time. I was thinking The Grinch?"

Alec sputtered, twirling around quickly with wide, eager and desperate eyes. Magnus just cocked his head, blinking innocently at him.

"Wh—you—can't—I—" Alec stammered, but it was useless. He frowned, his face so red it was shining as he crossed his arms and sent Magnus a glare. "You're real evil, you know?"

Magnus threw his head back and cackled, not being able to hold it back anymore. A year and nothing was new. After a second, Alec joined, both of them laughing for so long they were eventually nearly on the ground clutching their stomachs.

"So yeah," Alec said once they both calmed down. "The Grinch sounds great."

Magnus nodded, putting both of their glasses to heat up in the microwave. "Yep," Magnus breathed. "Go set up the blankets and stuff."

Alec nodded and went to the living room. "Do we want to make a fort today?" Alec yelled.

Magnus smiled, considering. "Hmm, I think we do. Get the fluffy blankets from my room," he called back.

"Okay. This is going to be fun."

Magnus grinned and nodded, before realizing that Alec couldn't see him. "Yes, yes it will darling," he called back.

After a few more seconds passed, the microwave beeped loudly in indication that their drinks were ready and Alec came stumbling out of Magnus's bedroom buried in a multitude of blankets. Magnus burst out laughing when he caught sight of him, laughing even harder when he heard a muffled 'shut up'.

"Okay hang on sweetie, lemme—lemme come and help you now," Magnus said in between laughs, bringing their hot chocolate's to the living room and quickly setting them onto the table to help Alec lug over all the heavy blankets.

In the next half an hour, Magnus set up all the couch cushions and barriers as Alec draped each blanket on top of them, perfectly making their own little world that was directly facing television but leaving basically everything else out of vision.

They both stood back and surveyed their handiwork, smiling in each other's arms like proud dads.

"It's so beautiful." Alec was the first to break the holy silence.

"Truly," Magnus replied. "You ready to dig into the movie? And our hot chocolates? Which is most definitely cold by now, by the way."

Alec giggled softly, going to his hands and knees to crawl under the blankets. Once he was inside, Magnus saw his thin hand sneak out and grab his glass.

"Alright, make room. I'm coming in," Magnus announced. Once the too of them were squished inside, they immediately wrapped up in each other's arms snugly, pulling a stray, extra blanket from outside to put over them. All of Alec's limbs were on top of Magnus, so much that he was bordering being in his lap, but Magnus was completely fine with it, wrapping his arms around Alec's body and pulling him closer.

"Grinch time baby," Magnus said, pulling a laugh out of sweet Alec.

"Yep."

And so they watched. Chairman Meow joined them halfway through, cuddling right in Alec's lap, his fur brushing Magnus's face.

Magnus was drowsy after the first movie, sleepy after the second and he only remembered the beginning of the third. It was just the start of their fabulous Christmas sleepover.

* * *

When Alec woke up the next morning, probably sleeping through half of his alarms, he realized the entire fort had been basically destroyed, the blankets and cushions fallen haphazardly on top of the two of them. Well, three if you counted Chairman Meow.

Magnus was draped over one of the arms of the couch, his head resting on his arm which was straightened and hanging off the edge. His mouth was slightly open, the slightest bit of drool, (which Alec found adorable), on his sweater sleeve, and his legs tangled up with Alec's.

Alec was halfway on the floor, his torso and upper body leaning on the couch cushions that had fallen from the fort and his lower body disorganized with Magnus's.

He wanted to laugh at how they'd managed to ruin the fort and gotten themselves into that position.

No matter how much he wanted to stay there for the rest of the day and take constant photos of sleeping Magnus, he knew that his stomach was going to protest to that, having skipped dinner accidentally the other night. It already was a little, making weird gurgling noises that made Alec cringe.

So he carefully unwrapped himself from Magnus's legs, squirming away from Chairman Meow and tip toeing to the kitchen. The cat followed him anyway.

"Hey buddy," Alec cooed as the small feline brushed up against his leg deliberately. "Aren't you just the cutest, yes, you are, yes, you always make me sound so stupid, mmm," Alec whispered in his high, squeaky voice that he used accidentally with cute animals.

"Where does papa Magnus keep your food, hmm?" Chairman Meow just gave him a short glare since Alec had stopped petting him and left the room with a sassy swish of his tail. Alec sighed, closing all the cupboards he'd opened looking for the Chairman's food. He didn't exactly seem like he even wanted it. Ungrateful cat.

He might as well start making his own breakfast then.

"Papa Magnus, huh?" A drowsy voice suddenly appeared from behind him.

Alec jumped, almost dropping the bowl for cereal he'd taken out. "Oh _jesus_ , Magnus, way to give a guy a _heart_ attack." He Just just chuckled, planting a kiss on Alec's cheek as he started pulling out a plate and piece of toast for himself.

Alec scowled, pretending that the entire situation didn't thoroughly embarrass him (it did). "Shut up. It just slipped out," he said quietly, facing away from Magnus. A second later, he felt Magnus's long arms slide around his waist and warm breath in his ear, making him shiver.

"Mm, maybe I like it," he whispered passionately.

Alec snorted, pulling away. "How do you manage to make absolutely everything sexual?"

Magnus leaned his tall, fit body back against the marble counter top that was in front of Alec. His head was tipped back nonchalantly, his eyes half mast as he stared at Alec with a smirk. He was bathing in morning sunlight, making him look like a Greek God. Alec knew those eyes. Those were his bedroom eyes. And he was doing them on purpose.

Alec swallowed a little heavily. Maybe the answer to his question was because Magnus was just so effortlessly sexy.

"I don't know dear. Just a quality of mine, I guess you could say."

Alec nodded, completely distracted by that point by Magnus's beauty. Magnus cocked his head in confusion. "What is it?" he asked innocently, like he didn't know exactly how he was affecting Alec. And Alec knew that he knew that very well.

So he scowled again, turning around and fiddling with things in the kitchen to keep himself distracted. Magnus laughed loudly.

"So," Magnus said. "How's sophomore year of college treating ya?"

Alec shrugged, sighing. "I don't know. Pretty overwhelming. I mean, I have so much work to do."

"Aww, I'm sorry baby." Alec just shrugged again. "Well, it's a good thing you have a friendly face to come home to all the time now."

Magnus's voice went up a notch at the end of the sentence, and Alec caught a glance of regret written on his face. He too then realized how Magnus's words had sounded—like they were roommates. It made Alec nervous enough to bite his lip.

They'd discussed moving in together quite a lot, as it was something they were both interested in, but had never actually gone through with it any of those times. Alec guessed it was because it just sounded too official, and it was also a lot of work. They were basically already living with each other by that point, so what was even the point of officially moving in?

At least, that's how Alec's mind worked. He'd be more than thrilled to take that next step with Magnus, with his best friend, but at the same time it meant a lot of change. A _lot_ a lot of change. For the both of them. Which was a pretty terrifying thing to think about.

So that's why Alec really didn't like thinking about it too often.

"Alec? You still with me?" Magnus said, almost anxiously. Alec blinked, then realized he'd been staring at the wall for the past few minutes.

"Oh, oh yeah I'm fine I'm fine, sorry," Alec chuckled uncomfortably, and Magnus gave him a weak smile.

"Anyway, how's college going for _you_?" Alec asked, desperately trying to change the subject.

Magnus immediately relaxed, getting into some story about a feral cat and a bunch of drunk college kids from a party the other night. Alec was only half listening, nodding along as his mind explored the possibilities of what it would be like to move in with Magnus. After all, it had been over a year since they'd been dating. Wasn't that enough time? Alec thought it was.

They finished their toasts, eating curled up on their blanket-cushion mess from the other night as Magnus played some random reality TV show that Alec pretended to be interested in.

Once breakfast was over, there wasn't that much to even do. Alec didn't have any shifts to work that day, and Magnus only had one but it was later at night. And neither of them had class.

"So," Magnus said after ten minutes of awkward silence. Well, it was awkward at least for Alec. "What'd you think of the Grinch?"

Alec felt himself almost visibly relax in happiness that it wasn't going to be…a different question. He knew he was being selfish and overthinking but…to be fair, when was he not?

"It was great." Alec laughed softly, running a hand through his tangled curls in attempt to calm his racing nerves. He had an inkling that they were eventually going to talk about moving in. That's what his inner gut was telling him. "I mean, it's still great, even after seeing it a million times." Magnus chuckled along with him.

"You know, Alec, there's something I've been meaning to ask you lately," Magnus began after a few minutes.

Alec panicked. "Wait."

Magnus froze, looking at him with a careful expression. "Yes?" he gulped.

Alec immediately felt bad, and panicked even more. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead couldn't think of anything in his overwhelmed mind, and went to biting his lip. It was pathetic, really.

Magnus took a deep breath and then continued.

"Anyway, I wanted to ask you something. It's…sort of been on my mind for a while and I…it's something that I'm—I'm interested in doing I guess you could say."

Magnus waved his arms up in the air as he spoke, exasperated. Alec reconized that silly habit Magnus always did when he got stressed out. Alec could sympathize. "I just…I guess I'll just get to the point. Do you—I—I want you to move in with me."

Yep. Alec really wasn't expecting anything other than that. So he didn't know why his heart had the nerve to flutter stupidly when _that_ was exactly what he had been expecting. It was ridiculous.

He didn't say anything. He didn't know what he could say. He was pretty sure his face had gone totally red, and he was stock still, so Alec knew how bad it looked, but he couldn't help it.

Magnus's face masked into one of worry immediately, and he looked like he wanted to take back everything he'd just said. He nearly did.

"I—I'm so sorry, I know—I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, you can totally say no, I just thought—I mean, since we've talked about it before, I mean, I guess I didn't assume—"

Alec cut him off with a lift of a finger, suppressing a smile. Magnus babbling was one of the cutest things about him.

"Magnus. It's okay, I want it too," he quickly reassured him. "I just…I don't know what to say. It's a lot to think about."

Magnus nodded, and Alec had to admit, he looked more relieved now. Which made _Alec_ more relieved.

"Okay…" Magnus said slowly. He still looked a little crestfallen, and Alec knew he needed to act fast.

"Okay. I think—can we just talk about this? Like sit down, and really just…talk? Because I think we need to."

Magnus nodded again and quickly ushered Alec into the living room. They sat down on the mess of the couch together, holding hands. Alec had grabbed his.

"Alright. Magnus. I…I really want to move in with you to." Alec cast the warmest smile he could muster, and it must've worked because Magnus quickly looked relieved. But that disappeared in a fleeting second when Alec proceeded talking. "And I just never…like did anything about it because it just seems so—so overwhelming, you know? So official. Which, yes, I know sounds stupid, but—"

"It's not stupid," Magnus muttered. Alec believed his heart promptly stopped, but he forced himself to keep speaking anyway.

"And, and it sounds _scary_. Like the thought of leaving my apartment behind and everything and…it would just be a lot of change, you know? Which…change is always scary. I'm sorry, these just sound like a bunch of excuses but…I swear they're not."

After a few seconds of intense examination of Alec on Magnus's behalf, Magnus decided it was best to talk again after all. "Yeah. I know. You're right. And I've thought about that a lot too. But then…then I thought about the pros of doing it all. It would be scary, yes, but it would be a great next step into our relationship. I think. I want to share every moment of my life with you from now on, and the thought of being here with you now all the time just seems so amazing, it rules out all other bad thoughts," Magnus said softly, his eyes grazing Alec's face in a way that made him feel special and loved. And also a bit terrified.

It felt strange knowing that he had all of one person's love. Strangely scary. Alec felt like he shouldn't be allowed to have that power, that he was going to fuck it up. He didn't know who allowed him to possess all of that power. It felt positively breathtaking.

"Yeah. That's true, I guess, I…I don't know, okay, alright. We can try. I wanna try."

Magnus's whole face lit up wonderfully and he Alec into a tight hug. Alec beamed in his arms, pulling him close as well.

"Yay," Magnus said into his ear. Alec laughed quietly.

"Yay," Alec parroted.

* * *

The next couple of days became chaos.

School was overflowing with assignments and tests, and that was nothing new, but combined with the stress of trying to pack up Alec's apartment _and_ somehow have time for work, everything was starting to become too much.

Magnus was being a big help, however, which Alec was eternally grateful for. He went back and forth constantly, helping Alec bring boxes to his apartment and Alec wondered regularly throughout the day how he got to be so lucky.

"Alec! Where do you want these…candle…stick…thingeys to go in? Decoration or furniture?"

Alec bit his lip in frustration in the middle of studying for biology, whipping around in his desk chair. There was just one small problem with Magnus helping, however. Alec needed things to be in a certain way and in a certain order, and Magnus was sort of…the opposite of that. Which was a lot for Alec to handle.

He got up, trying to convince himself that Magnus was innocent and he wasn't an OCD psychopath like he was as he stomped over to the living room.

"Magnus. They would obviously go in the _decor_ section." Alec pointed to the decor box. "And they're candlesticks."

Magnus brightened, clearly not recognizing Alec's salty mood. "Oh, okay. And yeah, that's what I said." He tossed the candlesticks into the decor box carelessly, and Alec nearly lost his mind.

"Wh—you— _careful_ with those! They're expensive, and they're also breakable. Just like a lot of the other things in that box!"

Magnus's face scrunched up into an expression of apology, putting his hands in the air and whispering 'sorry' as he started arranging all the items again. Alec studied him work for a few minutes, making sure that nothing was going to get out of order, and then went back to his room to study when satisfied.

Just to be called back there a few minutes later because Magnus didn't know where to put his bookends.

"Magnus, just bring the boxes that are ready back to your place, and take a break. I—I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with you, but I—I just need everything to be in a certain way and organized like that, so I don't think this is really working out. I'll work on these boxes later. And you can take a break and go home. But for now, I can't come with you, because I need to study. Okay?" Alec said it all a little strictly, and Magnus hung his head like a sad dog. Alec didn't even have the brain cells to feel sad; his mind was going a million miles per hour with a million things that he needed to do in such a short amount of time.

"Alright. I'm sorry. I'll go." Magnus slouched as he dragged the last two boxes out of the flat. Alec sighed hard, accidentally making a small noise of annoyance. Not at Magnus, at himself for not being able to comfort his boyfriend because yeah, he was just that busy.

So back to homework he went.

For the next few hours.

* * *

The next day, Alec barely even remembered _talking_ to Magnus. He got up at five to make sure he had enough time to pack, and then by six he was getting ready and basically rushing to get to class by six fifteen. After his entire day at college, he had to go right to work for the next five hours, and then when he got late at night, Magnus was waiting for him at his apartment with Chinese food. Alec couldn't have wanted anything more to top off his horrible day.

"You're the absolute best," Alec whispered, falling gratefully into his gentle boyfriend's arms.

Magnus smiled, taking him in. "I know. Now you need to eat. How much food have you had today?"

Alec pulled back to look at him, scrunching up his nose. "I—not sure, actually."

"Okay. Yeah. It's definitely time for you to sit down and take a break. A big one."

Magnus was always there to take care of him and make sure that he got everything that he needed when times got tough, and Alec was started to get used to it. Which felt dangerous, but he guessed that Magnus would just continue to surprise him so. In wonderful, wonderful ways.

He felt like a complete cheesy sap when he dragged his tired body over to the table to eat with Magnus. All he wanted to do was throw all the food off the table and just be with Magnus, in every way. The absolute love for Magnus that Alec held felt completely unreal; Alec had used to think that even when he _did_ fall in love and settle down with someone, the love would never feel as strong as his love for Magnus had. Well, _was_.

When Alec was still figuring everything out in high school, he knew deep down how much he was in love with his best friend, even though every cell in his body kept denying it every day they were kept apart. And when he even _thought_ about settling down with _anyone_ else, it almost brought him mental pain. It still did at the current time, but at least he wasn't _miserable_ anymore.

When he was dealing with his cutting and his sexuality crisis and his parents and just absolutely everything, Magnus had still always been there, but never, _never_ the way Alec had wanted. And dealing with that horrible feeling so many times had made it grow something new inside him, something that felt like a poisonous sprout which was always telling him that he would _never_ get what he wanted with Magnus. And so, after a while, he started to believe it. That's why he didn't like looking back on high school often.

So when Magnus had came spiraling into his life as this new person, nonetheless as his _boyfriend_ , Alec almost wasn't used to all those nagging and evil thoughts vanishing. It was why literally _all_ of it had felt like a dream. In fact, _still_ felt like a dream because he _still_ wasn't quite used to it.

But at the same time, everything was _different_ then a dream. It was actual reality.

Alec had never imagined the bright future that he currently had going on for himself. Being with Magnus was something so far out of reach back then, Alec wouldn't've ever dared _thinking_ about being with him; it was that painful.

Everything in his life had been confusing. It still _was_ confusing. But he knew Magnus was the one thing he was absolutely sure about, shockingly, the farthest thing he'd thought he'd be so sure about. The thing he had wanted the most, and the thing he'd barely even dreamed of getting. Which all ended up being the thing that he was going to end up with.

A new sprout was growing this time, one that was fresh and new and happy and told him things that were he knew were actually going to be true. Unbelievable, but true.

The one that told him Magnus was going to be the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. For real. No exceptions.

He hadn't realized he'd been dreamily staring at Magnus as he set the table until Magnus stopped what he'd been doing and stared at him with a strange look.

"Alec? Why do you look like you're about to cry?"

Alec sighed happily, feeling another wave of euphoria ripple through him just from looking at his eyes.

"Nothing. I mean, no reason. I—it's just—you. I love you."

Magnus paused, then smiled slowly. "Aww, I love you too, darling. Now shall we eat?"

Alec nodded, not trusting himself to say words yet with the lump in his throat.

* * *

"Alec?"

Alec, who'd been toying with his noodles, jumped up at the sound of his name. "Yes?"

"You…you're sure about this whole…moving in thing, right?"

Alec grinned. He liked the way that sounded out loud. He was moving in with Magnus. The love of his life.

 _Cheesy sap._

"Yes. Yes of course." Alec's hand twitched, wanting to reach out across the table to touch Magnus's hand, before he came across a terrifying thought and hesitated.

"Wait. You can't—I mean, _you're_ not having second thoughts…are you?" Alec asked nervously.

Magnus immediately sensed his concern and shook his head profusely. "No no no, I—of course not. I just know that all of this packing is stressing you out and I just wanted to…I guess confirm that _you_ weren't having an second thoughts."

Alec relaxed again, and smiled. "Oh. Okay. Well, you're really sweet, but don't worry, I have no second thoughts. And I always have you here to help me. Because you're amazing and just been so helpful through everything, so thank you." Alec realized his voice had become very small and quiet towards the end, so he held his breath as he felt heat coming to his cheeks.

"Aww. Thanks sweetie. And I'm your boyfriend; it's my job. Get used to it." It sounded like something that would be mean, but the way Magnus said it made Alec know that it was from his heart.

Alec just nodded in return, shoving Chinese food down his throat to keep himself from saying anything else. Magnus gave him back a happy smile.

* * *

A week later, everything was going perfect.

Alec had officially, nearly completely moved into Magnus's. He'd tried not to have high expectations in case something went wrong or living together wasn't as perfect as he'd always dreamed it would be, but there wasn't even any need. Because it was only day two, and Alec was already in _love_ with living with the person he was in love with. It was his _actual_ dream life.

He loved living with Magnus. It was like having a sleepover with his best friend every single day, being able to have long late night talks every single night and then hyping each other up in the morning when they were both tired from the night before. It was the absolute best. Alec hoped, well, more, he _knew_ that it was going to be what he wanted for the rest of his life. He just hoped that Magnus wanted that too.

But so far, the chances of that were pretty high. So he didn't think he had anything to worry about.

At the current time, Magnus was setting up the apartment for the little 'moving in' party they were having. Magnus had come up with it, which Alec had made sure to tell everyone who'd been invited. A 'moving in' party sounded like the dumbest idea ever to him, but maybe he was a little biased because he wanted Magnus all to himself for at least a whole week after moving in. But it was all about compromise, and plus, all of his friends were coming, so Alec was sure he'd be able to deal with it.

"Stop it!" Alec heard a yell from the kitchen from where he'd been peacefully staring off into space in the living room and jumped.

Alec turned his head slowly to face Magnus, who was washing a plate angrily. "What?" he asked, a smile toying on his lips.

"I can see you judging my party from here. I can see it on your bony little face," Magnus snapped, but Alec heard the sarcasm behind it, and he laughed.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You caught me. But seriously, I think it might actually be fun because, well you know, all of my friends are going to be there."

Magnus stopped washing the dish for one second, giving Alec the skeptical eye, before brightening up and continuing. It was funny how Alec could see the literal moment Magnus had _read_ his face and interpreted that his reaction was genuine.

"Yeah," Magnus chirped. "Exactly."

Alec laughed again. "Do you want any help with the dishes or like…something? I could start setting up, I don't know, the party decorations? Did you bring any of those?"

Magnus snorted, tossing the plate into the dishwasher so loud that Alec's almost heard it echo. Alec blinked. "Honey, if you didn't know already, that's not exactly how I consist _my_ parties."

Alec sighed, shaking his head as he went to the kitchen to at least help with the dishes. "Alright. Just don't go too crazy, right?" Alec was speaking booze wise.

Magnus's eyes softened when they landed on the look on Alec's face, and he ripped off a plastic glove to reach out and tuck back a lock of Alec's hair gently. Alec scowled slightly, only at the fact that after a full year, he still wasn't used to Magnus surprising him out of the blue with things like that.

"Of course, darling. I would never."

Alec gulped, brushing his hand along Magnus's wrist. He saw a glimmer in Magnus's eye, one that he recognized very well, and took a deep breath as he leaned forward and closed his eyes.

With everything that had been going on, it'd felt like _years_ since Alec had had the chance to really, _really_ kiss his boyfriend. Which made it all the more difficult to keep himself together as they absolutely _smooched_ in the middle of his kitchen, dirty dishes in the sink with Magnus still wearing a crusty, damp glove on his other hand.

"Mmm," Magnus moaned into his mouth, making Alec shiver when he deepened the kiss and slipped his clean hand smoothly on the small of Alec's back to make him arch up more into him. Alec loved it so much when Magnus did that.

"M—Magnus," Alec stammered through a breath. "Are…are you— _fuck_ —are you sure this is a good idea?"

Magnus didn't even respond, just made another throaty sound and pulled Alec back in for a deeper, harder kiss that nearly made Alec's knees buckle.

He made a small squeaking noise through the kiss, trying to make himself calm down. Somehow, Magnus had removed his other glove because his other hand was now tugging at Alec's hair in the exact way Alec knew Magnus knew he liked it.

"M— _Mag_ —there's guests coming like—so _soon_ —"

Magnus then moved down to rigorously mouthing up and down Alec's neck, moving his tongue and biting down and Alec absolutely lost it, his knees _actually_ buckling. Magnus was quick, though, and held him up, pressing his back against the opposite counter.

 _Fuck_ , Magnus knew _very_ well _just_ how much Alec loved it when he kissed his neck.

"Well then we'd better be quick, don't you think?" Magnus slurred in a deep, raspy voice, making Alec dizzy with want. He tried to pull himself away, he _really_ , really did but…Magnus was right, if they were quick…they could get it done.

And it'd been _so_ long. Too long. Alec wasn't sure if he'd be able to get rid of the raging boner in his pants if he pulled away at that point.

"O—okay _fine_ , let's—let's just do this _quickkkk then_ ah ah—" Alec could barely get out full sentences as Magnus continued to slurp and suck at his throat, making sure to leave a few bite marks big enough that the guests would definitely be able to see. Alec didn't even care.

Magnus proceeded to then drag him into the bedroom, already pulling at Alec's shirt to get it off as he started undoing his pants with his other hand. If Alec wasn't overcome with bliss, he would've chuckled.

"Eager, are we?" he said. Magnus growled, ripping Alec shirt the rest of the way off just as they reached the bedroom and turning him around promptly to toss him onto the bed. Alec went willingly however, grinning up at Magnus shirtless and spreading his legs slightly in invitation, a confident move he rarely ever was capable of doing.

With the surge of confidence guiding him on, Alec threw his head back and almost _moaned_ , "I love it when you throw me around like that."

Magnus smirked, looking positively devilish as he stalked forward, his dark hair mussed up and covering half his face.

"Mm, yeah, a lot of things have changed in the past year, baby," Magnus whispered right before jumping onto Alec, devouring his neck again the second he fell. Alec jerked and made an embarrassing choking sound, grabbing the fabric of Magnus's shirt in fists and taking heaving, shaky breaths as he tried not to melt into a puddle or come in his pants or anything else ridiculous like that.

Magnus made quick work of the rest of Alec's clothing, tossing all of the articles thoughtlessly onto the ground before they were both just bare skin against bare skin.

Alec was heaving through breaths by that point, his mouth slack as he stared at the ceiling in anticipation. He _loved_ it when Magnus got into moods like the one he was in, getting so worked up over how Magnus just lay him back and took over, completely in control.

"God you're beautiful," Magnus murmured after pulling back from going vampire on Alec's neck and raking his eyes all over Alec's body. Alec flushed and whined as he weakly thrust his hips forward, begging silently for some friction, _any_ friction.

Magnus didn't move his hips at all, which was sort of the opposite of what Alec wanted, but what Alec got in return was good enough. He leaned forward and pressed their lips together again.

The feeling was electric and magnified that time, and Alec felt a thrum move through his body as he parted his mouth and sloppily licked into Magnus's soft mouth. It felt magnetic to the point where Alec wasn't sure if they were going to be able to move apart ever again.

He realized, with a flip in his stomach, that under Magnus's gaze, he actually _felt_ beautiful. It was the first time in his life that he had ever felt loved and taken care of and…and just truly _happy_. Magnus was the only person who could and would ever make him feel that way. He would probably be a few heartbeats away from his depression again if it wasn't for Magnus. He couldn't even imagine Magnus not being in his life.

So when Magnus called him all those things like beautiful and pretty and gorgeous, Alec realized that, despite the embarrassment, he felt like they actually meant something for once. Well, maybe it was the fact that someone like him _, him_ , could reduce a man like _Magnus Bane_ to desperation with a touch or a few words. It was mind-boggling.

Magnus didn't exactly seem to be picking up on his little crisis, and was more focusing on keeping his promise on moving things along quickly. And boy was that a promise.

"M—Magnus, Magnus oh my god oh my god, you—you need to stop—'m—'mgonna _come_ — _ah_ —" Alec rasped out, barely even managing to get any words out as Magnus spit on his hand and starting tugging the two of them together in one fist, slick and hard.

Going from no friction to the overwhelming feeling of both their cocks pressed up together into one fist, Alec was pretty damn sure that they would be done before the guests came. At least, Alec was well on his way to that.

How did Magnus—after a whole year—still manage to reduce Alec to absolute shreds with just a simple handjob? It was quick. It was messy. It wasn't even the best handjob he'd ever received from Magnus. And yet, there Alec was writhing on the bed and biting his fist as to not yell out. Sweat was starting to gather on his chest and face, and he felt Magnus start shaking slightly above him when he increased the pace of his hand. Alec could pretty much relate to that feeling.

"G— _god_ , I love you so much," Magnus panted, all teasing sides down by that point. His eyes were closed but his face was in the general direction of Alec's, hair flopped down and tickling Alec's forehead. He looked so beautiful, so _perfect_ right there and then Alec wondered if Magnus would think he were an actual weirdo if he took his phone out real quick and snapped a photo. Well, knowing Magnus, he doubted there would be any judgement.

That thought was swiftly and rudely pulled from his mind, however, when Magnus started teasing a finger around his hole, wet already with god knows what. All he knew was that Magnus always managed to get the job done.

"N—nonono _fuck_ I'm—'m gonna—I—"

Magnus licked his lips and squeezed their dicks, smirking when Alec arched his back and let out a seizing cry. He kept his finger where it was, just lightly teasing and driving Alec wild.

"Ohh, are you going to come for me, baby?" Magnus said alluringly, making Alec shudder. He wasn't even sure if he nodded; just thrashed his head violently as he used everything in his power to hold off until Magnus did.

"A—re you—please tell me you're close," Alec said, strained. His eyes had shut tightly, and he tried to focus on breathing in and out, in and out, not in a couple of times and then forgetting to breath out again.

Magnus leaned down to press a couple more slack kisses to the base of his throat and along his jaw.

Alec couldn't take it anymore, and started spurting onto their stomachs with a wail. Magnus moaned and encouraged him, whispering praise and love into his ear as he jerked him through it with his strong, big hand. Alec's chest was shuddering up and down as he tried to breath through it, having to literally push Magnus's hand away as the aftershocks and overstimulation became too much.

Magnus came soon after with a heart wrenching cry, and Alec forced his eyes open through the exhaustion, making sure that he memorized every single detail of his face. It was the same face he made every time; the usual clenched eyes, grinding teeth to dropping his mouth open in a silent scream as he clutched onto whatever his hands could find, in their case the bed covers. Alec thought he'd never seen anything more beautiful then Magnus Bane having an orgasm. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world whenever he thought about the fact that he was the only one who had the amazing privilege to witness that.

Once Magnus came down and collapsed bonelessly beside him, Alec reached out and took his sweaty, limp, wet hand, interlocking their fingers.

"And I love you too," Alec said shyly, suddenly remembering that he'd never said it back. Alec scooched forward and put his head on Magnus's chest.

Magnus chuckled, his eyes still closed as he whispered, "I know, darling. You're the best." Alec gave a small smile back, one that Magnus couldn't even see anyway. His heart did that stupid little zig-zag again.

"You know, I think everyone's gonna be here soon. We should probably shower and get ready."

Alec groaned. "Ugh. That's too bad. I don't feel like showering and I especially don't feel like getting up right now. I mean, you still got it," said Alec.

Magnus snorted, and Alec felt his chest rise and fall with small giggles of pride. Alec grinned. "But yeah. We should get up. I would rather be shot then have Jace see me in such a, um…compromising position with you."

"Mmm, I don't know. We do look pretty damn hot together if I do say so myself."

Alec pulled a face, finally forcing himself to lift off of his slightly sweaty boyfriend and hop off the bed. "Mmm, yeah I don't think so," Alec replied in a mocking voice.

Magnus laughed from behind him, not even moving up from the bed yet. Alec cocked his head and stared at him from the doorway of their bedroom.

"You coming? I'm going in the shower now," Alec announced, pointing a thumb in the direction of the bathroom and trying not to stare at Magnus's full, exposed body, spread out on the bed for him.

Magnus smirked at him. "Yeah, sure," he said casually, but Alec saw the evil glint in his eye. He gulped, trying to distract himself with the thought that his _brother and sister_ were probably on their way, but not even that could keep his mind off Magnus. Who had stood and was slinking towards him, completely naked and already half-hard probably at the thought of a nice shower. Alec felt around the same.

* * *

One hour, one shower and two orgasms later, the two of them were squeaky clean and happy and _finally_ ready to actually prepare something for the party.

"Hello boys," someone called from the living room, causing Alec, clad in a towels, to freeze. "Having fun?"

It was Jace. Alec un-freezed, and then carefully stalked into the room to see what was going on.

"Jace? What the hell are you doing here? It's— _oh_ , well maybe it's a little later then we said, but we didn't let you in!" Alec complained, adjusting the towel around his hip to make sure it didn't budge.

Jace was sitting horizontally on the couch, munching on a bag of Cheetos he'd definitely stolen from them.

He shrugged. "Okay. So I let myself in. _Great_ food, by the way."

Alec rolled his eyes, stomping back into his bedroom to get dressed. Magnus had already put on some dazzling leather pants and was deciding between two very similar mesh t-shirts. It was his usual style, but Alec had to admit, he never didn't look good in them.

Magnus whipped his head over to Alec when he heard him walk in, damp hair spraying small water droplets in Alec's face. Alec spluttered, and Magnus laughed apologetically.

"So what's happening? Is there anyone else here besides Jace?" Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head, dropping his own towel to slip on a pair of boxes. From their shared closet.

Alec let himself smile secretly. He loved the way that sounded in his head. He loved calling a bedroom that he shared with his boyfriend, his best friend, _his_ bedroom.

"Okay good," Magnus said, deciding finally on the mesh shirt that was slightly lighter than the other one.

Alec didn't know what to wear; out of the huge, extravagant, walk-in closet, his clothes only occupied one small section of it, and they weren't nearly as flamboyant and lavish. He was almost afraid he'd look plain and weird next to someone as eccentric as his boyfriend, but he assumed that no one they were inviting would even care, as they were used to it already. So he picked a light blue sweater and some khakis—the fanciest outfit he could think of.

Alec smiled to himself, again, as he put the sweater on. Magnus had gotten it as an extra gift for their one year anniversary, and it'd been his favorite sweater ever since. Every time he thought of that day, he felt all warm and tingly inside, and knew he had to stop thinking about it before he lost his mind.

In the next few seconds that Alec continued getting dressed, the doorbell rang another two times, unveiling his sister Isabelle and Clary, Jace's girlfriend.

Jace's face lit up when Clary walked into the room, and Alec knew at that moment that that no other person would be able to get his attention for the rest of the night. That was always what happened when Clary arrived.

Izzy went right to the kitchen, fiddling with the food on the stove and making Alec chase after her to stop her from burning down the house. There was a reason that Izzy was never allowed in the kitchen, and Alec was determined to keep it that way.

Magnus's friends came late, as they usually did, and Weston, who Alec had invited impulsively, came last with his boyfriend.

Once everyone was finally there, Magnus served the food, which was his signature grilled cheese, a cheesy pasta, and a salad for the vegetarians. Which was only Clary.

"Okay, bon appetite everyone," Magnus said as he laid out all the dishes on the coffee table in front of the TV. Everyone stopped their conversations to stare at the food in awe. Magnus grinned at their reactions, winking at Alec who was sitting curled on up in a blanket on the couch. Alec gave a returning smile, holding out his arms for Magnus.

"Alright," said Magnus as he fell into his Alec's arms, pulling up a blanket to cover himself in the chilly room. "Which movie are we going to pick?"

"A Disney one," Clary piped up, enlightened. "I suggest Shrek."

Jace scoffed, and Alec would've believed it if it wasn't for the way he was looking at her as he did it. "Nah. I say…some sort of action movie. Like Die Hard!"

Magnus snorted and Cat, Magnus's friend, who was sitting next to Jace, whacked him in the head with a pillow.

"Hey! My hair!" he complained.

Clary made a face. "Why do you care about your hair right now?"

"I always care about my hair," Jace said dramatically.

"Anyway," Cat said loudly . "Ew. That movie's like, a hundred years old, Jace."

Jace scowled at her. "Yeah, well that doesn't mean it's not good."

Ragnor spoke next, which almost made Alec jump considering he hadn't spoken all night.

"I agree with Jace," he said in his deep, raspy voice. His voice sort of scared Alec, though he'd never admit it. "Die Hard's a great movie."

He and Jace high-fived from across the couch, making Magnus roll his eyes.

"Okay, y'all have left me with no choice. _I'll_ be choosing the movie," Magnus announced.

Everyone groaned, including Weston, who was sitting under his boyfriend on the armchair closest to the television. Alec caught his eye and they exchanged a little laugh.

"Magnus," Alec pleaded, turning to whisper in his ear. "I think that we should compromise on this."

Magnus frowned, pulling his pouting, stubborn face, and Alec knew he was about to complain, but then Clary spoke.

"Yeah, and I think we should compromise on Disney," she said with a smile.

And then everyone started talking again.

After a long, debated discussion that wasted probably half of the time that they had planned on spending together, everyone compromised on The Lion King, a Disney classic, which made Clary very happy.

"I'm scared," Alec murmured to Magnus in the first few seconds that the movie started. Magnus immediately tightened his arms around him, and Alec laughed. "No, I mean like, this movie always makes me cry. I don't want to cry."

Magnus snorted gently in his ear as the intro of the movie began. Clary shushed him, and Magnus ignored her.

"Why? Because a drawn, cartoon character die—"

"Nope," Alec interrupted, lifting a warning finger. "Don't even mention it."

Magnus chuckled softly, pulling him closer still even when the threat was gone. Alec's cheeks turned slightly red, and he was suddenly grateful for the dark room because the last thing he needed was for everyone to give him shit about his red face in front of Magnus.

Magnus gave him a light, comforting kiss on the forehead, starting to card slow fingers through his hair. Alec blushed more and cuddled comfortably closer, resting his head on Magnus's collarbone.

"I'll cheer you up baby," said Magnus happily.

Alec grinned, not even paying attention to the film anymore as he turned his head to peck Magnus on the lips. "I love you," he whispered.

Magnus smiled. "And I love you."

"I'm so glad that we're…we're doing this whole 'moving in together' thing," Alec admitted, biting his lip. "I mean, I was scared, but now I like realized that this is something that I've wanted for a while. And I'm so excited."

Magnus's eyes were brighter then the screen in front of them. "Me too darling."

Alec couldn't help himself from saying it, just one more time. "I love you so much."

Magnus kissed him on the forehead again. "I love you more."

"Impossible."

* * *

 **A/N:** **Ok ok i know I know, cheesy ending, but like that's the best I could do. I hope y'all liked this story, and just a reminder THIS IS THE END OF THIS STORY. Plz do not ask any questions like 'when's the next chap' that make me feel bad bc like** **this is the end.** **But don't worry, I have LOTS of other cute Malec stories planned that are** _ **much**_ **more creative then this piece of crap and that are coming** _ **very**_ **soon. Well, maybe not like super soon bc I still need to plan them out, but soon. So plz stay tuned. I swear I'll be better. I'm getting there heh.**

 **Also who knows, actually, maybe I'll change my mind or remember something else that I needed to add to this story and this _won't_ be the last chap, but I think it will be.**

 **Alright. Review if y'all have any story ideas for Malec; I'm always open :). I love y'all, thx for making this one hit like 30 reviews, that's so awesome. Ok I'm being rlly sappy now jesus.**

 **-Emma, signing out of this story for the last time. *Wipes tear*.**


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